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Serious @ LGBTQIA+ - Are you out of the closet?

professor plum

professor plum

  • Heavy Ball Master Ball Beast Ball Strange Ball
    • 12,111
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    If you are out of the closet:
    • How old were you when you came out?
    • How did it go?
    • How many people know?
    • Do your parents know?

    If you're not out:
    • Why not?
    • Do you have any plans to eventually come out?

    (Will answer in depth in an actual post)
     
    No.

    And the answer "No" it self is very in depth.
    No hate.
     
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    How old were you when you came out? like 15 lol.
    How did it go? I have had a lot of mixed reactions, ranging from knowing before I told them, not batting an eye, to utter shock and confusion
    How many people know? uhhhh a lot
    Do your parents know? yes
     
    uhhh where do I start...

    mostly no? I told my sister at best and although she took me seriously and said something to the effect of "oh I knew this whole time", I'm not sure she really understood or really fully grasped the gravity of what I told her. she never really brought it up or wanted to talk about it either in any of the subsequent times I've met up with her, so I mean... I guess it's not a big deal to her, I dunno.

    as far as my parents go, nope. they don't have the education or the background or knowledge of that kind of stuff. and quite frankly, im afraid for what happens if they do know. less so my dad than my mom, since my father hasn't been in my life for quite a few years now, but my mom might take a bit hard. or not at all, since she once said she doesnt care if im gay, but I dunno. being transgender is a whole different area that im not sure how she'll take, so...

    and honestly? I don't have many plans to come out, not anytime soon. i feel there has to be a right time for it, and with how crazy things are in my mom and I's lives, it's not really beneficial to tell her anything. not as of right now. maybe eventually down the road when things calm down a lot, but definitely not now.
     
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    Some people irl know. Mostly friends and my sister at most. Also one of my cousins because we discussed it while she was visiting and I brought up my stance to her. It's something that I'll tell my parents and brother possibly in the future but ... not now. There's so much going on and so much other things that I and my mom and others need to deal with that we don't need another potential serious issue on our plate, as I don't think my Mom would take it very well? I think she's still having trouble with my cousin coming out so maybe when she's more relaxed and I know that she's completely accepting of my cousin would I consider.
     
    Asexual + Aromantic and have felt this way for as long as I can remember.

    It's not something I think about much at all either. My interests are just in other places. Occasionally someone in my family will ask why I'm not pursuing a relationship, which is slightly annoying because it feels like some sort of obligation. At points in high school I felt out of place at times, since sex and relationships are 50% of what others talk about.

    I try to stay open minded, so my ideas could change. It just doesn't occupy my thoughts.
     
    I came out as bisexual to my parents when I was 13. In hindsight, I was more confused than anything. The whole Tumblr mindset of hyper-defining one's sexuality at a very early age led me to act before I was at a place where I could truly label anything. I ultimately took it back and said "oh wait no im still figuring it all out". However, as time went on, I kept liking men! I never really had to officially re-come out later on to friends and family, as I was always in an in-between area of sorts, so when I eventually did express my feelings/enter relationships, no one questioned anything. I am fortunate enough to be in an accepting environment, so it's not really a secret, but I do not plan on telling my extended family anytime in the near future.
     
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    Yeah, I'm out. I didn't really make any effort to hide it from friends growing up and I guess my brother always knew, but I didn't... bother telling my parents until I was 26 and had a girlfriend, lol. I don't think they really understood when I said I was bisexual and just think I'm gay because lol all bisexual people are just confused so... I assume I'll have to come out again if I ever have a boyfriend. Anyway, it went well! Both parents were okay with it and I knew they would be. I only hadn't mentioned it prior since it just didn't feel like a big deal and I didn't see the point unless I had a girlfriend.

