I do all the work, And you just watch

Nah

Nah

  • Cherish Ball Zekrom Pokémon General General
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    • Age 32
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    Yeah, I'm kinda guilty of the never making the first move thing. Taking the initiative has never really been my thing, especially when it comes to conversations with people.
     
    I'm on the flip side of this. I'm an anxious person and beginning something freaks me out for irrational reasons. So I put things off and put things off and then I get more anxious because "I haven't contacted this person in a month they probably don't even want to talk to me anymore" and then never contact them at all.

    I hope I don't come off to anyone as too cool for them, I'm just too anxious.
     
    I made a facebook post about this so I'll just leave it here.

    "If every person has the mentality that someone will come to them, then no one will approach anyone."

    So I make it my choice to go to people first because I know many people seem to have their legs frozen and their tongues tied when they want to approach people.
     
    Oryx said:
    I'm on the flip side of this. I'm an anxious person and beginning something freaks me out for irrational reasons. So I put things off and put things off and then I get more anxious because "I haven't contacted this person in a month they probably don't even want to talk to me anymore" and then never contact them at all.

    I hope I don't come off to anyone as too cool for them, I'm just too anxious.
    Click to expand...

    Yep. There's the me. Ah, the illogicacies of being so fearful.

    I don't make the first move usually, but at the same time, I'm quite capable of doing so when I'm feeling bold. What I am is the person who makes the first move when nobody else does. Though it has to be a situation where initiative is absolutely necessary and nobody else is willing to step up to the place. I'm the last resort.

    Though again, I will get random bursts of bravery and boldness sometimes, particularly since I learn more and more that many others tend to hate having the initiative. You can't sit around and wait for things to happen forever, and I'm not getting any younger, or more patient, for that matter. So sometimes, I'll take the first step and damn the consequences. It's something I'm still cultivating though, but I hope one day to have super initiative. As my character develops, it certainly seems that I'm naturally meant to be that person.

    Especially since in conversations, many I've spoken to don't make much of an effort to continue it with interesting topics and just let it die. I often used to be the one who would try to facilitate it, but lately, I've just given up. If they can't be bothered to make the effort, why should I? It's not worth the stress of artificially having to think up topics or that pressure.
     
    Alfieri said:
    I made a facebook post about this so I'll just leave it here.

    "If every person has the mentality that someone will come to them, then no one will approach anyone."

    So I make it my choice to go to people first because I know many people seem to have their legs frozen and their tongues tied when they want to approach people.
    Click to expand...

    I've had more than one friend tell me that when they first met me, I was very intimidating, but I never really understood why. They say it's a combination of looking serious (I do look kinda, when I'm thinking to myself), as well as my looks. Obviously the latter is entirely subjective, but I digress.

    I really like this concept. I'll definitely try to approach others more if ever I do have the urge.
     
    Sometimes it's 50/50 but most of the time I let other people come to me first now. It weeds out people that are potential letdowns/not worth the time.
    If someone has similar interests to me and thinks the same as me after I watch them for a while though I'm more inclined to speak to them first. I have to "scout" people out and watch them for a while to figure out if it's even worth the talk to them.
    I believe friendships should be 50/50 though and I don't tolerate it when I'm always the one initiating conversation. And it also feels like they maybe don't want to be bothered with me. On the flip side, if they're too clingy and always talking to me first it pushes me away and annoys the daylights out of me.
     
    I will, occasionally, when I'm either not really thinking about it or feeling particularly self-confident, make the first move and contact someone first. But I am admittedly one of those people who waits for people to come to them most of the time.

    I have absolutely no self confidence a lot of the time; I feel that my presence is a nuisance and that I shouldn't really impose myself on people other than in a general sort of way. I have a right to exist, and I will assert that, but I won't force myself onto other people by contacting them when they didn't ask for (and probably didn't want) to talk to me in the first place. I mean, I probably wouldn't want to talk to me if I knew what I was like, and my opinion of myself is the only one I have to go on, really. I can't expect other people to put up with me when I can't put up with myself, can I?

    I know, that's a horribly negative mindset to have, and probably not true for a lot of people I would speak to, or do speak to, but...well, years of being made to feel that way by other people don't erase themselves overnight, and habits are hard to break. I've always been the sort of person who doesn't speak unless they are spoken to first, both online and in real life, as a result of this. It's just easier if I let other people decide how much they want to be associated with me, if at all. That way they don't have to tolerate me any more than absolutely necessary.

    I'm quite happy being a part of the background now and, whilst there are times when I would love to contact people and make the first move - there are a few people on here I'd like to do that with, actually - keeping quiet and letting people come to me if they want to is just a part of my nature now. I'm awful at starting conversations anyway. xD
     
    I don't even care about social contacts. I don't need people in my life in order to be happy. That said, I don't approach others - it's the other way around. It doesn't happen often, tho. Guess people are put off by my so-called "resting ***** face". Good for them.
     
    I don't approach others first. I think that's possibly because a lot of my friends enjoy being the ones to organise things, so it's really not that bad in my situation.
     
    I am incredibly anxious about approaching people in general, both in real life and online, and I'm always paranoid about them finding me to be a nuisance. But even so, I tend to be the one to take an initiative. Simply because I have a feeling others feel the same way and if I keep sitting around waiting, nothing will come out of it.
     
    I used to be more open to being the first one to engage in conversation, or generally make the first move, but over the years that has kinda changed. I reckon it stems from a fear of being rejected, due to a period in time where the person whom I considered my best friend would always seem to turn down any offers I had about hanging out, so eventually I just stopped asking him and would just wait for him to ask me. And that kinda branched out to most other situations as well, which has made it quite a bit harder to get to know new people.

    What Oryx mentioned also applies to me. I have several friends whom I don't see regularly anymore and as a result of that have kinda stopped talking to. I have them on Skype, but at this point I'd find it too awkward to be the one to contact them, and I'm afraid they wouldn't even be interested in talking to me anymore D:
     
    If I don't know you, I'm not making the first move. I just feel like I'm bothering you.

    If by whatever circumstance, I come to get to know you, then the opposite happens and I'm like

    [PokeCommunity.com] I do all the work, And you just watch
     
    I never really itch to talk to people idk, but for the sake of being more confident I've been making the first approach more often just to get used to it. It makes for good practice!
     
    I'm hella confident but I just can't be bothered to take the initiative. I love meeting new people but I have to be in the mood for doing something. It's nice when other people make the first move but after a while you feel kind of guilty because they are always making the first move and they might get the wrong notion that you don't like them.
     
    I'm somewhat passive and I'm not really good at taking the initiative. Whenever I did it turned out into a hugh mess, which made me feel even more uncomfortable in doing so. Instead I try to just throw some comments and hope somebody reacts and starts a conversation, which of course never really worked. ^^"
     
    I approach those I would feel comfortable about my personality with. Those who I think would be accepting of how I present I'm more than happy to talk to and bestow kindness on, but those who are as alpha or moreso than I am I tend to await initialization from. I try to be kind to everyone regardless of that, though I get nervous about benevolence towards those I don't approach on my own as my bounds are very dependent on theirs. :\
     
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