Aw he's/she's shy, how cute! ...or not

I'm kinda shy but not really I guess. I fall somewhere in the middle. I do find it attractive when girls are shy to an extent, yeah, but I feel like I like the idea of a shy girl more than, like, an actual shy girl. that sentence was weird. hopefully you get me.
 
Depends on the level of shyness, really. There's the cute, awkward kind of shy where you can still spark a conversation with a girl - I can dig that; then there's the just-plain-awkward kind of shy where trying to get any response from them is like pulling teeth. The latter of those two would turn me off completely.
 
Vanille Sky said:
Well, proves my point of why girls do it: works on some people XD But fear not, there's obviously girls who naturally shy, and will need time to warm up to people so not everyone's fake. Not that I'm specifically saying that your ex is one of those people though :c
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Ok, thanks. When my parents met her, they even thought she was shy. Either she was an extremely good actor or she wasn't faking it. Anyways, good info to know. :)
 
Oryx said:
I have some very strong opinions on this.

Most people that say they like shy girls don't like shy girls - they like what the media depicts as shy girls. They want a girl that's mysterious and sweet, and just doesn't speak much - they don't want a girl that's terrified to meet a group of people she doesn't know. I've met plenty of guys that say they love shy girls and then never go for shy girls in reality; what they're looking for is the idea of a girl that is just shy enough for it to be a quirk, without being shy enough to have any negative impact on their social skills or life. If you date a shy girl, you're not going out every weekend. You're not going to tons of new places and meeting tons of new people with her. And if you're not okay with that, then you're not into shy girls. ARGH.

I'm not into shy men. I'm pretty shy myself, although I am getting better at it, and I prefer my partners to be somewhat more outgoing so I can leech off of their confidence to feel better in social situations.
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^ This.

In other words, they're seeking out people who are simply quiet and observant, rather than shy. As being shy tends to be a mental and physical cripple to those who have to live with it. From what I've seen, people tend to prefer others who have confidence. Shy people are obviously the opposite of confidence, otherwise they wouldn't be so closed in and afraid to even speak. So the 'shy people' others seek tend to be those with confidence who are kept-to. That more so fits what Oryx is talking about, I think.

I think shy people can be somewhat endearing, but I wouldn't be attracted to that sort of personality trait, much less would our friendship last. I'm not very good at handling people who are as quiet as I am in personal conversations - since it's tough to actually have a conversation with said person. Let alone understand them or how they're feeling/what they're thinking about. It can be hard. I'd rather speak with someone who is more confident and carries the conversation, since I'm normally bad at doing that.

People who are shy also tend to be the kinds of people who bottle everything up until they erupt. Which is a special kind of drama I'd rather not be involved in.
 
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I'd rather avoid people who are like me. What draws me to others is them being what I wish to be but am unable to at the moment; confident and outgoing. My current boyfriend used to be shy, but broke out of it before I met him and is now mostly confident except for a few remnants and weird spots. But it's not enough to bother me.

Besides, sometimes those spots are necessary. Whilst I prefer the confident sort because two negatives does NOT make a positive, a little shyness from the person I am with tells me they're still human and not some overly confident person I can't relate to completely. Also, for some reason, around other shy people, I sometimes become more confident and talkative to compensate and move conversations along as I loathe silence and awkwardness. So sometimes I need that moment to be more pushy than I am in public as well.

So I guess a good mixture is all right. Not too outgoing, but not too shy. Moderate. But my levels of shyness? It takes all of my energy just to deal with ONE of me and my low self esteem and plethora of social anxiety issues. Another one would cause me to blow up, probably. Or maybe not, who knows?
 
It all comes down to looks.

Attractive shy person = cute,
Unattractive shy person = not cute and usually isolated.

There are other factors as well, but look is usually the main one.
 
Super shy people are a no-go for me. If we've known each other for more than a week or so and you still can't hold a steady conversation with me, just one-on-one, then we have problems.
If you can't even warm up to people over time and come out of your shell -- especially around someone you want an intimate relationship with -- that's just too much awkward for me to handle.

On the other hand, I also dislike super loud/outgoing people. They want to do things on a regular basis. Go places. Meet people. They have places to do and things to be. I don't.

I like to have a nice blend. Someone who is capable of holding a conversation. Someone who can handle social situations without a panic attack, but not someone who goes out of their way to be social.

