The Beta Thread (3.0)

[y stri]

Title of Story: Agents (it's a rewrite of one of my old fics.)
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Joseph is just your average guy with uber-famous parents. However, when his mom and best friend are kidnapped, he and his sister step up and try to get them back. Of course, what follows next is anything but average.
Genre: Adventure/Suspense.
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive (the main problems I have are characterization and plot)
Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

Anna's eyes were practically burning into my back. Or it just might have been a piece of that chair embedded in my back. Either way, I was skating on thin ice. If I told the truth, then Team Chrono would know we suspected them. Of course, Karla's dad might not have told her what was really going on at the labs, but even if that was the case, Anna would probably kill me. I needed to think of something fast.

"I said Elias is in danger . . . because he broke something in his mom's closet earlier." I hoped that was a good cover-up. Elias' mom would most likely kill him for smashing up her closet, anyways. "Whitney's obsessed with her clothes," I added.

My work done, I stood back and gauged everybody's expressions. Anna looked apathetic, but there was a familiar cold anger in her silver eyes. Elias seemed nervous and embarrassed. He was most likely worried about Karla laughing at him or Whitney killing him. Karla just looked confused. "Is that all?" she asked. "Then why are you two sitting in the basement and talking about it? No offense, but you and your sister are kind of strange. Would you like to come up to a more comfortable room with us? You two don't have to stay out of our way." With that, she turned and left, Elias trailing her like a lost Growlithe.

Other: My writing is dialogue-heavy. I'm usually good with character interactions and not much else.

 

[Astinus]

You've been added to the list, Electricmudkip.

 

[Phantom1]

So, since I'm down to one beta overall I have a lot of extra time on my hands. I know I should pick an older posting, but Electricmudkip's request really interests me, and I think I can help them out best.

If Electricmudkip will have me of course! :P

 

[Pkmn Trainer Butthead]

I'm looking for a Beta Reader for my new fanfic

Title of Story: Wise Guys (WIP, if aformentioned Beta Reader has a better title idea, I will consider their opinion)
Fandom: Any Mafia movies, games etc..
Plot summary:
This story follows the story of Francisco Botenzi, who was born to two Sicilian immigrants. Out of a job, Francisco, or Frank as he is called, is forced into finding creative ways to pay his bills, and is looking for something a bit better than the labour jobs his parents were forced into. Through connections, Francisco meets Emmanuel "Manny" Rennasino, who is a successful, business oriented wise guy. Frank has started working for Manny, in order to pay his bills and create a better life for himself then he had growing up. But Frank will come to see that it isn't easy in this business.
Genre: Action, Crime
Rating: M for violence, depictions of crime, coarse language, suggestive themes, alcohol references, sexual themes (nothing too hardcore)
Type of mentor needed: comprehensive, plot, character
Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

" Hey Manny," was the sound rippling through Gino's Bar, the central drinking hole of Little Italy, the nickname of the Italian Ghetto in Seaport.

It was Antonio "Tony" Lombardi, son of the leader of the Lombardi family, Ricardo Lombardi. Tony was a bit of a spoiled brat, but in honesty, Manny didn't mind the guy. Tony was wearing a black three-piece suit, which is what most Mafioso prefer to wear. Tony was a short guy, but built like a tank. Tony is a pretty good fighter, and few could match with him. Tony had his short black hair gelled back.

" Hello Tony, what is it," was Manny's reply as he shook Tony's hand.

Tony was usually Ricardo's messenger boy, so Manny knew something was up. Tony motioned Manny to follow him to a booth, and the two sat down inside the booth of the Bar.

" So, Manny it seems that French b*****d Giguere has decided to not pay his protection costs. You know, for his tailor shop on Thirty-fourth Street. I need you to remind him why he needs to pay those costs. I had Dad call off the protectors, so you can move right in," Tony explained to Manny.

Manny nodded in approval.

" Yea, I can send some of my guys on it," Manny replied, brushing off Tony's hinting that he wanted Manny to do it.

