Retek
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Sorry to hear you're going through that Annie, hope you feel better soon. ;-;
Sending bear hugs!
What hurts? (Emotionally)
- Thread starter Corrin
- Start date
Sorry to hear you're going through that Annie, hope you feel better soon. ;-;
Sending bear hugs!
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Wow I feel super sad reading this. Still glad to have read everyone's posts though, because I really want to say that I appreciate all of you and I hope these negative feelings can subside soon.
Am also currently thinking about the war in Ukraine and hurting emotionally. I am Russian myself, born in Russia but parents left with me when I was 7 for a better life in another country (had a few places on our list and the US ended up being where we went). If you hear me speak you would assume I was just your typical American. I am honestly so thankful not to have a Russian accent right now because I feel some people would choose to blame me if they heard it, sadly it's been happening to others. Quoting a message I read on Twitter earlier, the Russian babushka in America who makes pirozhki did not invade Ukraine. Being a Russian I am honestly feeling guilty solely because of the place where I was born, even though I know I had no choice in the matter. Obviously Ukrainians are the most innocent ones though - they are wonderful people and I cannot even begin to understand the horror they're experiencing right now.
Am also currently thinking about the war in Ukraine and hurting emotionally. I am Russian myself, born in Russia but parents left with me when I was 7 for a better life in another country (had a few places on our list and the US ended up being where we went). If you hear me speak you would assume I was just your typical American. I am honestly so thankful not to have a Russian accent right now because I feel some people would choose to blame me if they heard it, sadly it's been happening to others. Quoting a message I read on Twitter earlier, the Russian babushka in America who makes pirozhki did not invade Ukraine. Being a Russian I am honestly feeling guilty solely because of the place where I was born, even though I know I had no choice in the matter. Obviously Ukrainians are the most innocent ones though - they are wonderful people and I cannot even begin to understand the horror they're experiencing right now.
Oh yeah, a lot of anti Russian sentiments and it's fine for the country and Putin's actions but /not/ against the citizens and Russians abroad. An old couple running a Russian restaurant didn't start the war.
Hearing about the atrocities being committed against Ukraine and even the Russian army using young, untrained soldiers as their "cannon fodder" is just so upsetting.
Hearing about the atrocities being committed against Ukraine and even the Russian army using young, untrained soldiers as their "cannon fodder" is just so upsetting.
Retek
Banned
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JUST SO ANNOYED.
SO SO SO MUCH.
It's like I'm feeling good one moment, and my family is like, "Okay we'll just throw some random chore at him which we should be doing ourselves but make it sound like an emergency all of a sudden then scold him for not doing it IN a millisecond, and when he starts to do that chore, just throw another one at him from sideways and then taunt him for not doing that BECAUSE he was busy doing the first one, start giving him responsibility speeches and if he shows the TINIEST bit of frustration, say that he'll be nothing but a burden forever, crush his spirits by saying so and then later taunt him for being to moody and irritated and depressed. Oh and what if he's been doing our biddings since he was like, 10? Now we find another reason to taunt by saying, 'why do we HAVE to tell you what to do? You should come and do this by yourself!!'"
SIGH
This is my life now-a-days.
Sorry for the rant. :(
SO SO SO MUCH.
It's like I'm feeling good one moment, and my family is like, "Okay we'll just throw some random chore at him which we should be doing ourselves but make it sound like an emergency all of a sudden then scold him for not doing it IN a millisecond, and when he starts to do that chore, just throw another one at him from sideways and then taunt him for not doing that BECAUSE he was busy doing the first one, start giving him responsibility speeches and if he shows the TINIEST bit of frustration, say that he'll be nothing but a burden forever, crush his spirits by saying so and then later taunt him for being to moody and irritated and depressed. Oh and what if he's been doing our biddings since he was like, 10? Now we find another reason to taunt by saying, 'why do we HAVE to tell you what to do? You should come and do this by yourself!!'"