Arylett Dawnsborough said:
Also, for some reason, around other shy people, I sometimes become more confident and talkative to compensate and move conversations along as I loathe silence and awkwardness. So sometimes I need that moment to be more pushy than I am in public as well.
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This is basically what happened to me. Like, entirely changed my personality over the years.
I grew up in the shadow of 3 successful older sisters; I grew up shy, awkward, quiet, and extremely insecure about my everything.
My best friend is even more-so. Even in the simplest situations she freezes up. If we go out for lunch together, I have to put in both of our orders because she will not speak for herself. I have to stop the waiter for anything and everything because she won't even make eye contact. And after spending the last 14 years with her glued to my side, it's made me more outgoing just from compensating for her inability to speak.

If I've learned anything from her.. it's that I don't ever want to date anybody that's that bad, and I'm really glad I'm not that uncomfortable around people anymore.
 
Yes, but they can be a bit hard to engage. And it still often comes down to whether I feel a physical attraction to the person or not.

Oryx said:
I have some very strong opinions on this.

Most people that say they like shy girls don't like shy girls - they like what the media depicts as shy girls. They want a girl that's mysterious and sweet, and just doesn't speak much - they don't want a girl that's terrified to meet a group of people she doesn't know. I've met plenty of guys that say they love shy girls and then never go for shy girls in reality; what they're looking for is the idea of a girl that is just shy enough for it to be a quirk, without being shy enough to have any negative impact on their social skills or life. If you date a shy girl, you're not going out every weekend. You're not going to tons of new places and meeting tons of new people with her. And if you're not okay with that, then you're not into shy girls. ARGH.

I'm not into shy men. I'm pretty shy myself, although I am getting better at it, and I prefer my partners to be somewhat more outgoing so I can leech off of their confidence to feel better in social situations.
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I'm fine with all of those things. It's just that they can be hard to approach, and I have an aversion to confrontation (of any kind) when I'm talking with people in person.

"Character flaws" like you're suggesting aren't a bad thing, provided people are aware of them. I like people who genuinely work to overcome their limitations and weaknesses, it's a sign of great personal strength and it's one of the things I admire in humanity in general. In someone I'm attracted to, it makes them even more attractive. I wouldn't want someone with no obvious weaknesses or flaws because someone like that wouldn't know hardship and what it means to struggle to overcome it. That itself is a huge weakness.
 
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Sven said:
Attractive shy person = cute,
Unattractive shy person = not cute and usually isolated.
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But, wouldn't you also take personality into account? I mean, an attractive shy person might seem like a turn off initially, but maybe once you get to know them? Just because they're shy, and unattractive doesn't necessarily mean they like/want to be isolated. No offense or anything, but it's peoples' perceptions that are similar to yours that kind of force them into that stereotype \: But I understand, to each their own in terms of preference.
 
Vanille Sky said:
But, wouldn't you also take personality into account? I mean, an attractive shy person might seem like a turn off initially, but maybe once you get to know them? Just because they're shy, and unattractive doesn't necessarily mean they like/want to be isolated. No offense or anything, but it's peoples' perceptions that are similar to yours that kind of force them into that stereotype \: But I understand, to each their own in terms of preference.
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That's true, it's usually the fault of people that stereotype does exist. But people put a ♥♥♥♥ ton of emphasis on looks. It's honestly ridiculously rare to have someone, at least at first glance, go "oh, she's not that attractive, but I'm sure she's got a bubbly personality." They judge based on what's immediately at their disposal: image. Granted, language is also something people use to judge people but... well, they're shy. So language isn't really an option at first.
 
I think part of the appeal in shy girls is that they open up to you in particular. It adds to the sense of exclusivity, makes you feel more special. It's kind of hard to have a relationship with somebody who doesn't open up to you. A girl can be shy to 95% of people except the very few she's closest to - and if you're dating her, hopefully you've breached that inner circle.
 
The question was directed towards people before you even knew them. Not someone you're already in a relationship with. :P Like the shy girl who's in the group that you don't really know yet.

for the record, the quiet ones are always the craziest. In good and bad ways/
 
awwwww so cute, (warpaint stomps on it) but no it really depends on how the person is, cause there are various types of shy. charming shy is well cute :3 ^^
 
Vanille Sky said:
But, wouldn't you also take personality into account? I mean, an attractive shy person might seem like a turn off initially, but maybe once you get to know them? Just because they're shy, and unattractive doesn't necessarily mean they like/want to be isolated. No offense or anything, but it's peoples' perceptions that are similar to yours that kind of force them into that stereotype \: But I understand, to each their own in terms of preference.
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Absolutely, but I was talking about the appearance. The first impression is always made just by looking at person, that when I apply what you quoted. Some people are so shy you cant get to them at all, I cant then consider they personality since the only thing I see are closed doors. Once I get to meet them, if, then I put their personality as another factor as well.