" May I ask who these guys are, if you have made your decision," Tony quietly asked Manny.
" Freddy Salence and Frank Botenzi," Manny quickly replied,

" I've been looking for a chance to test Frank."

" Good, good," Tony assured himself.

" Now, I must be going now, Father has some business for me, so arrivederci my friend." With that, Tony got up and left the bar.

That gave time for Manny to do some planning. Manny got up out of the booth and over to the public telephone. Manny picked the phone up, and began dialing Frank's number.

Other: This is my first fanfic, but I do have RP'ing experience so keep those things in mind. (Not to sound like a d!ck) I also tend to have short chapters as well

 

[bobandbill]

Added to the list, WestsideConnection!

 

[Kura]

I'd been thinking of becoming a beta reader.. so.. here I go:

BETA READERS:

Category: I guess comprehensive..
Genre: Up for anything, though I'd prefer something dark or more mature.
Preferred method of contact: VM
Examples of writing: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7990061/1/Some_Things_are_Difficult_to_Repress
Examples of reviews/beta-reports: I've.. never done a beta review. Though I was wondering if this was mandatory? I figured I would fill this out anyways.

Thanks for considering me :3

 

[bobandbill]

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: I've.. never done a beta review. Though I was wondering if this was mandatory? I figured I would fill this out anyways.

Yes, it's a compulsory part of the form. Note however that it doesn't mean you have to link to a beta report; you could instead just link to regular reviews. They can come from other forums/sites as well and if you don't have any yet they can be made easily enough. But yeah, as the first post says we need at least two examples of this part with applications.

 

[Meeptasm]

Alright... It took me a while to find this thread, but I can finally stop PMing random users for help... WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:
_________________________________
Title of Story - Team Evolite: The Eevee Rescue Team (I know, I need a better subtitle...)
Fandom: Pokemon (Mystery Dungeon)
Plot summary: On her way to become a top rate solo explorer, Eevette, a young and very pompous Eevee, happens upon another of her kind, only his fur is a sterling white... and his only memory is of him once being human! Together, Eevette and Nico must travel the land of Divelo and find out how the white Eevee ended up on the beach and what happened in his past to transform him into a Pokemon. However, lurking behind the darkness, many enemies are working against our two fledgling heroes, seeking to stop them in their tracks. But with Nico's mysterious ability to see past the past the darkness and discover the unknown, they might just survive find what they're looking for.
Genre: Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): RP-PG13
Type of mentor needed: One that can give good advice on where to veer the story when it starts to become boring as well as a grammar "professor".
Writing sample of story:

Eevette: But that's not fair! There are many solo explorers out there, some of them very famous!

???: They've earned the right to explore alone. If the Board deems you skilled enough, they will allow you to train as a one-Pokémon exploration team. Until then, you must have a partner.

Eevette closed her eyes and ground her teeth out of frustration. She obviously wasn't happy with what she was hearing.

Eevette: I would find one, but there's no Pokémon in this desolate town remotely worthy of being my partner…

The voice behind the gate gave off a heavy sigh, which sounded like the hoot of a melancholy owl.

???: With that attitude, it's no wonder you can't find a partner. You run off every Pokémon you meet instead of trying to learn about them. Like I said before, the fact that Eevees are extremely hard to come by doesn't put you above anyone else. Until you accept that and make a friend, you are not to bother us again. Now I must get back to my tasks, so I'm afraid you'll have to leave the premises immediately. Have a good evening.

And with that, everything became silent, aside from the hushed whispers of the gentle summer breeze. For some time, Eevette didn't move from her spot. She was immobilized by a mixture of shock and wrath.

Eevette: (How… H-How DARE that inferior Pokémon talk down to me! Without showing his face, even! Does he not know who I am?! I don't care what he says! These Pokémon aren't even worth having their names memorized, let alone become acquainted with! Well, I'll show him! I'll show them all!)

