[Life] Mental health club

[Aslan]

I can empathise with the swallowing nothing problem! I used to get that all the time as a symptom of my anxiety and still do get it occasionally. I'm sending my support and hoping this resolves for you ASAP but I'm always happy to talk about it if you need someone to listen at any time. My messages are always open either on here or Discord :D

That's also really hard that they don't have your medication in stock :( I think it's always reassuring to have something on hand even if it's a lighter alternative. Definitely take them if you need to but it's also really impressive that you haven't needed supplements for over a year and hopefully fingers crossed that everything will stay relatively OK until you can reliably have more on hand. Wishing you the best with everything!

I haven't posted an update in here in a long time so I guess I'll also check in. I've been considering going on medication for my anxiety as I've been managing for it almost 10 yrs by myself outside of the diagnosis from a therapist/limited sessions where I got to do CBT. I think I have learnt a lot about what coping mechanisms work for me given I have had anxiety attacks regularly for years but being in a state of constant tension, stress and panic and spending 90% of my time reassuring myself that I'm OK takes a toll when it happens everyday without letting up. Even when I was on holidays from uni for months, I was highly anxious and constantly experiencing intrusive thoughts, physical symptoms of anxiety (severe reflux in particular) etc. It was exhausting so I think I'll prioritise therapy and medication as soon as I can. Especially now that my holidays are over, I can't afford to have days or weeks off even if I feel overwhelmed mental health wise so I'm definitely going to look into it. That being said, I'm proud of how well I have coped by myself until now and I'm happy I'm in a place where my anxiety/depression is nowhere near as severe as it was in HS so I'm excited to help keep my recovery more consistent/upward by doing this. :)

 

[Hisuitake]

I came back taking a break from PC for mental health reasons. No one really knows me much here so nobody probably didn't really noticed which is alright. I hope everyone is doing well lately though.

 

[Zeostar]

I understand the swallowing feeling. Many times my throat would get numb, which would always cause me to panic about something being wrong. Anxiety can be very convincing. Being hospitalized a couple times over panic attacks, it was the most surreal feeling to receive the medication and watch my symptoms fade.

I need to phone in a refill for my medication soon, and I hate doing it. I always end up rehearsing in my head. Sometimes I remind myself. "They get 500+ calls per day, this is just another".

I came back taking a break from PC for mental health reasons. No one really knows me much here so nobody probably didn't really noticed which is alright. I hope everyone is doing well lately though.

It always saddens me when someone mentions this. If it means anything, I noticed your lack of activity around forum games/off topic. I believe your seen and post activity were placed at different times, so I assumed you may have logged in but weren't up to posting.

I think most people get into a rhythm of where and when they post. When that person leaves, it feels like a gap has been left. There's a couple people on my friends list who haven't logged in for a couple years. I still sometimes check in hopes of seeing them.

 

[Corrin]

I have been practicing thinking more before saying anything, but I usually find myself mindlessly blabbing anyway, despite my reminders.
It gets me down, I start thinking that there may not be hope for me.

I hope you're feeling better now! Welcome back.

 

[Hisuitake]

I understand the swallowing feeling. Many times my throat would get numb, which would always cause me to panic about something being wrong. Anxiety can be very convincing. Being hospitalized a couple times over panic attacks, it was the most surreal feeling to receive the medication and watch my symptoms fade.

I need to phone in a refill for my medication soon, and I hate doing it. I always end up rehearsing in my head. Sometimes I remind myself. "They get 500+ calls per day, this is just another".



It always saddens me when someone mentions this. If it means anything, I noticed your lack of activity around forum games/off topic. I believe your seen and post activity were placed at different times, so I assumed you may have logged in but weren't up to posting.

I think most people get into a rhythm of where and when they post. When that person leaves, it feels like a gap has been left. There's a couple people on my friends list who haven't logged in for a couple years. I still sometimes check in hopes of seeing them.

Thank you for noticing Zero, I appreciate it. I still struggle a bit bad being online around others due to getting C-PTSD from countless bad to traumatic events happening to me from people hurting me in some way. However I'm going try to be more talkative on PC now after my mini break away from here after deep thinking and ect. I'll still take it slow though with talking to others getting to know them, so hopefully that's not a problem to anyone here if we chatted with each other.

Also thank you Sandalphon I am.

 

[Starlight]

Hello all you lovely people! I figured I should finally join in here.

