What hurts? (Emotionally)

[Arcaneum]

Yesterday was feeling very alone, angry, upset, depressed, you name it. A major part of it was feeling ignored by IRL friends. Always felt left out in conversation. Whenever tried talking casually to any friend, I had to say it many times before he would listen. Only to make fun of me for repeating so many times. Just one of the many many things that create this lump in my throat and I can't do anything other than swallowing it.

I feel I should give up, or maybe state that I don't want to be ignored, but I doubt they'll listen. Regardless, am not ready to leave them too.

Just spending lots of sleepless nights in tears, or anger, or just staring at the ceiling, laying on my bed.

There's more to this than I am comfortable writing here, but yeah.


TL;DR: I am not feeling well mentally. Loneliness sucks. Need an outlet but none of the options I have make me happy using them. At this point, even screaming loudly for even a second would feel like such a big help. But oh well.

As hard as it might be, it may perhaps be time to either let them know how you're feeling or stop hanging around with them. Bear in mind you're saying you can't not be with them... what exactly are you getting out of doing so? Because it sounds like a whole fuckload of nothing is what you're getting. Sometimes people tease and such because they think it's fine and can't see it causing any harm; not to say that it excuses all of the behaviour but sometimes if they don't know then... they can't stop it. Either way, what you're doing right now about it is probably the worst thing you can do.

Definitely needs to be done sooner rather than later though and well you don't know until you try, so stop putting these roadblocks in place by assuming things won'tcan't work! If they don't then you know that it's time to move on from the company you keep.

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Can't actually think of anything that's pulled excessively on the heartstrings today. Yay!

 

[Retek]

As hard as it might be, it may perhaps be time to either let them know how you're feeling or stop hanging around with them. Bear in mind you're saying you can't not be with them... what exactly are you getting out of doing so? Because it sounds like a whole fuckload of nothing is what you're getting. Sometimes people tease and such because they think it's fine and can't see it causing any harm; not to say that it excuses all of the behaviour but sometimes if they don't know then... they can't stop it. Either way, what you're doing right now about it is probably the worst thing you can do.

Definitely needs to be done sooner rather than later though and well you don't know until you try, so stop putting these roadblocks in place by assuming things won'tcan't work! If they don't then you know that it's time to move on from the company you keep.

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Can't actually think of anything that's pulled excessively on the heartstrings today. Yay!

You speak truly, and yeah I did talk to them. Said I was feeling left out.

They listened to me and said they were sorry. So I'll see how things pan out on Monday! Thanks. :)

Also glad to hear that!

 

[Roni]

Factors outside my control preventing me from working. It's rained for 3 straight hours smack dab in the middle of my work sched and I can't record anything bcs it'll get picked up by the microphone. It's 3am now, I'm tired, and I didn't get anything done tonight. Output based job means no work = no money, so it's hurting pretty bad.

I can only pray I can wake up a bit earlier and find some quiet time in the afternoon to make up for the lost time tonight. If only I were rich enough to soundproof my room, or buy a soundproof booth. Sigh.

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

Factors outside my control preventing me from working. It's rained for 3 straight hours smack dab in the middle of my work sched and I can't record anything bcs it'll get picked up by the microphone. It's 3am now, I'm tired, and I didn't get anything done tonight. Output based job means no work = no money, so it's hurting pretty bad.

I can only pray I can wake up a bit earlier and find some quiet time in the afternoon to make up for the lost time tonight. If only I were rich enough to soundproof my room, or buy a soundproof booth. Sigh.

I am sorry to hear this... Isn't there something to take such occurence into account regarding your work ? None of this is your fault!
Best wishes for your situation to get better soon!

 

[Corrin]

I don't know how to tell my doctor & others that I just don't want to exist? I have no motivation to do anything, regardless of what it is. I don't know how to regain any sort of desire to live?

 

[Megan]

I don't know how to tell my doctor & others that I just don't want to exist? I have no motivation to do anything, regardless of what it is. I don't know how to regain any sort of desire to live?

