Problems socialising at a new college/university

[Tamara❤]

It is what it says in the title :/
I'm quite shy around new people plus if I got my DS or PC games with me, I would rather hide in the library and play them. This definitely has not earned me any friends.

A year has passed I'm in my second year and I still have no friends. >.<;

Making this thread as I sit alone in the library right now actually xD

So what about you guys? Have you ever moved away from your friends to a new school and found it hard to make new ones?

 

[Kenchiin]

Oh. Been there. Thanks God the internet can always save you.

I will probably sound too Z-Gen, but you don't actually need to see a friend physically so you can be friends.

 

[Candy]

I had a bit of a problem like this as well back when I entered junior high school.

It's not much of the "I'm too shy to make friends" type of thing. It's... more to "What am I supposed to talk about?" type of problem. See here, I entered from an elementary school that uses English as its main language to a junior high school that uses Indonesian as its main language instead, so obviously I get confused on what to talk about.

Plus... I was so deeply into Pokemon... and I couldn't find anyone who played it. .-.

At least for high school and, just recently entered, university I have much less of a problem since I had more time to adapt using Indonesian in a daily conversation. Maybe if you see me irl at my university, you'll see that I'm more of a loner, but I'm actually able to blend in and interact with my fellow students.

It's just that... I have yet to find anyone who shares the same interests as me here, so I tend to do stuff alone. It has only been 2-3 months since I started though, so probably sooner or later. :v

 

[Tamara❤]

@Kenchiin I definitely agree with you on the internet thing. Weird as it sounds sometimes the friends you meet online can be waaay better than some people you encounter in real life xD


@Candela Wow your situation seems more difficult considering you had language barriers to overcome. I'm glad you're no longer in that situation. :)

Lol I guess being a loner is completely fine as long as you, yourself are ok with it. {:3}

 

[Cosmo's Factory]

I've done it a couple of times. Best thing I've done is go to clubs and events as much as I could. It's kind of just a numbers game until you find someone you don't mind hanging out with. The best way I've met people is just playing some kind of game. Paskahousu is a really good one if you're travelling light. But going to a full on game club is always fun. It's honestly the best ice-breaker, pretty much all of my close friendships, and a lot of my not close ones, have started over a game.

 

[Mawa]

It took me 4 years to socialize a little bit more, but I was at the same university as my highschool friends so outside the classes I saw them almost everyday (we do study date).

 

[Altius]

I always have problems socializing in every new school I go to. I never dared to talk to people, and in some instances I won't even dare to look at them. Thankfully, there's always someone who will first initiate the conversation. I'm not sure why, but I have a few very close friends because of this.

 

[Magic Christmas Lights]

I never had a problem with that - I am an extremely social person and I make friends easily.

Have you tried joining a student org? There's TONS at every college, and it's a great way to make friends. Service fraternities are particularly good for that.

Also, try leaving your video games at home. That will force you to engage with your environment.

 

[Bellsprout]

Yeah honestly a huge reason why I put off school for so long was because of this fear I built up about meeting new people. I was really shy coming out of high school so I was pretty much terrified to go to college because I knew I wouldn't make friends due to how shy and reserved I was. I spent the last two years pretty much force-ably socializing myself and doing things that make me super uncomfortable. I'd say I'm still shy, but now it's not so overbearing that it takes over everything.

I started school this September (I commute) and I haven't really made friends, but I at least talk to people in the class and people talk to me and honestly that is just enough socializing with strangers to make me feel satisfied. I know if I went to that school straight after high school I would not have spoken to anyone and just isolated myself at all times.

My advice is even if it feels overwhelmingly uncomfortable just do it. For myself I've realized there really is no secret trick to getting over being shy. You just have to push through and you will become slowly more comfortable and then wonder why you were ever that shy to begin with. I think I'll always be a shy person it's just in my nature, but there are different levels of shyness and I feel as though I'm a functionable shy person looool

 

[ShinyUmbreon189]

Yes I've been in that type of situation, and still sorta in that situation. After I graduated high school I was forced to move to an area I didn't want to move to moving me away from all my friends I grew up with. I've been here for four years and it seems any friends I make last only a short time, people are *******s here compared to where I'm from. Either the pity friendship doesn't last or they move back to their hometown or something, I'm in a town that has 2 colleges (a university and community college) so most of the friends I made wasn't from here. My friend list is very limited here because as I said, people are *******s here and such narcissist individuals. It's quite depressing at times, but things will get better at the beginning of the year when I move out of this hell hole.

