Help & Advice Thread

Dusk · Apr 14, 2016

I can't believe I'm asking PC for life advice, but since I spend so much time lurking on the site and y'all seem like good people I might as well.

So I've been on an academic hiatus for about... almost 2 years now? Previously I was an art major, but... I lost pretty much all motivation/ambition and to be honest I think with how lazy I am, I wasn't cut out for something like that. So I took a break from college and spent some volunteering and even got my very first job at a donut shop, haha... Anyway what I came here to ask for advice about is... Can anyone give me any tips on finding a new major? I've had a long time to think about what I could do, but I still honestly have no idea... The only criteria I have right now for a potential career is that it make decent enough money so I can live without worrying too much about finances, and that it not have hours that are too long. Only I can decide my future, but... I guess I'm just asking for tips on self-assessment and things to consider when choosing a new major/career path.

Kanzler · Apr 14, 2016

Lisia said:
I can't believe I'm asking PC for life advice, but since I spend so much time lurking on the site and y'all seem like good people I might as well.

So I've been on an academic hiatus for about... almost 2 years now? Previously I was an art major, but... I lost pretty much all motivation/ambition and to be honest I think with how lazy I am, I wasn't cut out for something like that. So I took a break from college and spent some volunteering and even got my very first job at a donut shop, haha... Anyway what I came here to ask for advice about is... Can anyone give me any tips on finding a new major? I've had a long time to think about what I could do, but I still honestly have no idea... The only criteria I have right now for a potential career is that it make decent enough money so I can live without worrying too much about finances, and that it not have hours that are too long. Only I can decide my future, but... I guess I'm just asking for tips on self-assessment and things to consider when choosing a new major/career path.

I think there are two questions to ask (not only these two, but these two are important): what do you love and what are you good at?

The first question can be really elusive because we're all subjective individuals here and I'm not going to bother since I don't know all that much about you and I don't think I could give advice to people on finding what they love.

The second question, however, is a bit more objective. Start with your strengths and weaknesses. What kind of stuff are you good at? You can look at this from a couple of perspectives.

1) What subjects are you good at? Go as far back to high school for this one. Look at the courses you did well in and enjoyed. Look at the courses you took in University that you enjoyed before quitting your art major. And then look through which kind of fields you might prefer or be interested in or have succeeded in.

2) What ways of learning or doing are you good at? Are you good with numbers? Are you good with verbal communication? Are you good with writing? Do you like to solve problems? Are you a big-picture kind of person or a details-oriented person? Are you spatially-oriented meaning you're good with visuals and diagrams? Look at all the activities you've done in life, doesn't have to be school or work, and think about "the ways" you do things.

3) How do you like to work with people? Are you more of a solitary person or do you work better in a team? How important is team spirit to you? Big groups or small groups? Do have a preference for working face-to-face with a client? Do you have a preference for working face-to-face with a team of colleagues? Is face-to-face contact important to the work you want to do, or is long-distance communication okay? When you think about these questions, I think it's important to keep in mind that they're not mutually exclusive. So you might find that you might be solitary, but you're still open and would enjoy the opportunity to work with other people. You might want to be face-to-face with both your clients as well as your team. Try to be as open and as honest with yourself with this as possible, because people can have really diverse and complex relationships with society and that's just a part of human nature.

There are more, but that's all I can think of at the moment. I think it's a good starting point. As you start answering questions, other questions will reveal themselves. You come to a better understanding of what you do know about yourself and what you don't know about yourself. I think knowing what you like isn't as important as knowing what you know and don't know - those "unknown" unknowns can reveal themselves as dealbreakers down the line and bite you in the ass. So try to be aware of what you don't know about yourself, because that will allow you to be more self-aware and make better decisions. If this paragraph seems super contradictory with what I've said before, my main idea here is this: you don't need to have a positive answer to all the questions you ask yourself - answering "I don't know" is valuable in and of itself.

Also, you'll find that as you answer these "what are you good at questions" you'll undoubtedly answer those "what do you love" questions. Thinking about what you love will involve parsing feelings, that are sometimes unreliable and change. Thinking about what you're good at will involve going through experiences where you've actually executed on something, and so IMO it's more objective and predictive and also reflects somewhat on what you love as well.