Continuing on from doing the terrifying accent challenge, I am trying to "let go" in 2021 and make steps to open up and do things I've been too scared to do before - some of this was inspired by peeps here on PC who brought me out of my shell a little - you know who you are! - thank you :)

I've been incredibly scared about sharing things like this on the forum. I will be very careful with details because some of this I haven't even told my partner - If you ever read this sweetheart, you already know why I can't tell you certain things, and you know how much I love you!

I battle many mental health issues. I'll start with the easy stuff first.

I am autistic and have extreme difficulty communicating with others, even online. The autism specialist who diagnosed me said I was the most autistic person he'd ever met. I struggle with that statement, because I am what you would call high functioning, and I have an autistic cousin who is nonverbal and has to live in a home, so I really don't understand what he meant by that. I can only assume it was something to do with fitting certain criteria.

I have had, and continue to struggle with, multiple eating disorders. They nearly ended my life. Hugs to all of you that have had to deal with EDs at any point. Please stay strong, you can survive this! :)

I have dreadful OCD which can stop me functioning entirely when I let it get the better of me and I have so many anxiety disorders listed on my medical records that I honestly can't remember the names of them all.

I am currently struggling with severe depression which I'm undergoing therapy for. I'll get to that part later.

The biggest problem I face daily though, is my crippling PTSD. Despite years of intensive therapy, I still get flashbacks and night terrors that force me to relive my traumatic past.

I will not go into detail here. I'm sorry but I can't do it. I just can't. This will be brief.

I was taken advantage of. I was abused, physically and mentally. I was beaten. I was forced to do things I didn't want to do.

I was in an abusive relationship where I became a possession and a punching bag. I was stalked by my ex until my current partner helped me get a court order to keep them away.

The worst though, was a group of men who brutalised me, and tortured me, on several occasions. They nearly killed me. I still bear the scars, both mentally and physically, from fighting for my life. This is all I remember. My PTSD makes me relive it every single day.

I haven't been able to leave home unattended since, well... forever. I can't, I'm just so terrified they will find me and do it to me all over again.

I tried to commit suicide after that, but thankfully I was stopped from jumping by a stranger.

I am still so damn ashamed of what happened to me, no matter how much all the therapists keep telling me it wasn't my fault. I know I didn't deserve it, no one does, but I still didn't want to share this because I'm scared of what people will think of me. It's stupid, I know, but I really do love PC, and I don't want to ruin what I have here.

I said I would tell you about the severe depression but I'll leave this as it is right now, I'm really struggling to put this down in writing and I really need to take a break now for my own sanity. Thank you everyone for being the most awesome peeps on the internet, I really do love you guys :)

 

[Hisuitake]

Hello all you lovely people! I figured I should finally join in here.

Continuing on from doing the terrifying accent challenge, I am trying to "let go" in 2021 and make steps to open up and do things I've been too scared to do before - some of this was inspired by peeps here on PC who brought me out of my shell a little - you know who you are! - thank you :)

I've been incredibly scared about sharing things like this on the forum. I will be very careful with details because some of this I haven't even told my partner - If you ever read this sweetheart, you already know why I can't tell you certain things, and you know how much I love you!

I battle many mental health issues. I'll start with the easy stuff first.

I am autistic and have extreme difficulty communicating with others, even online. The autism specialist who diagnosed me said I was the most autistic person he'd ever met. I struggle with that statement, because I am what you would call high functioning, and I have an autistic cousin who is nonverbal and has to live in a home, so I really don't understand what he meant by that. I can only assume it was something to do with fitting certain criteria.

I have had, and continue to struggle with, multiple eating disorders. They nearly ended my life. Hugs to all of you that have had to deal with EDs at any point. Please stay strong, you can survive this! :)

I have dreadful OCD which can stop me functioning entirely when I let it get the better of me and I have so many anxiety disorders listed on my medical records that I honestly can't remember the names of them all.

I am currently struggling with severe depression which I'm undergoing therapy for. I'll get to that part later.

The biggest problem I face daily though, is my crippling PTSD. Despite years of intensive therapy, I still get flashbacks and night terrors that force me to relive my traumatic past.

I will not go into detail here. I'm sorry but I can't do it. I just can't. This will be brief.

I was taken advantage of. I was abused, physically and mentally. I was beaten. I was forced to do things I didn't want to do.