She bowed her head to view the charm hanging around her neck, and her unpleasant scowl transformed into a fulsome grin, her remaining fury into a powerful confidence. Spinning around to show her back to the guild, she directed her gaze upward and shouts to the sky a boastful decree

Eevette: Hear me, Pokémon of the land! You might be unaware of who I am for now, but I swear upon the treasure hanging from my collar, you will soon know my name! One day, the whole world will recognize the amazing talent of Eevette, solo explorer extraordinaire!!!

Other: Well, I guess my writing abilities began to form when I took up roleplaying during my high school Freshman year. I've done many partial stories since then. I know I'm not the first to say this, but I have so many ideas swimming in my head that I try to put onto paper, though I never really finished any of them due to a mixture of writer's block, and a major lack of moral support as well as a number of friends who would just laugh at my ideas. I understand the basics of writing a story already, such as setting and character development. However, I need a lot of help on the details, like how to make people sympathize with the characters and how to keep the plot interesting without it running on and on. I also get a lot of my material from the games, like most other people, but I sometimes have trouble morphing that material into something original. If anyone can help me with becoming the best fan fiction writer I can be, I'd be a very happy Meep.

 

[bobandbill]

Added to the list, Meeptasm. (Put you down as wanting a Plot/Grammar beta reader too as that best fit your description for what sort of mentor you wanted.)

 

[Infiltrat0rN7]

Title of story: Derivatives

Fandom: Pokémon

Plot summary: "To go on a Pokémon adventure." The dream of every child, and at one point even mine. I trekked this path though, and I assure you nothing but horrors ensue. A psychotic father hellbent on leaving a legacy for the ages, a man forming a disorted utopia, an insane league who spend their time abducting children, and one deranged pixxie who takes everything to hell.

Genre: Original Trainer, Adventure, Mystery

Rating: M for Mature. The story will contain swearing and adult themes, for a more realistic world. There will be no lemons.

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive

Writing sample of story: "The second step turned everything to black. The sound of the rocks crashing subsided, leaving only a desolate silence in the air, and the frantic beating of my heart. I stood there motionless, the only movement in the cave was the dust tickling my skin. I waited for what seemed to be an eternity for the dust to settle before making my next move."

Other: This is my second fanfic. The first one was abandoned after chapter 1.

 

[bobandbill]

Added to the list, Infiltrat0rN7.

 

[Khawill]

Title of Story:Risio's Story
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary:Risio has moved to Rosepetal City, located on an island known for the sadness people feel when they go there. He explains his life on the island, and the people he met.
Genre:Tragedy/Drama
Rating (PG, R, etc):T
Type of mentor needed:Plot, Proof-reading
Writing sample of story:[FONT=&quot]"The island is said to make people sad, and the stories are true. That girl you saw, you made her happy even here, and that should make you happy, even if you feel empty inside." She looked at me and tried to smile "I don't know if that girl really existed but, rumors say there are spirits of the island and maybe she was one. You should get home though before you get rained on more." I couldn't say anything; I had a heavy chest and a lump in my throat;[/FONT]
Other: I've written 4 other fictions, 2 of them adventure, one tragedy, and one psychological. My strength is versatile plot development, weaknesses are grammar, spelling and minor plotholes

 

[psyanic]

I'm Beta Reading for Infiltrat0rN7, and I still have time for more writers. Maybe.

 

[bobandbill]

Bit late but updated that info, Khawill and psyanic.

 

[Star Girl]

Title of Story: Uniting the Five

Fandom: Pokemon

Plot summary: A post-apocalyptic fanfic revolving around one girls rather reluctant journey to put things back together. Based off of most of the Nuzlocke rules with a couple of ones I have thrown in for the story.

Genre: Adventure

Rating (PG, R, etc): T

Type of mentor needed:Comprehensive

Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

We were children, just children, when we saw our world turned upside down.