I feel that it's easier to think about which careers and majors are for you once you've realized what you like/want/are good at/are bad at than the other way around. There's so many careers in the world that will pay well and not give you ridiculous hours but there's only one you.

Lemme know how it goes.

Twilight Storm · Apr 14, 2016

So, I was on this online fourm, (not this) and there was a game I was playing. I saw my team was getting very low votes, so I made two new acounts and pretended to be someone else and gave myself high votes. Needless to say, someone found out, and I'm very ashamed of myself. Now, I'm afraid to go back on the fourm because I'm afraid that there will be major backlash and I will be banned from the game. I feel like I should apoligize, but I'm too scared. What should I do? Please help me.

Thanks.

Midnight shadow · Apr 15, 2016

Twilight Storm said:
So, I was on this online fourm, (not this) and there was a game I was playing. I saw my team was getting very low votes, so I made two new acounts and pretended to be someone else and gave myself high votes. Needless to say, someone found out, and I'm very ashamed of myself. Now, I'm afraid to go back on the fourm because I'm afraid that there will be major backlash and I will be banned from the game. I feel like I should apoligize, but I'm too scared. What should I do? Please help me.

Thanks.

Are you ashamed by the fact you got caught or the fact you cheated? If it's the latter then as long as you come out to the group sincerely, it will show and they will more than likely not ban you from it. Everyone makes mistakes, and as long as you are sincerely sorry, people will forgive you.

Twilight Storm · Apr 15, 2016

Midnight shadow said:
Are you ashamed by the fact you got caught or the fact you cheated? If it's the latter then as long as you come out to the group sincerely, it will show and they will more than likely not ban you from it. Everyone makes mistakes, and as long as you are sincerely sorry, people will forgive you.

Okay, so I apoligized from the bottom of my heart, and they were all okay about it. Thanks. (:

Thepokefansophia · Apr 19, 2016

I have this friend at school. We known each other for 11 years and I dont want to break this bond.
But we always chat together and when it comes to this two hour lesson on a tuesday. She leaves me for these three other girls who are more " popular" and outgoing then me. They are more confident and talkative then me. She basically behaves like she doesnt even like me and is always laughing and making fun of my appearance but then the next day in registration she is acting like nothing happened.
Today I couldnt keep my tears in and I left the classroom. She immediately came afterwards asking me what was wrong. It was obvious what was wrong and I didnt have it in me to confront her as I was worried that she get her other friends to have a go at me. Its difficult as I always worry about what people think of me and " oh maybe I shouldnt of said this" and that I always imagine scenarios in my head about bad things that could happened.
I always try to hang out with other people but most of the time they are not in so it is difficult.
So I am struggling on what to do.

Midnight shadow · Apr 20, 2016

Thepokefansophia said:
I have this friend at school. We known each other for 11 years and I dont want to break this bond.
But we always chat together and when it comes to this two hour lesson on a tuesday. She leaves me for these three other girls who are more " popular" and outgoing then me. They are more confident and talkative then me. She basically behaves like she doesnt even like me and is always laughing and making fun of my appearance but then the next day in registration she is acting like nothing happened.
Today I couldnt keep my tears in and I left the classroom. She immediately came afterwards asking me what was wrong. It was obvious what was wrong and I didnt have it in me to confront her as I was worried that she get her other friends to have a go at me. Its difficult as I always worry about what people think of me and " oh maybe I shouldnt of said this" and that I always imagine scenarios in my head about bad things that could happened.
I always try to hang out with other people but most of the time they are not in so it is difficult.
So I am struggling on what to do.

I know exactly how you feel, as I had a friend just like this when I was in school. Thinking back on it the one thing I regret is not confronting him about the problem. In order to resolve something you need to discuss it. You need to find out why your friend is acting like this. It's probably one of these reasons:

1. She doesn't think she is actually hurting you and thinks it's all a bit of fun teasing.
2. She is too scared of losing her reputation with the "popular" kids that she follows their lead even though it's hurting you.

If it's number one, you need to tell her that it does in fact hurt you when she makes fun of you and then you will see if she is actually your friend or not. If it's number 2, then it's your duty as her friend to help her through this, as she is probably hurting as much as you. Either way, communication is the key and shying away from the problem isn't going to solve it.

