[Life] Mental health club

[Megan]

do you want me to delete my account
joining pokeforums was a goddamn mistake if so

Um, that's not what they said, though!

Honestly, the only advise I can give you is to look for people in your local area who are dealing with the same problems. Solidarity is now more important than ever!

 

[Alex_Among_Foxes]

do you want me to delete my account
joining pokeforums was a goddamn mistake if so

Despite the total lack of chill in this, I'm just glad you logged in again. Was a bit... Concerned given the context of the conversation that we might not see you back around.
Still hoping things turn out alright for you.

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

you don't understand
none of you understand
i don't wanna live in a world where i have "your body my choice" shouted at me no matter where i go
i can't take it anymorei cant i ccant

I can't imagine how you must feel, but I do know it is hard. We are there to listen if you need us, but we can only do so much, here on the forums.
Please hold on, Tazmily, and look for help around you, professionals who are trained to help in fighting depression. Don't give up, we are with you!

 

[tazmily menace]

i'm not going to hang on if things keep getting worse

don't you dare say things will be alright because they won't
they absolutely won't
you lot are making me spiral

 

[PoryKid575]

i'm not going to hang on if things keep getting worse

don't you dare say things will be alright because they won't
they absolutely won't
you lot are making me spiral

How do you know things won't be alright or get better? The movement towards tolerance and acceptance has been set back, but it's far from knocked out. I would highly recommend seeking professional help if possible, since they'll be able to help you better than us on PC. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help or getting on medication, and I've seen therapy / meds drastically improve people's wellbeing IRL.

 

[VisionofMilotic]

i'm not going to hang on if things keep getting worse

don't you dare say things will be alright because they won't
they absolutely won't
you lot are making me spiral

Things don't have to get worse though. There could be solutions to problems is just what a lot people here are saying, even though when depression is bearing down it can be hard to see those options. I'm adding a link to this website for you, or perhaps anyone else reading, feeling suicidal. It connects you to free specialists to talk with near you that know how to get through any type of crisis.

I recognize that life is getting overwhelming, but the people here in this club are not to blame, Fact-Checking-Gardevoir, Alex Among Foxes, Megan, PorygonKid, Dally Ogami, Arcaneum, RMVNZ are trying to listen and show their support. So please respect.

 

[Nah]

How do you know things won't be alright or get better? The movement towards tolerance and acceptance has been set back, but it's far from knocked out. I would highly recommend seeking professional help if possible, since they'll be able to help you better than us on PC. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help or getting on medication, and I've seen therapy / meds drastically improve people's wellbeing IRL.

By the same token of "how do you know things won't be alright or get better", how do you know that things will be alright and get better? A lot of the world, especially the United States, isn't really giving people much reason to have hope. Even if things ultimately end up "ok", it may also come at the cost of millions of lives, and no one can be sure that they won't be one of those.
Taz absolutely shouldn't be taking things out on you all, but the trite general response of "it's going to be ok, pls seek help" tends to quickly become irritating and feels like people are trying to invalidate your very valid feelings, even though that's not the intention. I get that there's little anyone here can really do, but if all it took was "you are loved" and meds/therapy, there'd be way less mental health issues in the world.

Which, in regards to meds and therapy (largely just putting a thought I've had for a while out here): as much as medication and therapy have done wonders for plenty of people over the years, it's not necessarily the solution to literally everyone's problems. Meds and therapy presume that the problem is ultimately the person themselves, that the source is internal and that they just need the meds/therapy to see that things are fine. For some people though, the source is external factors, often ones they have little control over, and so meds/therapy is going to be ineffective. This is why I have no desire to seek out a psychiatrist myself.

 

[RMVNZ]

"How do you know things won't get better?" and "How do you know things won't get worse?" are equally powerless, unanswerable questions that serve only to placate, dismiss, and/or paralyze.

