I didn't grow up with any brothers or sisters so I don't have that relationship, though I always wanted siblings. I was quick to befriend any cousin of mine of any age because it was the closest I had to a sibling. I like working with kids today, and deep down see them as the little brothers and sisters I never had.
My relationship with my mom couldn't be better. Neighbors and other family members and friends have often remarked on how close we are, sometimes with envy. Since I was the only child I was spoiled rotten. My mom also had me when she older than other mothers after a difficult pregnancy so I was looked on as a blessing. She badly wanted a child and really enjoyed being a mom. She sewed me a christening gown as a baby that she still keeps wrapped up in pristine condition under her bed. She would read bedtime stories to me and I could climb into bed with her any time I wanted. She covered the room in toys and hand-carved and painted a bookcase for me with all the muppets and characters from Sesame Street. She worked as an artist for a living.
My mom had also worked as a teacher, so she was always ready to answer any question I had, and took me to art museums and science exhibits and libraries, and bought me a computer.
She is a very gentle and mild person taught me to love animals and loves working with her hands in the garden. I nickname her Lily Craven, because she was kinda like the fairytale mom from The Secret Garden if you ever read that children's book. I grew up being told that I was beautiful and smart and that I could be anything that I wanted, because she was trying to build my confidence.
Nowadays I can tell her about mostly anything I am going through, and she is always very encouraging, sensitive with her words and nonjudgmental. We can spend hours chattering away on the phone, and just hang out together more like sisters, sit and watch a movie at home and eat popcorn together or go shopping. She has a physical disability now, but she doesn't let it get her down. Sometimes it feels like me and her against the world.
My relationship with my dad isn't quite as romantic. He and my mother split up when I was little, and I mostly remember being raised by her.
He always made his support payments, and I saw him sometimes. He would be familiar and was usually friendly and affectionate, but he was also an ambitious person who loved his career and and could be selfish. He was a philanderer and would tell us so many tall tales.
He is a prominent person in the community who knows how to charm with public speaking skills and wit, but he did not have patience at home with his kids, mostly it was left to my mom to do the raising and sometimes it felt more like he was renting a family when he needed it. He could be temperamental and insecure, and I really couldn't ask questions or say no to something the way I could under the more indulgent upbringing I had with my mom. My dad was king in his castle. I actually dreaded visits to see him as a kid. I felt stiff like I was going to The White House or Buckingham Palace. I always had to hold things in and smile, and put up a good show, especially if it was a public event.
I put a lot of distance between myself and my father once I became an adult, I just wasn't happy around him, and was so tired of the facade. While there were years where we did not see eachother. He did reach out to me recently on my birthday, and honestly it was a nice talk. He may be maturing over the years. We will see where it goes. I don't think my dad and I would ever be tight like I am with my mom, but I think it could get better. He's semi-retired now, his schedule has freed up, and he is a professor and a consultant at a university.
He has gotten better with connecting to people my age I think by being inspired by students. He has developed a heart condition, and being sick has made him reflect more on his life and the people that matter to him. Maybe we will better relationship now in the time that he has left.
