Do you consider gossiping a form of bullying?

[Outlier]

I mean by definition it is but it's so commonplace and in some cases even necessary. Like for example you can't really fault the mods of any particular forum for discussing troublesome members behind the scenes and stuff like that. Still in most cases gossiping can be seen as cruel even if the person being talked about never catches on to what is being said.

Do you consider gossiping to be a form of bullying? Is it a victim-less crime if they never find out? Have you ever felt bad after gossiping about someone in the past? Assuming you've ever done such a thing of course.

On the flip side have you ever found out that YOU were being gossiped about? What exactly were people gossiping about (if you're comfortable revealing that much) and how did you react to it?

 

[Hikamaru]

As a person who is very sensitive about bullies, I consider gossip a form of bullying. I would absolutely want to murder anyone who's saying bad things about me from behind my back, because I often get angry when bullied and usually want to retaliate the one who set me off.

 

[Outlier]

As a person who is very sensitive about bullies, I consider gossip a form of bullying. I would absolutely want to murder anyone who's saying bad things about me from behind my back, because I often get angry when bullied and usually want to retaliate the one who set me off.

But isn't murder a form of bullying too? Don't stoop to their level Hikamaru. You're better than that!

 

[Hikamaru]

But isn't murder a form of bullying too? Don't stoop to their level Hikamaru. You're better than that!

Figure of speech. I was badly bullied in my childhood so it's made me fear bullying to a huge degree, but yeah I have this bad tendency to lose my temper and bullying is often the culprit.

 

[Dreg]

You don't know how much I get this, but it's all the time. And yes, I'd see it as bullying. Got something to say? Say it to my face.

 

[Sun]

Gossip is bullying, it's one of those bullying actions that don't leave an obvious wound on a flesh, which is exactly like isolating a person.

 

[Lucid]

No, because not all gossip is bad gossip. Spreding negative rumors or secrets on the other hand is, because when you do, you aren't hoping for a positive outcome.

 

[Outlier]

No, because not all gossip is bad gossip. Spreding negative rumors or secrets on the other hand is, because when you do, you aren't hoping for a positive outcome.

What about gossip that is negative but has nothing to do with rumors or secrets? Like venting to a friend about how much you hate someone or how annoying you find them? Or worse yet how ugly, stupid and smelly you think someone is.

Okay I know I'm resorting to childish examples with that last one but you get my point hopefully.

 

[Keiran]

I love juicy gossip! Spill that tea!

I wouldn't consider gossip bullying unless it's done publicly like in magazine columns which tend to be negative and untrue. I hear a lot of workplace gossip and it's usually about things we can't believe other people did, or why someone got fired/quit, among other things but its always harmless. Haven't really encountered any bullying-ish gossip since High School, which was typically just false rumors meant to harm someones social standing, and upset them if they found out.

So I guess I would say gossiping isn't always bullying, but it can be used that way.

 

[Lucid]

What about gossip that is negative but has nothing to do with rumors or secrets? Like venting to a friend about how much you hate someone or how annoying you find them? Or worse yet how ugly, stupid and smelly you think someone is.

Okay I know I'm resorting to childish examples with that last one but you get my point hopefully.

Nah, I get what you're saying! But also, no, that's venting. Venting is healthy, and pretty much everyone does at some point. You aren't saying negative things to try hurt or bully someone when you vent, just getting whatever is bothering you off your chest. Venting your frustrations about someone and gossiping about them are totally different, and I think most of the time when people vent, the things they say are exaggerated because they're angry or exasperated. And yeah, gossip can be much more harmful for kids in middle or high school, because those are times when reputations mean so much in your social standing, but as you get older, I find it the main way I keep track of what everyone is doing lol.

 

[Nolafus]

It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

 

[Kotone]

It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

agreed! i don't think talking about someone in a bad manner is bullying. if you're just talking about what someone is doing, it's harmless. spreading fake rumors that are intended to hurt someone is bullying.
i always was bullied D:

 

[Auticorn]

It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

I agree with this. Like said, it really depends on what is being said. Like, if you're starting a rumor saying "Oh, did you see how fat Veronica is? She's such a cow!", then yeah... that's bullying. If it's something that is bound to hurt the person who might hear what is being said about them... yes, I consider that bullying.

Bullying is something that hurts another person, whether it be verbally, physically or emotionally. So, the person gossiping about Veronica being a fat cow... that's considered bullying, but I think it's only considered that if 'Veronica' caught what was being said about her. If she never knows what is being said, I don't think it's considered bullying. It's really hard to say to be honest.

