Long Distance Relationships.. Do they work ?

[IStreamSandwich]

Hey guys! So, i've been asking about in a few different places for people's success and failure stories about long distance relationships they've either been in, or seen.
I am currently in a relationship with a girl from Ohio (Me being from England) and it's going great! We literally skype every day and even when we aren't, we're messaging via facebook.
Technology these days really helps in situations like this.

So yeah, i would like your opinions, horror stories, success stories and anything else you'd like to throw out there.

(Also, if anybody would like to assist me, please share this page on any social media you have! Thankyou https://www.gofundme.com/stephenandcassandravisa )

 

[Entermaid]

In my response I will answer the question objectively, as if you hadn't divulged any of your own personal information, in doing so, I will be honest and objective/detached.

I would estimate that the online, long-distance relationship success rate is low, even with Skype. Probably a lower rate than the chances a flirt/date will end up in long-term relationship.

The "love" often is more fantasy than reality, similar to, if not more so than the "honey moon" dating phase. There is no interaction with this person and one's friends, strangers, and family, and the small issues that test the temperament of each individual is virtually non-existent given the non physical/environmental interaction. Observing and experiencing interaction among ourselves, our dates, and other person is an important component to attraction. Without it, we likely assume or hope the person could mesh well in our lives.

Additionally, there is a higher tendency of deception. Deception is used intentionally and inadvertently to demonstrate value to a potential partner. When given more of an opportunity, we have a higher tendency to act on an opportunity to "get away with" increasing our perceived value. It's not unusual, for instance, for a person to come across more or less extrovert or high maintenance online than in-person. Though we don't always purposefully affect our behavior online, we sometimes are able to more easily conceal our weakness and develop artificial strengths within this virtual environment. (We only get a second hand account for what has taken place in their lives. We don't experience the things they do from our perspective or others perspectives.) Is there really compatibility? (It's difficult to know.)

Generally, I would advise online dating as a means of meeting a person physically, at which time courting would begin. Love should not even begin as a possibility prior to experiencing a person in reality rather as online relationship simply involve both partners attempting to convey themselves and their reality, subjectively.

 

[Beloved]

I am in a long distance relationship right now. Have been for nearly a year, and it kills me. Each day I don't get to be with my boyfriend hurts. I visit him, or he visits me, but that is only once every few months, and I never want to let him leave. I used to live with him, before we were together, and then I left my ex-wife for various reasons, and he was there for me. I always felt closer to guys than girls, but I only had one other boyfriend before him, so I was scared it wasn't going to work out.

So far it is though. We write each other each week, and talk whenever we can. I plan on moving him up here before next year, so I am saving as much as I can'.

Things can work out, but it is up to both people to be honest and open about it.

 

[Taemin]

Aaah, this only has two replies, so I think I'll share my two cents.

I used to be real caught up in dating online, and for years it was okay with me, falling in and out of a few long distance relationships. In the end, though, there's no real pay off unless one of you have the money to visit the other person. If not, and there's point in the foreseeable future that you can even see each other, there's not a huge point.

At one point, I was dating someone online, and we both agreed that it was such - online. As in, if we met someone we wanted to be with offline, then we'd go for it, and not let someone on the internet tie us down from experiencing a physical relationship.

While it can be a nice feeling for a while, it's almost not worth the pain of never be able to see them, and knowing that you might never be able to. When I was younger it was just nice at the time, but I didn't expect them to last.

Now days, I prefer physical offline relationships, and any online crushes would be just that - something that stayed strictly online.

That's not to say that I don't believe they can be successful, I've known some friends who've made them work for years, and visit each other all the time. It's possible. That sorta thing just is not for me. I will never have the money to go to meet someone, and that's the make or break part of it, for me.

 

[Ultraviolence]

I've been in a few long-distance relationships and they aren't for me at all. I need physical contact with my partner, or it should feels dead for me. This is just my preference though, nothing wrong with long distance relationships. However my current relationship is on the verge of becoming long distance and it is daunting.