There has been social progress for sure, but the underlying systemic issues at the root will always be there.
The incoming admin, and their normalizing of hateful rhetoric, is a natural symptom of those systemic issues.
No sugarcoating it—marginalized people are going to suffer, but theorizing about to what degree is only going to do nothing but reduce one to a bundle of nerves.
Marginalized people have always suffered because of systemic issues since America's inception, so at least for me, I've decided to look into what those before me did: they had to depend on their own community for support. To me, that's local LGBTQ+, Asian American, and immigrant organizations, as well as politically aligned folks who share my interest, such as all you guys here at PC.
It's not going to fix what damage will be done at the end of all this, but at least it's something I can control.

We are all about to be caught in a MAGA riptide, and as Tori Dunlap said:

• You must disengage from the riptide. I've decided to step back from the constant flood of news and social media—the "MAGA Riptide." By disengaging from this overwhelming cycle, I can protect my peace and focus on meaningful, grounded engagement that truly makes a difference.

 

[VisionofMilotic]

I think a break from the US presidents would be good for the club. Policies that our governments enact can definitely impact our lives in ways that are stressful to mental health, be it loss liberties, economic situation or having first hand experience with war, and discussing that has value in the club, but because we also have off-topic for serious prefix discussions about current events my moderator's mindset is that some of the conversations we've been having about politics might be something that could spin off into new threads there, since the mental health club has a more broad focus on health.

 

[Zeostar]

I'm somewhat over the East Coast being pelted with snow.

It's quite pretty and I'm all for the physical labor of shoveling it. Although admittedly I can only withstand being stuck inside for so long.

I enjoy going out for long walks (which is quite good for clearing my head). It's taken away right now and days like today test me.

I do love Winter but it's losing it's luster.

 

[Crustan]

It's been a long time since I felt this way.

The endearing feeling of giving your all for nothing. Failure.

I'm 20 and tired of this. Tired of life. If this is what life is going to be, I don't want to continue anymore. I'm done.

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

It's been a long time since I felt this way.

The endearing feeling of giving your all for nothing. Failure.

I'm 20 and tired of this. Tired of life. If this is what life is going to be, I don't want to continue anymore. I'm done.

I am sorry to hear this...
But, Crustan, please hold on! If you find a psychologist, I am sure they can help you!
Your friends are with you!

 

[𒈟Lavemu𒐫]

Hi all! just wanted to ask for possibly any bit of advice on how to continue living in painful living space, figured this might be the place.

see, ever since coming out as trans to family, while it took a burden off of me, it kind of also made me feel super isolated from everyone, for starters my older brother is quite against LGBTQ+ anything, he's not trying to be rude to me, he is just very cold, and claims i'm delusional, he also makes comments like "who's that", or other remarks like that whenever someone refers to me with my preferred name, along with just general ignoring of me a lot of times when i talk to him. My younger brother also ignores me all the time, refuses to refer to me as my preferred name and pronouns, and says a lot of mean things to me for a reason I can't see. they are not like this all of the time, they still don't really listen to me, and get annoyed whenever i bring up anything trans related, but they still talk to me about things they like in a normal manner, it's like they don't even consider how they are treating me and just use me to talk about their interests and nothing else. of course they still want me to play games and stuff with them, to which i decline alot, they are always like "why don't you play with us anymore" and stuff like that. I tell them I don't want to play with yall because you're rude and don't respect me, but they respond with well it's only your fault that your choosing to isolate yourself from us, and things like that. it's funny because i was always under the impression that my brothers loved me, but I suppose they only loved the person i was pretending to be before i came out. maybe they just don't understand that this is how I feel, i think thats it anyway, because whenever i can't hide my depression and they can see it i'm hit with "stop being depressed" or "i thought you were better now because you get to be trans" either way I'm constantly mentally tormented by them, and then they act normal after mistreating me, It feels so manipulating, it's like they know i'm weak and keep throwing me around and then pretending like it was nothing to worry about. My parents do support me i guess, they use my preferred name and pronouns when they remember, though they seem to not use it a lot too, i'm sure they just forget though. They seem to care maybe, though they don't really understand how i feel in terms of depression and stuff even though i wrote a giant paragraph explaining how i feel. so of course I have to pretend to not be depressed all the time because thats what they think i feel. they don't be mean to me at least though!
as for my extended family, it's honestly creepy how much it's changed, it's like i'm no longer visible to them, it feels like an alternate reality where i don't exist, though at least my grandma is supportive, other than her, everyone else is like ignoring the fact i'm myself now and is still pretending like i'm the happy person i was pretending to be despite them knowing full well i'm not that same person anymore.