I know how you feel. Unfortunately I can't give any good advise. I guess being honest about that and telling them would be one way to go about it? ^^"
I do hope you'll feel better soon, though! :)

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

I don't know how to tell my doctor & others that I just don't want to exist? I have no motivation to do anything, regardless of what it is. I don't know how to regain any sort of desire to live?

I am sorry to hear this is how you feel...
I wish I could help you more... but I think I can say this :
Don't hesitate to talk about this to your friends, who are there for you if you need a listening ear.
Best wishes for you to feel better soon.

I second Megan about being honest. There is nothing wrong about telling this to your doctor.

 

[Arcaneum]

I don't know how to tell my doctor & others that I just don't want to exist? I have no motivation to do anything, regardless of what it is. I don't know how to regain any sort of desire to live?

I will always advocate just laying it out in front of people for them see how you are feeling, so they can understand things a bit better. Mostly because even if you don't think it's something noticed or worth picking up on, people will pick up on things in your behaviour and at least if they know why, they can respond accordingly!

Always was in a similar situation of just holing everything up and not telling anyone and once I did come out with everything, everyone was so much more understanding and just grateful I did it, so they could help me!

 

[Corrin]

Thanks guys! My fear is being deemed a lost cause. I don't want to think I am.

 

[pkmin3033]

Waking up this morning after an awful dream and realising that it's been over 11 years since I last spoke to anyone I used to know "irl" and even longer than that since I had friends.

I keep drifting out of people's lives. I'm nothing but a drain because of health issues I can't really tell them about because a) nobody wants to hear about that shit, and b) I don't want to be an object of pity, or looked down on, or laughed at. I also find social interaction physically and mentally exhausting and need a lot of space and alone time to recover from it, which makes me unsuitable for anything other being a casual acquaintance at best.

It's...upsetting, sometimes.

 

[Retek]

Waking up this morning after an awful dream and realising that it's been over 11 years since I last spoke to anyone I used to know "irl" and even longer than that since I had friends.

I keep drifting out of people's lives. I'm nothing but a drain because of health issues I can't really tell them about because a) nobody wants to hear about that shit, and b) I don't want to be an object of pity, or looked down on, or laughed at. I also find social interaction physically and mentally exhausting and need a lot of space and alone time to recover from it, which makes me unsuitable for anything other being a casual acquaintance at best.

It's...upsetting, sometimes.

Hey Dawn, just wanna say, that I'm hear if you wanna talk about anything. Heck, the whole PC is! We like you for who you are, and rarely do you feel a drain.

I genuinely hope you feel better soon, and I understand the need for taking a break! Everyone needs that once in a while, doesn't matter if they need it more or less frequently.

Also no one here looks down on you! Me personally, I really enjoy talking about games with you if I am being honest!

As for your health issues, I won't poke into those if you're uncomfortable, but I'll pray that you get well soon!

In the end, I just wanna say: The whole of PC extends a hand of friendship at you. It's up to you if you're gonna take it! And even if you don't feel like doing so, we'll always welcome you as a friend! ^^

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

Waking up this morning after an awful dream and realising that it's been over 11 years since I last spoke to anyone I used to know "irl" and even longer than that since I had friends.

I keep drifting out of people's lives. I'm nothing but a drain because of health issues I can't really tell them about because a) nobody wants to hear about that shit, and b) I don't want to be an object of pity, or looked down on, or laughed at. I also find social interaction physically and mentally exhausting and need a lot of space and alone time to recover from it, which makes me unsuitable for anything other being a casual acquaintance at best.

It's...upsetting, sometimes.

I second what Retek said. Everyone needs friends to be there for them from times to times. I also do find social interaction to be exhausting for me, but it is good to have friendly shoulders to rely on and ears to listen when we are in need. This doesn't mean you will be an object of pity, looked down or laughed at. Helping and supporting one another are also things that friends do!
You can trust us when we say we consider you as a friend!

