Arylett Charnoa
No one in particular.
- 1,130
- Posts
- 10
- Years
- Age 32
- Seen Jan 5, 2023
Insert some treatise about angsty relations with parents here. I'm going to rant now.
I don't like my parents. My mother in particular grates on me. The way she speaks, that high pitched annoying voice with that accent... yelling loudly through the door... it makes me jump out of my skin and immediately causes my body to tense up with stress. She's so stupid, and it isn't just because of the fact that there's a language barrier between us. (She came from another country, and I grew up here, speaking English) Explaining basic concepts to her is a chore. You have to repeat yourself so many times because she wasn't paying attention. Her mind is always spacing out in every direction, and having a conversation with her is like slogging your way through a swamp. It goes nowhere.
Let's not even mention the fact that during my childhood, she was constantly screaming and shouting, going on random complaints throughout the house about how nobody appreciates her. She always complains about something and over-exaggerates her problems and makes excuses not to go to work. Luckily, since my fiance moved in, she has been much more hesitant to do these things. When introduced to a stranger, she always puts on this fake cover and is afraid to offend. It's a nice barrier from the bullshit I've had to bear.
By the way, he doesn't like her either. He also finds her existence grating, and both of us feel like prisoners in our small room. If we want to make food or eat, we wait for them to leave the kitchen just to avoid speaking or contact. It takes forever sometimes, because they just sit in there for hours for no discernible reason. And that only makes me more frustrated. I wish I didn't feel trapped in my own room.
All she knows is anxiety and screaming. She was never reassuring to me as a child. I was concerned, I was sick, I said ANYTHING bad, and she would freak out and blow it out of proportion. This is partially the reason why I am so neurotic about everything. My whole childhood was keeping secrets, not saying anything, not letting any emotions slip through, for fear of that insane woman going on a loud tirade. Perhaps yelling isn't that big a deal to some people, but to me, loud noises are immensely painful. I hate them so much.
I never had any guidance, and they never taught me anything about being an adult. Because my mom never wants her children to leave. She wants us to be dependent on her forever. And I would be, if it wasn't for the fact that I found my fiance. He is teaching me more than they have ever.
As for my dad? He might as well not even have been there. All he did was buy me stuff and randomly become angry for no reason sometimes. (And when he did, he had the most harsh criticisms. Much harsher than my mother. So many things he has said to me in that state) Even though he's smarter than she is, he speaks even less English, and that language barrier is basically insurmountable as I lose more and more of my skills in their language.
To me, my parents were never real parents. They were just people who created me and then kept me alive. I know they care, and I know they try, and I appreciate the fact that they're letting us live here until we can get our financial shit together, but they were just so bad at being parents that my patience has been broken. I can't stand to be in the same room as my mother for longer than five minutes. And I just want to go away and only talk to them on occasion by phone. They're pretty old, and I know my dad doesn't have much more than ten or fifteen years left, but I know that there's not much I can do about the state of our relationship. If they die, well... I hate to say it, but it wouldn't bother me extensively. Sure, it would be a disturbing thought that I would never see them again. Something weird because they've always been in my life, but it wouldn't be like... this super sad thing. It's just that I'm not very close to them, and family isn't enough to justify it. I have to know you on a deeper level, to be able to speak and hold actual conversations, to care that much.
I don't like my parents. My mother in particular grates on me. The way she speaks, that high pitched annoying voice with that accent... yelling loudly through the door... it makes me jump out of my skin and immediately causes my body to tense up with stress. She's so stupid, and it isn't just because of the fact that there's a language barrier between us. (She came from another country, and I grew up here, speaking English) Explaining basic concepts to her is a chore. You have to repeat yourself so many times because she wasn't paying attention. Her mind is always spacing out in every direction, and having a conversation with her is like slogging your way through a swamp. It goes nowhere.
Let's not even mention the fact that during my childhood, she was constantly screaming and shouting, going on random complaints throughout the house about how nobody appreciates her. She always complains about something and over-exaggerates her problems and makes excuses not to go to work. Luckily, since my fiance moved in, she has been much more hesitant to do these things. When introduced to a stranger, she always puts on this fake cover and is afraid to offend. It's a nice barrier from the bullshit I've had to bear.
By the way, he doesn't like her either. He also finds her existence grating, and both of us feel like prisoners in our small room. If we want to make food or eat, we wait for them to leave the kitchen just to avoid speaking or contact. It takes forever sometimes, because they just sit in there for hours for no discernible reason. And that only makes me more frustrated. I wish I didn't feel trapped in my own room.
All she knows is anxiety and screaming. She was never reassuring to me as a child. I was concerned, I was sick, I said ANYTHING bad, and she would freak out and blow it out of proportion. This is partially the reason why I am so neurotic about everything. My whole childhood was keeping secrets, not saying anything, not letting any emotions slip through, for fear of that insane woman going on a loud tirade. Perhaps yelling isn't that big a deal to some people, but to me, loud noises are immensely painful. I hate them so much.
I never had any guidance, and they never taught me anything about being an adult. Because my mom never wants her children to leave. She wants us to be dependent on her forever. And I would be, if it wasn't for the fact that I found my fiance. He is teaching me more than they have ever.
As for my dad? He might as well not even have been there. All he did was buy me stuff and randomly become angry for no reason sometimes. (And when he did, he had the most harsh criticisms. Much harsher than my mother. So many things he has said to me in that state) Even though he's smarter than she is, he speaks even less English, and that language barrier is basically insurmountable as I lose more and more of my skills in their language.
To me, my parents were never real parents. They were just people who created me and then kept me alive. I know they care, and I know they try, and I appreciate the fact that they're letting us live here until we can get our financial shit together, but they were just so bad at being parents that my patience has been broken. I can't stand to be in the same room as my mother for longer than five minutes. And I just want to go away and only talk to them on occasion by phone. They're pretty old, and I know my dad doesn't have much more than ten or fifteen years left, but I know that there's not much I can do about the state of our relationship. If they die, well... I hate to say it, but it wouldn't bother me extensively. Sure, it would be a disturbing thought that I would never see them again. Something weird because they've always been in my life, but it wouldn't be like... this super sad thing. It's just that I'm not very close to them, and family isn't enough to justify it. I have to know you on a deeper level, to be able to speak and hold actual conversations, to care that much.
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