regardless sorry for the long paragraph i just really needed to say something, it's just crushing to have people in your life that feels like they'll love you by default and then the moment i'm myself it changes immediately. i dont have any irl friends to help me, I feel insanely alone, and to be honest i don't really feel like living anymore. and i'm telling you guys because if i told my family this, especially my brothers, they'd probably hate me a lot. So regardless I'm pretty much backed in a corner so I just wanted to ask what you guys would do in a situation like this, because i've tried everything. also dont feel pressured to answer if you don't want to of course!

 

[Alex_Among_Foxes]

Hi all! just wanted to ask for possibly any bit of advice on how to continue living in painful living space, figured this might be the place.

see, ever since coming out as trans to family, while it took a burden off of me, it kind of also made me feel super isolated from everyone, for starters my older brother is quite against LGBTQ+ anything, he's not trying to be rude to me, he is just very cold, and claims i'm delusional, he also makes comments like "who's that", or other remarks like that whenever someone refers to me with my preferred name, along with just general ignoring of me a lot of times when i talk to him. My younger brother also ignores me all the time, refuses to refer to me as my preferred name and pronouns, and says a lot of mean things to me for a reason I can't see. they are not like this all of the time, they still don't really listen to me, and get annoyed whenever i bring up anything trans related, but they still talk to me about things they like in a normal manner, it's like they don't even consider how they are treating me and just use me to talk about their interests and nothing else. of course they still want me to play games and stuff with them, to which i decline alot, they are always like "why don't you play with us anymore" and stuff like that. I tell them I don't want to play with yall because you're rude and don't respect me, but they respond with well it's only your fault that your choosing to isolate yourself from us, and things like that. it's funny because i was always under the impression that my brothers loved me, but I suppose they only loved the person i was pretending to be before i came out. maybe they just don't understand that this is how I feel, i think thats it anyway, because whenever i can't hide my depression and they can see it i'm hit with "stop being depressed" or "i thought you were better now because you get to be trans" either way I'm constantly mentally tormented by them, and then they act normal after mistreating me, It feels so manipulating, it's like they know i'm weak and keep throwing me around and then pretending like it was nothing to worry about. My parents do support me i guess, they use my preferred name and pronouns when they remember, though they seem to not use it a lot too, i'm sure they just forget though. They seem to care maybe, though they don't really understand how i feel in terms of depression and stuff even though i wrote a giant paragraph explaining how i feel. so of course I have to pretend to not be depressed all the time because thats what they think i feel. they don't be mean to me at least though!
as for my extended family, it's honestly creepy how much it's changed, it's like i'm no longer visible to them, it feels like an alternate reality where i don't exist, though at least my grandma is supportive, other than her, everyone else is like ignoring the fact i'm myself now and is still pretending like i'm the happy person i was pretending to be despite them knowing full well i'm not that same person anymore.

regardless sorry for the long paragraph i just really needed to say something, it's just crushing to have people in your life that feels like they'll love you by default and then the moment i'm myself it changes immediately. i dont have any irl friends to help me, I feel insanely alone, and to be honest i don't really feel like living anymore. and i'm telling you guys because if i told my family this, especially my brothers, they'd probably hate me a lot. So regardless I'm pretty much backed in a corner so I just wanted to ask what you guys would do in a situation like this, because i've tried everything. also dont feel pressured to answer if you don't want to of course!

