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How do you gain confidence?

@007

You realize being confident doesn't mean being outgoing and social, right? Being confident means that you're sure about yourself and have faith that you're doing the right thing. That's it. It's not some sort of cult people want you to be. I'm extremely confident in myself and I hate social situations. Also, it doesn't mean being arrogant either. When someone argues with me, I'll be the first person to swallow my pride and admit that I wasn't 100% right and start looking to find a middle ground. I do that because I'm confident enough in myself that I know that I'm not being a pushover. I just think you have the wrong idea about what being confident is all about.

Anyway, if you want to try to be more confident, try spending more time naked in your room. I'm not even kidding. Scientists have done an actual study where people who spend more time naked in their room tend to be more confident than those who don't. If you're like me and don't want to spend a lot of time being naked, I think confidence just comes with age.

The older I got, the more self-confident I became. I think it's just a maturity thing and no matter how dark it might seem now, confidence will come. It's just a matter of time. :)
 
O07_eleven said:
Why do we want to be confident though? So others will accept us,
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Why do we want to be confident? So we can accept ourselves. That's why.

Dakota said:
Give zero ****s. Seriously, that's how I roll. Has it got me into trouble, yes, but it's also worked in my favor more times than I can count. Not the best method, but so long as I learn something from failure, then I'm fine.
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You usually need confidence in yourself to be able not to give a **** what other people have to say or think about you, though.
 
Ace said:
007_eleven said:
Why do we want to be confident though? So others will accept us,
Click to expand...
Why do we want to be confident? So we can accept ourselves. That's why.
Click to expand...
Really? Are you seriously going to do this to me? I write out an entire paragraph about this trying to explain this and all of a sudden Ace just comes skipping along and provides one statement that's much shorter than mine, but gets the point across so much better. Why do I even try?
 
Personally, I think confidence is something you're born with. You can't really build it.
 
I don't see myself as confident tbh. I try to act myself around people and sometimes I guess I'm confident, sometimes I'm not.
 
I've never been a confident person; always having issues with my self-esteem and self-image so it was hard to find something that would make me feel like confident individual. As materialistic and superficial as it may seem, a nice outfit does make me feel slightly better, but having the mentality of not caring what people think about me lately has helped considerably. I've learned to accept myself as I am.
 
I'm probably not particularly confident but I get by. A big question I ask myself when I come across something that concerns me is "why does that matter?"

In a lot of cases, I come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. If someone you don't know is going to think you're a prat for being yourself, let them. If your actions aren't going to harm anyone else, then all should be fine with doing whatever it is, without worries.

If you're not good at something, and there's no actual harm in trying it, try it. It's not a bad thing to be aware that you're not good at something, but it is a bad thing to let it stop you trying, I think.

Confidence CAN change. For better or worse. It's not some fixed thing you're stuck with or something you can take for granted, even. If you take enough knocks, you'll feel that confidence slipping, and likewise, it can be built back up!
 
How do we overcome a lack of confidence?
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Oh gosh this is something I really struggle with actually. I think that people assume I should be confident because of where I am in my life and I do get told that I am pretty- but sometimes it's just difficult to see it for myself. I think it could be due to the way I was conditioned by peers when I was younger, perhaps.

I try to remember to be me for me and not focus on negativity, but sometimes that can be really difficult.
I have been trying to remember to alter my posture lately and be more upright and try and mold myself by using my body just to exude more confidence (in hopes I will mentally emulate it too.)
And I've been trying to set more little goals for myself to try and be proud of what I can do.
Being independent and knowing I can do things for myself gives me confidence but it often becomes quite overwhelming.
I used to be taken advantage of a lot and I found that toughening up and being blunt and just putting my thoughts and feelings out there really helped too.

And most recently, I've been trying to get to bed earlier to have more sleep and a better mentality. And using that bit of extra time in the mornings to put on a bit of makeup and dress a little better instead of being groggy.

However I still really struggle and I constantly fight with not being good enough or comparing myself and I am not yet comfortable with my self image yet but I'm slowly getting there.
 
I'm confident, and I give zero ♥♥♥♥s.

Why? Because I'm comfortable with myself despite my flaws, and I couldn't care less about what others think of me as a human being.
 
You CAN learn to be confident and you don't need to "stop giving a ♥♥♥♥" in order to get it. This is something I've been working on for a long time and have noticed a huge difference in myself. A lot of people suggest "fake it till you make it" which is an important starting point. Look at how people react to you. Is it different whether you show your insecurities or if you act like your confident? Most of the time in casual situations there is no difference. But it takes guts and nerve to act even a little confident. You have to take it slow at first. Try to find small acts of courage to do, like asking a question in class that you may think will make you look stupid. Try looking a bank teller in the eye while smiling. These small actions can become routine. You'll be used to speaking up and facing people. That's what most of confidence is, just being comfortable in a situation. Now look around you, are people looking at you or treating you differently? Probably not. People don't notice little things like that. This means they're not judging you for acting different. You're not deviating from any social norm. When I first started trying to overcome my shyness and insecurities, my number one worry was that people would look at me weird or think I was strange for doing something that I don't normally do. But no was watching. This helped me turn things that were once difficult into routine, daily actions. Once you've build this foundation of confidence, you can start facing larger things and build up confidence more and more. It takes work, but if you can just jump in the first few times it will become easier.
 