Pebbles · Apr 20, 2016

Thepokefansophia said:
I have this friend at school. We known each other for 11 years and I dont want to break this bond.
But we always chat together and when it comes to this two hour lesson on a tuesday. She leaves me for these three other girls who are more " popular" and outgoing then me. They are more confident and talkative then me. She basically behaves like she doesnt even like me and is always laughing and making fun of my appearance but then the next day in registration she is acting like nothing happened.
Today I couldnt keep my tears in and I left the classroom. She immediately came afterwards asking me what was wrong. It was obvious what was wrong and I didnt have it in me to confront her as I was worried that she get her other friends to have a go at me. Its difficult as I always worry about what people think of me and " oh maybe I shouldnt of said this" and that I always imagine scenarios in my head about bad things that could happened.
I always try to hang out with other people but most of the time they are not in so it is difficult.
So I am struggling on what to do.

when it comes to frienship stuff i think life can be more easy than people make it for themselves.
look here is what i think:

if she treats you like that, talks bad about you and whatever else she does you think is mean and disrespectful when she hangs out with those others, she does not deserve you as a friend.
Of course she is allowed to hang out with other people too but it does not give her the right to mistreat you like that.

Maybe she thinks the appareance jokes are harmless.... who knows
but if you think they are not and you feel hurt, you have the right to talk to her about it and you should, stand up for yourself!
you got the right to tell her the truth and if she doesn't like it or does not want to hear it and does not apologise to you
i would say, sod it, you deserve better friends than that!

i get it you do not want to lose her if you have known her for so long
but sometimes people change their view on things just like that and because of that they start to treat you differently.
there is nothing you can do about it, just accept it and make more/new friends ;)

also, you have to think like this, in my opinion; it is her loss if the friendship is over, not yours. after all you are not the one being mean and disrespectful, that is her.

Her · May 4, 2016

I'm a rather cynical and distrusting person - I'm not adverse to saying paranoid in some cases. On one hand, I realise it is entirely silly to think people actively work against me or consistently have ulterior motives or whatever, that requires too much effort to be as commonplace as my mind likes to trick me into believing. On the other hand, I am very good at reading people and part of my cynicism comes from knowing their actions before they do and watching them come into fruition, particularly when it has some relation to me.
I want to believe in the best of people until shown otherwise; but I doubt I'll ever be able to detach so smoothly and just let things be.
So what helps you guys maintain trust in others? I have no problem with openness and placing my faith in other people, it's when I get an inkling that they are less than they appear to be that I get anxious and stressed out and find it hard to treat them as I used to.

It should be said that I take medication for borderline personality disorder, by the way. Just so we're all upfront and fine and dandy and whatnot.

Fannie · May 4, 2016

Harley Quinn said:
snippy snoo

I used to be just like this. One day I realised how many decent people I must be alienating and tried to list them alongside people who had deserved my mistrust. It turned out to be a fairly even spread. I try to convince myself that if someone genuinely cannot be trusted that they will find a way to prove it whether I treat them differently or not. You can't always stop people from screwing you over and your energy is better spent treating everyone the same in the hopes of retaining good relationships with the people who do deserve your trust and friendship. Even if you are surround by pricks and can only end up trusting a couple of people.

Esper · May 4, 2016

Harley Quinn said:
~*~

I had and have these thoughts and feelings and what works for me sometimes is to focus on what people do and say to my face. Sort of, being willfully ignorant of the possibility that someone is thinking badly of me or doing anything behind my back. I get to have the satisfaction that I'm not the one at fault if anything happens. If something does I get to look down on them and judge them. Basically, I turn my fear into disgust or anger or pity or whatever other feeling suits me by creating a narrative in my head that puts me in a good light and them in a bad one.

Aside from that, I just try to get a read on someone as they interact with other people and see if they seem a genuine person, see what motivates them and makes them tick. I feel like I have a good enough understanding of people to see when someone is lying and if so why.

gimmepie · May 4, 2016

Harley Quinn said:
I'm a rather cynical and distrusting person - I'm not adverse to saying paranoid in some cases. On one hand, I realise it is entirely silly to think people actively work against me or consistently have ulterior motives or whatever, that requires too much effort to be as commonplace as my mind likes to trick me into believing. On the other hand, I am very good at reading people and part of my cynicism comes from knowing their actions before they do and watching them come into fruition, particularly when it has some relation to me.
I want to believe in the best of people until shown otherwise; but I doubt I'll ever be able to detach so smoothly and just let things be.
So what helps you guys maintain trust in others? I have no problem with openness and placing my faith in other people, it's when I get an inkling that they are less than they appear to be that I get anxious and stressed out and find it hard to treat them as I used to.