However, you shouldn't judge people for bringing automatic decisions.
I know about 10 people, from my elementary school and high school who were shy, but jerks. As soon as you'd get to talk to them, they'd be trashing over professors, other students, people etc. Some of them are that cos they naturally are, and some became like that because they are too defensive. The thing is that I am alright with a person being shy, but not with them being a rude/impolite, whatever the reason is. I admire people who have patience to stand that kind of person and still to try to help them, but I dont. I like to have positive people around me so yeah. :) :D
 
Dakota said:
That's true, it's usually the fault of people that stereotype does exist. But people put a ♥♥♥♥ ton of emphasis on looks. It's honestly ridiculously rare to have someone, at least at first glance, go "oh, she's not that attractive, but I'm sure she's got a bubbly personality." They judge based on what's immediately at their disposal: image. Granted, language is also something people use to judge people but... well, they're shy. So language isn't really an option at first.
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Yeah, not everyone has an optimistic perception of gloomy looking people who are often isolated into the corner ;; I know that feeling, but I tried to counteract the whole completely shy-don't-want-to-talk-to-anyone personality with my clothes, which contributes to the whole first impressions idea. Lesson learned: people judge, and first impressions are made within the first few seconds.

Kanzler said:
I think part of the appeal in shy girls is that they open up to you in particular. It adds to the sense of exclusivity, makes you feel more special. It's kind of hard to have a relationship with somebody who doesn't open up to you. A girl can be shy to 95% of people except the very few she's closest to - and if you're dating her, hopefully you've breached that inner circle.
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Never thought about it that way, but then again, I'm not a guy XD But even with shy guys, I never had that thought come across so interesting...

Sven said:
I know about 10 people, from my elementary school and high school who were shy, but jerks. As soon as you'd get to talk to them, they'd be trashing over professors, other students, people etc. Some of them are that cos they naturally are, and some became like that because they are too defensive. The thing is that I am alright with a person being shy, but not with them being a rude/impolite, whatever the reason is. I admire people who have patience to stand that kind of person and still to try to help them, but I dont. I like to have positive people around me so yeah. :) :D
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I've never come across someone who was shy and rude \: They either have a tough time at home without other people knowing, or they got issues...But anyway, I see what you mean. Trying to break down the wall that shy people put up can be exhausting mentally, and then you give up entirely. Some people are able to open up rather easily, but others might have a hard time possibly because of trust issues. I know that I'm relatively shy, and at the same time I can't trust someone 100% either, but I try to be social as much as possible. Unless I have no intention of ever being friends with someone.
 
Shy people are, themselves and when they act otherwise it is just strange, so if they aren't acting shy, that gives me the fastest idea to something big happened or something is really wrong, but personally I could get used to almost everything you can dish out. I prefer not too extreme personalities and attributes, especially being annoying and obnoxious, but there is a difference, and sometimes they suit the person, if not, then [insert ick sound here].

In short I could care more about this but choose not to.
 
twocows said:
I'm fine with all of those things. It's just that they can be hard to approach, and I have an aversion to confrontation (of any kind) when I'm talking with people in person.

"Character flaws" like you're suggesting aren't a bad thing, provided people are aware of them. I like people who genuinely work to overcome their limitations and weaknesses, it's a sign of great personal strength and it's one of the things I admire in humanity in general. In someone I'm attracted to, it makes them even more attractive. I wouldn't want someone with no obvious weaknesses or flaws because someone like that wouldn't know hardship and what it means to struggle to overcome it. That itself is a huge weakness.
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Yeah, I mean everyone has flaws so a lot of people are okay with the flaws, it just feels like a lot of people in my friend group, especially those who like anime, expect girls without the flaws that generally come with shyness. And then it doesn't help that sometimes those shy people see their weaknesses as a part of who they are and aren't willing to overcome them. But that's a whole other problem!

Vanille Sky said:
Wait, what, why? I know nothing about One Direction, and their music so please enlighten me c:
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They do a song called "What Makes You Beautiful" that's all about how the girl doesn't know she's beautiful and the reason she's so beautiful is because she's so unaware of her beauty.
 
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