I hope you and your girlfriend enjoy what you have though. Clearly it's working for you both!

 

[Aj Harold]

I have been in a long distance relationship on Facebook! I used to date with her a lot During 2011 but now i found her account deactivated and never found or heared about her again!

 

[Yukiyo Kayume]

I don't think they can work out (unless you get incredibly lucky); it's just too easy to lie or cheat on someone, and it takes years to truly get to know a person in real life. Even then, they can turn out to be someone you didn't know at all.

It's very risky and not worth it.

That said, anyone who is currently pursuing an online relationship, please be careful and remember that there is a chance it might not work out. I wish you luck though. :)

 

[Evyl]

I like LDRs, but I hate LDRs. 3/3 LDRs have ended on bad terms with me. Fortunately, I knew the people really well and I'm still talking to all of them. But it's just hard with conflicting timezones and the inability to touch and communicate without words.

And unless you can meet up irl and live together some day, they're never going to last.

 

[Exothermic]

The main problem I have with long distance relationships is that most of them rarely come to fruition. As a matter of chance, this should provide us with enough pause before embarking on an online relationship.

The previous long distance relationship I had did not last beyond the honeymoon period. We actually hit off really well at first and my initial perception was that the person came off as likable. However, when I got to really know that person, I began to see more than meets the eye. And that's when I realized the person I was so in love with was not the person I had originally thought them to be. That's the beauty of the internet, since it allows us to offer a deceptively idealized reflection of ourself.

 

[Raine]

Speaking based on observation and how I perceive long distance relationships, I think they could work for some people who enjoy the distance and the sense of missing each other. Although I would like to mention that I hope those who do engage in LDRs don't get too hopeful because like Yukiyo stated, it could not work out.

For instance, although it doesn't directly relate to the LDR topic, my ex-boyfriend and I used to be together nearly 24/7 during high school, which could have actually put some strain on our relationship. That being said, the times when we placed distance between each other the feelings that I had for him started appearing again. It was almost like I was conditioned to the point where I thought to myself being close to him was absolutely necessary at all times.

That being said, LDRs could potentially work for some and to those people, I commend you for your loyalty, patience and wish you all the best! :D

 

[Hatsune Mika]

Aaah, this only has two replies, so I think I'll share my two cents.

LOL XD That's why I liked it lol.

But like Leo, here is my two cents.

I have been in multiple long distance relationships, the shortest one I had was 11 miles away, literally one town over. I generally got into long distance relationships because not always can someone just pick up and move to a new place to find that one, also if it's a bad relationship it doesn't have as much attatchment as a real one, but it can.

I don't flame it, nor do I completely support it, but it is a way to find that someone when you can't do it physically.

 

[Kanzler]

Some people thrive with physical intimacy. They might need the physical presence of the person to really feel connected to them. The idea of getting to know someone through texts or even Skype feels empty to me. I like the idea of experiencing things in the flesh - there are a million little things, like posture, the way they react to certain things in the environment, the way they eat, etc, that construct the way I feel about someone.

 

[Raine]

Some people thrive with physical intimacy. They might need the physical presence of the person to really feel connected to them. The idea of getting to know someone through texts or even Skype feels empty to me. I like the idea of experiencing things in the flesh - there are a million little things, like posture, the way they react to certain things in the environment, the way they eat, etc, that construct the way I feel about someone.

I hope you don't mean to say that you have certain pet peeves regarding the little details about someone \: Though I do agree with you in that you can learn much more from interacting with them face-to-face and in the flesh, rather than through the computer screen. Assuming that couples who are in LDRs live miles away (or countries apart) from each other and rarely meet annually, those adventurous enough and believe the risk is worth taking may have found their life partner. And to reiterate my position on LDRs, I personally would not engage in long-distance because that's just my preference, but I have nothing against individuals meeting others online; it can open more opportunities for those who have been unfortunate in finding their significant other during their search thus far.