 

[Lucid]

I dunno yall, Veronica sounds like a total bitch...

 

[Gardevoir the Dragon Slayer]

If it goes to far yes, but lets face it most people Gossip.

 

[Outlier]

Nah, I get what you're saying! But also, no, that's venting. Venting is healthy, and pretty much everyone does at some point. You aren't saying negative things to try hurt or bully someone when you vent, just getting whatever is bothering you off your chest. Venting your frustrations about someone and gossiping about them are totally different, and I think most of the time when people vent, the things they say are exaggerated because they're angry or exasperated. And yeah, gossip can be much more harmful for kids in middle or high school, because those are times when reputations mean so much in your social standing, but as you get older, I find it the main way I keep track of what everyone is doing lol.

Venting can be healthy but one could vent in a way that's considered bullying too depending on how they go about it. Like if someone has a problem with someone who hasn't really done anything wrong to them but they choose to insult them and undermine their self-esteem anyway, that could be considered bullying even though they were just venting. Same thing if someone chose to vent their frustration by physically taking it out on someone who just annoyed them even though they were completely unprovoked. Directly insulting someone for their physical appearance, lack of social skills, hygiene ect could be considered bullying so I don't see why similar mean or malicious remarks behind someone's back wouldn't be considered the same kind of behavior even if it isn't necessarily rumor spreading.

 

[Megan]

Gossiping is for people who don't have enough drama in their life. It's basically complaining about people who (assumably) have it better than those who create such gossip. As such, I tend to avoid such actions, I just can't allow myself to talk about someone behind their back.

Did someone else ever gossip about me? Probably, can't be avoided and I'm probably an easy target for such stuff; although, I might be too easy of a target for it. You know the saying about kicking a half dead puppy, or how ever the saying goes.

 

[Lucid]

Venting can be healthy but one could vent in a way that's considered bullying too depending on how they go about it. Like if someone has a problem with someone who hasn't really done anything wrong to them but they choose to insult them and undermine their self-esteem anyway, that could be considered bullying even though they were just venting. Same thing if someone chose to vent their frustration by physically taking it out on someone who just annoyed them even though they were completely unprovoked. Directly insulting someone for their physical appearance, lack of social skills, hygiene ect could be considered bullying so I don't see why similar mean or malicious remarks behind someone's back wouldn't be considered the same kind of behavior even if it isn't necessarily rumor spreading.

I've been looking at a general way to answer this, but I can't. Plus this taps into one of my pet peeves I think you're getting at so... I think a lot of people confuse 'venting' with 'bitching' and I'm so done with it. When you call up a friend to tell them how irritated or pissed at a person you are, you aren't talking shit. It's not the same thing. Gossip is spreading a rumor or common talk. If you're pissed, hurt, angry or disappointed at someone, there is nothing wrong with expressing that to a close friend. That's called relaying feelings. Conversation. Ya know? If a person hears about what you said and gets offended, well, speak to them directly, tackle the problem head on. Passive aggression leads nowhere.

Again, just my personal opinion.

 

[Outlier]

I've been looking at a general way to answer this, but I can't. Plus this taps into one of my pet peeves I think you're getting at so... I think a lot of people confuse 'venting' with 'rattataing' and I'm so done with it. When you call up a friend to tell them how irritated or pissed at a person you are, you aren't talking muk. It's not the same thing. Gossip is spreading a rumor or common talk. If you're pissed, hurt, angry or disappointed at someone, there is nothing wrong with expressing that to a close friend. That's called relaying feelings. Conversation. Ya know? If a person hears about what you said and gets offended, well, speak to them directly, tackle the problem head on. Passive aggression leads nowhere.

Again, just my personal opinion.

I agree that not all gossip is "talking shit" but I see a lot of overlap between venting and bitching. The latter seems to be associated with more petty matters but both are ultimately complaining about something or someone. Like I said in the OP I can think of cases where gossip would be necessary, or seemingly justified now that I think about it further. But in most social contexts it just ends up being a means of making yourself feel better at the expense of someone's reputation and potentially their feelings. Talking behind someone's back is passive aggressive by the way.

That's okay I'm really not trying to out you for your opinion so I hope it doesn't come off that way. A lot of people share your opinion so I feel like I'm speaking to multiple people here. I'm not even saying that I've never gossiped so it's not like I'm excluding myself from these standards.