SIGH
This is my life now-a-days.
Sorry for the rant. :(
This appears to be my MO right now - just spent 15 minutes in a public bathroom in pieces over something I definitely shouldn't be and lately I've just felt like anxiety has taken the reins with all my interactions again... so back to being a hermit as of the end of this week so I can leave everyone alone and make things easier for them
CiCi
[font=Satisfy]Obsession: Watanuki Kimihiro and Izu
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I miss my much calmer, somewhat hedonistic old lifestyle. And I miss being younger. Soon, I'll be saying goodbye to my 20s, and I'll be even more forced to embrace my inevitable mortality. These are probably the two heaviest weights on my mind right now.
RadEmpoleon
Empress of Randomness
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I was hyperfixated on a drawing in my sketchbook for pretty much the entirety of today. It's my last day of spring break, but I already have assignments due soon. I didn't want to work on them, so I drew instead. There was an art project I should've started when I was on break, but I just didn't. It's due Wednesday and I don't want to do it. I'd say the day wasn't a total waste if I'd finished my little sketch, but I didn't. I work too slow because I get too detail-oriented and perfectionistic, which is the one thing I hate about drawing. (I'm almost done with it though.)
And that's what's slowly been bothering me more and more about my art class. I love art and I love to draw, don't get me wrong, but I feel conflicted whenever we draw in class because I'm always disappointed in what I draw. There have been a few times where I got frustrated almost to the point of tears, because I didn't like how the drawing looked. I understand part of the drawing process is realizing that it will never be exactly how we imagine it to be, but that's easier said than done.
(whoops, this turned into a bit of a rant. my apologies)
And that's what's slowly been bothering me more and more about my art class. I love art and I love to draw, don't get me wrong, but I feel conflicted whenever we draw in class because I'm always disappointed in what I draw. There have been a few times where I got frustrated almost to the point of tears, because I didn't like how the drawing looked. I understand part of the drawing process is realizing that it will never be exactly how we imagine it to be, but that's easier said than done.
(whoops, this turned into a bit of a rant. my apologies)
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I don't even know why I'm writing this here, but PC has always been a place for me to turn to.
Right now, I'm just kind of numb. Because there was someone that was giving me what I thought were obvious signs that they liked me. Seeming to care about me, missing me, telling me jokes, going out of their way to talk to me and ignoring everyone else around. And I liked them back too.
So I tried today. Asked if we could spend more time together. And they told me that they were already seeing someone. :/ And I just feel like I was played for a fool, or there just to stroke their ego, or something. It's like...they ignored everyone else around and went out of their way to either watch me from across the room or to say hi and remembering all the things that I told them and telling jokes to make me laugh, I feel like I can't be wrong to interpret that as meaning something more. They even stood super-close to me so we were touching one another, and I just feel like if they were already seeing someone, that they would have stepped back.
I mean, I'm glad that I took the chance. Because now I don't have to worry about the situation anymore. I still have to see the person, but I won't be wondering if there's anything more. It won't just be floating there in the back of my mind all the time.
Still have a great support system, so I won't continue feeling this way. It's just that right now I keep thinking back over the past few weeks and wondering how someone could do that to me. It hurts.
Right now, I'm just kind of numb. Because there was someone that was giving me what I thought were obvious signs that they liked me. Seeming to care about me, missing me, telling me jokes, going out of their way to talk to me and ignoring everyone else around. And I liked them back too.
So I tried today. Asked if we could spend more time together. And they told me that they were already seeing someone. :/ And I just feel like I was played for a fool, or there just to stroke their ego, or something. It's like...they ignored everyone else around and went out of their way to either watch me from across the room or to say hi and remembering all the things that I told them and telling jokes to make me laugh, I feel like I can't be wrong to interpret that as meaning something more. They even stood super-close to me so we were touching one another, and I just feel like if they were already seeing someone, that they would have stepped back.