I was in an abusive relationship where I became a possession and a punching bag. I was stalked by my ex until my current partner helped me get a court order to keep them away.

The worst though, was a group of men who brutalised me, and tortured me, on several occasions. They nearly killed me. I still bear the scars, both mentally and physically, from fighting for my life. This is all I remember. My PTSD makes me relive it every single day.

I haven't been able to leave home unattended since, well... forever. I can't, I'm just so terrified they will find me and do it to me all over again.

I tried to commit suicide after that, but thankfully I was stopped from jumping by a stranger.

I am still so damn ashamed of what happened to me, no matter how much all the therapists keep telling me it wasn't my fault. I know I didn't deserve it, no one does, but I still didn't want to share this because I'm scared of what people will think of me. It's stupid, I know, but I really do love PC, and I don't want to ruin what I have here.

I said I would tell you about the severe depression but I'll leave this as it is right now, I'm really struggling to put this down in writing and I really need to take a break now for my own sanity. Thank you everyone for being the most awesome peeps on the internet, I really do love you guys :)

Ash,
You're very brave sharing your story on here though I hate to see another person go through somewhat similar things as I've endured. It breaks my heart knowing it happens to someone else as well. I got out safely from a abusive relationship myself with a person but damaged was done afterwards even when out and free from it. I sorta know how you feel and hope things now for you in your life currently are much better. I'm still on my journey to healing since I got C-PTSD because of the person and countless other things people done to me online and in person. I wish you the very best in your life a happy peaceful one you'll have from now on.

*sending you good and positive vibes your way*

 

[Starlight]

Ash,
You're very brave sharing your story on here though I hate to see another person go through somewhat similar things as I've endured. It breaks my heart knowing it happens to someone else as well. I got out safely from a abusive relationship myself with a person but damaged was done afterwards even when out and free from it. I sorta know how you feel and hope things now for you in your life currently are much better. I'm still on my journey to healing since I got C-PTSD because of the person and countless other things people done to me online and in person. I wish you the very best in your life a happy peaceful one you'll have from now on.

*sending you good and positive vibes your way*

Thank you so much! *hugs right back at ya* 😊

I am so glad you escaped your abuser too. Sometimes people, including the victims themselves, don't realise that even when you've "escaped", the abuse lives on in our minds, and that is not an easy thing to get away from. They programmed and controlled us to think like that, they are master manipulators.

My abusive ex took advantage of me after I was already broken from the torture I endured at the hands of those disgusting monsters. It's really shocking how quickly it can happen too. I was a complete mess, extremely broken and very vulnerable. They seen their chance, deliberately plied me with alcohol, and the next thing I knew I was theirs.

Anyway, I'm so, so, glad you got out of there! And please remember, your trauma is something you survived, it doesn't define you, you are so much more than that! You are still standing, you win :)

 

[Hisuitake]

Thank you so much! *hugs right back at ya* 😊

I am so glad you escaped your abuser too. Sometimes people, including the victims themselves, don't realise that even when you've "escaped", the abuse lives on in our minds, and that is not an easy thing to get away from. They programmed and controlled us to think like that, they are master manipulators.

My abusive ex took advantage of me after I was already broken from the torture I endured at the hands of those disgusting monsters. It's really shocking how quickly it can happen too. I was a complete mess, extremely broken and very vulnerable. They seen their chance, deliberately plied me with alcohol, and the next thing I knew I was theirs.

Anyway, I'm so, so, glad you got out of there! And please remember, your trauma is something you survived, it doesn't define you, you are so much more than that, you are still standing, you win :)

Thank you I thrive now than survive however I still have moments where some days are tough for me. Though I'm doing tremendously better than before and have the right proper help now with therapy so I can be happy and find true peace again.

 

[Starlight]

Thank you I thrive now than survive however I still have moments where some days are tough for me. Though I'm doing tremendously better than before and have the right proper help now with therapy so I can be happy and find true peace again.

That is so awesome to hear! You are an inspiration and you deserve that happiness! 😊

 

[Hisuitake]

That is so awesome to hear! You are an inspiration and you deserve that happiness! 😊

Thank you no one ever said something like that to me before I really appreciate it Ash. I'm getting where I'm finding peace and happiness once more in my life again, so far its going great for my healing journey. As for right now I'm trying to face my fear of people to try to socialize more even if I never have a close relation with anyone as a friend or romantic partner if someone liked me. What ever happens, happens I'm not desperate for those things.

