Serious I need help

Corrin

Corrin

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    So this isn't the average thread here, but I thought I'd try.

    My step father is dying, they took him off life support and put him in palliative.

    I"m so heartbroken, I'm so devastated.

    So if anyone has any kind words, or advise about losing a close loved one, I'll appreciate it.

    You can share your stories too, and we can support each other?
     
    Hey mate,

    Sorry about that. I had a similar experience with my grandfather a long time ago.

    Here's a piece of advice: don't treat him as someone who is dying, just look at him as your father and try to enjoy and cherish those final days.

    If he's conscious, have a conversation about a sitcom, politics, sports, anything. This road is a tough road you guys are walking through so it is better to do so in good company and laughing the most you can.

    Grieve for the dead, not the living. He is alive, he is there, seize this moment as the final chapter of a great book.

    I know it is easier said than done but it is worth trying. Recently I've lost my father and taking this course of action made things better. As better as they could be.
     
    I lost my mother when I was 19 to cardiac arrest brought on by heavy alcohol addiction. I know the pain you're going through and I understand it very well.

    The first thing you should know that grief impacts everyone differently and it doesn't matter if the death was expected or sudden. All loss of life is tragic and expressions of that loss can take the look of many, many different things. Don't always go by the whole "stages of grief" and whatever the rest are rules, because there are no rules for agony like that. No matter how much time you have left with your step-father, it will never be enough and it will never feel like enough. I'm sorry, I hear your pain, and I empathize with it.

    I recommend looking into getting a grief counselor. Most of the time their services are free as they work with the family members of those who are in palliative care, but you can always follow up with them for more complex therapies. There's groups available for these situations. Next, I recommend reading as much literature as you can about loss. It will be extremely hard and a lot of it might not make any sense to you, but I implore you that it's an important step for self care. It has been ten years since my mom died and I'm still dealing with how her death impacts me to this day. You as well, like myself, will probably deal with it for the rest of your life. And sometimes you're going to feel like you're fucking crazy.

    But there is a life for you beyond grief and tragedy. You are here and you are a survivor, even if it doesn't always feel like it. I don't know how much more time you have with him but be with him. Share these last moments with him. Take it one day at a time. Losing a parent, guardian, or loved one requires you to make a new normal for yourself. It's hard and it hurts but you too will find a new normal without him.

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you need any advice about the more practical steps when it comes to funerals I can make some recommendations about that too. Practice self care, forgive yourself, and breathe.
     
    Sending you lots of hugs and love. I lost my Dad about 12 years ago and it will be a year next month that I lost my Mom both to heart attacks and both suddenly. One thing to do is never blame yourself and don't be afraid to be mad and upset. I'm still working on not being upset with losing Mom because it was so out of the blue.

    Always, always take time for yourself and take everything one day at a time. They say hearing is the last thing to go so talk to him, read to him or even sing to him. He'll be able to hear you even if he may not show it.

    My Mom actually worked at a funeral home in the office so if there is anything I can do to help out please don't hesitate to send me a PM. I'll be more than happy to help any way I can. :D
     
    Don't have any advice sorry but wishing you and your family well. Hope you can enjoy whatever time you have left with him and that you can eventually smile when thinking about the good times you've had together once you've had the chance to grieve.
     
    Caite-chan said:
    Sending you lots of hugs and love. I lost my Dad about 12 years ago and it will be a year next month that I lost my Mom both to heart attacks and both suddenly. One thing to do is never blame yourself and don't be afraid to be mad and upset. I'm still working on not being upset with losing Mom because it was so out of the blue.

    Always, always take time for yourself and take everything one day at a time. They say hearing is the last thing to go so talk to him, read to him or even sing to him. He'll be able to hear you even if he may not show it.

    My Mom actually worked at a funeral home in the office so if there is anything I can do to help out please don't hesitate to send me a PM. I'll be more than happy to help any way I can. :D
    Click to expand...

    Yes the nurse said that, so I told him that I love him, and that I always will.
    We had a minister give the last rights.
    We told his likes and dislikes, and I made sure his blanket was up by his neck, because he can't sleep otherwise.

    It seems silly, but yeah.
     
    Hi! I'm sending you lots of love and I will keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to vent or you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Please try to enjoy and cherish the last bit of time you have together.

    My grandfather is nearing ninety and I, as well as other members in my family have noticed his gradual mental deterioration. He has trouble remembering even simple things (such as what he had for supper that evening, or he even forgets what he's doing), he's also been losing a bit of weight and has aged quite a bit recently. My grandmother's observed that he started napping during the day and has been doing to bed much earlier than usual. My mom fears that he may pass soon and it's something I've had to mentally prepare myself for. While he has no underling health issues, I'm worried that his time is coming up and I'm not sure if I can fathom that. He's visiting a doctor sometime next week and I'm making a conscious effort to see him more.
     