I mean, I'm glad that I took the chance. Because now I don't have to worry about the situation anymore. I still have to see the person, but I won't be wondering if there's anything more. It won't just be floating there in the back of my mind all the time.
Still have a great support system, so I won't continue feeling this way. It's just that right now I keep thinking back over the past few weeks and wondering how someone could do that to me. It hurts.
RadEmpoleon
Empress of Randomness
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Every single assignment I get, I end up waiting until the last day to start. I hate it so much. Of course I don't want to do this every single time, but my mentality has always been to finish everything that's due that day. Rarely do I work on anything 2 or more days before it's due. (I think it's called executive dysfunction?) This past semester, every Friday has been a terrible day because I always have a lot of assignments due Friday, and that coupled with my inability to work fast and my next-to-nonexistent motivation to work on assignments makes for a miserable day of regretting my actions from earlier in the week. One week it was so bad that I had a panic attack after my first class, and I frantically called my mom and immediately burst into tears.
This mentality is the worst when it comes to bigger assignments, like essays and art projects. Right now I have to finish an art project we've had assigned for a while, that's due later today in class. I started it yesterday. Again, I couldn't bring myself to start it ahead of time. I just had to wait until the day before to start it. This has happened with the other 3 projects we've had, and every time I say "I'll start this one early so this doesn't happen again" but that never comes true. On top of working slow and lack of motivation, another problem I have with art is perfectionism. I get too focused on getting the details exact that it slows me down even more. It took me about 5 hours just to establish all the lines I needed, but that's the easier part of the assignment. The whole page needs to be shaded, which is already something I'm not the best at. And it's a 18x24 inch page, so shading with graphite pencils will be much harder than shading the whole page with a big piece of compressed charcoal.
The other side of this mentality is my bad relaxing. Once I finish all the things due Friday, I relax on Saturday. It doesn't seem bad, but I do next to nothing productive the whole day, other than chores. Then I get into the "I don't want to work on anything" mindset. This is like how you would feel on summer break: you'd much rather be playing video games or watching anime or doing something fun than homework. This past spring break, I was very invested in a rhythm game called Arcaea. I played for hours almost every day, even though it started to hurt my fingers after a while. When I returned from break, I was still in the spring break mindset. I just wanted to keep playing Arcaea. (It probably didn't help that I bought new packs and stuff while they were on sale... that was an actual reason to keep mindlessly playing) I don't like to play when my roommate is in the room (because I get self-conscious about tapping the screen too loudly while playing around other people) so I would wait until she left to play. I'd play until she came back, which sometimes was a long time. That first week back from break was the week I had a panic attack on Friday, and that week was a struggle because I was stuck in that spring-break mentality. I get like that on Saturday and end up doing all the things on Sunday, when I could've spaced it out among the two days.
I want to get out of this cycle. I want to be able to enjoy my week (especially Fridays) without worrying about too many assignments. Something prevents me from trying to work ahead, like some kind of invisible force. I don't even know how this whole situation started. This whole year has been such a struggle on my mental health. I'm in tears trying to write this reply. I hate it all. I just want the semester to be over already. It ends in a few weeks, but it's not coming fast enough.
(And while it's cool and all to at least vent it on here, I need to tell someone irl. I don't really have anyone though. Yes, I have friends, but I don't see them that much.)
This mentality is the worst when it comes to bigger assignments, like essays and art projects. Right now I have to finish an art project we've had assigned for a while, that's due later today in class. I started it yesterday. Again, I couldn't bring myself to start it ahead of time. I just had to wait until the day before to start it. This has happened with the other 3 projects we've had, and every time I say "I'll start this one early so this doesn't happen again" but that never comes true. On top of working slow and lack of motivation, another problem I have with art is perfectionism. I get too focused on getting the details exact that it slows me down even more. It took me about 5 hours just to establish all the lines I needed, but that's the easier part of the assignment. The whole page needs to be shaded, which is already something I'm not the best at. And it's a 18x24 inch page, so shading with graphite pencils will be much harder than shading the whole page with a big piece of compressed charcoal.