I have a huge lack in confidence, motivation and everything really.

I have always hated how I looked and even more so now, I just really hate it and wish I could go back to being how I used to lock when I was younger and still skinny. I get told constantly by family how bad I look and how I need to change but that doesn't help me either, it just puts me back into my old habits of bad eating and being anti social. Which is another cause of my lack of confidence, I find it really hard to talk with people and spend most of my time on my own, even if I go out as a group I am most often stay away from the pack and go off alone, even at my recent work party I mostly stayed near the people I am used to and didn't go near anyone else at all.

I am trying to get more confidence though, started going gym, trying to stand up straight and not slouch so much, get up earlier for work rather than walking in having just woken up, just improve my life as a whole.
 
I think I'm a pretty confident guy - especially given certain... situations which would typically say otherwise, and I could write an essay on why I think I'm like this but it's like 2am and I'm gonna tl;dr it right here.

tl;dr, get used to doing things outside of your comfort zone. If things outside of your comfort zone are normal for everyone else, do something abnormal.

Lack of confidence comes from being uncomfortable in a situation - feelings of discomfort and self-conciousness lead to a lack of confidence. The vicious cycle with confidence is that people tend to stay in / be forced into their 'comfort zone' for too long so that when they come out, things that would be 'normal' for people to be comfortable with are things which they're uncomfortable with, and the perceived comfort of others makes it intimidating to step outside of our comfort zone and try our hand out at something everyone else seems to find totally normal. The mistake we're making here is that we're trying to gain confidence from the wrong things - things far too terrifying to be of any use to us at a stage where we lack confidence. We'll get stuck, discouraged, and demotivated almost instantly.

The solution I found for this is to try out things that aren't in anyone's comfort zone naturally. Things outside of social, academic, or whatever general issue you're having trouble with situations. Go do something unusual that no-one is automatically comfortable doing. I'm not saying "oh just get on with it and do what everyone else is doing" here - I'm talking about going way out there. Learn an instrument. Cook something weird. Shop somewhere no-one knows about. Learn an unusual, non-competitive sport. Build a computer. Start your own business. Teach someone something. Do things that a) don't revolve around your outward appearance, b) things that aren't a normal part of everyday life and, by extension, c) things that don't come naturally to anyone. All of these things are things which no-one expects you to be able to do, and when you find you can do them, you start to realise your incredible ability to adapt to totally unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations. Then take that realisation and apply it to everyday life. Suddenly you're doing things you never realised you could do - find socialising difficult? Now you're talking to people because you know you can do things you're not comfortable with. Wanna get fit but think you look stupid doing so? You probably didn't look great the first time you tried to do that weird thing, but that sure as hell didn't stop you. Being pretty, popular, smart, whatever, will not gain you confidence. Confidence stems from experience in trying new things and learning from them - things which, as I say, aren't to be expected of you. Get used to that and the sky's the limit.

...this is all imo, as a disclaimer. I feel strongly about what I've said here but it might not be right, and people might disagree. This is just what I think and what I've always lived by, haha.
 
Not everyone needs to like you, but you remember youre all awesome and adorable K?!
I was social awkward before it was cool...hehe. But now, all i do is try and talk to people, and, as long as i don't say anything too private,embarrasing or dumb, im doing well.
So, my advice is to socialize, might be scary at first but after a few times youll eventually find people to talk with. If you want, start by finding someone in common interests or joining a school club. It should give you a sense of relevance and you will feel much better because no one can laugh at you,after all, you love the same things, you get me? Also, for self-confidence, get up every morning, stand in front of a mirror and give yourself a pep talk: "You can do this, i can overcome my fears"...
Eventually, you'll start believing the words until you wont need the talk anymore and just...overcome the barriers in your head.
 
I think for me, I have the least confidence in things like my youtube channel, and I think it's in part because I'm judging my own performance pretty harshly, things like I know the video quality isn't great, there's times where the audio glitches out, I need to try and talk more instead of having durations of silence or "um"s.

I think when it comes to things like that, having advice from someone who has more experience with it can help boost confidence. And I mean like genuine advice; less "you need to do this, this, this" and more "you seem to be doing ok in these areas, what's something that's giving you trouble on this particular part?" and going from there. Course, by the same token, you have to want the advice and/or know where to go to find it as well.
 
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