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'I Love You'

Kanzler

    • 5,971
    Posts
    16
    Years
    When in a relationship do you say it? What does it mean to you? Does it matter who says it first? Is it something easy for you to say, or do you take it more seriously and wait for a good time to say it? Do you think those three words add a lot of pressure in a relationship?
     
    I haven't been in a relationship before, but I imagine that it would be easy for me to say it if I love the person.
     
    I really hate to say it if I don't feel it and I really hate when the other person says it so quickly because I do feel pressured to say it back. Love means a lot to me and I do take it seriously. I guess it just takes a lot for me to be close and open with someone else and I still haven't been able to fully do that with anyone yet. There's a lot more to it, but it's really hard to explain and it feels pointless to post it here anyway.
     
    Every day I get the chance. It's really hard for me to understand what it means from my standpoint and hers, as our love is so far beyond it that it's just something we say without thinking about it. It's not that it doesn't mean anything, but it's not a heavy thing to say between Khilia and I at all, and time/place and pressure aren't things we worry about all too much.
     
    I've never experienced the weird issue of saying "I love you" before the other person is ready or having awkwardness of when to say it or anything. I just say it when it feels right and they say it when it feels right. I don't really understand all the talk about the awkwardness around it because it's never been an issue in my relationships.
     
    I say it when I mean it. I don't feel awkward when I mean something so...yeah. I don't think there's really a right time to say it. WELL. Okay, a week into a relationship, probably not best to say it, haha. But you know, I wouldn't tell someone when not to say it. Just say it when you mean it. And if you can't do it then, wait a while and if you still love them and know you mean it, tell'em.

    I'm so weird about that phrase though. I seriously won't say it to people I don't love. I don't even care if it's like a casual thing, I just...won't say it. Oddly enough, it makes some of my friends mad. But at the same time I don't want to expense my comfort to say something I don't feel just to please them. So...there's that.
     
    I've only said it once in a romantic context, so I don't have a variety of experiences to measure it against. I will say that I do think it entirely depends on the individual and how they're feeling in that relationship. I didn't bust out the "I love you" until much later in the game compared to my friends, but I waited until I wasn't nervous of the idea anymore. It's still one of my favorite memories with my boyfriend :)
     
    Oh god this is such a complicated topic haha. I tend to wait a little while before saying it- maybe a good 5-9 months. Though I feel like the wanting to say it might be there I don't want to say anything I'm not 100% of. Sometimes when it comes out to early in a relationship I feel as though its not genuine, and kinda hurts the relationship a bit. It means that I feel strongly for them and I'm willing to work things out if they ever go bad. It also means I'll be patient with them and I don't doubt my feelings for her will change anytime soon. Honestly, I don't really think it matters who says it first. I've been the first to say it in all my relationships I do believe. So thats just the trend for me haha. I've been in a situation where I've said ILY, and the girl not ready to say it back. It really cripples the relationship for a good time. The pressure builds, and truthfully I feel pretty taken back when it isn't said back. Just because of how careful I am about when to say it- It really confuses me, and makes me question the integrity of the relationship. Right now I'm in the same relationship and things are going pretty well for us, but she still hasn't said anything back yet. I do think about it at times, but not that much. She tells me I mean a lot to her and that she likes me a lot, but honestly I haven't felt like it's truly enough to compensate. I do feel pretty detached from her at times, but she is still really really still stuck on me. I do feel like she cares a lot for me, and that she does indeed love me back. It maybe just hard for her to express it into those words. It is definitely a heavy three words when they aren't returned them to you.
     
    I said it when I was about 3-4 months in my current relationship. I have not regretted it.

    To me it means "Holy crap I like you a lot more than everyone else and I really really hope you feel the same way about me" when it's said for the first time in a romantic relationship. Other times after that can translate to "There are times I want to punch your face but I'm going to give my affection instead because wowee you're hecka nice."

    Then again I'm only seventeen. Maybe I'll figure more stuff about it out as I get older.
     
