Palamon
Silence is Purple
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...How willing are you to help someone?
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Serious I Can't Help You.
- Thread starter Palamon
- Start date
Compared to how I used to be, I am less willing to help. That being said, I used to be someone who would sacrifice everything for others so it's probably a good thing I'm picker now. In general, I want to help anyone, but I had to learn to put myself first the hard way.
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I'm one of those who always went out of their way to help others. At some point I came to the conclusion that I never felt good helping others at which point I tried to stop. Afterwards I had to realize that I was helping others partially as a means to grab other people's attention (which didn't really work out). Having to deal with that revelation I decided I might as well continue helping others despite knowing perfectly well that I'm doing this for my own profit, even if I don't gain anything in the end.
So yeah, I'm willing to help others.
So yeah, I'm willing to help others.
I love helping others, but maybe in moderation, because I help so many individual people at work, and family at home, and my gf, and sometimes friends, that at some point I keep a certain amount of distance in order to not burn out. I used to do it more often in bigger doses, until I realized that that isn't good for someone to do.. LOL
Helping is good, but if you don't take care of yourself too, you'll end up feeling worse. Moderation is good!
Helping is good, but if you don't take care of yourself too, you'll end up feeling worse. Moderation is good!
Helping people is one of the few things in life that generates real satisfaction, I think: it's rewarding to know that you were able to help someone through a tough time, or to complete an arduous task, or just to learn something! I haven't settled into my lifelong career yet, but I hope that it'll involve helping people in some fashion. I'm the kind that'll be there in a flash if you need me, but if you want me around, I may not show!
That said, if we were to graph the problem, I'd say that "desire to help" is directly proportional to "gratitude received." If the person that you're helping doesn't appreciate what you're doing, or wouldn't return the favour, then it's literally a thankless effort. I think people deserve a few chances, where you might help them even if they wouldn't be that likely to return the favour, but if it continues, then you have to forego altruism.
That said, if we were to graph the problem, I'd say that "desire to help" is directly proportional to "gratitude received." If the person that you're helping doesn't appreciate what you're doing, or wouldn't return the favour, then it's literally a thankless effort. I think people deserve a few chances, where you might help them even if they wouldn't be that likely to return the favour, but if it continues, then you have to forego altruism.
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Unless you're an absolute shit of a person, if you need help and it's within my power to give it, you'll get it. Even if the only help I can give is pointing you towards someone who is better qualified then myself.
It'd be really easy to say that of course I'd help someone in trouble, but talk is cheap and it's easy to say things that make you feel good about yourself when there's nothing at stake. When it comes down to it, it depends on a variety of factors. I'd have to evaluate how severe the problem is for the affected, how difficult, costly, or time-consuming the problem is for me to fix or help with, how much I care (or don't care) about the affected, how uniquely equipped to deal with the problem I am versus someone else, and whether I'm getting some kind of compensation for dealing with it. I'd consider these factors, then make a decision based on the result.
I think a lot of people would respond that of course they'll help someone in need without really thinking through what that actually entails. People imagine some guy hanging off a ledge or someone in a car accident in the middle of nowhere. They don't think about the situations you actually get faced with. Things like some distant relative asking you to sink an entire weekend into fixing some computer problem of their own making (that they haven't put a single second into troubleshooting on their own) in exchange for either nothing or next to nothing, then acting offended when you quote them your hourly rate (or better, your overtime rate; I work 40 hours a week as it is). Things like some random person online with mental health issues expecting you to become their personal shrink for the next year and a half because they asked for advice on something once and you gave it. Things like complete strangers confusing you with an employee and then expecting help anyway when they've been rude the whole time.
These are the kind of situations you get in real life most of the time: people trying to leech off you because you've got your life together more than they do. So no, I'm not going to make a blanket statement that I'd just off and help anyone when these are the kinds of situations I'm presented with most often. "In need" can mean all sorts of things. I'm blood type O- (universal donor); if I gave aid to every person in the world who needed my help, I'd die from blood loss. There are a lot of people out there who feel entitled to receive help. That's not how the world works. I'm not going to sink my limited resources (time, effort, or money) into someone else's problems unless I either really care about them or am getting paid really well. I've got my own things to do. If you want my help, either be someone who I know I can also rely on or pay me; that's the kind of thing currency was made for.
I think a lot of people would respond that of course they'll help someone in need without really thinking through what that actually entails. People imagine some guy hanging off a ledge or someone in a car accident in the middle of nowhere. They don't think about the situations you actually get faced with. Things like some distant relative asking you to sink an entire weekend into fixing some computer problem of their own making (that they haven't put a single second into troubleshooting on their own) in exchange for either nothing or next to nothing, then acting offended when you quote them your hourly rate (or better, your overtime rate; I work 40 hours a week as it is). Things like some random person online with mental health issues expecting you to become their personal shrink for the next year and a half because they asked for advice on something once and you gave it. Things like complete strangers confusing you with an employee and then expecting help anyway when they've been rude the whole time.
These are the kind of situations you get in real life most of the time: people trying to leech off you because you've got your life together more than they do. So no, I'm not going to make a blanket statement that I'd just off and help anyone when these are the kinds of situations I'm presented with most often. "In need" can mean all sorts of things. I'm blood type O- (universal donor); if I gave aid to every person in the world who needed my help, I'd die from blood loss. There are a lot of people out there who feel entitled to receive help. That's not how the world works. I'm not going to sink my limited resources (time, effort, or money) into someone else's problems unless I either really care about them or am getting paid really well. I've got my own things to do. If you want my help, either be someone who I know I can also rely on or pay me; that's the kind of thing currency was made for.