It should be said that I take medication for borderline personality disorder, by the way. Just so we're all upfront and fine and dandy and whatnot.

The method I generally apply is that I base how open and trusting I am of people on how open and trusting they are with me. Generally speaking, if people have a lot of trust in you then they're probably people whom you can trust in kind.

Fannie's idea is also an excellent one I might add.

Her · May 5, 2016

Fannie said:
I used to be just like this. One day I realised how many decent people I must be alienating and tried to list them alongside people who had deserved my mistrust. It turned out to be a fairly even spread. I try to convince myself that if someone genuinely cannot be trusted that they will find a way to prove it whether I treat them differently or not. You can't always stop people from screwing you over and your energy is better spent treating everyone the same in the hopes of retaining good relationships with the people who do deserve your trust and friendship. Even if you are surround by pricks and can only end up trusting a couple of people.

I think I also need to lower my expectations for others somewhat. I'm rather rigid in what I expect from others and sometimes forget that people are going to waver and not be as perfect and consistently considerate and whatever, which is normal and everyone needs to learn that. I already knew that, but sometimes I forget as my self-esteem isn't exactly high in the first place.

Esper said:
I had and have these thoughts and feelings and what works for me sometimes is to focus on what people do and say to my face. Sort of, being willfully ignorant of the possibility that someone is thinking badly of me or doing anything behind my back. I get to have the satisfaction that I'm not the one at fault if anything happens. If something does I get to look down on them and judge them. Basically, I turn my fear into disgust or anger or pity or whatever other feeling suits me by creating a narrative in my head that puts me in a good light and them in a bad one.

Aside from that, I just try to get a read on someone as they interact with other people and see if they seem a genuine person, see what motivates them and makes them tick. I feel like I have a good enough understanding of people to see when someone is lying and if so why.

I guess. Naturally it sounds like the perfect course of action on paper, but in practice I find it extremely hard to ignore the possibilities of people's actions behind my back. Which leads into a kind of self-aware paranoia sometimes.
I don't really expect the worst in others, it's more that I see the worst in myself constantly and expect other people to see it too.

Thepokefansophia · May 9, 2016

At the moment I have a foster sister who has been living with us for a while now. Its getting to the point where I cannot handle her and my patience is waving thin.
When I first agreed to bring a child into this home, I wanted to do it because I believed I was helping others.
Before you begin I understand that she is obviously in foster care for a reason and I expect that she probably have a few problems.
When she first arrived I tried my best to be friendly with her, I let her share my clothing and various other things. I even introduced her to my friends but that didnt work because she simply didnt fit in and my friends did not like her even though they tried very hard. But nevertheless she had her freedom taken away due to an incident that occured.
She is very unhygenic even simple things like washing her hair is a big deal and she is sixteen. She does not shave whatsoever and has very hairy armpits I tried to tell her friendly but she rages of in a storm and runs to her room.
I always been very close to my mum as it has always been really me and her I been finding it difficult to share her as I am going through my own personal problems.
I never get to talk to my mum because she is always around or my mum is in the middle of sorting out something relating to her therefore I am always feeling down and I am very stressed at the moment with school. I feel like im going to fail and I always feel the pressure no matter how hard I try. Last week she made a comment about my weight which really smashed my confidence even though I dont have any to begin with.

Ahah, I feel silly but I wanted to write how I felt and how to deal with this problem.

Guardian · May 15, 2016

Looking for advice.
I'm good at college. I'm good with extra curriculum stuff.
However, I have a few weeks to decide what im gonna do with college.
Im the third year, last year of undergraduate. It's easy, to say at least (easy college in general).

Problem: I want to spend a year working a bit more, and more importantly, volunteer and just be more involved with things I really care about. Memorizing textbooks and presentation give me no insight in what life is all about and gives me no real life experience. I got an idea, and that it to fail one class intentionally, which would prolong my undergraduate for a year.

