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Updated the opening post a smol bit!
New topic, to get some talk rolling, for those who wish to participate in the topic at hand:
How would you ideally wish to come out?
Alternatively, how do you plan on coming out, if you have plans?
Or if you already have - do you wish that your coming out had gone differently?
Kinda already replied to this on the other thread. I will put a spoiler and then concentrate on the "how I wish it went differently" part.
Spoiler:
I am out only to my parents and online friends as trans and bisexual (I am mainly straight though).
My coming out experience was one of worst things I have experienced, in terms of personal feelings. I was kinda accepted by my parents, but concretely nothing changed.
I am that kind of person that expresses herself better in letters rather than in person.
I am not brave either, so one night in August I wrote a letter and after dinner I left it on the table for my parents to read it. I run into my room, got my headphones and blasted volume to the max so that I couldn't hear whatever they were saying. I cried, but I felt paralyzed because I knew that it was too much to handle for my parents.
You need to know that in the town where I lived, there was no LGBT population at all. Isn't it weird? Yes, it definitely was. I guess most people kept it a secret and many others just went to live somewhere else. I have never considered coming out to my friends as most of them are kinda conservative, but, more than that, some of them are really bothered by the LGBT thing. I knew I could trust my parents as they told me they would have accepted me, but coming out as trans wasn't a thing they could have expected, mainly for the way I look, I guess.
It was back in 2019 and I have been seeing a psychologist since then. My parents were pretty much against it at first, but then, this summer especially, they clearly told me the life is mine and I can do whatever I want. But, I often questioned if that's really "accepting" as it most feels like "we are against it, bit you do you". They love me, that's for sure, but they will probably never look at me as a girl, which kinda kills the idea of coming out itself lol.
Why do I regret it? There were no changes at all, but really just more complications. At that point of my life, I definitely needed help and I needed to clarify my ideas on transitioning and stuff, but concretely there's no difference from me being closeted back in 2018 and me now lol. My parents and me almost just forgot about my coming out. I am glad I have done it already because it was really painful to express how I felt and wait for their reactions, so I won't have to do it again with them. But, on the other hand, that's definitely not enough. I don't feel free at all. Considering that it's passed so much time, if I take an important decision in my life, I will basically have to come out again. Not to consider the rest of the family, which doesn't expect it and will pretty much be against it.
First of all, despite not having made any progress and maybe actually having made things worse after coming out, I am still glad I was kinda accepted. So, what I wish I could have changed was obviously the time: doing it as soon as I understood something was wrong (when I was 14) would have helped and now I could be living a different life. But, luckily for my mental health, I can't consider it a major regret as in that period of my life I had some other health issues going on. So, it would have made everything even more complicated.
Going back to that famous August night, I would definitely try to talk to them in person, but knowing myself, I wouldn't be able to do that not even in 100 years lol.
Then, I would have changed the letter I wrote: less references to online friends, because that scared the hell out of my parents. Like, really a lot. For me, it wasn't much of a big deal, but for them it definitely was. They were worried.
I also wish I had a clearer idea of the whole "being trans" thing.
I will develop a bit, but not enough to annoy: surely, I took my time to be sure about being trans. Fluidity and "grey areas" aren't a solid base to come out. It would have just confused their ideas. Now, it's years I have no doubt about my gender identity, but being trans looks to me more of a long path. Back then, it took me years to be convinced about my gender identity and to better understand the whole thing. If I had to come out, I had to give them certainties and not doubts as it would have made things more uncertain.
To do that, I had to convince myself first, so I kinda had a life planned, hopes and dreams to realize, but then, after coming out and talking to a psychologist, reality hit me hard and I understood that all my certainties and plans were actually not as strong and consolidated as I thought and hoped they were. That's why I think it's a path: I have really changed on so many things since when I came out. It's not a positive or a negative change, it's neutral, I'd say.
Last thing I would change, but I have talked about it before, is that I would probably avoid coming out at all. It's a paradox, but I feel a lot more fragile and uncertain since when I came out. I think my first experience wasn't good at all, because while people after the first time feel the energy to come out to other people, after 3 and more years, I really don't wanna put myself in that mess again.
But, on the positive side, I have already done something important in what was probably the only time in my life when I was strongly convinced about things and was brave enough to support them and expose myself.