Employment Mafia: Game Over, You're All Hired

(You'd better PM me that join.skype URL in the next ten minutes before I knock myself out.)
 
Is it one insult per team or one per player? Sadly, I can't access Skype atm, so helping to formulate a team insult might be difficult. But if it's an individual insult . . . well holy shit, you asked for it. I'll wait for clarification before I begin to . . . am I allowed to go Naku all over this? Hmm? Too much? Okay, I'll do it. I'll wait for clarification before I begin to be myself, lol.
 
No novels? That's okay. It doesn't take much to illustrate how perfectly infantile you are. Ah yes, I remember the days. The days when you were the worst that this festering hellhole we've dubbed "the UG" had to offer. Not only were you the most pathetically infuriating and undeniably irksome person to ever grace my days on PC as of that point, but you said nothing worth the time it took to read. Your responses were the epitome of "**** posting." One needs only look at the two hundred plus messages of absolute, puerile nonsense that you spammed in Blarzimafia to see the truth of this fact. And what can I say? You haven't come far. Nothing you say reaches far beyond the incoherent ramblings of a childish, unwanted, ignorant, no-talent hack with nothing better to do than flaunt his "writing" on a Pokémon forum, shoving shameful self-advertisements into parts of said forum where they have no business being, because you know very well that, if you didn't, no one in their right mind would force themselves to read that trash of their own volition. And your blog? "Writing advice, assuming I know anything." I promise you, sir, that you know nothing. You can't even make a proper mafia game, instead deigning to twist your creations into malformed abominations that can't get by without nonsensical "twists" that distract from the abhorrent tales that you attempt to and spectacularly fail to weave. The only saving grace---if you can even call it a "grace"---is that you dwell in a backwater area of the forum that is naught more than a cesspool for the rest of its **** to rot in. You may not be the most vile of garbage to be thrown down here, but you were the first piece of waste to be dropped amidst the rest of us so as to ruin what we once sought to make our sanctuary.
 
I'd make a witty retort there but your entire existence kinda speaks for itself. There is no insult I can call, no obscene gesture I can perform, no comparison I can make that can even begin to establish how loathsome you are. Ugly things look unspeakably beautiful, vile things look precious, rotten things look fresh as can be in comparison... to you. The blackest hearts of men are nothing before you. You make Lucifer quiver before you in terror and disgust.

Also you drugged my drink. I am not pleased. I got the runs because of you man! >:(
 
First, let me tell you how fucking stupid you are you lil bitch, like what the fuck is Bardothren even mean like, is that a Bard, OH NO its just a motherfucking train. OH DON'T GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON BLARZ 1 OH NO. YOU THINK YOU CAN BE ALL FUCKING GUNG HO WITH YOUR SMART WORDS AND YOUR FUCKED UP ARBALIST BULLSHIT. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING GAME? LIKE I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE WE EVEN LET YOU ON OUR TEAM JUST FOR YOU TO WIN, LIKE ALL WE WANTED WAS FOR KLIPPY TO BE ALIVE, BUT NOPE, YOU HAD TO FUCKING RUIN THE FUN?

OH AND HOW ABOUT THROUGH THE AURA, OH HOW FUCKED UP THAT GAME WAS... OH WAIT, I DIDNT KNOW BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME A SPOT. LIKE WHAT KIND OF IMBECILE GAME MASTER DOES NOT WAIT FOR ME, LIKE YOU HAVE TO BE AT A NEW TIME LOW TO GET TO THAT FUCKING LEVEL. OMG

YOU SAY THIS IS AN ORIGINAL GAME, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EXCITING, BUT FUCKING NO. IT IS JUST A RIPOFF OF SURVIVOR, WHICH BTW IS ALREADY DONE BY KLIPPY, HAD YOU NOT SKIPPED THE QUEUE LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY.

AND WHAT KIND OF STUPID GM DOES NOT LET ME JOIN WITH THE LIKES OF KLIPPY OR KIYO. LIKE WTF MAN, I SWEAR YOU ARE AN IDIOT. FUCK THIS GAME, AND FUCK YOU.