Pros:
-More time for the undergrad thesis
-I can go on a work&travel program this summer without (as much) stress
-Just one exam next year
-Plenty of time to volunteer
-Plenty of time to work
-Plenty of time for the other extra curriculum stuff I could do
-Reduced stress and God knows I need it
-I can apply for summer internships that are for the undergraduate students next year

Cons:
-I'll be a year behind others, plus the usual pressure from society to finish college on time without failing
-Reduced chances for work&travel program next year
-About 200$ I'd have to pay for the "failed" year.
-These three I can live with, but what bothers me is that I dont know how this might affect future opportunities negatively. What could my employers for a job or internship say about this. How much will this reduce my chances for internships and jobs (biology related). Its gonna be a failed year regardless of the reasons.

Any suggestion is HIGHLY appreciated.

gimmepie · May 15, 2016

Guardian said:
Looking for advice.
I'm good at college. I'm good with extra curriculum stuff.
However, I have a few weeks to decide what im gonna do with college.
Im the third year, last year of undergraduate. It's easy, to say at least (easy college in general).

Problem: I want to spend a year working a bit more, and more importantly, volunteer and just be more involved with things I really care about. Memorizing textbooks and presentation give me no insight in what life is all about and gives me no real life experience. I got an idea, and that it to fail one class intentionally, which would prolong my undergraduate for a year.

Pros:
-More time for the undergrad thesis
-I can go on a work&travel program this summer without (as much) stress
-Just one exam next year
-Plenty of time to volunteer
-Plenty of time to work
-Plenty of time for the other extra curriculum stuff I could do
-Reduced stress and God knows I need it
-I can apply for summer internships that are for the undergraduate students next year

Cons:
-I'll be a year behind others, plus the usual pressure from society to finish college on time without failing
-Reduced chances for work&travel program next year
-About 200$ I'd have to pay for the "failed" year.
-These three I can live with, but what bothers me is that I dont know how this might affect future opportunities negatively. What could my employers for a job or internship say about this. How much will this reduce my chances for internships and jobs (biology related). Its gonna be a failed year regardless of the reasons.

Any suggestion is HIGHLY appreciated.

I'm not going to tell you which way to go. I will say that to the best of my knowledge employers aren't going to dig about to find out if you failed a single unit once as an undergraduate student. More to the point though, it sounds to me that you already know what you actually want to do and are more interested in approval than advice (I mean no offence by this, you're probably not even aware of it and I do the same thing all the time).

Esper · May 15, 2016

Guardian said:
~*~

Is there a way you could do this without failing a class? I'm not sure if you should go this route or not. That's your decision. But failing a class doesn't look good on your transcript. If you could talk to an academic adviser about other ways to get the same effect without having it reflect badly on your school record that, I think, would be a better way to go about.

Because that way you can say "I took time off from school because I really care about _______" and not "I failed a class because _______." It just works better when explaining to people.

Guardian · May 17, 2016

gimmepie said:
I'm not going to tell you which way to go. I will say that to the best of my knowledge employers aren't going to dig about to find out if you failed a single unit once as an undergraduate student. More to the point though, it sounds to me that you already know what you actually want to do and are more interested in approval than advice (I mean no offence by this, you're probably not even aware of it and I do the same thing all the time).

You're more or less correct. I'm over-analyzing this so Im just kinda hoping to stumble upon someone who will say its the best idea out there lol. I mean so many people do it, and I have plenty of experience and ambition to support this idea...idk.

Esper said:
Is there a way you could do this without failing a class? I'm not sure if you should go this route or not. That's your decision. But failing a class doesn't look good on your transcript. If you could talk to an academic adviser about other ways to get the same effect without having it reflect badly on your school record that, I think, would be a better way to go about.

Because that way you can say "I took time off from school because I really care about _______" and not "I failed a class because _______." It just works better when explaining to people.

The only way would be to pause a year but I lose my students' right then and thats the worst idea possible atm lol.

