Dear Anonymous

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Dear anonymous,
You can argue. I will not.
 
Dear Anonymous,

Just because I can speak English doesn't mean I want to teach you for free. Or at all. Especially when I'm sitting with a coffee and absorbed in a book. It's rude!

dear anonymous,

you're a food scumbag. putting cheese-its in your tomato soup, are you kidding me? why do you take foods and kill their flavor? stop drowning your pizza in ranch dressing, the only way that's acceptable is if you're eating garbage pizza from caesars, cici's or whatever. stop eating garbage pizza, stop being a garbage eater. you're a kid. grow up already. and stop mixing different sodas or even better stop drinking soda at all. get kidney stones asshole.

I love you guys.

Dear Anon,

When I asked you what your favorite kind of cheese was you answered: American. We can no longer be friends, not that we were friends to begin with but that's the last time I ask you to lunch.
 
dear anonymous,

i think of you from time to time and i really miss you dude. i loved being in the same class with you and i wish we could've gone to highschool together, i'm sure we would've been best friends. it's been four years and everytime the summer rolls around again I think about you. we would've been graduating together, you know how fly that would've been? when i think about you and your dad it reminds me life is a gift and tomorrow is never promised. i remember seeing your name on my friends hand next to rest in peace, i remember reading the article when I got home.. i remember it all. it hurts but i want you to know you're gone but not forgotten.
 
Dear Anon,

I am so happy to be leaving your company and all the drama that comes with it. Seriously.

I have never seen such a badly run company before... and I've worked in a franchised subway and for a University... both of which are notorious for being awfully run.

There is also the meetings that start at 8pm and usually finish 11pm, after a full working day. They're no fun at all.

In general, you're not paying me nearly enough money to get me to smile and butter you up. So stop fishing for it. Seriously. Isn't your ego already big enough?
 
Anon,

Darn you, get back here! I wanted to talk to you, you cute little... we left together at the same time! How come I couldn't see you? Heh... even so, you're so pretty, little twiggy brunette with blonde bangs in a tank top. I hope you didn't mind me taking lead of the line that night then, either. Were your eyes silver, or hazel? Anyway, I could have sworn I had met you before! I wanted to talk so I could confirm - your name and appearance are so familiar, I don't even...

You want me, I can tell. The other boys say you're the best of the bunch. And were you to stay you'd be in for one hell of a romantic. Try finding a guy like that with my looks and demeanour in high school, sweetie. I bet you can't! ;)
 
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Dear Anonymous man on the train,

You are so unbelievably rude. I can't even comprehend it!

I moved so that you could sit beside your children and you don't thank me. You apologise to the Japanese person I moved to sit beside and preceded to talk about me, as though I wasn't there. Unlucky for you that I can understand Japanese huh?

What probably annoyed me the most though is that you went out of your way to ensure that yourself or your children weren't sat directly beside me because Ooooh no! The horror of sitting beside a foreigner!

I hope you remember this one day and feel incredibly embarrassed.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I really hope you don't spend too long in residential inpatient care. I want you to get out and see your partner and I really fear she might give up. Remember what I told you, remember the wisdom I shared with you... and you have my contact details. I'll always be your senpai. :)
 
Dear Anonymous,

I wish you knew how much of an douche I really am with women, I ain't got much of a problem with cutting you off cept' the fact I still care about your feelings! But it is what it is and you useless now
 
Dear Anonymous,

I'm out of a job and I'm strapped for money to buy food with.

Next time instead of gifting me with a $10 iTunes card (I pirate all my music, btw, so it's useless to me), how about you just gift me with a $10 bill?
 
Dear Anonymous,

Your voice is hot as fuck and I'd love meet you in person. Thanks for being so nice. <3
 
DA,

You guys are daft, really. I mean it from the bottom of my heart, you're so goddamn immature you have me tiptoeing on being an ageist! Thanks for banning me, btw. I pastebin'd it and told all my friends. They laughed too.
 
DA: I dislike you profoundly, don't expect me to forgive you for what you did.

DA: You have changed a lot in these past years and I really am profoundly attracted to your new self... but, for some reason, when I talk to you most times I end up feeling I keep bringing your old self back up. It's like it's there somewhere in your brain, hidden, and I keep finding it every time.
 
Dear Anonymous,

The pain is finally starting to fade away… it's finally starting to fade. And the fact of that makes me so sad – the fact that at one point in my life I was happily willing to end myself for you at the drop of a hat – the fact that that's gone… I'm sorry…
 
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