Alright, fine. I'm Wendy Oldbag, the loudmouth witness. Happy, you little whippersnapper? Why, back in my day, people like you actually had respect for witnesses, but no, these days we get harassed by all the lawyers and defendants. Don't you people ever think about how I feel? Hmm? Like my little Edgey, he knows exactly how to make a woman feel welcome. Edgey's just the cutest, most handsome hunk of a man I've ever seen. He even gave me a box of chocolates and asked me to keep his secrets, oh, he makes me feel forty years younger! Back then I could run track, and I outran all the guys chasing after me. But these days, I get dizzy after a short sprint, I can't even catch that little whippersnapper crawling through the grate. I got the little bugger's precious card, so I'll set a trap for him and make him pay for slipping past me. Speaking of people slipping past me, I didn't see a single person come to visit me. Am I not good enough for you people? I had all these donuts for any nice detectives walking through, but I didn't even get that suspicious-looking whippersnapper with the spiky hair, or his weird girlfriend with the weird jewelry and clothes. Don't young people have any fashion sense these days? I swear, some of those shirts I've seen, why, they might as well be naked!
*huff-puff-huff-puff-huff-puff* stupid whippersnappers