Self inflicted hurt.

[starlightartist]

obvious trigger warning here, don't want to upset anybody i just need some help.

Spoiler:

for years now i have repeatedly experienced an urge to hurt myself. i am on medication for mixed depression / anxiety which mostly works and pulled me out of a dark place and ultimately i would say saver my life. much as this is, i constantly experience a desire to cut myself. i know plenty of people who have done this, and when i ask them they all say it's not worth it or its bad to start, but it still doesn't mean my desires go away. i want to try it once just to see what it's like, to see how it feels. but i don't have the courage. i get too caught on the details of what blade to use, how to hide it, how to clean up, and i panic about it. but my brain is clinging to the idea of doing it and the release i romanticise from it. i want to talk about this, so if anyone who has experienced a similar thing, self harmer or not, is willing to share their experiences i'd be very thankful.

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

 

[gimmepie]

From my experience, self-harm of any kind isn't worth it. Those people are right.

The urge is pretty intense, but in the long run, hurting yourself doesn't make any of the feelings that cause the urge to go away. It's better to keep working on doing something about the cause of the urge than to act on the desire itself.

 

[professor plum]

The urge to self-harm can be incredibly, if not maddeningly tempting. Especially the release associated with it.

But...don't do it. Are you in the position where you can see a doctor - your Primary Doctor or even a therapist?

 

[starlightartist]

From my experience, self-harm of any kind isn't worth it. Those people are right.

The urge is pretty intense, but in the long run, hurting yourself doesn't make any of the feelings that cause the urge to go away. It's better to keep working on doing something about the cause of the urge than to act on the desire itself.

this is what i hear a lot and although i'll probably just end up agreeing with this in the end, I feel like i should be able to find out myself, but nobody is willing to help with that.

Are you in the position where you can see a doctor - your Primary Doctor or even a therapist?

kinda. i'm on meds and my family know about it but they're chronic worriers so i can't let the illusion that im okay slip otherwise things will get worse. i can't really see a doctor without them finding out.

 

[Palamon]

I used to self harm, and I still occasionally have urges myself, it's a tough battle, but:

If you feel the urge to self harm, distract yourself. Write something, or draw. Maybe try wearing a rubber band on your wrist/arm?

 

[starlightartist]

I used to self harm, and I still occasionally have urges myself, it's a tough battle, but:

If you feel the urge to self harm, distract yourself. Write something, or draw. Maybe try wearing a rubber band on your wrist/arm?

my biggest problem is that none of the substitutes or coping strategies work for me at the moment, simply because i've never experienced what it feels like. thats what im desperate for, just to feel it once.

 

[gimmepie]

Honestly, I think you need to let the illusion slip and seek help properly. You take meds so they already know you've had some struggles.

 

[starlightartist]

Honestly, I think you need to let the illusion slip and seek help properly. You take meds so they already know you've had some struggles.

i wish i could, but the problems it would cause... my mum specifically just thinks everything is fine now. things would only get worse if she knew

 

[pastelspectre]

don't. i'm a recovering self harmer. i was desperate to see what it felt like just once, and then i fell down the horrible path. i did it basically every day when i first started and i.. it was bad. i'm still recovering. i'll always be a recovering self harmer. even though i haven't done it in a year now, i still get thoughts and urges. it's always there.

please. don't do it. it's horrible. when i get the slightest upset, i want to self harm. it's a horrible coping mechanism and i 100% recommend you don't do it. it's horrible.

 

[Corrin]

I have a question.
Would over eating be considered a type of self harm?

 

[starlightartist]

don't. i'm a recovering self harmer. i was desperate to see what it felt like just once, and then i fell down the horrible path. i did it basically every day when i first started and i.. it was bad. i'm still recovering. i'll always be a recovering self harmer. even though i haven't done it in a year now, i still get thoughts and urges. it's always there.

please. don't do it. it's horrible. when i get the slightest upset, i want to self harm. it's a horrible coping mechanism and i 100% recommend you don't do it. it's horrible.

this will sound dumb but it don't really get why it's so bad to do if it makes you feel better.

 

[pastelspectre]

this will sound dumb but it don't really get why it's so bad to do if it makes you feel better.

it leaves horrible scars on your skin. it..it's a horrible coping mechanism to have. once you start, you'll never be able to fully recover. even if it's been years since you've done it, it'll always be there, lurking in the back of your mind. it might make you feel better in the moment, sure. it certainly did for me. but moments after it all came crashing down on me. i felt immediate guilt and regret. i hated myself. i worried about hiding it from my mom, because she was always disappointed whenever i relapsed after a long time of being clean.

please, just trust me. it's horrible. i told myself i'd do it once and then i.. just.. couldn't stop. from that moment on it became my only coping mechanism at the time. it's an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism to have. it leaves so many scars on your skin. just.. trust me. it might make you feel better in the moment, but moments after, you'll regret it. i have so many scars from the moments i couldn't stop myself.

just.. trust me. i know i've said that many times, but from a person who started and will never be able to fully recover from it, it's not a good thing to start.

 

[gimmepie]

I have a question.
Would over eating be considered a type of self harm?

It can be if it's done with self-destructive intent.

this will sound dumb but it don't really get why it's so bad to do if it makes you feel better.

Because it's a temporary solution that has permanent side effect and potential risks that just aren't worth it logically. It's better to treat the underlying issue.