 

[Honest]

I experienced similar things when I first started college as well. I had it a bit easy, considering I had two people I knew from before college with me, and I hung out with them a bit. Believe it or not, I also had someone from PC that went to Hunter (she was a year older than me), and we had the same Psych class, so I hung out with her often as well, until I stopped going to that class. What I did to make more friends, though, is just start talking to someone in one of my classes. It seems really daunting to just go up to someone and just talk, but keep in mind that you aren't trying to necessarily impress them. You shouldn't worry about saying something off or dumb, cause that's not exactly what this is about. Granted, you don't want to say something absolutely absurd, as that can make you look like a "bad" person. But that's what I did, and I immediately made two new friends. And then I started talking to other random people, about random stuff, and I started dating this girl who had her own group of friends, and three groups sort of just collided. I will be 100% honest, however, you might want to pick your friends wisely. Not doing so can leave you with some really janky people. Like my friends.

 

[Honest]

ಠ.ಠ

ahem

Honestly, I know people have said this already, but if playing video games is what you prefer to do I think the best thing is to just try to find people who want to do the same thing. My best friends in middle school came from me sitting alone on the sidewalk playing my Sapphire version, and this girl Zoey walked by and was like "hey what're you playing?" and.. yeah. 8)

I know it's easier said than done, but there HAVE to be other people at your school who are into gaming. Look up clubs and stuff.

Worst case scenario you have us lovely PC people to keep you company. :]

I don't know why I said janky, that was not the right word to use. I meant people who can.. well, people who you'd rather not be friends with. Let's leave it at that.

 

[maccrash]

I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that going into a totally new environment and trying to make friends pretty much from scratch is daunting and scary! but basically I'm just going to echo the sentiments of everyone else -- look up clubs, find people interested in the same things you're interested in, etc. even look at what t-shirts people are wearing, if someone's wearing a Pokemon t-shirt be like "wow nice shirt" or something, I dunno, I always wear band shirts in the hopes that someone will be like "wow I love them" and then a new friendship will blossom. but yeah. just know you're not alone in finding it tough to meet new people.

 

[Cosmo's Factory]

I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that going into a totally new environment and trying to make friends pretty much from scratch is daunting and scary! but basically I'm just going to echo the sentiments of everyone else -- look up clubs, find people interested in the same things you're interested in, etc. even look at what t-shirts people are wearing, if someone's wearing a Pokemon t-shirt be like "wow nice shirt" or something, I dunno, I always wear band shirts in the hopes that someone will be like "wow I love them" and then a new friendship will blossom. but yeah. just know you're not alone in finding it tough to meet new people.

I wear band shirts a lot and 9 times out of 10 it's goes something like this:

"Nice shirt!"
"Oh cool do you like them?"
"Like who?"
"Eh, never mind."

 

[maccrash]

I wear band shirts a lot and 9 times out of 10 it's goes something like this:

"Nice shirt!"
"Oh cool do you like them?"
"Like who?"
"Eh, never mind."

yup I've also had this experience more times than I can count but it's really cool when I meet someone that actually likes the band heheheh.

 

[Alfieri]

People just come to me. I already have friends from high school and 1 friend from before high school that go to my college so I hang out with them. Then new people in my classes usually just come to me and we just talk after they ask me for the textbook or for help. It's not really a friendship but it beats doing nothing.

 

[Nathan]

Been there as well plus no one likes what I do like so I haven't stepped out of my comfort zone. It doesn't bother me since the interaction I get online is plenty enough for me.

 

[Nakasu]

Well, when I found out I got accepted into a college on the otherside of the world I got quite scared. With what I heard of and was taught, where I was going was a horrible place with demonic, sad people. I planned on staying to myself until I arrived at MIT and found you i had to associate with others to get work done. I made lots of friends that day an many new people. People here in America are really nice. It was easy making friends. My schools information about this country is inaccurate. Seriously I should sue them for that {XD}

 

[Tamara❤]

If anything is stopping me from making friends then its the hostility I've been recieving from a gang of 8-9 girls in my class. (yes even in uni girls can be nasty) it really brings my mood down and not attend classes at all. :(

 

[TRIFORCE89]

I made pretty much zero social connections in my university career.

I was in a tech major at a very multicultural school and so everyone was either a mature student, foreign (Not sure how to word that politely. Like... here just for school, going back to their country after, not a strong grasp of the language, no real shared frame of reference), or ultra ultra nerdy. I didn't live on campus, so I went for class and left. No real social time there. And I rarely had the same group of people in more than one class

Sooo, yeah. Not entirely thrilled about that. I thought I did fine in high school. Just no one to click with in university.