Help & Advice Thread

[CnifeKat]

Should you trust someone with your "heart" online?

So let's say my friend found someone online around June (2016). She slowly got to know simple things about him, such as his name and how old he is, and started to like the person more than a friend. A month ago, she confessed her love for him and he surprisingly said that he loved her too. Now they are semi-dating, but never seen each other nor know where or what time zone or area they live in. I'm concerned that if she DOES meet him in REAL LIFE that he is actually a pedophile. His facts about himself though are really convincing and what pedo would stay talking with a girl for over 7 months?

 

[Pinkie-Dawn]

One of my Skype friends warned me a similar about another Skype user we're both friends with and how she could be a man because when he went to her supposed home country, the locals had no idea who or where she is, and one of his other friends checked her IP address originating from another country. However, that friend is using various images of the same woman as her icon, leading me to believe that she is not a man (since I haven't seen where those images originated from).

 

[Nah]

There is always going to be the potential that someone you've met online is not exactly who they appear to be/say they are. Hell, even offline there may be things about a person you don't know.

If it's that much of a concern, try to learn about this person as much as you can, see if anything raises red flags. Which, btw, how much did your friend know about this person before they started this long distance relationship?

 

[Nihilego]

She should definitely have, at the very least, a video chat (not just pictures) with this person before they think about meeting up. I mean, if there are no real red flags going up right now then I'd not be particularly worried (in this day and age, "they met online" is barely a cause for concern), but definitely these sorts of things need verifying before they're taken offline, especially if your friend is a potential target for a paedophile. It's also maybe a little concerning that she's at an age where paedophilia could apply at all, yet is dating someone online in the first place. Again, while it's unlikely that this particular guy is something to be concerned about, the concept of a young girl dating someone on the internet just doesn't sit that well with me and seems like an unessecary risk for her to be taking in the first place.

what pedo would stay talking with a girl for over 7 months?

Probably most of them. From what I know, they're a lot more persistent, sneaky and manipulative than you'd initially expect.

 

[gimmepie]

An additional tip, assuming that this person checks out via video call or whatever, is to make sure people know exactly where she is going to meet this person (somewhere extremely public) and preferably that the first meeting isn't alone.

 

[Esper]

So let's say my friend found someone online around June (2016). She slowly got to know simple things about him, such as his name and how old he is, and started to like the person more than a friend. A month ago, she confessed her love for him and he surprisingly said that he loved her too. Now they are semi-dating, but never seen each other nor know where or what time zone or area they live in. I'm concerned that if she DOES meet him in REAL LIFE that he is actually a pedophile. His facts about himself though are really convincing and what pedo would stay talking with a girl for over 7 months?

Gimmepie is spot on about meeting up with people. It should happen in a public place that she knows and is comfortable with, (but not her home) during the daytime, and ideally with someone she knows and trusts with her. I'm assuming your friend isn't 18 yet from what you've said. Does she have a car or other transportation? If she does need to leave quickly it would be good if she wasn't dependent on having to take a subway train or wait to be picked up (or especially getting a ride from the internet guy).

 

[RG015]

So let's say my friend found someone online around June (2016). She slowly got to know simple things about him, such as his name and how old he is, and started to like the person more than a friend. A month ago, she confessed her love for him and he surprisingly said that he loved her too. Now they are semi-dating, but never seen each other nor know where or what time zone or area they live in. I'm concerned that if she DOES meet him in REAL LIFE that he is actually a pedophile. His facts about himself though are really convincing and what pedo would stay talking with a girl for over 7 months?

Well, friend.. Its a bit more complicated than that XD. Anyway I've been reading this and was like I hate you -friendname- for putting out my problems! The guy i like has said to me his age, his name, how many siblings he has, and various other nonsense. I can agree that my friend is highly concerned but i've known this guy for quite some time. Also we're not semi-dating.. I mean semi-ish-dating.. Well we dont talk about relationships we kinda just enjoy the time we spend together. I know its kind of bad to trust in someone I dont know but i can and I do. Also doing this is the equivalent of shipping yourself with a fictional character. I know each and every one of you is guilty. BUT MY GUY IS MOST LIKELY REAL. 75% chance. I'm also stubborn. I also have facts to keep proof. and well yeah okie so im going to like go now ~byeeeeeeee

 

[Corrin]

One of my friends is a mental drain but idk how to cut them off.

That was more serious but I could use feedback.

 

[Starpire]

I'm not going to lie. I'm scared.

i guess a little backstory is needed first..

i'm trans, more specifically androgynous or just trans-masculine.
i go by he/him/his/himself and they/them/their/themself pronouns and have done so for at least four years.

i basically shut myself in after the Trump inauguration, i'm supposed to be in college by now but i'm absolutely terrified of facing anyone.
i was bullied relentlessly in high school and now that the new trans-bathroom policy is being flailed around like something to be proud of, i've been more reluctant to leave than ever.
i haven't transitioned yet, so i'm still seen as female and it gives me the worst dysphoria, i just don't want to relive high school all over again.

if you're trans, like me, what would you recommend? i don't have any healthy coping mechanisms.

 

[BlazingCobaltX]

i guess a little backstory is needed first..

i'm trans, more specifically androgynous or just trans-masculine.
i go by he/him/his/himself and they/them/their/themself pronouns and have done so for at least four years.

i basically shut myself in after the Trump inauguration, i'm supposed to be in college by now but i'm absolutely terrified of facing anyone.
i was bullied relentlessly in high school and now that the new trans-bathroom policy is being flailed around like something to be proud of, i've been more reluctant to leave than ever.
i haven't transitioned yet, so i'm still seen as female and it gives me the worst dysphoria, i just don't want to relive high school all over again.

if you're trans, like me, what would you recommend? i don't have any healthy coping mechanisms.

