rock bottom

Her

Her

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    have you reached a point in your life where, for whatever reason, you have hit rock bottom? what has (hopefully) changed since then? what steps have you made? are you better off today?
     
    I actually felt like I've hit my breaking point the past week. Got some fights with my family (and them giving me the cold shoulder for a little while) that made me feel so utterly useless and on top of that something happened that made our financial situation worse. I'm able to talk with my family again and we're able to joke and such as usual, but their hurtful words from earlier still repeats in my mind on occasion. I do try to tell myself I'm not what they told me, but because it's still fairly recent don't know if it fully works.
     
    When I was 12/13 and my personality disorder started coming. I was acting out a lot and lost the respect of many people. I was even called "infamous" by someone.
    Needless to say it really affected me and my depression got worse, the point of suicide attempts.
     
    Around a year and a half go I was at a point where waking up each day was a chore, the only pressing though I had in the mornings was "why live today", and finding happiness was near impossible. I decided that I was tired of being at the bottom point in my life and I made some changes for the better. I am now at a point in my life where I am very happy.
     
    i haven't stepped out of rock bottom actually.. but at least i'm still better than the people and things that put me down here.
     
    I have in the past, but it never lasted long. Music usually pulls me through a lot of tough times. If I do hit rock bottom, I usually listen to music that applies to my situation to make me feel like I'm not alone in the world. Music is something that has always helped me.
     
    I probably hit rock bottom a week ago. I had such a severe emotional breakdown that I was almost completely physically incapable of speaking for 20 minutes. I've taken some steps to make sure that doesn't happen again, so hopefully they pay off.
     
    I hit rock bottom in December of last year. I was stressed, lonely, directionless, miserable, broke and had rent to pay. It was horrible. A few key moments I felt were truly symbolic of my rock bottom:

    - calling a self-help line at 5am after not having eaten that whole day
    - struggling to shop for groceries without breaking down right there in the store
    - talking to my family physician about my developing depression

    Eventually I took proper steps at climbing. I moved out of my apartment and back home to counter the financial stress. I found work to counter my directionlessness and also start saving money again. I worked in finding love in old and new friends to counter my loneliness. I never ended up seeing a therapist though I think it would help. Perhaps it's something I should consider going forward.
     
    Freshman year of high school is where I hit rock bottom because I was being bullied over a guy I had a crush on. I was having fist fights every day, I was threatened, I begged my parents to stay home from school each week. It lasted for months. I had no friends, my family thought I was being dramatic, it was getting to the point that I wanted to end my life right on the spot, because I thought it wasn't worth living anymore.

    However, a light shed towards me when I was referred to my counselor's office and she told me that "someone, I won't say who, told me you were not feeling well". She helped me with switching classes and lunches so that way I can stay away from the bullies. My parents were notified of the whole thing, and finally got to their senses.
     
    I had multiple eras of rock bottoms for me. Freshman high school was rock bottom of my mental and educational life. 5th grade was rock bottom at that time for financial and educational life for me.

    Right now, as an almost age 20 adult I am at a pretty deep rock bottom of life for financial reason, mental health, physical health, and jobs and such. Will it get better for the "top time of your life" for me? Probably not. Every time I'm told "oh when you're this age/grade it will be the time of your life!" and it is ends up severely the opposite.
     
    I was way too sensitive a few years ago, to the point that I almost ended it because I was in a crappy mood one day, said something bad, got a reaction and let it get way into my head. After an attempt and other stuff, I brought it up with someone and they told me that I was stupid for thinking like that. It helped...I put way too much thought into whatever happened, to the point of exaggeration. I tried my best to drop it from my memory, as it was pointless pain. Now, I'm a much better person, even if I do occasionally have slumps, now I have people there for me. Back then, I didn't have much, and I constantly felt alone. It took some time but, I now look back at myself then and laugh at the past me. I was way too kind, to the point of being really easily hurt.

    Silly, silly.
     
    I don't think I've hit rock bottom yet... I mean, there have definitely been some times where maybe I've thought that I had, but I think that it can definitely get worse. Kind of pessimistic, but the only time I can think of rock bottom is the last year of high school, and that's pretty early, right? I still have my whole life left to live, and there's no way it's gonna be sunshine and rainbows and only up from here.

    I didn't really take any steps to better myself or my situation. I honestly just wasted away until I graduated and was sent off to college. I didn't think I would be able to handle college, and I almost didn't go, but I was kinda just sent away. I think I'm better now. There were times that I really felt close to what I did before, but I don't think it has come close to lasting the months it did before.

    This might seem kinda vague and cryptic but I didn't think people would really be interested in the whole thing haha
     
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