They weren't a good friend.

What are signs, to you, that a friend of yours is not a good friend to you? Can you think of any examples of when someone was a fake friend/only pretending to be your friend?

Usually not putting any effort to it.
Or if their mean.

I've also had loads of people just cut me off without any communication or discussion and one particular person is still talking nasty about me on her locked twitter.

Being an arse is a clear sign to me, along with cutting off any means of contact.

Exchanging your phone numbers but refusing to answer to calls afterwards might come to mind...

When they invite the rest of the group but not you. Either because you're always to tired or never have any money.

When the only times they contact you it is because they need a favour.

Being extremely fake is a clear warning sign to me. I have quite a large group of friends and there's one friend in particular who talks poorly about everyone. She'll make cruel jokes that aren't humorous in the slightest, call people names, etc. Yet, she'll be super friendly to the same people that she constantly gossips about and will refer to these individuals as her "best friends." You couldn't be more fake if you tried.

I'm sorry but what kind of "best friend" is that? It makes me wonder what she has to say about me behind closed doors.

Another indicator of being a bad friend is when a friend always cancels plans and lies about it. One of my former best friends would continuously cancel her plans to see her boyfriend. Plans that SHE would make. It was a reoccurring problem and as a result of it she lost a significant amount of her close friends including myself. Her boyfriend completely changed her and is very toxic in my opinion and it's a shame that she can't make time for anyone else but him.

However, I am blessed to have a plethora of amazing friends despite all of the bad ones.

When they talk down about other friends you in common with them in front of you.

I can think of quite a few examples, as it's happened to me so many times in my life...

But a common example, in my opinion, is if the "friend" in question, is if they don't seem interested in you at all, as a person. Or say mean things to you constantly & make fun of you.

I also feel like, a person who isn't a good friend, is someone who really doesn't listen to you. Like, at all.

There used to be these girls who lived here who acted like they were my friends (they weren't), but were constantly trying to make me "cool", and called me names constantly, called me lame, were mean to me, and amongst other things. One time I went to their apartment for a sleepover (mistake), and the older girl started kicking and pinching me, god what a bitch. Eventually, I realized they were never really my friends, and were just bullies, and one time wrote nasty things about them in a notebook, and it felt good. I don't know why they started acting like this to me, but it's probably because they didn't like my interests, or me. Needless to say, they moved away, and I'm glad I never have to see them again.

Dirtbag friends seems to be a trend these days. I've had plenty of experience in having awful friends. I guess friendship is gauged on how useful and interesting you are to someone. Which I fail miserably

strangerhypno said:

Dirtbag friends seems to be a trend these days. I've had plenty of experience in having awful friends. I guess friendship is gauged on how useful and interesting you are to someone. Which I fail miserably

Click to expand...

Yeah, people are really getting more and more self centered so if you're not of use to someone anymore the'll cut you off without thought.

usually when they start distancing themselves away from me or they don't listen to me. stuff like that. it sucks.

Yes, though it seems counterintuitive clingy friends can be some of the most exploitative, and foster the most unhealthy habits. Friends that call you at very late hours of the night and cannot stop talking about themselves, friends that act possessive, friends who cannot spend time apart from you, friends who question your loyalty to them if you say no to them-- perhaps even show anger, friends who send you on guilt trips, friends who can't control their emotional outbursts, friends who act helpless, friends who do not take no for answer and just respect boundaries, friends who require constant maintenace, friends who pressure you to do things you don't want to do, friends who don't respect it when you have opinions different from theirs and need you to think like them, a friends who eats up your time to the point that you have none left to spend alone or on any of your other friends or pursue hobbies that you enjoy or keep mportant commitments, friends who make threats, friends who cannot let go of other toxic people and habits in their life, may even be prone to abusive relationships, addiction or suffer from some disorder. These "friends" leave you drained. I would say that they are not real friends because they are too caught up in themselves to love you, they barely stop to think about or your needs, and don't usually deeply care, so long as their own needs are taken care of. It is a vampire, who drinks fill and leaves you dry.