Ethan and I were just five when the dissolving peace between the five regions disappeared like it had never existed with the death of President Helton. He was the last stronghold of peace between the regions. The Teams who ran most of the regions behind the scenes dissolved into a full out war against each other to try to gain more control.

The Elite tried, they did, but eventually they disappeared into hiding. They may be strong but they only stood so much against an army. No one has heard from them in almost seventeen years now. Most think they are dead, but I think otherwise. With the regions so scattered as they are it may be just as dangerous to return to the real world as it was when the war started.

The war lasted three years, three long years. What happened in the mean time changed the world forever. Some cities and towns disappeared overnight. The major thoroughfares were altered and changed from the bombings. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Three years after it started, supplies and troops running low what remained of the leadership finally called for a ceasefire. The fighting ended just as quickly as it seemed to have started to Ethan and mine's young eyes.

The fighting wasn't without a price even to the small town of New Bark Town. While we had usually been ignored for larger cities such as Goldenrod and Olivine it didn't mean we had the occasional attack.

With the fighting over the regions had isolated each other in order to heal. However the distrust now ever larger than ever, no one, not ever Kanto and Johto had tried to make contact again. Eventually over time even the cities themselves had become isolated from each other. The war having caused such distrust that many felt it was best to keep to themselves. And since there was central government to unite us there was nothing to stop us from becoming isolated. When the teams had withdrawn to try to heal themselves after the war they themselves had caused so had the last of the central government that had kept Johto together. So most cities turned to their own citizens for a way to create order and leadership.

New Bark Town was no exception to the rule, while we had a town council of sorts we also had a person designated as our spokesperson/leader. Professor Elm filled this role. Our biggest contact was with Cherrygrove a city just a few miles down the road from us with a bit more limited contact with Violet City a bit further off.

It had been 14 years since the war had ended. People moved on, children grew, and cities began to get back on their feet. But the weariness that had existed since before even the war had begun kept the region from reuniting under a central government again. From what little we had heard about Kanto it was supposedly in the same sort of disrepair. The remaining three regions had lost contact with us since the end of the war.

It would take a big force for the cities to start talking again, it would take an even larger one for them to reunite like they once were.

Other: Writing is going to take time due to the fact I am playing under a rule that all tasks must be accomplished by 6:30 pm.

Also would love for someone willing to beta in the LONG run or be willing to beta a second fanfic. This is a prequel to another project (non-Nuzlocke) that has been in the works for years now.

Oh and story timeline may not always line up perfectly with the game. Meaning some events may take place out of order due to how my brain comes up with it. I only seen this happening once so far but then again I've only outlined up to the edge of the Illex Forest so far and were talking a grand story that's going to overarc over five regions so anything is up for grabs except for some major events.

Been writing fanfics on and off since I was in grade school. My current style of writing only really began to develop when I was in my first couple years of college (so about five years back now). It should be noted that I've never been really great at summaries so if you want a better idea of this story PM me and I can message you the first two chapters.

Also expect to maybe edit two or three times I have the tendency to go back and edit things multiple times before I'm happy.

 

[Volcanix769]

I wanted to do this since I wanted to improve in my story. So here it is:

Title of Story: Pokemon Johto Adventures

Plot Summary: This adventurous 10 year old kid named Blake Chambers sets off a journey to follow his dad's goals. He can be a little hotheaded and lacks in tactics a bit while battling, but he is a very good trainer. When he bonds with this enigmatic Pokemon named Quil that has a temper, they set to work together to reach the goal of being one of the best teams there is.

Genre: Action/Adventure

Rating: PG-13

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, Plot, Proof-Read, and Grammar

Writing Sample:

Then I got my Poke Ball out. "Ok Quil, come out."
I threw out the Poke Ball and Quil was released as red energy until he was his real self. When he saw me, he turned around, feeling irritable.

"Hey Quil, that's what I am going to name you, so.... I will be your partner. But first, I need to take you to my house. SO let's go."

When I walked, Quil wasn't moving a bit. "I said, let's go." He still didn't move. Then I got a leash and tied it at his neck. Then I dragged his body, but he's heavy as a tomb.

