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What seems to be the officer, problem?

User Anon 1848

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    Have you ever made a fool of yourself while drunk? If the answer is yes then what stories are you willing to share?

    If you don't drink or have always managed to handle your liquor then feel free to share stories of other people you've seen make fools of themselves while intoxicated.
     
    Too many times to remember. I couldn't begin to count the times I've blacked out and the only saving grace is that those memories have been mostly lost to me. These events include, but are not limited to, getting myself critically injured, getting thrown on the ground by police because I was hanging out of a car window going 70mph, nearly drowning, pushing hard drugs on my friends, many regrettable and questionably legal hook ups (one of which was a lesbian vampire who cut my wrists so deep I should have gotten stitches), getting back with my abusive ex-boyfriend because I was lonely, suicide attempts, getting my stomach pumped multiple times, drunk driving, being removed from major events for being too intoxicated, and, most recently, getting so drunk on Fireball that I had to crawl through the snow into my fiance's car to get home.

    I haven't had a drink in 8 months.
     
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    there was the time i threw up at my table and cleaned it up as nonchalantly as possible but my friend spotted me from across the bar and said i looked really guilty. i thought i was covering up nicely but i guess not. also there's the time i got drunk and starting scream singing beatles songs. i don't even like. partake in the beatles really so why i know the words to some of these is beyond me. there's also the time i got drunk while watching my partner play jak and daxter and pointed to the screen at jak and kept insisting "that's me. right there." "that's you?" "yep. me." lmfaoooo my username was jak at the time so i mean was i wrong..........
     
    Most of my embarrassing or regrettable moments while drunk involve me hooking up with girls that I wouldn't have had any interest in while sober. I tend to look for romantic affection while drunk lul. The worst is when these girls have boyfriends. But hey, that's on them if they choose to go on with me.

    Puking is always the worst. The first time I drank tequila I was DETERMINED to finish the bottle. It was fun at the time. But then I was curled up over the toilet and puked and that was way less fun. Thankfully I had good people around me that took care of me very well. We went to get breakfast the next morning.
     
    Ive only gotten drunk once and it involved me calling my not boyfriend at the time (we didn't start dating until like a month or two later I think iirc?) and it involved me being super gay and saying we should get married and I was.... very sluggish and my words were slurred and I stumbled when I walked. I did puke afterwards which is probably why I didn't have a hangover the next day but.. yeah.

    wasn't anything too crazy, was just.. embarrassing more so.
     
    Stories like these are a solid 30-40% of why I've never allowed myself to drink to the point of drunkenness. My friend does not share the same restraint and I once had the pleasure of watching him walk into a glass door and walk directly into the exact same glass door a few minutes later. That memory has just stuck with me for some reason.
     
    Throwing up into my shirt to drunkenly try hide the incoming vomit (which did not work), and it dripping out of my shirt as I waddled to the outside of the club, where I promptly vomited all over the pavement again (and one more time for good measure) was probably not my greatest moment
     
    I've never actually been drunk myself, personally I enjoy being the guy that out-drinks people and still remains sober :D. However I've been involved in some pretty funny drunk stories.

    One time in high school I was at a friends 18th birthday party. We were at a bonfire in the woods behind her house and I walked off to grab some more wood for the fire. Everybody was sober when I left since they hadn't touched their drinks yet, but in the few minutes it took me to get back everyone managed to get wasted. It was kind of annoying having to keep everyone out of the fire, but it was hilarious watching two people crawl on all fours and bark at each other like dogs while fighting over a slice of pizza... like dogs... They literally grabbed at the slice with their mouths and barked and growled at each other. It was bizarre but funny at the same time

    Another story was when I visited a friend who was attending a different college. On night one we did some drinking games with his roommates, and another guy from our high school class that showed up (I'll call him C), and he was the first to succumb to the alcoholic powers. He randomly walked into his room and passed out, so his roommates and I decide to TP his room. We go into his room and starting throwing paper around while C "sneaks" in, turning off the light and crouching behind a chair next to my friend's bed with a loaded can of silly string. The man was at least 6 ft tall and weighed at least 200lbs. Stealth was not an option for C. At some point during the slinging of toilet paper, my friend half-woke up and vomited on his bed causing C to army run out. Moments later my friend decided to play with his mess and then got up and started running after us. He chased people all over the house and into the yard before falling on his face and passing out again. My friend didn't really want to clean his mattress the next morning so we just lit it on fire in his backyard (my idea). On night two we got bored and started raiding frat houses. C was the only drunk person at this point and decided to let everyone know that he was a marine. He hadn't even attended basic training yet. Every room we passed C would check their fridge for beer. At one point he just walked in while a couple was watching TV. He walked past them, pulled beer at their fridge and stared them dead in the eye before saying "I'm a marine" and then leaving. We also stole a mattress from one of the frat houses for my friend.