To me this friend is much easier to be taken in by than the superficial acquaintance who leaves when the going gets tough, they seem to really care...about themselves. Sadly they are much harder to get out of your life. They can do far more damage on their way out too.

The biggest sign to me is that people insist on saying we're friends. Without bothering to ask me how I view the matter...nobody ever does, y'know. I have seriously never been asked that question. People generally assume that if you speak with them often enough and hold up your end of a conversation, that you either are or want to be friends with them, and that this is something that happens pretty quickly if that is the case...and it's when they start assuming things that alarm bells start ringing in my head.

To other people, I'm like that one warped piece of china in the back of the cabinet - absolutely worthless, but kept around anyway because I'm an interesting curio. Not interesting enough to deserve any real attention - because they have much finer, more useful pieces of china - but just enough to keep around and take out once in a great while to examine.

This is all I have ever felt when people have insisted on trying to be a friend, rather than just talking to me. When they start assuming things about me, and projecting things onto me - thoughts, feelings; various things that in no way reflect the reality as I see it.

Well, not being good at making friends at least has the consequence that I don't need to worry about these kinds of things. At least, from the looks of it, I'm not the only one. :laugh-squinted:

Dawn said:

This is all I have ever felt when people have insisted on trying to be a friend, rather than just talking to me. When they start assuming things about me, and projecting things onto me - thoughts, feelings; various things that in no way reflect the reality as I see it.

Click to expand...

Heh, brings back memories. One thing: be happy if they just assume things for the purpose of trying to be friends. You don't want to know how messed up people can be when they're love struck.

kind of glad that I was mostly kept to myself during my early school days. there were people who tried to pretend to be my friend for the most part but I think those were in my elementary school days where yknow, that kind of thing was more or less prevalent among kids who thought they were trying to be cool but weren't, so...

It hurts when you hang out with people and all they do is ignore you.

when they only hang out with you to ask for free shit and act like you don't exist the rest of the time

also when they begin to actively bash you on social media in private just because you don't use said social media :^)
and make fun of you when you're not there and not give a shit nor update you that you aren't friends anymore when you are
i feel like i'm being overly specific here

also just disinterest in general; i find friendships shouldn't be forced else they're going to be shit

This question is hard to answer because the qualities that make up a bad friend for me are qualities that I am guilty of in some of the relationships I have with other people, so I feel hypocritical about it.

I'm speaking of people in my offline life (which also includes people I have met and hung out with originally online).

I find about 3 or 4 people in my life actually bother to reach out to me without me reaching out to them first. This can be a quick text conversation, or plans to hang out, or anything. Even if they are reaching out to me just to ask me a favor, I feel at least it is something.
So: if you don't reach out to me at all, it's a sign to me that we are not friends.

Every now and then, I'll message all of my contacts and the number of people who actually respond makes up about 20-30% of the people I messaged. This is a pretty superficial way to judge something, but my thinking of it comes down to the fact that if I got a message from someone I cared about, I would want to at least reply to it. I tend to give them some time and after a few days, I'll shoot them another message and see what happens, but it's safe for me to assume that the majority that don't reply on the first message won't reply to any past that.
So: if you don't respond to me, it's a sign to me that we are not friends.

Of those people who respond, about 50% of them seem to be responding just for the sake of not ignoring me. They aren't engaged in the conversation, they aren't expanding on it, they aren't contributing past minimum answers based on thoughts or questions that I provide without contributing any in return. If you're a friend, wouldn't you want to be social with someone?
So: if you don't engage with me, it's a sign to me that we are not friends.

If I make plans with someone, and they flake on me without offering any substitution or rain check date to meet up in the future. I value my time even if I am spending it seemingly doing nothing but relaxing at home. Often times, I'm flaked on the day of.
So: if you don't value my time, it's a sign to me that we are not friends.

Over the years, I've become less and less affected by failed friendships. The sobering fact: It's natural for most friendships to end. It's bound to happen with the majority of friendships in your life. Those 3 or 4 people who reach out to me are the only people I authentically feel are my friends.