...🫂

I'll be honest. It doesn't sound like your brothers really love *you* at all, only what they think 'you should be'... Unfortunately that's what life is like for a lot of people, especially those that are LGBTQ+. When you first mentioned that they all seemed to take it well I was really glad to hear they were different from the norm, but it seems like that wasn't the full case after all... What your brothers do to you is beyond disrespectful and wrong, but it's also very normal in situations like yours sadly. In my eyes, if they can't love, accept, and respect you for who you truly are, then they aren't worthy of your love, acceptance, or respect in return. No one should ever have to closet who they are 'for the family'. If they don't like you, they aren't your real family. At least that's how I do things.
As sad as it might be to do, I recommend you strongly consider if it's worth continuing to see your extended relatives (with perhaps an exception to your grandmother) after you turn 18, as a 'if they don't want to spend time with me, I won't spend time with them either' situation. Clearly they don't care about how what they do to you hurts you or makes you feel at all, and continuing to force yourselves to spend time with one-another 'out of familial obligation' only makes everyone miserable, especially you. I'm glad to hear your parents are at least trying, as it does show they care. Maybe just give them some time to adjust to the new way things are, they've been more supportive of you than anyone else in your personal life it sounds like, but due to their religious background and just what they were used to for so many years, it'll likely take some time for them to properly adjust. But I have faith they will eventually, even just to a degree where you'll still feel welcomed around them at least.
I have many not so pleasant things to say regarding how your 'siblings' treat you, but I honestly hope one day they see the massive error in what they're doing to you, and decide to value having you in their life at all versus only valuing you for what they expect you to be... Regardless, (whether you're willing to accept it or not,) you'll always have at least one brother in me, and I'll accept you no matter what, like a true brother should.
I can't speak on your depression. I've been in a very similar place when I was in my teens, (though for different reasons) but the only one I ever even remotely told about it I never went into the full truth with. It took a very long time and a lot of moments talking with myself to finally break through it, and the cost was very high as well, but ultimately I'm a much better person in general because of what happened. I'm hoping with everything that I am that you're able to overcome yours some day as well. (I'd be willing to go over my experience with it, but not on a public forum, sadly, but you know where to find me if you really want to hear about it)

Please don't ever feel sorry about posting how you feel or what you're going through physically or mentally Lavy. (besides, there are MASSIVE posts on this site in other sections that this is only like 3% the size of, so no one can say anything about this one as long as those exist lol) Like I said I know the feeling of becoming 'person not welcome' among my own '''family''' as well. It's my friends here and the one member of my blood family that I care the most about anymore. My friends here have been a better 'family' to me than absolutely everyone I know IRL, and consider them and their happiness and well-being as infinitely more important than anyone (save the one) biologically related to me, and that's 100% their fault. I truly hope you're able to find people IRL who'll love and accept you no matter what. I haven't, but I know it's not impossible. (and I'm still willing to roomate with you when you're older if you ever decide you can't take living with your family anymore, just feel like letting you know you 'technically' have an emergency exit if one is ever needed (or wanted)) I know both the deeply painful feeling of being alone. I still feel it. It still haunts me. But my friends here help make that better, at least when I'm talking to them (yes that includes you). And I've also felt so low in my life that I've strongly considered ending it. Can't say the thought still doesn't cross my mind on occasion as well, either. But I also know I won't be able to do any more kindness for those in desperate need of it like I was growing up if I ever did. And that's the strongest tie to this life I have, and one of the very last I have left.
Regardless of how anyone in your personal life treats you, your life will always be precious Lavy. And the fact that you're able to show kindness to others even when they don't to you proves that. I'll always be there for you if you ever want or need someone to talk to, but I'm sure you knew that already. I'm so sorry I wasn't one of your bio-brothers instead...

 

[RMVNZ]

I tell them I don't want to play with yall because you're rude and don't respect me, but they respond with well it's only your fault that your choosing to isolate yourself from us, and things like that.

Oooooh, what a gaslighty, dismissive phrase their response is. I truly truly hate that for you.
Simply put, your brothers aren't entitled to your time if they're going to disrespect it.
I can possibly attribute your brothers' micro- and macroaggressive statements and actions to ignorance.
Most likely you are the first trans (or even LGBTQ+) person they know, and they have no clue how to treat trans people with respect.
You're not entitled to educate them, of course, but that's the only reason I can think of why they think those kinds of words and actions are even remotely acceptable.

If I were in your shoes, I'd continue to hold firm to my boundaries for sure, like you are doing now.
Most likely your brothers don't know how they're being rude and disrespectful.
I would be as specific as possible in saying to my brothers exactly what they are doing that makes me feel bad.
This would sound something like "It makes me feel bad when you say 'who's that?'" or "I feel like I'm being ignored when you don't respond to me." or "It makes me feel bad when you call me 'delusional.'"