The other side of this mentality is my bad relaxing. Once I finish all the things due Friday, I relax on Saturday. It doesn't seem bad, but I do next to nothing productive the whole day, other than chores. Then I get into the "I don't want to work on anything" mindset. This is like how you would feel on summer break: you'd much rather be playing video games or watching anime or doing something fun than homework. This past spring break, I was very invested in a rhythm game called Arcaea. I played for hours almost every day, even though it started to hurt my fingers after a while. When I returned from break, I was still in the spring break mindset. I just wanted to keep playing Arcaea. (It probably didn't help that I bought new packs and stuff while they were on sale... that was an actual reason to keep mindlessly playing) I don't like to play when my roommate is in the room (because I get self-conscious about tapping the screen too loudly while playing around other people) so I would wait until she left to play. I'd play until she came back, which sometimes was a long time. That first week back from break was the week I had a panic attack on Friday, and that week was a struggle because I was stuck in that spring-break mentality. I get like that on Saturday and end up doing all the things on Sunday, when I could've spaced it out among the two days.
I want to get out of this cycle. I want to be able to enjoy my week (especially Fridays) without worrying about too many assignments. Something prevents me from trying to work ahead, like some kind of invisible force. I don't even know how this whole situation started. This whole year has been such a struggle on my mental health. I'm in tears trying to write this reply. I hate it all. I just want the semester to be over already. It ends in a few weeks, but it's not coming fast enough.
(And while it's cool and all to at least vent it on here, I need to tell someone irl. I don't really have anyone though. Yes, I have friends, but I don't see them that much.)
StCooler
Mayst thou thy peace discover.
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Met a girl on a dating site. We got along and all. We talked a lot, we shared opinions and views on life. But basically, if we got together, she would have wanted me to leave gaming, fitness, my fangame project, my friends, so we could spend the entirety of our free time together.
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Just the usual weekend loneliness...
Sounds like some serious red flags right there. Hope you'll find someone who respects your boundaries! :)
Retek
Banned
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You are not unloved, and definitely not unwanted. You deserve to be loved always, and I understand it's human nature to feel like that sometimes, but just so you know, my DMs are always open. <3
Oh dear, I'm no expert but that definitely doesn't sound right. D:
Can't leave gaming for the life of me so wise decision made though!
Sending tons of hugs queen!! Been feeling that way for sometime now so I know how it feels. :')
Hoping you get someone to talk to about it.
Maybe y'know, a random Porychu...? ;)
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A couple things. Right now I am struggling to find a new job. I was at my old job for 7 years and I had started hating it, but I've been unemployed for 2 months so far. I also got my degree in Dec. I thought it would help but it's not.
The other thing is I'm lonely all the time. I'm introverted and I have trouble connecting with people (also autistic). I really want to be in a relationship. I do live with a friend, so there's that at least. But sometimes she gets on my nerves.
The other thing is I'm lonely all the time. I'm introverted and I have trouble connecting with people (also autistic). I really want to be in a relationship. I do live with a friend, so there's that at least. But sometimes she gets on my nerves.
Retek
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Broken. I have just given up on people now. Just one of those shower thoughts which is that I actually don't matter to anyone even if I live or die, and the more I think on it, the more it proves to be true. So IDK anymore.
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I'll just say that, to at least some degree, I know how you feel.
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Rest assured that there are people who care about you! If you have troubles just say the word! <3
You matter to me and I'm sure many people here would agree. Please treat yourself and get some rest ♥
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You've brought so much positivity to the forums, I'd been willing to bet there's a small army here willing to bear hug you until you suffocate. And you can count me in! As long as you don't actually suffocate lol. (´,,•ω•,,)♡
As for me? My brain is playing major catch up with the rest of everything. It's 4:20AM, I can't sleep, and processing anything just makes me feel like a factory of pure incoherent garbage.