 

[pkmin3033]

Hey Dawn, just wanna say, that I'm hear if you wanna talk about anything. Heck, the whole PC is! We like you for who you are, and rarely do you feel a drain.

I genuinely hope you feel better soon, and I understand the need for taking a break! Everyone needs that once in a while, doesn't matter if they need it more or less frequently.

Also no one here looks down on you! Me personally, I really enjoy talking about games with you if I am being honest!

As for your health issues, I won't poke into those if you're uncomfortable, but I'll pray that you get well soon!

In the end, I just wanna say: The whole of PC extends a hand of friendship at you. It's up to you if you're gonna take it! And even if you don't feel like doing so, we'll always welcome you as a friend! ^^

I second what Retek said. Everyone needs friends to be there for them from times to times. I also do find social interaction to be exhausting for me, but it is good to have friendly shoulders to rely on and ears to listen when we are in need. This doesn't mean you will be an object of pity, looked down or laughed at. Helping and supporting one another are also things that friends do!
You can trust us when we say we consider you as a friend!

Thank you both, I do appreciate the sentiment. I just wish things were as simple as you describe. But...well, they aren't. That's just how it is, and I don't see how it can be any different. I guess that's what hurts emotionally. That I'm so damaged, fucked up, and generally worthless (and don't contradict that please, that just makes it worse) that I have to keep myself isolated to avoid being damaged any further and from being a drain on other people's time and resources. I don't even know what a friend is, really. How to make one, how to keep one, or how to be one myself.

As I said, it gets to me sometimes. It's been bothering me a lot recently. This morning just kind of brought it all to the surface again.

 

[Retek]

Thank you both, I do appreciate the sentiment. I just wish things were as simple as you describe. But...well, they aren't. That's just how it is, and I don't see how it can be any different. I guess that's what hurts emotionally. That I'm so damaged, fucked up, and generally worthless (and don't contradict that please, that just makes it worse) that I have to keep myself isolated to avoid being damaged any further and from being a drain on other people's time and resources. I don't even know what a friend is, really. How to make one, how to keep one, or how to be one myself.

As I said, it gets to me sometimes. It's been bothering me a lot recently. This morning just kind of brought it all to the surface again.

Okay, I'll try not to contradict you if you don't like it. I'll just say that none of us "know" how to keep a friend, or make a friend, or be a friend. It just...happens. There's no documents to sign, or research to do on this! Like, I consider you a friend! :)

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

Thank you both, I do appreciate the sentiment. I just wish things were as simple as you describe. But...well, they aren't. That's just how it is, and I don't see how it can be any different. I guess that's what hurts emotionally. That I'm so damaged, fucked up, and generally worthless (and don't contradict that please, that just makes it worse) that I have to keep myself isolated to avoid being damaged any further and from being a drain on other people's time and resources. I don't even know what a friend is, really. How to make one, how to keep one, or how to be one myself.

As I said, it gets to me sometimes. It's been bothering me a lot recently. This morning just kind of brought it all to the surface again.

I second Retek, again. You don't have to talk about anything that would make you unconfortable, but you can tell us about what you want.
I would like to be your friend, and I am not the only one!

 

[Corrin]

Thank you both, I do appreciate the sentiment. I just wish things were as simple as you describe. But...well, they aren't. That's just how it is, and I don't see how it can be any different. I guess that's what hurts emotionally. That I'm so damaged, fucked up, and generally worthless (and don't contradict that please, that just makes it worse) that I have to keep myself isolated to avoid being damaged any further and from being a drain on other people's time and resources. I don't even know what a friend is, really. How to make one, how to keep one, or how to be one myself.

As I said, it gets to me sometimes. It's been bothering me a lot recently. This morning just kind of brought it all to the surface again.

You're one of my oldest and best friends and that will never change.

 

[pkmin3033]

You're one of my oldest and best friends and that will never change.

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I forget sometimes that we've occupied the same internet spaces since...2006? I guess because everyone else from that time and earlier just...disappeared.

And I know it's natural that people drift in and out of your life, but that doesn't make it any less painful sometimes.