Serious Irrational Fears

[Palamon]

What are some of your more irrational fears?

I, for example, am afraid to watch tv in the dark because I'm afraid of going blind/developing a seizure. I'm scared of the dark in general, but I don't know that one Porygon episode (that I refuse to watch) instilled this fear on me that I shouldn't watch TV in the dark or sit in the dark. It's gotten to the point where I won't even sleep in the dark.

This is a rather irrational fear of mine, and it's likely not going to go away. I'm just afraid of the dark & I know seizures are possible for anyone, epilepsy or not.

 

[Nah]

Phone calls, I guess. Though maybe it's more like anxiety than fear, but fuck I hate taking and making phone calls, with a couple of exceptions. Literally noped out of a couple of interviews lately because they wanted to do phone ones instead of in-person ones

 

[Zeostar]

I hate blood pressure cuffs. The squeezing sensation sends me into a weird internal panic state every time.

 

[Corrin]

The brain worms I got during the MKUltra experiments taking control of my body.

But really, I'm a huge germaphobe.

 

[Palamon]

The brain worms I got during the MKUltra experiments taking control of my body.

But really, I'm a huge germaphobe.

I think it's rational to be germaphobic in some way. Germs are pretty disgusting.

(I'm terrified of people who are sick getting near me).

 

[Fairy]

I sorta have a lot of irrational fears. And despite overcoming.. two of them(?) this is something that still controls my life. I'm afraid I'm going to have a major cardiac event and die, or have a stroke or aneurysm and die, or form a blood clot and die, or I have cancer or some terminal illness that I don't know about. And I'll die.

I swear to god I aspirated a tapioca boba a month ago and I can feel it. My esophagus hasn't felt right since. The unknown terrifies me but not as much as knowing.

I fear that all of my relationships (friend, romantic, familial, peer) are conditional in some way. And that I'm actually worthless to people unless I'm doing something for them. Or that my relationships are transactional and eventually I stop having value. I fear that I've been conditioned to feel this way and I'll never overcome my obsessive need to please people so they don't abandon me.

I'm afraid of my own anxieties and will lather myself into panic if I let myself overthink, because my brain is constantly running with "what if's". This also gives me somatic symptoms of my above mentioned medical fears. I'm also afraid of phones - not making calls but receiving them. Instantly my heart sinks because I just know it's going to be bad news or it'll be someone toxic from my past. I have a fear of driving, not of cars themselves, but being behind the wheel or operating a car. I know how, but the fear it sparks in me is, well, irrational.

I'm afraid of heights, but I am even more afraid of my own reaction to heights. Every time I'm on something tall I'm afraid I'll get the urge to throw myself off.

I fear lacking control of things in my life. Well, more like, I'm afraid of discovering more things about myself that I can't control. I know I don't have control of every aspect in my life, how could I possibly control the people I care about? Or the building I live in? Or the weather? But that particular feeling of helplessness is what makes me act on irrational fears with irrational behaviors.

I have an irrational fear of movie theaters. Can't explain it, don't understand it, but I have a flight reaction all the same. I may have been listing irrational fears but there's always some seed that informs me of the why part. Movie theaters I just do not get. It's a completely mystery as to me. But alas, I fear them all the same

I have an irrational fear of the OBG-YN, even if I'm not going in for an exam. I go every three months for my birth control and no matter how many years it's been, every time I'm touched I flinch right off the table. I'm afraid of pregnancy or becoming pregnant. Or even just feeling too vulnerable. I'm afraid of what I'd even be left with as a human if I let go of these fears, and I'm afraid of being confronted what whatever these fears are working so hard to protect.

And then I'll die lol.

Also for the record, still afraid of airplanes and airports. It's now a manageable, regular fear, but I still don't like it.

 

[Orion☆]

Put it simply, I'm afraid I'll lose my identity - everything that has always made me, well, me. I know it's an irrational fear because deep down I have grown, but never really changed, and yet I often get mental flashes of what "could be," which often isn't coherent with who I am. I have gone a long way in acknowledging this fear over the pandemic, however. I have since learned to live in the present as much as possible, and I have also learned to do proper introspection and to reevaluate my needs according to the current context.

Still, I feel the world is changing too damn fast for me to keep track of, and anything could trigger a sudden change in personality, relationships or interests. (Just look at my rant in the "What hurts emotionally?" thread, with what me cutting off my last few US-born friends because I couldn't trust them anymore.) I wish it would slow down a bit, because I want a real sense of permanence for once.

 

[Aslan]

I also have a fear of the dark still to be honest. I get a lot of nightmares and sleep paralysis so over time I would get super anxious waking up in a dark room. I feel a lot better trying to sleep with at least a light on than when it's off because of it.

I get scared if I see lightning or hear thunder when I'm outside even if the risk to me is small. I'm not scared of thunderstorms if I'm inside though.

I have an irrational fear of plane flights but I like travelling enough to just force myself to go. Or at least just take the it is what it is attitude onto the flight. :D

@ Fairy, I relate to the health anxiety fears a lot and also the somatic part. Mine came from an event during childhood so working on moving past that helped a lot but I can remember very well having severe panic attacks about it. Never really fully got past it but I'm glad to say it's a lot less now.

 

[Corrin]

I think it's rational to be germaphobic in some way. Germs are pretty disgusting.

(I'm terrified of people who are sick getting near me).

While a healthy cautiousness is good, it really impacts my life. An example is that I won't touch other people's clothes, at all. I can't do laundry because I'd have to handle my mother and brother's clothes.

