Dear Anonymous

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DA,

You're a real piece of ****, you know that? You're ****ing embarrassing. I mean, I knew the district is ****, but you've lowered my expectations further than that! You honestly want to pull me out of class to talk about my grades? Uh, my... grades? I know who you are. You are the director of special education for the school. You manage the case managers. You are not my case manager, you are not my teacher, and you aren't my parent - those people all revolve around "how I'm doing"! Do you honestly think you're slick enough to pull a loophole on me? I've read the books. Your ****ing policies in the cheap newspaper book that most people throw away even though it takes legal precedence, I ****ing read it. I'm not stupid. You're a ****head. **** off.
 
Dear Anonymous.

Fifteen years ago (wow, has it been that long?) you were my worst nightmare. I hated you with every fiber of my being, you and your friends. You made me hate my new school, my new home, and ridiculed me in front of anyone who I tried to befriend. Putting me down was nothing for you, just the thing you did as a daily activity. They say teenagers are cruel, well you were the cruellest of them all. I never did anything to bother you, but for some reason you just had to make me cry, and laugh at my misery. Good thing you got tired of bullying me after three years, and a year later we parted ways to never see each other again. You were truly the worst person on Earth...

... or so I thought. Because with age comes maturity, and with maturity, you tend to look back and see things in a different light. I don't think you know about the comic book series called Scott Pilgrim. Why I'm talking about this: in the final book (sorry for the spoilers, everyone else :) ) Scott faces his evil twin, Nega Scott. But ultimately, instead of finishing him off, he merges with him, and becomes a complete, mature person. You see, in the beginning, Scott remembered his school years as if it was a videogame with himself as a protagonist, and pretty much everyone else as a villain. But after becoming whole, he suddenly remembered: everything was not so black and white. He was not the flawless protagonist of his life story. He only had a severe case of self-serving memory. Let's just say, that years down the line, I met Nega-Alex, figuratively speaking. I realized how arrogant and obnoxious I was as a kid. I realized that it wasn't my weakness or my shyness or me being nice that drew you to do what you did. It was me being an immature, self-centered, prideful smartass who tended to ignore his own flaws and overreact to pretty much everything he didn't like. You put me back in my place, a place where I could learn humility, empathy and genuine kindness. You played a major part in preparing me for the real world in which I wasn't a "main character".

And now I suddenly remember seeing you... what, two years after you stopped "harassing" me. We had a brief chat, and I remember thinking in my still immature head how friendly you suddenly became... now I realize you were a good person all along. I was the jackass in this story.

If I ever meet you again, I'll be happy to shake your hand and buy you a drink, because ultimately you made me a better person.
 
Dear Anon,

Good luck with everything. Hopefully you'll be able to re-join the anime convention scene soon; in the meantime I'll miss seeing you at cons.
 
Dear anonymous,

Stop threatening to evict me simply because I've told you I dislike the way you do things around the house. I gave my reasoning, and instead of flat out enforcing your ideas onto me, consider my thoughts first before your decision. I don't care if you're a parent to me or not, I'm human and I should have the right to make a request on something just as much as you. I'm not a child anymore. I'm not afraid to use my mouth against your word, even though you may think I am.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I love you man, I do. You know I do, I wouldn't borrow my GBA to just anyone for a year at a second's notice or give them 20€ without demanding it back (because I'm the cheapskate of the year and you know that).

But bro, you need to stop changing your fucking phone number. I have a gazillion numbers of yours registered on my phone now and they just keep coming. I'm lazy. I don't delete old numbers. D'ya have any idea how many "wrong number" calls I've made by now?

Also, you live closer to my city now. Get here so I can kick your ass in SSBM again. You know I can. 8 years haven't changed that.
 
DA,

Sorry I destroyed your television. I know how unhappy you are about it, and how every so often you cry in your room. But, I don't think you understand the flipside of what's going on here. You don't know or care how often your actions have pushed me to tears, you don't know how much I've scraped for affection out of people like you to be fed a drop out of a bucket. You don't half care the other three things I decimated that night, do you? No, it's all about you. Your world revolves around you, doesn't it? Who's to say? I'm stuck on a netbook again because I smashed the Lenovo to hell as well, and I also threw away a box of take-out, and I also threw away your rusted tools that you had me dig out of the bottom of a garbage bin... all of them meant the same thing to me, but all you really care about is your idiot box. Call me names all you want - label me the same as you did my father out of a conceited lack of understanding - you're dirt to me. It's sad that he actually put in a more valiant effort into his relationship with me than you did.
 
Dear anonymous,

I really hope you believe me when I say it's okay. It might not be for you, but it is for me. Because I'm hopeful that things can change. You mean everything to me, and that isn't going to change. I really wish I could put it into words, but as someone who's seen you go through so much, and someone who wants you to be able to smile without a flicker of doubt behind those eyes, and someone who's always been able to make me laugh, I can honestly say I do love you, and above everything, I want you to be happy. That was my best attempt at putting how I feel into words, and it was crap. I'm a math kid, you're the English pro, poop. Lol, alright, lemme use some math. Me plus you equals happiness. And a whole lot of it.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I wish you could see how silly you are. But I don't think you are able to, at all. It's a bit sad.
 
Anon,

How is it so easy to give my all?

Why, how is it so hard to not?
 
Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure how this will go, actually. You plan some things, I try to plan too. But I'm not sure our plans will match. But we'll try. It'll go well. It has to go well. My nerves are just crackling a bit. As they should.

<3
 
Dear Anonymous...

I'll give you the space and time you need. I know I was a huge *******, and I am deeply sorry for the wrong I've done to you. I will right and improve myself, and when I do I just hope you can forgive me. Because I love you, and I'm a huge mess right now. But I deserve it, and I don't blame you if you hate me.
 