    Alas I think I'm technically out to my mom's side of the family too since I'm pretty sure she told her dad and/or everyone else? I don't know for sure but the first time I saw them all (they live on the other side of the country), everyone was asking super leading questions but I was tipsy at my cousin's wedding so I didn't realize until like months later that they were trying to get me to talk about my girlfriend lol. But like, it was an online relationship that spanned an ocean (although we'd met irl by that point) and that seemed way more awkward to explain than being queer so I probably wouldn't have said much even if I'd realized lol. But their weird interest kinda confirms I'm The Gay Cousin, at least, hahaha.
     
    Tyler, you'll find this funny! I was sorta dragged out of the closet when my parents found the letters I was going to send to Faustino, LMAO. I had left them in my room when I went to take a drink, and I came back to my mother rather furiously reading through the poorly written pages of adolescent gay scribblings, lol. I laugh, because that's how I deal with everything, but it was pretty fucking bad. Coming out to them was something that wasn't really my choice - I basically kept dodging the question for a couple of hours, and finally sat down and told them What I Am. Cried and got yelled at, so on and so forth. My parents, my father in particular, were devout Catholics that adhered to a philosophy that is... let's just say, in their eyes, God does not possess any sense of toleration when there's plenty o' damnation to be doin', lol. A few days later, after barely any communication, I was asked if I was still 'that way', since I won't use the actual words, lmao. I certainly was! Once again, did not go down well. Siblings were sent to stay with a family friend for a few days while the parents had their in-house explosion! And so I was not allowed to go to the church he ran (we didn't have a priest in the town for a while, so in his arrogance, Father was... Father, lol), banned from talking to any Good Catholics in town, was withdrawn from school for three months, had my computer/phone taken away, etc. Basically, I was isolated in an attempt to spiritually cleanse me, lmao. Even brought in someone from the bigger churches in the city to try some praying the gay away on a weekly basis, lmao. To say he was angry was... an understatement. Though he relented after a few months because concerned churchgoers were inquiring, he never let go of it. Luckily, as I've said on here many times before, he had the good sense to die a couple of years later. Mother has changed her mind in the years since she was freed of my father's influence, even seeking forgiveness and such, but she's done a fair bit of relapsing in the last couple of years and so I have questions about her sincerity there.

    My younger siblings are all fine, though I have another brother who is seeking to become a clone of his father and so I don't give one flying fuck what he thinks. My aunt is a hag in the best way, and she's basically the only extended family who is fine on the topic, lol. My grandparents pretend to be tolerant while I've seen texts that say otherwise and my extended family might as well be the mutants from The Hills Have Eyes if their statements are anything to go by.

    On the other side of things, I've never had any issue when it came to the people I personally cared to divulge it to, and I've been openly living as a gay whatever since the day after high school finished, lol. Probably because I'm just so charming! Once I was free to stop appeasing the forced social circle of the last few years, I had almost no troubles from anyone in my age group. They prefer to lobby for laws that'll fuck over gay people, not say slurs to their faces, lmao. Well, mostly. I've been jumped a couple of times in the past, but as my town has had rather drastic population growth in the last few years, such overt actions aren't tolerated to any extent nowadays. Haven't heard of any acts like that happening in five years at a minimum. Those who tried to jump me underestimated how bulky I am, and I doubt they seriously intended to hurt me considering they ran pretty quickly once I pushed them off (both times), and nothing of the sort has happened since, regardless of where I've lived. Otherwise, it's fine. It's been years since I cared at all what people thought on the subject, and while I definitely believe I've had issues from being a somewhat feminine kinda gay (I can think of a couple of employers, one lecturer, a few interactions with randoms), it's been some time since someone has nutted up and came at me for it, lol. I bring my boyfriend around a lot and even my mother adores him, lol.

    Like everything else in my life, I always end up being the winner. I never lose. It's just what God said has to happen, sorry!
     
    Yes I am, finally completely out to practically everyone I meet that really takes any benefit from knowing.

    AKA My friends, mom, and almost everyone at my workplace knows.