 

[Palamon]

While a healthy cautiousness is good, it really impacts my life. An example is that I won't touch other people's clothes, at all. I can't do laundry because I'd have to handle my mother and brother's clothes.

No, I get you. And I understand. I would never want to do someone else's laundry (or wear something that someone else wore unless it's washed).

I refuse to touch any doorknobs with my hands because they're disgusting and germy, and have my sleeves touch them instead. But..maybe that's not being germaphobic.

 

[Fairy]

Can't believe I forgot to mention this lol.

So this is a very recent irrational fear I've developed. Like, within the past week and a half. I keep having this persistent, intrusive, obsessive thought that I'm not getting enough oxygen. Every time it pops into my head I feel like I need to stop whatever I'm doing and take a deep breath. But.. it's not like the normal breathing exercises I do to manage my anxiety. In my head there's like a "good" breath and a "bad" breath. One feels like it fills my lungs completely, satisfies the voice in my mind, and keeps it away until it comes up again. The other kind, when I try to take a deep breath, doesn't feel like it fills my lungs adequately and leaves me with this urge to continue inhaling in even when I physically can't. Eventually when I exhale I get this wave of "you're suffocating" and I try to breath quicker and deeper, but sometimes it still doesn't work and I end up very short of breath (obviously the anxiety, adrenaline, actually putting too much effort into breathing) and have to repeat the behavior until I hopefully get a "good" breath again, or actually get up, redirect, and ground myself.

It feels like rolling a D20 for a constitution check on my lungs. Just pure RNG on where it lands and hoping I have a high enough "mental fortitude" ability modifier to logic my way out.

But the reality is I'm not suffocating, I get exactly the same amount of oxygen I need with any and every breath, and there's nothing wrong with my lungs.

This hasn't evolved into my normal brand of anxiety that resides dangerously close to every thought I have and pokes at me constantly to be afraid. This is something that if I don't think about it, I don't feel the compulsive need to "breathe right". I can go the whole day without this thought bubbling up, but when it does it's usually in the late evening (the same period of time when all my medical anxieties seem to escalate), and it will not go away until I fall asleep.

 

[Fairy]

Can't believe I forgot to mention this lol.

So this is a very recent irrational fear I've developed. Like, within the past week and a half. I keep having this persistent, intrusive, obsessive thought that I'm not getting enough oxygen. Every time it pops into my head I feel like I need to stop whatever I'm doing and take a deep breath. But.. it's not like the normal breathing exercises I do to manage my anxiety. In my head there's like a "good" breath and a "bad" breath. One feels like it fills my lungs completely, satisfies the voice in my mind, and keeps it away until it comes up again. The other kind, when I try to take a deep breath, doesn't feel like it fills my lungs adequately and leaves me with this urge to continue inhaling in even when I physically can't. Eventually when I exhale I get this wave of "you're suffocating" and I try to breath quicker and deeper, but sometimes it still doesn't work and I end up very short of breath (obviously the anxiety, adrenaline, actually putting too much effort into breathing) and have to repeat the behavior until I hopefully get a "good" breath again, or actually get up, redirect, and ground myself.

It feels like rolling a D20 for a constitution check on my lungs. Just pure RNG on where it lands and hoping I have a high enough "mental fortitude" ability modifier to logic my way out.

But the reality is I'm not suffocating, I get exactly the same amount of oxygen I need with any and every breath, and there's nothing wrong with my lungs.

This hasn't evolved into my normal brand of anxiety that resides dangerously close to every thought I have and pokes at me constantly to be afraid. This is something that if I don't think about it, I don't feel the compulsive need to "breathe right". I can go the whole day without this thought bubbling up, but when it does it's usually in the late evening (the same period of time when all my medical anxieties seem to escalate), and it will not go away until I fall asleep.

Update: as of 15 days later this no longer seems to have such a great control over me.

 

[Auticorn]

I have a fear of thunder... which is pretty irrational. Mostly, it's because I don't like loud noises. Thunder can go from being soft to just... djhfskljdghdkjfsgh. It's actually legit jolted me out of sleep before, and I'm now traumatized to sleep during a thunderstorm. ;w; I also don't like when other people throw up. I'm not entirely sure about this one as I have no logical explanation for it, but it's been like that for me since I was a kid.

 

[Nah]

I also don't like when other people throw up. I'm not entirely sure about this one as I have no logical explanation for it, but it's been like that for me since I was a kid.

I mean, vomit is pretty nasty and gross, so it's not crazy that some people would be highly averse to it

 

[Corrin]

Throwing up myself always puts me in a panic, it feels so awful.
Over all it's just unpleasant.

 

[gimmepie]

Throwing up myself always puts me in a panic, it feels so awful.
Over all it's just unpleasant.

This straight up sets off my PTSD. I cannot handle not feeling in control of my own body.

 

[Corrin]

This straight up sets off my PTSD. I cannot handle not feeling in control of my own body.

This too! Like it's forced and you can't do anything!

I try my best to even out my breaths and stay as calm as I can.

 

[Palamon]

I have a fear of thunder... which is pretty irrational. Mostly, it's because I don't like loud noises. Thunder can go from being soft to just... djhfskljdghdkjfsgh. It's actually legit jolted me out of sleep before, and I'm now traumatized to sleep during a thunderstorm. ;w; I also don't like when other people throw up. I'm not entirely sure about this one as I have no logical explanation for it, but it's been like that for me since I was a kid.

Emetophobia isn't irrational tbh. I don't have it (emetophobia), but I wouldn't want to see someone throw up, either. I won't even write it.