DA: I'm never sure where to stand around you and I certainly enjoyed it so much more the way we were some time ago. It's a shame that I want so little but it's so hard to ask for it.

DA: I miss you.
 
DA,

What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, what? Who do you think I am? I don't know what you think you're doing here, and the extent of my caring is only to my effect, I'll be honest. Hey, there's something you're struggling with: honesty! You know, being at least mostly not full of ****? The sad thing about that is you can't even be honest with yourself. You lie to yourself a thousand times over with story after story about what I am, and what I'm not, and you really don't know me. You don't. I have self-respect, I have character. When I say I'm better than this God awful state of affairs you're just okay with coming home to, I say it with as much intent to change it as I can, but I can't drag your ass kicking and screaming out of this fantasy. Your world is a lot like Disneyland - it's very fun and comforting but it's ****ing expensive and you think it's okay to have everyone around you foot the bill for it. I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with you thinking you're better than me by some bigoted default, that there's nothing you could possibly learn from me because of my age - you're full of ****. You're a liar, and a bad one at that. I'm so sick of you holding promises and money over my head to get me to power through tough times for nothing, I'm frustrated that you're using my integrity and power to manipulate me, I'm tired of these tough times of yours never seeming to lighten up, and I'm appalled that you have the conceit to think that you can to lie to me on top of dropping commitment after commitment by passing it off as some slip-up. I feel embarrassed when we have guests over because the same chair I sat in in first grade is breaking on my ass, and you're embarrassed because I don't just ignore it, and I dare say anything about it, like, I dunno, wanting to do something about it? Dean tried to explain to you the logic behind being a frugal consumer, and why you pay more for something, and you just want to continue paying $30 for a chair every few months as opposed to getting a nice recliner for $200 that would outlast the house. Enjoy your garbage product for more money, you're a nimrod. I'm tired of you, I'm done with you. Anything I hold through with you on is out of my own self-respect and integrity, and anything I commit with you to is either out of force or naïvété. You're unbelievable. This is madness.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I love you a lot. You mean a lot to me and the people who love you. I want you to know that. I just wish you could understand that your ego is getting in the way of what's best for the family. I wish you could see that you seeking employment at another job does not count as an antagonistic co-worker 'winning' an arbitrary struggle that doesn't matter in the end. I've tried my hardest to explain this to you, but it's been a futile effort.

I hope that one day you can reconcile your ego, let go of this idea that you have to be the one who survives at any cost, and learn to trust that people aren't always gunning to stab you in the back. Until that day comes, I shall unfortunately be relegated to standing on the sidelines, shaking my head as I watch you continue to suffer when you deserve better. I wish you hadn't fooled yourself into believing that was necessary in the first place.

I will always love you.

- Fatman
 
Alex said:
DA,

What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, what? Who do you think I am? I don't know what you think you're doing here, and the extent of my caring is only to my effect, I'll be honest. Hey, there's something you're struggling with: honesty! You know, being at least mostly not full of ****? The sad thing about that is you can't even be honest with yourself. You lie to yourself a thousand times over with story after story about what I am, and what I'm not, and you really don't know me. You don't. I have self-respect, I have character. When I say I'm better than this God awful state of affairs you're just okay with coming home to, I say it with as much intent to change it as I can, but I can't drag your ass kicking and screaming out of this fantasy. Your world is a lot like Disneyland - it's very fun and comforting but it's ****ing expensive and you think it's okay to have everyone around you foot the bill for it. I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with you thinking you're better than me by some bigoted default, that there's nothing you could possibly learn from me because of my age - you're full of ****. You're a liar, and a bad one at that. I'm so sick of you holding promises and money over my head to get me to power through tough times for nothing, I'm frustrated that you're using my integrity and power to manipulate me, I'm tired of these tough times of yours never seeming to lighten up, and I'm appalled that you have the conceit to think that you can to lie to me on top of dropping commitment after commitment by passing it off as some slip-up. I feel embarrassed when we have guests over because the same chair I sat in in first grade is breaking on my ass, and you're embarrassed because I don't just ignore it, and I dare say anything about it, like, I dunno, wanting to do something about it? Dean tried to explain to you the logic behind being a frugal consumer, and why you pay more for something, and you just want to continue paying $30 for a chair every few months as opposed to getting a nice recliner for $200 that would outlast the house. Enjoy your garbage product for more money, you're a nimrod. I'm tired of you, I'm done with you. Anything I hold through with you on is out of my own self-respect and integrity, and anything I commit with you to is either out of force or naïvété. You're unbelievable. This is madness.
Click to expand...

DA,

Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!
 
Dear Anon,

Funny how it takes one sentence for us to be compatible life partners again. We dated, it was nice. We broke up, it was fine. I guess I was always vaguely in love with you the whole time though? It's not like I ever pined for you or anything. But we've always been hella affectionate with each other, even through other SOs. Maybe you're still a little in love with me? You've said as much on a few occasions.
But I didn't consider that I could be with you in the long term. You wanted something very much like your parents had- traditional relationship with 2.5 kids and some cats or whatever. I'm allergic to cats. Also I don't want kids. And then you tell me you have realized what I said years ago was very true? And now you don't want that traditional American family life? YOU DON'T WANT KIDS?
Honey, you're no longer off-limits as a partner in my brain.
And if your values and desires are v similar to mine
I'm probably not off-limits to you.
(though I haven't ever really been, probably)
What we gonna do about that?
 
DA,
Ever since we had the d&m it's like either a) out friendship is getting stronger b) you're making it forcefully stronger to make me feel better.

DA,
I'm nervous. I want independence but the obstacles to get there...

DA,
I like you a lot. You might know. You might not. Who knows.

DA,
Wow. Thanks for forgetting I exist. After everything I've done for you guys, wow.
 
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