Dear Anonymous

DA,

Every year you say you're gonna change. I know who you want to be, but you're too scared to take the initiative to change. But I believe in you and I know that this is the year where you will grow and change the most. I know there are habits you want to break as well, and you get frustrated when they seem to relapse. But in doing all of this - please be kind to yourself and look after yourself as well. You already give yourself a hard enough time as it is.

DA,

No one has ever made me smile as much as you. Thanks for being you!
 
Dear Anon,

Idk what it is with me these past few weeks... One day I'm feeling good and nothing can break me, the other day I just lie in bed wanting to collapse and die.

Was probably the most idiotic decision of my life to have a relationship, in the end it died out of bumfuck nowhere and left me just utterly in pieces. At this point I start to realize I'm not meant for a partner at all, at least it doesn't feel like I am. After all all I do is play shooters and think I'm good at them (others say so so it's prolly true).

Shouldn't have asked her out in the first place but as they always tell me... Unluko.. story of my life.

Being stuck on the same job doesn't help either, especially when it's ass like it is atm. Today is one of those days where I want to collapse, roll over and die.

ugh
 
Dear Anonymous,

Please, for the love of god, stop blasting your music! It's shaking the floor and, honestly, it's been nonstop lately! This apartment complex has thin walls and floors, and quite frankly, I can't stand the constant vibrations coming from down below me. I thought I was the only one who could hear it, but now my mom can also hear it. If I weren't so afraid to complain about it directly to you downstairs, I probably would have by now. This has to stop.
 
dear anonymous,

the world does not revolve around you. you can't expect everyone to worry only about you 24/7 when we're all dealing with our own problems, and you can't input yourself into every single conversation anyone else has because you want attention. i completely understand wanting attention, but you really need to calm it, and stop trying to get people involved in your problems when it's not even relevant to them at all. let people talk about themselves or their opinions once in a while instead of interrupting to complain about how your own life is worse. let people have conversations with each other instead of joining into every conversation and linking it to your own life by the tiniest thread of relevance.
 
da

Before you left to go back home, I really, really appreciated that talk we had. And this is something that I very much mean from the bottom of my heart. I didn't think anyone in the family would actually see life through my eyes and be able to openly talk with me about it like you did and be able to discuss the current state of things. I've been seeing these things for over 5 years, and I'm really happy that you are thinking of literally the exact things I see and are expressing the same thoughts I've had, even as much as getting down to almost the same words I've been repeating in my head for years and discussed in confidence with friends. While I hate talking about her behind her back, I know that something isn't right and that we both are seeing this when she doesn't. I'm also really happy that I was able to express the other sides of her stories that she's only given you the one side on, because now that you know the other half of the story, you can really see the position that I'm being forced into day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and how all of my friends are even starting to note this and are wanting to do something. I mean, yeah, he called her a bitch and walked out but while I think it was a tad too far, another small part of me says she rightfully deserved it because I'm tired of this. Sick and tired of this.

I hope that when you return we can have a part two of this conversation because I'm not sure how to fix this. I don't think anyone can but her, if she's even able to see this and be willing to, but at the same time I really need to have some kind of freedom here to go about this. Where can I start? What can I say or do? I'd really like answers from someone that knows her as well, if not better, than I.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I wish you cared about me an 1/8th as much as I cared about you. And I know you'll never even see this because you never tried to invest yourself in anything that I cared about. Our relationship has only ever been a one-way street and the only time you contacted me was if you needed something. When I broke down, crying on my phone about how I can't do this anymore, and that I'm hurting myself for you, you didn't even ask if I was okay.. You didn't even try to find out how I was doing. It's been a month since I talked to you last and I still feel the proverbial pressure of your thumb above me and your judgement looming on the horzon. And I still cant help but feel compelled to make you happy, to provide for and support you, to seek your approval at my own expense.

Worst still, you've eroded my sense of self so much that it took me years to become consciously aware of the fact that I would go running back to your manipulative bubble if I so much as engaged in conversation with you - despite the plethora of people telling me how dangerous and abusive you were. You controlled aspects of my life that I trusted you with, and you abused that trust and used it against me to morph me into someone who was not your relative, nor your friend, nor your peer. You wanted a loyal, controllable, and insecure clone of yourself. And I became just that because you exploited my devotion to family. You exploited my past traumas to your benefit, even if you don't realize you did it.

And you still never had the sense of responsibility to ask if I was okay. You took away my agency over my home, my finances, my relationship, my family, and my self esteem. Why? I loved you. I still love you. Why couldn't you even pretend to care about me? I sacrificed so much for you. Did you even like me as a person? The fact that that still matters to me makes me ill. Why did you do this to me?
 
Dear Anonymous,

I miss you. I miss what we had. And the truth is... it's all my fault. I liked you too, but I freaked out. And now look at where we are. We live right next to each other yet hardly even talk. I just hope down the road, you can forgive me, because I do still like you more than just a friend. I don't even want to be in a relationship... I just want to be friends again. But I can't tell you in person because I'm still too scared of ****ing things up again. Really, I just want to go back to when we were young... when all 5 of us would get together on a summer evening and play games until it was too dark to see. We're all grown up and busy now, but I just wish I had the courage to tell you how I feel.
 
DA,

You disgusting excuse of a human being. If you weren't my supervisor right now I'd have scolded the living shit out of you for pulling this shit off again. Wasn't the warning dad gave you enough to make you quit with this? Can't believe you keep on trying to make moves on my sister for over 2 years now.

She's far from your age you absolute wally. I can't even sleep right now cause of your garbage ass actions. Absolute muppet.
 
Dear Anonymous,

thanks for commenting on my thread. I didn't expect to start a conversation so soon. <3
 
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