I groaned in annoyed way, seeing that Quil refused to walk. "Ok. I'll carry you." I picked him up and grabbed him tight, since he refuses to last in my hands. I came back, seeing my Mom cooking and Buzz playing by himself.

"Mom, I'm back." I said.

She stopped stirring and rotated towards me. "Honey, why are you back so soon, I thought that you started."

"I did, but I want to show you my Cyndaquil." I put him at the ground. Buzz then ran to Quil, being excited that he could play with him. Quil didn't move a bit, he was like a petrified newborn.

"Be Bee!(Hey there!)" Buzz greeted. Quil said nothing, it's like he was dead. "Bee?" Buzz tried moving Quil's front and back legs, but he refused to move. When Buzz used Thundershock to move Quil, that angered Quil, then he kicked Buzz to the wall. My eyes were in shock with my heart racing.

"Quil, stop this instant right now!" I put my finger down.

But Quil ignored my command, then he erupted his flame out, but this time, it was blue. I gasped. Like, how can a Cyndaquil have his flame be blue?! That's nearly impossible, except for a Charizard. Then Quil used Quick Attack and tackled Buzz, causing a big crater at the wall that's the size of a boulder. They rolled down to my creepy basement used by sewer Pokemon such as Ratatta and Spinarak. Then he punched him harshly and used Ember to burn him.

Quil, like I said, STOP NOW!" I angrily commanded, then I stomped the ground angrily with my face having a serious grin.
But Quil still didn't comprehend like if he has no consciousness. Then he used Ember again and burned Buzz.

"Beeeeee!!" Buzz ran while he was on fire, at the point he passed out. My mom then ran to Buzz down the stairs, seeing if he was ok, then he slowly opened his eyes. I cried hardly, then I stomped my foot and ran down the stairs, seeing Buzz badly injured, with a slight bit of blood coming streaming out of his wide open mouth.

"Quil! What is your problem! You are the worst Pokemon I have ever seen! Your disobedience is far enough! You almost killed Buzz for pete sake! Because of your problem! He would never do that to someone, and you don't even care about how much damage you caused!? I tried being your friend, but NOOOOO...... You TEND TO act like I AM YOUR ENEMY! NOW WE ARE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND FINE! Get out of my face, NOW!" I then pointed the door, hyperventilating harshly.

 

[Astinus]

Star Girl and Volcanix769 have both been added to the list!

 

[Phantom1]

I'd like to extend my beta abilities to include grammar, character, and language, please.

I'll also pick up Volcanix769's fic.

EDIT: Hey look, my 200th post. (Shhhh it's a landmark for a lurker.)

 

[imevil]

Title of Story: Varus (Name subject to change, just temporary)
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: An ex-Team Plasma officer leaves Plasma after the events of Pokemon Black. He leaves with items of importance to Plasma and they go after him. He must fight for his life to escape, and bring down team Neo Plasma.
Genre:Action, Drama
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, I'm sorta new, but anyone who specializs in anything story related would be ok.
Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

It had been years since it ended. Since Varus had left. Since Varus had quit. Since Varus had escaped. He was alone now, other than his Patrat. They always told him it was weak, that he had to get rid of it, it would slow him down. But he couldn't do it. Now that he escaped, he released all his Pokémon back to the wild. He was hoping they would find the trainers he stole them from. He knew it would probably not happen, but he still hoped. He thought back, what got him in all of this? He used to be an innocent child. His youth made him gullible, for an orphan like himself; he thought he had found a home. He wouldn't need to go from Pokémon center to Pokémon center. It was a mistake. And now he knew they would come after him, he knew too much. He knew about their plans to reform. They would try to stop him, and there was only one person that could help him. There was only one person powerful enough, and willing, to take on the whole organization. He knew he would need his help, he needed to find N, N would be his last hope.

Other:First fan-fic!

 

[Astinus]

All changes have been made!