I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances and so sorry that your country has become increasingly unsafe. Unfortunately I am neither trans nor living in the US so I really can't give you advice. I don't really know any healthy coping mechanisms either...

Were you already enrolled in college? Have you notified your professors about your absence? To avoid falling too much behind I'd certainly let college know about your circumstances - without giving too much detail if you're not comfortable with that. That's the only thing I can think of right now, sorry.

 

[Somewhere_]

I need some advice

Okay, so relationships between me and the opposite sex dont have a great history.

The first girl I asked out she said she wasnt interested in me.
The second girl I asked out was going well until I screwed it up by failing it kiss when she asked (ya i know, I pussied out). so that ended. But thankfully Im a lot more confident now, so I know I wont make this mistake again.

And now its prom time and I have been making plans to ask a girl I like to prom, and I recently found out she isn't interested in anyone at the high school and wants to go with someone outside of school. So she is out of the question. And it really sucks because I was going to ask her next week.

My second choice to ask to prom just got into a bad car accident this week and she said she wasnt really interested in going to prom anymore. (a mixture of the car accident and a falling out with a good friend of hers). I dont know the extent of her injuries because she has a concussion and can't use her phone.

I could ask a girl within this certain "friend group," but the two girls I already tried dating are from that group. And I was hanging out with friends one time, asked one girl if she wanted to hang out, and she interpreted it as asking her out. So now its awkward to ask anyone from that group. My circle of friends has already been declining and I dont need to further catalyze this.

So the problem is that I have to ask girls that I dont know as well, which is fine, but isn't that kinda weird? Idk.

My mom has been really pushing me to get a girlfriend and since its about time to be asking girls to prom, she has gone full force. Honestly, its kinda stressful considering my bad luck and I dont need her pressuring me right now. She is forcing me to go to prom, so not going isn't an option. And she has already set deadlines for when I have to ask a girl and crap. She is so excited about this that she isn't making me pay for the ticket and said its her birthday gift if I go. She has this crazy emotional attachment to me going to prom.

What do I do? I really need help. Anything goes from how to ask a girl to prom to whatever.

 

[User19sq]

I'd tell you to forget your mother and just spend prom night hanging out with the girl in the accident as just friends, but I'm one to relinquish bloodlines, so that's that.

Relationships can't happen in a month if you're pressed to do so. At this point, all you can do is:

* Hope you find a girlfriend by some miracle, without trying
* Find a girl in the exact same predicament as you, so the two of you can benefit from the night
* Pay a girl to help you
* Just go with friends to prom

My best advice, though: wait for someone with better advise to post here.

 

[Alex]

my advice to you is ask a friend

prom isnt the time to ask a girl you hardly know. i made the mistake of asking a girl i had a crush on, but didnt really know, and she declined because - of course - she had someone else in mind. remember, everyone is thinking about who they want to go to prom with.

your best bet is ask a girl friend of yours. chances are she will say yes.

 

[Somewhere_]

I know asking a friend is a good idea, but like I mentioned earlier, my friend pool has been declining and the list of girls has declined significantly. I haven't talked to many of them in like a year. The ones I have talked to have boyfriends or it would be a bad idea to ask.

I can think of one girl I hang out with. Not to be too picky, but she isn't exactly the most fun person to hang out with...

neither am i lol

 

[User19sq]

I know asking a friend is a good idea, but like I mentioned earlier, my friend pool has been declining and the list of girls has declined significantly. I haven't talked to many of them in like a year. The ones I have talked to have boyfriends or it would be a bad idea to ask.

I can think of one girl I hang out with. Not to be too picky, but she isn't exactly the most fun person to hang out with...

neither am i lol

If you're aiming to please your mom... it's your only choice.

 

[Nah]

Don't feel like you have to get a girlfriend asap and/or have to go to prom because your mother wants you to. Go because you want to. Date who you want, when you're ready/have found someone truly suitable. You'll be happier in the long run.

If your mother doesn't like it, tough shit.

 

[Alex]

take your mom

 

[Somewhere_]

Well its the same mom that literally chaperoned a middle school dance (idk why the school had parents help) against my permission and then got yelled at by a teacher for breaking the rules. She was TAKING PICTURES!!!

my mom has a personality like freaking steel

do you know how long it took me to convince her stop being a "helicopter mom?" it took freaking YEARS

and my dad is no help- he knows he will always lose to my mom!

Anyways, update: my mom and I just reviewed every girl in my grade and she is forcing me to ask girls down a list she and I made (I wonder who the list favors). This is going great.

 

[User19sq]

At this point, I feel you should go hang out with your friends instead of prom, buy pizzas and watch Better Call Saul, and stay at one of their houses for days until your mom cools down from ditching prom. I know I sound awful, but it's what I'd do in your shoes.

 

[Somewhere_]

At this point, I feel you should go hang out with your friends instead of prom, buy pizzas and watch Better Call Saul, and stay at one of their houses for days until your mom cools down from ditching prom. I know I sound awful, but it's what I'd do in your shoes.

I really, really want to go to prom with a girl lol. Thankfully, the girls from the list are attractive and within reach. Its just not the optimal situation and I'm frustrated. Im sure ill have a good time and I can learn to set boundaries with my mom for next prom. At least the list helps me narrow down my choices and makes the decision easier. I can't lie and say it didnt have benefits.

It would be really nice if hot guys outside of school didnt exist and car accidents didnt exist. I know its totally selfish to think this way, but I suppose choosing a date to prom as a guy is inherently selfish.