Greetings, citizens. It is I, The Sponge! Be dazzled by my miraculous powers of absorption. Relish in my cleaning prowess. Bask in the depths of my moisture. You may be asking yourself, how can one person embody so much heroism and charisma? Be wary, my friends. The life of a superhero is not all fun and games. The accident at Acme Chemical which gave me my powers also created my fiendish nemesis, Doctor Shadow. A hero must be constantly vigilant in the face of such evil, willing to stare death itself in the eyes and not blink. Now, I must go. Someone, somewhere, needs my help. Goodnight, good citizens! And good luck!