    I've gotten very good at casually dropping it, which I didn't used to be comfortable with, but some people seem to know before I tell them just because I'm a girl who looks way more like a boy, and then over time they hear me drop that I have a girlfriend. lol

    Mind you, only a handful of people know that I technically identify more comfortably as male, but I get misgendered as a guy a lot by ppl in public, and some coworkers and friends know, and they don't care, so that's all I really care about there. A few guy friends at work know, and they had already started calling me "bro" prior to finding out, so it didn't phase them. I laugh at that, tbh.

    I'm fine with people seeing me as just a boyish girl, though, as I don't plan to change my physical gender. I'm okay 90% of the time.
    I just call myself gay and I'm done w/ it, because the rest of it all to complex to bother with fighting other ppl to grasp it all. LOL

    Oh! At the other question, I was in high school when I first hinted to people I liked girls. My mom said she knew for a while, and my grandpa didn't care. P sure one of my friends knew I was into them, but in general I kept it to myself and didn't officially tell friends until I was in my 20's - like I denied it or something? Honestly, I think I was confused because I'm bi, so I spent years going back and forth in my head, feeling like I had to pick one - and I would've rather picked straight. It was even more confusing because I feel male (that my mom didn't respond well too but lol), so when you like guys you struggle with that level, and I felt like I had to force myself to be more girly for them? but when you like girls.. you're physically female too. It was a mental mess, and I'm surprised I'm alive, because at a few points, I didn't want to be, until I decided WOW TIME TO STOP CARING, and I was like 25-ish when that finally started happening, so I've really only been gaining a feeling of being comfortable for a few years now.

    Nowadays, I like who I like, generally appear as more male than female, and if guys do like that sorta thing, then hey - but I don't plan to change for anyone.
     
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    Aro/Ace - I've had some doubts, but everything is pointing to I'm just being paranoid and that's the best way to describe what I am, so I'm going with that.

    I don't remember how long ago it was that I told my mom - we are very close. :love: She's completely accepting. (Although, she hasn't seem to have accepted that I'll never have a romantic partner - but then again, I'm not exactly ruling it out, I just have no plans to date around. She worries about who'll care for me when she's gone.)

    I told my dad (he and my mom are divorced since I was little, I visit/keep in contact but don't live with him) a few years ago, I think. We were talking about a magazine cover we'd seen in Target that some celebrity was bisexual, I segued it into talking about sexualities and dropped that I was asexual. I was a bit more worried in his case - he's openly talked about supporting gay people, but I felt like he might be one of those you don't need a bunch of complicated labels (i.e. anything other than gay or straight) types. However, this was not the case - he basically said he respected that and hasn't made a big deal of it since.

    One person important to me who doesn't know is my maternal grandmother (Granny), who lived with me through childhood and is like another parent to me. I'm not sure if it qualifies as being in the closet so much as just not feeling like explaining the concept to her. :shifty-eyed: It's not like she'd react terribly, she'd probably just make a joke out of it - but what's the point in going out of my way to talk about it to someone who wouldn't understand? As far as whether I even want to...I feel about the same way about this that I feel about, say, not showing her the stories I write - I feel perfectly fine not telling her, but it's hard to accept the idea of never telling her. :( She's very healthy, but she is over 80, so I do mean never...

    I've never told my extended family. Honestly, I'm not very close to them - not because I dislike them for any specific reason, but because that's just how I am. :/ I just see them at holidays and birthday parties and sometimes tell funny stories about getting lost in the woods or how the fast food restaurant near my house is terrible, okay?
     
    How old were you when you came out? 13 when i came out about my sexuality, or what i thought it was at the time. i'm unsure what it is right now. still trying to find a label that fits me. i came out about my gender identity this year, very recently. like early february.

    How did it go? no one in my family really calls me by skylar except for my dad. if anyone else in my family really knows of my gender identity (i dont have a whole lot of family added on my family account ironically enough) they don't really acknowledge it. my little sister believes in my gender identity, but she still calls me her sister and my by deadname (birth name). my mom doesnt really understand it. my boyfriend's mom knows and she calls me by skylar (even though she found out my birth name by an old post my mom shared on facebook) and tries her best to use gender neutral pronouns with me, so i appreciate that a lot. all of caleb's family calls me skylar because that's what i introduce myself as to them.