    The final, probably best story, was finding out that an old friend of mine decides to mow the yard when he's drunk. Whether it's his yard or not. Once again I was at a friend's house, we'll call him friend F, and walked away for a few minutes only to come back to someone completely wasted despite not having drank anything before I left. Apparently a different guy decided to chug an entire bottle of malibu. A few minutes later that same guy turned into a fountain that almost reached the ceiling. We ship him off to another part of the house to clean up while the rest of us clean the living room. We had to throw F's dad's favorite chair out on the lawn thanks to fountain man. After that ordeal the party goes on and more people get drunk resulting in mower man getting blackout drunk. He goes crazy and it takes a bit to get him settled down, thankfully by this point fountain man has sobered up a little and is able to aid in restraining the beast. Finally things are calm and nobody's doing anything stupid. Until I, being the natural klutz I am, flip over a table as I stand up from the couch. Despite being sober I may have caused the most destruction lol. Glasses shatter and drinks spill as mower man quietly exclaims "Oh no, we're in trouble" and drops to all fours and crawls away as me, F, and fountain man clean up my mess. We clean things up and begin to wonder where the final guy went when all of a sudden we hear F's lawn mower start. We look out the window to see mower man start gliding out of F's shed and into the misty night. F tackled mower man off the mower and pinned him down with the help of fountain man. We eventually dragged him inside where he finally passed out.
     
    I get drunk alone and at home so I can't say I've done anything super embarrassing except texting my crush by accident (nothing really stupid just random) or drunk tweeting. Rarely wake up hungover too. The worst was when I almost threw up at work and decided to go home cause I was too nauseated to want to be there.
     
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    Of course. I licked the electric fence my grandpa had around his yard after a night of boozing when I was 18. Ten years later, I loathe alcohol, and I can't stand being around drunk people. I picked the wrong country to move to, because alcohol is almost a way of life in Finland. I just don't get how you can glorify a literal toxin you're drinking. Maybe more people wouldn't need to alter their reality if they realized that what they think reality is, isn't.
     
    I wasn't drinking or anything, but the title reminds me of when I got in trouble with an officer, after for some reason I had the "bright" idea of sitting on an escalator at the mall. It was a slow descent while I was making eye contact with the officer at the bottom.

    I did stand up about midway through, but still, when I reached the bottom I was lectured about the dangers of sitting on an escalator, and was told not to do it again.
     
    Throwing up into my shirt to drunkenly try hide the incoming vomit (which did not work), and it dripping out of my shirt as I waddled to the outside of the club, where I promptly vomited all over the pavement again (and one more time for good measure) was probably not my greatest moment

    Oh god this just reminded me. I had a very similar experience only I was at a Panera Bread ordering some kind of salad. Then, whilst in front of the poor girl taking my order and multiple customers, I suddenly realized I was going to vomit so I covered my mouth with my shirt to try to limit the impending mess leaking out of my mouth and immediately ran outside to a garbage can - leaving a trail of vomit behind me. It ended up being a huge mess and I felt so bad for that cashier, but I immediately ran away because on top of being too drunk for some reason I also started losing all vision (not in a black out way, in a I've done way more then just drink too much way - which then spiraled me into a panic attack but that's neither here nor there). So I had to stumble home in near blindness with my clothes absolutely drenched and lord it was awful.

    I also have many war stories of drunk teens who I've babysat for, which actually got really, really dangerous. Some kid passed out on a bench and they decided to duct tape him - FACING UPWARDS - to the bench. So while I was trying to untie this kid cause that shit's super dangerous he began aspirating on his vomit. I was able to get his head turned enough so he wouldn't choke right away but still had to deal with getting him loose. So I yell and his little friends to cal la fucking ambulance (which they never did for the record, they just watched and looked on at one another like geese in the rain) while I kept getting the tape off of him. Eventually some other people helped me out and we got him free but he wasn't breathing right so we dropped him off at a hospital. It was horrifying. That boy could have actually died and had I and my then ex at the time not been there and all his friends could do was try to hide the booze back in their parent's pantry and stare dumbfounded. >:/
     
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