BTW: ANTITHESIS OF A SNAIL, BITCH PLEASE, IF YOU AREN'T A SNAIL, GTFO UG COZ WE ONLY ALLOW SNAILS HERE.

ANOTHER BTW: WHAT IN THE WORLD DID MAKE YOU THINK THAT DOING AN INSULT CHALLENGE WAS A GOOD IDEA, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE NAKU IN HERE, LIKE IT'S SO UNFAIR TBH, EVERYONE KNOWS HE'S GONNA WIN THIS OMG YOU STUPID FUCKER UGH
 
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-blocks the camera-

You fucking lowlife gambler, now you have nothing to gamble on you gamble on us? Go suck a dice!
 
Ah Bardothren, What is even up with that username? Like I've never heard of such a weird and strange name for a user. Of course that is only the beginning of the many, many things that are wrong with you. You are something most repulsive and evil, and you've been seen skipping along singing Voltaire's "When You're Evil" like the fetid and perverse demon of hell that you clearly are. Your evil spirit has even tainted your body, and you smell like the excrement of Muk and Garbodor put together with Stunky's spray.

I'd deign to describe you further; but that would do no justice to describe what a horrible thing you've become.
 
What the hell i cant see the colors i hate you!!!
Your nick dowsnt make sense and crawdaunt sucks!!!
And wtf i wanted to be batman batman and you got me a ninja role arghhhhh!!!
Also donald klippy to president
 
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(Not really you're actually quite a nice person)
 
I was going to write an insult, but it looks like the Bard already insulted Bard.​

Ballad of the Doofs (Night Zero, Scene ii)​

The Court of Duke Klippard of the Golden Sky. Enter Elwood, a collector.​

Collector Elwood.
Dear duke, I beg privilege as your most
Sexually delectable court member;
To be forgiven when I thus demand
Immediate action must be performed.​

Klippy.
What deal loosens thy wits into belief
Your prior speech would be granted excuse?​

Collector Elwood.
The vile plague, which wears the name "bardothren."​

Davepetasprite^2.
What say we drown this droll bear where he stand?​

Klippy.
We shall hear his testimony.​

Davepetasprite^2.
Klip, please.​

Klippy.
Enough, or thou shall reap the punishments
Thy are so eager to dispense on him.​
​

Collector Elwood.
He pollutes our board with excessive praise
To his "holy scriptures," where he molests
Other works with unpalatable words.
Possessed by curiosity, I thumbed
These texts to find them past criticism.
Let those paid for their service be forum
That strike knowledge into his thick conscience
To be out of hope for a profession
Selling unoriginal ink scribbling.
More, he don robes: speaking as "Mister G,"
Claim'd to be "mysterious" when the lone
Subverted aura his presence provides
Be the stench of festering pretension.
"Luck" cast me as Arkus in his first sport
And I beseech applause for his fervor
To prove his pervasive incompetence.
Peter of Mana and I were subject
To his flighty fancy for rule structure
And fetishistic views on hamburgers.​

Davepetasprite^2.
Is thy station not poor to reign judgment?
Will the foundation ever see sunset?
Klippy, if you will not throw out this -​
Klippy takes out a gun and shoots Davepetasprite^2!
She was the Salty Wench.​

Klippy.
Continue with haste on your grievances.​

Collector Elwood.
Previous offense fails comparison
When we dance alongside him: berated
b'Quips riddled with pedantic statistic,
Quiver when expected to share board with'm,
Cringe when your reads are agreed by his word!
He only properly reads the small self
Kept below belt; heaven know he'in practice.
Last, is name. not the one he attribute
To his person - that nett'ling aesthetic
Abomination of latin letters -
But his true denomination: Louis.
Louis, frankly, is just a stupid name.​

Klippy.
What would you propose my power command?​








(Day One, Scene i)​

Bardothren is dead!
He was The Complete Douchebag.​

Golgari.
Get wrecked, sire.​
 
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