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    Hi Dimitri!!
    First of all sorry about your situation.
    If you need advice Then here you go......
    1. Find a corner sit there and cry......
    Most of all people want to punch me for this advice but.......
    Dimitri you wouldn't want those emotions to disturb you while you are spending the happy moments with your father....
    2. If you think that you will be alone..............
    Think again...........
    Your Step May leave you but he will be always inside your heart.........
    3. Be Hardy as hardy means capable of enduring difficult conditions.......
    4. Do not waste that golden time....
    Spend most of the time with him enjoying, laughing, etc......
    But do make him or yourself cry.....
    Make him feel that he will live for 100 years and there is nothing to worry........
    .
    .
    .
    Why I am saying with such confidence coz' I had gone through same but worse situation (Didn't had guts to tell what happened) and didn't did what should I have done which still haunts me.....
    So I do not want you to do the same mistake which I had done......
    .
    .
    .
    .
    So Good Luck Dimitri.........
    .
    .
    .
     
    Luckily, I still have both my parents and have only lost one grandparent; whom I hated, she didn't parent my mother or her siblings properly when they were young, attempted suicide multiple times in front of them, among other reasons. However, I have experienced grief before. I know what it's like to have someone you're close to on the verge of death. Not being able to control the outcome. While I won't talk about my personal life, I do have a tip.

    Find someone to talk to about it. For me, it was my stepsister, but I know not everyone's as blessed as I am to have a sister like that. A grief counselor is a great idea. However, have you thought—if it's possible—to talk to him? He might be able to make you feel better about the situation.
     
    Please keep us updated on his condition.
     
    I'm in a similar spot with a loved one myself right now, so I can very much appreciate what you're going through. Perhaps not the most palatable of advice, but remember that in the end, this means an end to any suffering your step-father is experiencing due to their condition - it's hardly a good thing, but it's a small ray of light in an awful situation. Remember to enjoy the time you have left and don't forget to take care of yourself and your own needs through this time. Your health, mental and otherwise, is still important. Take your time to grieve and look after yourself. There's loads of us here who would be happy to lend you an ear if you need it.

    It sucks, but you'll be able to get through it.
     
    Hey everyone.
    Today was painful.

    He woke up, but he doesn't remember me, my mom or any of his family. He was thrashing about in bed and I couldn't take it. I told him how much I love him, how much I want him to get better but he's refusing all care.
    The doctor will keep us updated but if he continues like this, he won't last long. I'm not strong enough to see a loved one die.
     
    That sounds extraordinarily painful to deal with and I'm so sorry.
     
    Dimitri said:
    Hey everyone.
    Today was painful.

    He woke up, but he doesn't remember me, my mom or any of his family. He was thrashing about in bed and I couldn't take it. I told him how much I love him, how much I want him to get better but he's refusing all care.
    The doctor will keep us updated but if he continues like this, he won't last long. I'm not strong enough to see a loved one die.
    Click to expand...

    listen I told you before and telling you again do not lose any hope.
    And it is neither his fault nor yours or anyone's it is that damned disease that is creating a such racket...........
    Just do not lose hope..........
    Do not give up................
    Just think what happens if he recovers......................????
    Be Hardy or Release your pain and suffering by crying in a corner alone.....
    don't lose hope...

    [PokeCommunity.com] I need help

    Ok take care and remember we all are with you..............
    And yeah keep us updated just like Fairy said...................
     
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    Don't lose hope.

    I've lost two people very close to me. My great-aunt, who was the person I always looked to for running my businesses. And my little brother, who I still have no closure for...

    My aunt had cancer, but she hid it so well. We didn't know until four years after diagnosis. The last two times I saw her were the worst, the first she seemed out of it and something told me there was something very wrong. Twenty-four hours later she was bed-ridden and unable to communicate, it's a scene I wish I hadn't witnessed. We told her that we would see her when we got back from Ecuador, but we knew that wasn't going to happen. Her daughter, who we're very close with, told us to go ahead with the flight no matter what as it's what she would have wanted. We drove down to Florida to catch the flight the following day, but she passed away that night.

    Sending support to you and your family.
     
    Sorry to hear about your story, stay strong!

    Wishing you all the best
     
    Ok I have some good news so far.
    Yesterday the nurse said he was eating and seemed happier.
    Mom's going in today to try and convince him to receive medications.

    Thanks so much for your thoughts everyone!
     
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