This isn't a matter of sexuality, though. It's more a matter of how you deal with your desires and how they affect your interpersonal relationships. This is about if your attraction to someone can
prevent you from being "just friends" with them. The question being asked is
"Can you truly be "just friends" with a person of the sex you are attracted to, or will there always be the risk/possibility of something more?" So there are three possible scenarios to which this applies:
- Being friends with someone of the sex you're attracted to, and neither person wants to have sex with/date the other person
- Being friends with someone of the sex you're attracted to, but one person wants to have sex with/date the other person
- Being friends with someone of the sex you're attracted to, and both people want to have sex with/date the other person
So the question is, can the people in any of those relationships be "just friends," or is each friendship doomed to fail because it's impossible to remain "just friends" in these scenarios? My answer is that in any of those scenarios, you
can remain just friends.
Examples:
- You are friends with your classmate. Neither of you wants to have sex with or date the other person. You proceed to have a normal, healthy friendship.
- You have a crush on your close friend, but they're not interested in you. You tell them about your feelings, they say they don't feel the same way. You say "that's totally cool and I respect your feelings. I think I need to take a few weeks to get over my feelings, then we can get back to hanging out." You proceed to have a normal, healthy friendship.
- a) You have a crush on your friend and they have a crush on you, but you're both in monogamous relationships with other people, so you can't have sex or date. Maybe you take some time off from seeing each other to get your feelings in order. You proceed to have a normal, healthy friendship.
b) You and your friend are single and attracted to each other. You go on to date and proceed to have a normal, healthy relationship.
There are exceptions to the rule. For instance, in scenario 2, if the person who's attracted to their friend doesn't have their feelings returned and get really angry or upset about it, then that ceases to be a safe, healthy friendship. But that goes back to my point about how I think that this kind of person has issues.
But I have have all four of the above examples happen to me. I'm attracted to men, and have had friendships with men where there was no attraction between us; where one person was attracted but the other wasn't; and where we both were attracted and couldn't do anything about it; and where we both were attracted and then went on to date. Some situations were tougher than others, but all of these friendships have endured and lasted. I think that all of these things happen to a lot of people, and often, if you're good friends who care about your friendship, it will last.
Unrelated, but I just wanted to say that sucks and I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. Our culture has a really messed-up idea of what constitutes masculinity and heterosexuality, and that can have a profound effect on people. I'm glad to hear things are better, now.
~Psychic