Thanks for the opinions guys :)

Pebbles · May 19, 2016

Thepokefansophia said:
At the moment I have a foster sister who has been living with us for a while now. Its getting to the point where I cannot handle her and my patience is waving thin.
When I first agreed to bring a child into this home, I wanted to do it because I believed I was helping others.
Before you begin I understand that she is obviously in foster care for a reason and I expect that she probably have a few problems.
When she first arrived I tried my best to be friendly with her, I let her share my clothing and various other things. I even introduced her to my friends but that didnt work because she simply didnt fit in and my friends did not like her even though they tried very hard. But nevertheless she had her freedom taken away due to an incident that occured.
She is very unhygenic even simple things like washing her hair is a big deal and she is sixteen. She does not shave whatsoever and has very hairy armpits I tried to tell her friendly but she rages of in a storm and runs to her room.
I always been very close to my mum as it has always been really me and her I been finding it difficult to share her as I am going through my own personal problems.
I never get to talk to my mum because she is always around or my mum is in the middle of sorting out something relating to her therefore I am always feeling down and I am very stressed at the moment with school. I feel like im going to fail and I always feel the pressure no matter how hard I try. Last week she made a comment about my weight which really smashed my confidence even though I dont have any to begin with.

Ahah, I feel silly but I wanted to write how I felt and how to deal with this problem.

i am not sure if you are seeking advice ~_~ , even though you probably are because you posted in here, but if not... oh well, i am going to give you some anyway :P

first things first, about the unhygenic stuff... look , i get it, a lot of people find it ew when others have long hair under their armpits , they find it ew if others do not wash their hair every day or something
and i guess it is a bit ew to look at BUT at same time, i personally do not give a damn, why? because it is their choice and i let people be, i let people be free. my mom lots of times washes her once a week.... why, don't ask me but it is her choice and it is not like its hurting my eyes or anything.... so why should i give a damn?
you shouldn't let little stuff like that bother you really, let alone try and tell her it is wrong or anything, not sure what you told her anyway....
it may not be your personal preference to go around like that in life but others simply just care less about that kinda stuff and they are allowed to, right?
if she wants to live her life that way, let her be, just like you want to be left alone and not bothered if you make a choice , a choice she might think is ew or weird.

second thing, about the whole you stressing out and not liking her so much and that she takes a lot of time off your mom....
i think you are at a point right now where you just need to be honest, to the both of them
if you not going to say a thing to neither, you are only going to get more stressed and in the end, you might actually fail in school, do you want that? i didn' think so

your mom is suppose to take care of you too and she is also suppose to listen to you and be there for you
so you make that happen ok?
but just keep it friendly and calm
maybe talk to them both together at same time
and just be honest and tell them how you truly feel and tell your mom what you need
and then whilst your at it, say you want some time with her , privately

i think it is better to talk to them both, if not together, because if you only talk to your mom
you might end up hurting your foster sister as she might feel left out in the dark, thinking you talking behind her back all bad about her.

Nah · Jun 11, 2016

So since October 2015 I've worked as a substitute custodian for the town's school district. Some form of part-time school cleaning is the only job I've ever had really. I've been told that there should be an opening for a full time position posted soon, since one of the high school janitors is retiring September 1st. A few of the janitors have been insisting that I apply for it.

Now, I don't really enjoy the work and the thought of being a janitor for many years and doing the work 5 days a week kinda makes me wanna blow my brains out. But the thing is.....I'm 23, and out of college. I can't keep living at my parent's house forever. However, I've also been told that apparently the pay is $13/hr, which as far as I know is not enough to live on your own in New Jersey. Now, why not just try to find some other sort of job? I really doubt I'd get hired anywhere else. Only reason I ever got hired by the board of ed to begin with is because my mother is also employed by the board of ed. I don't really have any useful skills or knowledge, and my degree's not terribly useful either (B.S. in geology), but I have no interest in pursuing a career in that field anyway. I don't really have any qualities that employers would find attractive. Nevermind the fact that other jobs may not even pay enough for me to live on my own either.

So do I just stick with the subbing? Take the full time job even though I don't like the work and it doesn't give me enough income anyway? Pick a god and pray that I can somehow get some other decent paying work? Like the fuck am I supposed to do here

Help & Advice Thread

More options

Dusk

Kanzler

Twilight Storm

just your average weirdo ;D

Midnight shadow

Twilight Storm

just your average weirdo ;D

Thepokefansophia

Midnight shadow

Pebbles

BE YOUR OWN HERO

Her

Fannie

Don't let my milk go lumpy

Esper

gimmepie

Her

Thepokefansophia

Guardian

gimmepie

Esper

Guardian

Pebbles

BE YOUR OWN HERO

Nah