    How many people know? i don't know. as far as i know immediate family and some of my moms friends. and all of my internet friends.

    Do your parents know? yes. my mom doesn't really understand it and still calls me by my birth name. my dad knows and calls me skylar and i appreciate that a lot.

    i'm not really "out" irl. 2 of my irl friends here know and are understanding and supportive and call me by skylar which i appreciate. but i have a habit of calling myself by my birth name over the phone and when ordering stuff in restaurants if they need my name because i am too scared. i live in the south so..idk how accepting they would be. i am terrified of being beat up or something. i plan to be "fully" out when i move in with my boyfriend eventually because where he lives, that state is more accepting.

    so yeah fun. also as far as i know im the only open lgbtq+ member in either side of my moms family i believe. no one really acknowledges it. it sucks. i'm too scared to correct anyone because i know people will start asking questions and i am not good at articulating myself irl.
     
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    Her said:
    Tyler, you'll find this funny! I was sorta dragged out of the closet when my parents found the letters I was going to send to Faustino, LMAO. I had left them in my room when I went to take a drink, and I came back to my mother rather furiously reading through the poorly written pages of adolescent gay scribblings, lol.
    Click to expand...
    Oh my god, a letter to Faustino?!?! dfjsdfalksdjfa

    as for me...I tried to come out to my mom when I was 12/13, and she insisted I was too young to know what I was talking about. It wasn't until they found pornographic material of the homosexual variety on my computer when I was 17 that we discussed it further. At the time, I had my first boyfriend, so...for me, it was the perfect opportunity to mention to them I now had a boyfriend!

    I actually tried coming out to my good friends IRL when I was 13. One of them wound up telling a guy I thought he was cute, and suddenly everyone made fun of me for being gay. I will never forgive her for outing me before I was ready. I didn't officially come out to my friends IRL until I was in high school. It was fun.

    My closest friend at the time actually had a crush on me at the time, and thought I was asking initially asking her out. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the year. [It was our senior year of HS]. She exploded one afternoon in Spanish class and told me she could not believe I would be so selfish, and told me she was praying for me to turn back.

    A few others had a come-to-Jesus meeting with me, and presented a paper with several Bible verses admonishing homosexuality.

    They eventually got over it.

    I'm out to all of my mother's side of the family; not really sure nor do I care about my father's side of the family. I post enough gay ass photos on my Facebook profile page. (PS my dad still gets pissed each and every time I do so, and is like "tyler.. we had an agreement about not posting that kind of stuff.")

    Coming out is a nonstop process. As long as people assume being straight is the default, we will have to continue coming out. These days it's as simple as my boyfriend and I being in public together, getting dirty looks, etc.
     
    On the subject of coming out: it's one of the many reasons I actually really detest being transgender.

    I dunno if "detest" is even the right word. But it's a feeling of defeat at the same time. I feel more envious of my gay friends because, although there's certainly risk to coming out as gay, in the best of cases, most people already know that you don't change anything fundamentally about yourself, and they just... accept that. You're still you on the inside and on the outside. My biggest problem is that when coming out as trans (whether mtf or ftm), it's essentially saying to people that have known you for who you are on the outside their entire lives that you're going to change your entire outward appearance to reflect who you really and truly are.

    I oftentimes feel like that's a far more difficult pill to swallow. If Bob comes out as gay, he's still Bob on the inside and out, he just likes guys. If Bob is transgender mtf and preferred to called Sabrina and plans to go through the mountainous effort to transition, that's dropping a whole different kind of bomb. This is what has bothered me so much. If I was simply gay, I know my life would go swimmingly right now because my mother has stated to me that she doesn't care if I'm gay, she'll let me live my life etc and my sister is pretty accepting. But... not everyone is educated on the intricacies of what being transgender entails. It's the biggest weight I have my on my shoulders, and, to be honest, that's what I hate more than anything else. How do I explain it? How do I explain that I've never felt comfortable in what I see in the mirror? How do I explain to everyone who I have ever known my entire life who has only known the person on the outside to refer to me as the person on the inside?