If they listen, that's great!
BUT if they try to turn it back on you (think of statements like "Stop being dramatic!"), I'd dryly respond with a "Hey, I told you what makes me feel bad. If you're going to ignore that, then now you know why I stopped spending time with you."
Rinse and repeat as needed for as long as your brothers continue to disrespect you.
If they never learn their lesson, then they can only blame themselves if you decide to go No Contact with them once you start living on your own.

I'd also start gradually opening up about these big emotions to my grandma, since she's the biggest support system at this moment who also understands your family dynamic.
You don't have to tell her everything—you can take it a little at a time as you feel comfortable.
You can even start with bits of what you posted here!
Growing up in the 2000s as a gay kid in a violently homophobic environment, that's what I would have done in retrospect.
I'm sorry your brothers are giving you such a hard time, though. They suck and, frankly, they sound immature. BUT thank you so much for letting it all out here.

 

[𒈟Lavemu𒐫]

Oooooh, what a gaslighty, dismissive phrase their response is. I truly truly hate that for you.
Simply put, your brothers aren't entitled to your time if they're going to disrespect it.
I can possibly attribute your brothers' micro- and macroaggressive statements and actions to ignorance.
Most likely you are the first trans (or even LGBTQ+) person they know, and they have no clue how to treat trans people with respect.
You're not entitled to educate them, of course, but that's the only reason I can think of why they think those kinds of words and actions are even remotely acceptable.

If I were in your shoes, I'd continue to hold firm to my boundaries for sure, like you are doing now.
Most likely your brothers don't know how they're being rude and disrespectful.
I would be as specific as possible in saying to my brothers exactly what they are doing that makes me feel bad.
This would sound something like "It makes me feel bad when you say 'who's that?'" or "I feel like I'm being ignored when you don't respond to me." or "It makes me feel bad when you call me 'delusional.'"

If they listen, that's great!
BUT if they try to turn it back on you (think of statements like "Stop being dramatic!"), I'd dryly respond with a "Hey, I told you what makes me feel bad. If you're going to ignore that, then now you know why I stopped spending time with you."
Rinse and repeat as needed for as long as your brothers continue to disrespect you.
If they never learn their lesson, then they can only blame themselves if you decide to go No Contact with them once you start living on your own.

I'd also start gradually opening up about these big emotions to my grandma, since she's the biggest support system at this moment who also understands your family dynamic.
You don't have to tell her everything—you can take it a little at a time as you feel comfortable.
You can even start with bits of what you posted here!
Growing up in the 2000s as a gay kid in a violently homophobic environment, that's what I would have done in retrospect.
I'm sorry your brothers are giving you such a hard time, though. They suck and, frankly, they sound immature. BUT thank you so much for letting it all out here.

Thanks for this, it's really good advice, and yeah unfortunately as far as LGBTQ+ people goes, i'm the first they really ever met. but it's good to know that continuing to tell them whats wrong and refusing together activities until they learn how to respect me isn't a bad thing to do. i will remember this advice and try my best to apply it as well, so thank you.
and sorry that you had to go through a bad childhood environment...

 

[RMVNZ]

Thanks for this, it's really good advice, and yeah unfortunately as far as LGBTQ+ people goes, i'm the first they really ever met. but it's good to know that continuing to tell them whats wrong and refusing together activities until they learn how to respect me isn't a bad thing to do. i will remember this advice and try my best to apply it as well, so thank you.
and sorry that you had to go through a bad childhood environment...

People like your bros usually start acting correctly once they're exposed to different kinds of people from different backgrounds, which usually occurs in their 20s.
So until then, "training" your brothers like they're puppies is what I'd do for now until things get better. Mentally repeat to yourself, "You don't get treats (aka my time) if you misbehave." 🤪

And thank you! The isolation growing up sucks, not gonna lie, and all I did was take it one day at a time. Eventually, before you know it, you're living on your own calling your own shots creating an environment that you feel truly safe and yourself in.

 

[chlobizz]

I'd love to join if that's okay. :)

I suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression. It'd be nice to be somewhere where I can just relax and talk and be myself, as I don't really have a good support network outside of my online friends.