• Ever thought it'd be cool to have your art, writing, or challenge runs featured on PokéCommunity? Click here for info - we'd love to spotlight your work!
  • It's time to vote for your favorite Pokémon Battle Revolution protagonist in our new weekly protagonist poll! Click here to cast your vote and let us know which PBR protagonist you like most.
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.
    Register

You're too nice

Honest

Hi!
    • 11,676
    Posts
    16
    Years
    A simple question: is there such a thing as being too nice? In a relationship? In a regular friendship? In general? What do you think?
     
    I think it happens when you start letting people take advantage of you and walk all over you. Always remember that you are important, that your feelings matter, and those who only talk to you when they need something likely aren't true friends.
     
    Yes. People that are too nice try to anticipate your needs, which can be annoying especially if they make a mistake. I have that problem myself a lot and I have to remind myself not to do it - I'll think "I won't bother my boyfriend with that question, I know what his answer will be so to make it easier on him I won't make him tell me" and then when I do that and get it wrong he asks me why I didn't just ask him and I have no answer.
     
    There is such thing as being nice, and then there is a thing of being so obliviously nice that you let people walk all over and take advantage of you. Though I'm not saying you should be conscious of every nice deed you do you should be able to see when you're treating someone better than how you would treat someone else. And, if its way beyond your average "niceness" you might be being "too nice".

    In a relationship being too nice can be kind of constricting. Most women (from my experience) have never really responded well to extremely nice men in relationships. Though I believe you should treat every woman like she's a queen there are lines that you should draw. There is nothing wrong with being super nice, but in the human psyche we tend to want things we can't have. Being too nice could read as being way to "easy".

    I've had terrible experiences in friendships when I was being too nice. There was a point where I was housing and feeding a friend for damn near half a year. I bought 2 meals a day for almost 6 months. He wrecked his car pretty bad so I took him to home from College campus every week so he could work, and drove him to work at 7am on a weekend a few times as well. He was pretty financially broken. But, as soon as summer vacation came that year and his girlfriend came back I didn't hear from him at all. When school started again the next year he didn't really talk to me because his girlfriend transferred from Ohio to our school so he spent most of his time kissing her ... Literally and metaphorically. He bought himself a new truck, and has yet to come see or hang out with me. I don't feel like he owes me anything because I did what i did to help him. But, I feel as though he should really get his priorities in check. Maybe it was because I was just being "too nice".
     
    In general, all relationships. Basically, I think it comes to a point where it becomes annoying to the person. Formalities, being polite, they're all fine and dandy, but it can be excessive. Some people even prefer for their friends to be cynical and snarky with their remarks instead of empathetic and kind.
     
    Yes; there definitely is.

    And you can tell exactly when you're crossing the line too, or when someone else is. Whenever the actions you or someone else takes become regularly detrimental to them / yourself in an amount that outweighs the benefit of the help or niceties offered to the other party, your'e being too nice. Especially if and when the person receiving the 'nice' treatment come to rely on being treated as such as a standard, or does not intend to reciprocate said niceties back or appreciate them for being done.

    Moderation. That's all y'need :) Be a little nicer than you need to someone on occasion, but don't make yourself a slave to others. Unless y'know. You're like, planning on becoming a saint or something. Or you're a masochist. I guess there's exceptions here, but you get the point.
     
    You can be nice and be stern. You can be nice and know the limits. But you can also be too nice to the point where it become invasive or patronising.
     
    I've been told by a few friends that I try too hard to be too nice so I would say yes there is a point of where it is too much. Honestly though I don't think that point comes until you are just becoming a try hard to be friends with someone by just sucking up to them and almost being a "fake nice". If you are truly just being nice by nature then I don't think there is such a thing as too nice.
     
    People who are TOO nice tend to get taken advantage of more often than brash, skeptical people.

    Being reserved and skeptical doesn't mean you can't be nice.

    This world needs more brutal honesty.
     
    Misdreavus81 said:
    People who are TOO nice tend to get taken advantage of more often than brash, skeptical people.