 

[Kanzler]

I hope you don't mean to say that you have certain pet peeves regarding the little details about someone \: Though I do agree with you in that you can learn much more from interacting with them face-to-face and in the flesh, rather than through the computer screen. Assuming that couples who are in LDRs live miles away (or countries apart) from each other and rarely meet annually, those adventurous enough and believe the risk is worth taking may have found their life partner. And to reiterate my position on LDRs, I personally would not engage in long-distance because that's just my preference, but I have nothing against individuals meeting others online; it can open more opportunities for those who have been unfortunate in finding their significant other during their search thus far.

On the contrary! My personal (recent) experience with the "little things" is that they add so much more to understanding someone :3 Split-second body language reactions, yo. HNNNGGGGGG.

What I was describing with the previous post is all the subconscious actions and behaviours that we don't explicitly pick up and talk about. I think a lot of interaction happens below the surface, and it's hard to get that if you're not in the flesh. How else do you feel the comfort/tension of maneuvering in each others' personal space? Not sexual, by the way - more so that game of wordlessly figuring out the best way to walk side by side, for example. I recommend you play it (although you probably already have).

 

[LoudSilence]

Hm. I suppose it's possible to say that a relationship can be built online.

To think that it would culminate into love, however, is unlikely (I'd even venture to say impossible). No matter how you define it, love can only really be determined after spending a prolonged period of time in the company of a person, seeing all of their faults and imperfections and knowing through experience that you are willing -- perhaps happily so -- to deal with it due to your feelings.

It's easy to proclaim it during the "infatuation/passion" phase (which a lot of people confuse with love), but can it really mean anything unless you have a thorough understanding their character and their compatibility with your own? How can you come to this conclusion unless you have seen them on both their best and worst days when you cannot merely sign off a chat program?

That said, best of luck. I hope when you two do meet, you'll both be everything the other wanted.

 

[Corvus of the Black Night]

It can work. My brother made it work and he's very happy. I couldn't see myself doing it though. I require physical contact or else I get very lonely.

 

[Dominick AKA Dom]

No.

Because if you can't meet each other *EVEN* once, it's doomed. Because how you write is different from how you speak. Your picture might not look like you and it might change her opinion about some aspects of you & ETC

 

[Raine]

No.

Because if you can't meet each other *EVEN* once, it's doomed. Because how you write is different from how you speak. Your picture might not look like you and it might change her opinion about some aspects of you & ETC

I suspect that people in long-distance relationships would eventually want to meet each other, not carry out living their lives together through a computer screen or however they communicate with each other. Though I do agree with you on the potentiality that people can easily lie about their physical appearance, status, etc. on profiles, using video message software like Skype, which is a popular method these days, could easily remove that threat. I think you're looking at the LDR situations and this discussion as though they're in the beginning stages, looking through dating profiles and selecting prospective partners. From my perspective, and in my opinion, this discussion looks at the already cemented LDRs that have gotten past those hurdles.

 

[SaturnGreed]

No.

Because if you can't meet each other *EVEN* once, it's doomed. Because how you write is different from how you speak. Your picture might not look like you and it might change her opinion about some aspects of you & ETC

I think you talking about online relationship and not long distance relationship. Long distance relationship can work and have worked.

 

[Bounsweet]

I've been in a long distance relationship for three years now! o:

We met online (a Pokemon forum, actually lol) but only occasionally messaged each other for a half a year or so just as casual acquaintances, we found out we had a lot of mutual friends in common and started talking much more in Skype group chats and such until we became more comfortable with talking much more frequently and exchanging phone numbers to text each other. That went on pretty heavy for about a month or two until he asked me out on a whim when we were seniors in high school, and I said yes!

We have had a lot of strain in our relationship, like, a lot. But, we see each other about 2-3 times a year (his aunt works at the airport, so we lucked out there since she gets us great deals for airfare), and we're beginning to make plans to close the distance with him moving here. But, college is a thing so that makes it a little more difficult to move here right off the bat.

So, I can vouch that long distance relationships can work, as it's going pretty well for me right now.