Serious Dealing with anti-LGBTQ people

[Sirfetch’d]

This could loosely fit in the thread about being 'out' but I kind of wanted to branch this particular topic out into it's own thread.

How do you deal with people oppressing you or treating you as a lesser individual for your sexuality or gender identity? I'm surrounded by this in the real world and use my online life as an outlet to escape but I've not really found a proper coping mechanism for when I encounter it whether it be in real life or online. Do you just simply ignore it or does it eat you up? What is the best way to handle these types of people and not let them ruin your day?

 

[pastelspectre]

my sisters dont rlly refer to me as skylar or use the right pronouns for me. they arent necessarily anti-lgbt, but i think they do not understand it and have a hard time adjusting.

i've just gotten used to it at this point. i plan to be fully out and introduce myself as skylar and tell people my pronouns and.. whatnot when i move in with my boyfriend (who will hopefully be my fiance at that point who knows) since my boyfriend lives in a state that is far more accepting than alabama. so yeah.

i just..deal with it. my abusive ex that i dated before dating my current (and last) boyfriend didnt accept me and referred to me as she/her and...ugh it makes me shudder just thinking of it. i didn't really cope. i thought what i was going through was normal (because of stuff that happened in my childhood) and stuff and..i just sort of took it.

i still just..deal with it and take it whenever i am referred to as my birth name. whenever i have really bad gender dysphoria or body dysphoria i tell my boyfriend about it and he tries to help me through it to the best of his ability.

sorry this reply was all over the place.

 

[Wavee]

i dont think its possible to get to the point where it doesnt bother u anymore unfortunately. it gets easier to manage with time but not being accepted hurts for any person and lgbtq+ people are still very unaccepted. one of the things thats helped me is to remind myself that the only peoples whos opinions i care about should be the people i care about, and those people arent anti-lgbt. the only people who matter are the people who support you

 

[Her]

In some cases, God will take their hairlines, In other cases, they age like gremlins. They may certainly rise to positions above mine, but hatred exhausts collagen supplies. So on that level, I've already won. I don't look a day over 20. Some in their mid 20s cannot say that and it is just so sad.

I suppose one thing I can contribute is finding little ways to assert oneself in order to vent out the frustration - if one can drive, they could plan a day trip to somewhere that gives a small amount of validation in the way you're looking for. Like, find a bar on Facebook or something and go for a drink or whatever. It's a well-known problem that the LGBT community is lacking in spaces that aren't highly sexualised, which is a problem I don't feel like writing about, but there are a few things one can do. If you have gender issues, buy a small and relatively innocuous item of clothing that tickles your fancies - panties or a disgusting Snapback or whatever.

 

[moon]

Luckily, it's basically taboo here at this point to imply that women are lesser than men. I do still encounter guys who think it is odd that I have certain hobbies or girls who consider it weird that I'm not as into typically "girly" things as they are. I haven't even tried to seriously explain to anyone that I consider myself a non-binary female, as when I have hinted to such, they mostly seem confused or think I am strange. So I guess I deal with it by just ignoring it. As my situation is a quite invisible and easy-to-deal-with one compared to many others, I don't struggle as much as many of you do.

However, when discussing general LGBTQ+ topics with others, I can get easily annoyed if people seem to be unaccepting of it. About a month ago I was in an aggravating discussion with three straight men from various parts of the world who admitted to being upset about lesbians and the mere knowledge that I had kissed girls in my life. It was a heated discussion because I demanded they provide actual modern reasoning for why there would be anything wrong with it. At the end of the evening, they actually accepted the flaws in their logic and admitted that it had to be okay, well that's at least what they told me. I'm still baffled by that they were disgusted at first though, and I doubt I changed their views fully. But, baby steps.

 

[Palamon]

Anti LGBTQ people really piss me off. My parents are both transphobic, and homophobic, and I have to try so hard to not tell them to shut up. It bothers me a lot, but I usually try to ignore people who are anti LGBTQ, ngl. I don't want people like that in my life, nor do I wish to interact w/them. I don't know how anyone in 2019 can be anti LGBTQ when it's always been normal. Ah well, there will always be annoying shitheads who hate minorities I guess, /shrugs, what can you do?

 

[Maedar]

I don't deal with them - or any bigots - at all because I feel it odd to converse or debate with garbage.

I find such a person on my property, I throw him OFF my property. If I find myself on such a person's property, I leave. If I absolutely have to deal with such a person, I do so as quickly as possible and make a point not to do so again.

 

[Taemin]

If my means of meeting or interacting with them is public small talk, I'll usually just wave them off, dodge their questions, or politely get out of the conversation.

No one close to me has ever been a bigot or an anti, all my friends and coworkers have responded positively, so for me.. I've only personally dealt with one or two people who were bigots. One was my friend's mom, who told my friend to stop hanging out with me, however, after a few years of her breaking away from her mom, we're friends again. The other was an old not-too-close friend of mine. We talked off and on and might've gotten closer, but then when she found out, she said "No, gay is wrong. Bye." and I never heard from her again.

Ever since those two cases when I was younger, I tend to be leery of who I tell, but at the same time I will casually drop the info and if someone disapproves then they can turn around and leave, or I'll leave first. I don't get mad, I just kinda shrug it off and part ways.

 

[Corrin]

They aren't worth my time or attention, so I don't give them it.
I have no issues with walking away from strangers and if we're friends and you express such sentiments, our friendship is over.

 

[Noblejanobii]

Oddly enough, despite living in one of the more conservative areas of the US, I didn't really hear a ton of Anti-LGBT stuff until after I left the country. This study abroad has been wild, because while I've met several very supportive people, I have met an equal amount of not supportive people. And while it's possible in the past because I wasn't a member of the community, I never noticed, but since I am now, I do take notice. Usually, I just ignore it. I'm not out and it's not worth getting into a fight that could potential expose me before I'm ready. I will say the worst experience I've had was when my own parents seemed disgusted with the prospect of me potentially being gay. I still think about that a lot.

But all in all, I just ignore it. But it's always a hard slap in the face the first time I hear a comment leave someone's mouth.

 

[Bidoof FTW]

Honestly I just try to ignore it.

My father would often tell me how much he detested homosexuality, calling culture on Grindr "disgusting" (I don't use it but still), needing to exit the room when there was a gay romantic scene in a movie, and even telling me "I'm so glad you're not gay" (whoops!).
Several of my friends are also homophobic, they trash on people like James Charles and Jeffrey Star... which I honestly understand in a way. Several of them were raised as strict Muslims too and I think the homophobia kinda got rubbed in when they grew up. I've also noticed that soccer is a hub of homophobia, which strikes me as weird because that was always the "gay" sport growing up. I've come out to them before and got ridiculed for it at first but we've got a sort of relationship where we don't talk about it. I'm okay with it, they accept who I am even if they might disagree with it as a whole. Time also helps to heal any sort of rift like that. If you're around them enough they'll hopefully come around. Just know that there's a difference between coming to terms with something and supporting it.

From experience I've noticed that it generally stems from their own insecurities, they aren't comfortable enough with themselves and their sexuality that when they see someone who is it intimidates them or confuses them. Whenever they say something homophobic I tend to either roast them a bit for it or just remind myself that it's just their own insecurities speaking, that has helped me a lot to not take what they say personally.

I guess if I had to give anyone advice on it I would just say to try and ignore it and understand where they may come from. Not everyone has grown up around accepting and diverse people and it's hard to change old habits. Be the person to prove them wrong and show them that these things are ok. I personally haven't come out to my father yet, but it's all small steps. Face your villains and show them that you deserve respect.

Stay strong :)