    I hate to be technical, but I think there's a difference between telling someone you love them and telling someone you're in love with them. You can love anyone, but you only fall in love with a few people in your lifetime. You'll know the difference when you find that person, but until then a lot of people can't differentiate between the two even if they know that there is one.

    Being in love with someone is a much, much deeper thing. I can love someone pretty early on in our relationship, but I've only ever been in love with someone once and it was a much more different, stronger, and passionate thing than loving the others I've had in my past had been.
     
    My first relationship, it took me forever to say it. We had been dating for six months or around that long, and I knew I had strong feelings for her, so one day after school, I just randomly said it. Thankfully, she hugged me for like five minutes, said she did too, etc etc, it was such a great feeling to know that it was mutual, and someone cared about me as strongly as I did them. Now, I've also been on the other side of that spectrum, where I rashly said it to another ex who I hadn't been dating for long, and she didn't feel the same way, and that actually helped end our relationship. Not that I regret saying it, because after I did, and got rejected essentially, it made me realize that it wasn't the same feeling I had in my first relationship, when I truly meant it.
     
    Arago said:
    I hate to be technical, but I think there's a difference between telling someone you love them and telling someone you're in love with them. You can love anyone, but you only fall in love with a few people in your lifetime. You'll know the difference when you find that person, but until then a lot of people can't differentiate between the two even if they know that there is one.

    Being in love with someone is a much, much deeper thing. I can love someone pretty early on in our relationship, but I've only ever been in love with someone once and it was a much more different, stronger, and passionate thing than loving the others I've had in my past had been.
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    ^basically sums up my thoughts on this. I use the words 'I love you" all of the time. I say it to my friends, family, and my pets. Doesn't mean that I'm in love with either of them haha. I can't say that I've ever been in love with someone enough to mean it on a deep emotional level though. I suppose I'll know when the time comes.
     
    I pretty much second Arago's understanding of the term well third.

    In saying that though, I won't be in a relationship with you unless I'm already in love with you, so I have no problem saying it from the get go. I think it is important to express how much we care for our SOs from the very beginning to make sure they know they are the most special person to us.

    Oh God I'm such a sap.
     
    If I tell someone I love them, I 100% mean it. My best friends and family get those words, but I don't tell people I love them willy-nilly. I have to mean it and to mean it, I HAVE to be willing to go to great means to help/assist/be there for them beyond what I'd do for others. So if you've heard me say, "I love you", then I mean it! :)

    Like Arago said however, if I tell a girl that I'm in love with her, then it's something I really mean and really feel. I'd do anything for a girl I'm in love with. All she would have to do is ask and I'd be there. Being in love is sharing things I'd never share with anyone else, expressing my truest feelings and allowing them full access to...my soul. I want/desire to share and experience everything with that girl and I want them to know what I feel, not hide it away.
     
    I always feel awkward saying 'I love you' no matter the circumstance.

    Love is an awkward subject for me in general and I don't find much ease in expressing it. I think the only person I have an easy time saying that to is my roommate. That'd be about it, I think. If a family member says it first it's usually easier for me to say it, but otherwise I'm just kinda... stuck, for lack of better word. Ahaha. I don't like feeling obligated to say it as I really want to mean it, though.
     
    Oryx said:
    I've never experienced the weird issue of saying "I love you" before the other person is ready or having awkwardness of when to say it or anything. I just say it when it feels right and they say it when it feels right. I don't really understand all the talk about the awkwardness around it because it's never been an issue in my relationships.
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    i agree on this, its just a matter of saying it when you feel the time is right and them saying it when they feel the time is right, whether that's in the first week, or 1 year into the relationship doesn't matter, since the time that is right changes depending on the person
     
    No... it's just an odd thing to come out with. Like, I don't find times to tell my friends 'I like you'.
     
    I've only really been in one serious relationship to date, but I knew fairly early on that I loved her. I wanted to hold out for the right time, however (because I was fairly certain she only thought it was casual). When I did let it slip out, I was so relieved that she reciprocated the sentiment. :D

    Moral of the story, wait long enough so you know that your partner probably feels the same way, but not so long that you let the relationship fizzle out. XD
     
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