    Being reserved and skeptical doesn't mean you can't be nice.

    This world needs more brutal honesty.
    Click to expand...
    Fine points, but I'd also say that if you're not nice enough people won't want you as involved in their lives, which I would say is worse than the risk of being taken advantage of.

    As for the world needing more honesty, I'd definitely agree to that, but I don't see why it has to be brutal. I think ultimately the important thing is to know who you're dealing with and how you can reach them. Some people are more receptive to brutal honesty than tepid honesty, and others have strong reactions against perceived hostility and won't listen to brutal honesty.

    Kanzler said:
    Nice is the most nothing word ever. What does it even mean?
    Click to expand...
    This is a really good question, and in my experience people can have wildly different answers for it. I sometimes define being "nice" as meaning you're giving someone's feelings high priority in how you interact with them. When you make a white lie and say that someone's cooking tastes nice when it's actually really bland, you're being nice.

    It can also mean something more unambiguously good, like just being generally friendly to people or going out of your way to help out.

    So, can you be too nice to someone? Depending on your definition, probably; just like you can be too much of anything depending on the circumstances. But if we're talking life advice, I'd suggest erring on the side of being too nice. It's hard advice to follow, though.
     
    Forgive me, anyone who dislikes MLP, but this bears some pretty heavy relevance to this thread. That said, warning. Pony in spoiler. Don't click if you don't wanna see it -

    Spoiler:


    There are times when white lies are actually the right thing to do. Or at least avoiding being totally honest. :P

    Also on being too nice - what someone said above about being 'fake nice' - that exactly. Sucking up and being nice just for the gains of what you hope to receive in return, is kinda sketchy. Definitely something I look down upon. :I
     
    icomeanon6 said:
    Fine points, but I'd also say that if you're not nice enough people won't want you as involved in their lives, which I would say is worse than the risk of being taken advantage of.

    As for the world needing more honesty, I'd definitely agree to that, but I don't see why it has to be brutal. I think ultimately the important thing is to know who you're dealing with and how you can reach them. Some people are more receptive to brutal honesty than tepid honesty, and others have strong reactions against perceived hostility and won't listen to brutal honesty.
    Click to expand...

    Oh, I never concern myself with people wanting me in their lives. I learned long ago (especially having a fanbase on YouTube) that you can't please everyone, and it's a waste of time to try. However, regarding the overall idea of being "nice," I try to be as nice as I can. Just because I have raised defenses doesn't mean I'm a bitter ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

    Along those same lines, I've never cared how people respond to honesty. If there's a truth about yourself or something else you're unwilling to face - an OBJECTIVE truth - I'm going to point it out. I don't belittle them, I just don't walk on eggshells to please them and tell them what they WANT to hear. That, to me, is brutal honesty.
     
    Yeah, there definitely is a thing as being too nice. I think that there are two different types of people who are too nice: inwardly and outwardly. The first example is those who don't actively search to be nice, but find it hard to say no to people, even if it's the smallest of requests (I used to be one of these people). The other type is when you put someone else's needs over yours and don't let them do anything for themselves. I really appreciate it when my parents do little things for me, however, if they do every little thing for me then it gets annoying because I'm able to do it myself, and I like doing things for myself.
     
    Yeah and I have been this person. I'm the kind of person where if you're close to me relationship or friendship wise I want to be there for you 100% and be a great gf/friend. but I have been taken advantage of from friends or people I dated or at least just not given really any appreciation in return and it's a terrible feeling. I think I only have one close friend that I know I can be over the top there for them and that they will return the favor or just show great appreciation which in turn I really appreciate!!

    Idk it just sucks because I find it very hard to actually say how I feel to someone so to show that I care about them I'm more likely to do nice things for them, buy them something, surprise them, or go out of my way to help them out with something. I just hope one day I'll meet someone relationship wise who understands the way I really want to show my affection and will at least show appreciation towards it!!!
     
    You must log in or register to reply here.
    Back
    Top