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My heart is telling me that I'd be more than happy to help pretty much anyone that needed help to the best of my ability. However, I realize that at some point I have to put myself first. Being in a pretty rough situation IRL opened my eyes a lot in how far I'm willing to go in helping someone. Emotional support is fine (I'm not exactly in the best of shape in that area myself, far from it, but I'm willing to be a friend and listen), but everything else is pretty much entirely situational. What is it, and is it within my means to help without placing me in a deeper hole than I'm already in (or if I'm not already in a hole, would it put me in one)? That's the important question I have to ask myself, and while I feel guilty being selfish in this manner, time and time again I've realized that not prioritizing myself at all carries some significant negative consequences for me no matter how much I perceive my own self-worth.
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pastelspectre
Memento Mori★
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i'm willing to help anyone and everyone pretty much. to the point that it emotionally exhausts me because i forget to take care of myself and focus on myself. i need to fix that. and i need to realize that sometimes there are just some people that can't be helped or people that don't /want/ my help. or need help beyond my expertise.
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pkmin3033
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It depends on what you mean by "help" really. I'm willing to listen to people and let them take whatever they need to out on me if they want to and/or talk about things, and I suppose that's a passive kind of help. Nothing is really an "off-limits" topic for me when it comes to things like this because it doesn't really affect me...a lot of people find darker conversations about things like suicide and self-harm upsetting for some reason even though they're not the affected party...I've never really understood that. But I digress - if helping someone is talking to them about their problems or thoughts in a calm, constructive, non-judgemental manner, then I am always prepared to do it. People need to talk sometimes. I never could when I was younger, and honestly to a very great extent I can't even do it now. It's isolating and incredibly difficult and not something I would wish on anyone.
But I'm not prepared to take a more active role in helping someone unless they ask for my advice and are prepared to at least give it consideration even if they decide not to follow it. You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves, or who doesn't want help but just feels like they have to ask for it and make a show of trying before giving up, which is what they actually want to do/have already done but feel like they can't or shouldn't because reasons. I've tried. So many times. It's exhausting, emotionally demoralising for everyone involved, and a colossal waste of time. I can't and won't get actively involved in other people's problems, because what would work for me might not work for them in addressing them, and if I'm honest about it I lack even a shred of empathy towards them. Maybe that sounds harsh or abnormal, but I need that detachment to protect my own mental wellbeing. I have enough shit to be getting on with and I'm not prepared to take on more. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to them...having other people emotionally entangled in your problems often makes things worse I've found, because then you have THEM to worry about on top of everything else. I'd prefer not to become another problem, or treat them like a problem.
Basically, I'm a listening ear and occasional source of advice, and nothing more. If people want someone to care, they can find themselves a sympathetic friend.
Otherwise...I'm not in a position to help people financially, and I wouldn't unless I was obscenely rich and I knew the person well enough to know that they would make the best use out of the money I gave them...and that they'd pay me back in a timely fashion. Money is a valuable commodity that I have far too little of to go handing it out. But I'm willing to do small acts of kindness as and when if I don't have to go too far out of my way to do them, because it's just the decent thing to do, and if it doesn't cost me anything, then why not. Sometimes it's just nice to do something small for someone else's benefit.
But I'm not prepared to take a more active role in helping someone unless they ask for my advice and are prepared to at least give it consideration even if they decide not to follow it. You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves, or who doesn't want help but just feels like they have to ask for it and make a show of trying before giving up, which is what they actually want to do/have already done but feel like they can't or shouldn't because reasons. I've tried. So many times. It's exhausting, emotionally demoralising for everyone involved, and a colossal waste of time. I can't and won't get actively involved in other people's problems, because what would work for me might not work for them in addressing them, and if I'm honest about it I lack even a shred of empathy towards them. Maybe that sounds harsh or abnormal, but I need that detachment to protect my own mental wellbeing. I have enough shit to be getting on with and I'm not prepared to take on more. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to them...having other people emotionally entangled in your problems often makes things worse I've found, because then you have THEM to worry about on top of everything else. I'd prefer not to become another problem, or treat them like a problem.
Basically, I'm a listening ear and occasional source of advice, and nothing more. If people want someone to care, they can find themselves a sympathetic friend.
Otherwise...I'm not in a position to help people financially, and I wouldn't unless I was obscenely rich and I knew the person well enough to know that they would make the best use out of the money I gave them...and that they'd pay me back in a timely fashion. Money is a valuable commodity that I have far too little of to go handing it out. But I'm willing to do small acts of kindness as and when if I don't have to go too far out of my way to do them, because it's just the decent thing to do, and if it doesn't cost me anything, then why not. Sometimes it's just nice to do something small for someone else's benefit.
Noblejanobii
The Maddest Shaymin
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I'm still always willing to help anyone even if it means sacrificing my own well being for it. I was raised with the mentality of "God, Others, then Yourself," which my parents reinforcing that meaning to be you should always serve others before you consider your own needs. Not a healthy mentality, but I've been living with it for over twenty years now which means it'd take at least sixty to undo the mentality. But man does it really hurt. People know about my helpful attitude and so I've been abused for it and then there's just the times where helping other people really hurt my own mental health to the point where while they got better I got worse. That being said, I'd still rather help people than worry about myself. Helping other people and making them feel better makes me feel better too so in the end I'll continue to put others before myself.