    I truly don't mean to come across in a weird way if I have, but this is kind of an issue I've internalized for years and it has bothered me so fucking much. Do I just cut myself off from my family out of fear of their reactions? I truly just don't know what to do. I know it'd be devastating for me to do so (moreso my immediate family because I rarely ever talk to my external family so that hurts significantly less), and it'd likely hurt them, too. it's more than just being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I'm literally squished between a highly likely lose/lose situation with either option resulting my life probably changing forever for the worse.

    Maybe there's a silver lining to all of this. There's a chance (although, very slim) that my mom wouldn't care about me coming out as trans. Her likely response is that even though she wouldn't fully understand it, she'll support me regardless. But the thought still remains.... what if she doesn't?
     
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    Nah, My family is very religious and i witnessed what happened to my cousin when he came out, he lives pretty far away now but he shows up to family reunions and his mom was accepting unfortunately my parents have told me they don't like gay people and harassed me about not being gay because its "Nasty"
     
    *sigh* I'm transfemale and lesbian, and I kept denying it for years before finally accepting it when I was twenty-four. I came out to my parents shortly after...and I wish I hadn't. Neither was accepting. My mom is Reformed Jewish; my dad is a born again Christian. They never accepted my explanation. My dad pointed a recently-bought pistol at me in February of 2015. And I went into a psych ward and bounced around from group home to group home, my mom said that she'd rather see me unhappy than me undergo gender-reassignment surgery/estrogen. After my near-death experience from a suicide attempt that left me permanently disabled on June 1st, 2015, I eventually left my parents' house after my dad threatened to end his marriage after telling my mom (with me in hearing distance, no less) that "it's the f***** or me."

    Eventually, I never brought it up ever again because I knew what would happen. My four-year-old nephew will never know my true self. My grandparents don't know. My cousins don't know. My siblings know, and they don't acknowledge me as anything other than my deadname.

    Only my online friends really know and accept me. Ironically enough, a football forum - which is nearly all men - is accepting of me, which only paints my parents in a more damning light.

    I just wish my family loved me as much as my friends.
     
    Can I just say, to everyone who's not out just yet, please hang in there, because you don't know how your life will change!
    And in the coming years you could just find yourself out, and more content, so don't give up on who you are.
     
    Her said:
    just come out as the real kidnapper of maddie mccann and then do the classic bait and switch to defuse the situation

    'tbh dunno where that girl is but i'm trans! don't you feel better after hearing that?'
    Click to expand...

    I'm going back in time and using this
     
    Definitely not in real life. Only one of my close friends know and that's because we were having a very deep conversation late at night and it just came up. I'm comfortable with who I am but I just don't really know how to bring it up in conversation or find the right time and place to do it so I've held off on coming out for a while. I remember telling some online friends first since at least on the internet, people are a lot more open and comfortable about expressing their sexuality. So far everyone has been supportive but a little surprised, I'm happy it went well though! I'm also holding off on telling people as I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I identify myself as. For years I just identified as bi but I have gone through a lot of fluctuations and confusion - there were points where I thought I was completely straight or gay and just confused.

    So yea no immediate plans but hopefully sometime in the future I'll be cool to tell most people once I figure out what's going on properly. No idea what I'll say to my parents as they're very conservative and I am almost certain my dad is homophobic but I'll have to think about what I'm going to say to them if I do end up dating a girl later on. I remember being in denial and uncomfortable with my sexuality for a while because I feared my parent's reaction but thankfully have embraced it now and am happy with it regardless of their reaction. Maybe one day I'll tell them but not for now
     
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