 

[Corrin]

I'm happy you both got out! I've been abused too, and have diagnosed PTSD. I'm just now learning to be assertive as I'm sick of being a walking target.
Therapy really helps, and remember that if you make a mistake, it doesn't halt your progress. Progress is not linear.

 

[Hisuitake]

I'm happy you both got out! I've been abused too, and have diagnosed PTSD. I'm just now learning to be assertive as I'm sick of being a walking target.
Therapy really helps, and remember that if you make a mistake, it doesn't halt your progress. Progress is not linear.

Thank you~
I also don't take bs from no one anymore and know how to read people extremely well from being hurt countless times from people.

 

[Starlight]

I'm happy you both got out! I've been abused too, and have diagnosed PTSD. I'm just now learning to be assertive as I'm sick of being a walking target.
Therapy really helps, and remember that if you make a mistake, it doesn't halt your progress. Progress is not linear.

I'm so happy you are doing better! And I couldn't agree more. It's called post traumatic for a reason and it takes time, but we can still be happy once again! Hugs for you too 🤗

 

[Hisuitake]

To Ash Ketchup, Sandalphon and Fairy we are warriors and WILL thrive and not survive anymore. Stay strong and remember you ARE worth it and loved.

*sending you three and anyone else who has PTSD or not positive and good vibes your way*

 

[Corrin]

Thank you, I know I need to continue to work hard!

 

[Hisuitake]

Thank you, I know I need to continue to work hard!

It's not easy or a quick fix as we like, just take each day little by little and do YOUR best the best you can as well. You'll get there as well better, stay strong or try your best too. ❤

 

[Neil Peart]

I guess I just can't shake the feeling that something is truly wrong with me physically. Always had health anxiety. But during this pandemic, I put off going to the doctor for over a year because it seems to me the perfect place to catch COVID, even in Finland where cases are (relatively) low. I was doing very well mentally for a long time, then stomach issues swept in, and now I'm an utter mess. I have made appointments to have tests done, but it took every fiber of my mental being to do so, and actually getting the tests done scares me half to death. I hate this pandemic. Everyone is suffering, I'm fully cognizant of that, but those of us with health anxiety take it all so much harder. Therapy has made some small progress, but it's hard to remember what you learn when you're in pain, and you feel like this is the time they'll find something really bad.

Hearing how quickly vaccines are rolling out in my home country (USA) while watching them trickle down at a snail's pace in Europe doesn't help, either.

Just trying to hang on for as long as I can.

 

[Aslan]

Can empathise with the health anxiety - it's hard to not feel hyperaware of whether something is wrong and even with reassurance from medical professionals, there would always be that thought of but what if they missed a diagnosis? It's a hard cycle to escape from and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you during a COVID-19 pandemic too. :( Recovering from health anxiety is never a smooth journey and the frustration of it coming back after a period of doing so well can be hard. Even years later when I think I have overcome it, it'll come back severely all of a sudden. Though it's difficult to believe therapists, I did find a lot of reassurance in understanding how psychosomatic symptoms work and given how long I've had some of them (digestive issues, chest pain etc.) - if something was truly wrong, it would have been caught out by now according to them. However in saying that it's still challenging to feel assured and I really empathise with how scary the lack of uncertainty must be for you at the moment.

 

[Hisuitake]

*UPDATE on me lately*

My anxiety is pretty severe I have regual GAD, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia and Anthropophobia. ( also known as social phobia meaning afraid of people ) By asking my therapist I can now see her twice a week where she comes to me ,my apartment to do my sessions with me, which is really cool since she's private practice. So it will be more helpful now to get more things accomplished to get myself 100% well again where I'm happy and find true peace with also my C-PTSD I suffer with. Sadly I can only do so much with her for our sessions though with my fears of people and going out in person due to COVID we can'tdo much at this time. Since she doesn't want to get sick with it, the same with me. However walking around my neighborhood when the weather gets nicer which it is I heard coming up will help my Agoraphobia more, even if not by people.

Getting outside more fresh air, learning coping techniques for not getting scared or triggered about beining outside will be helpful tremendously for me. Since I used to love talking a mile or more walks everyday outside, even go to small shops near my apartment complex to shop or look around practicing being near people. Though when COVID got more serious last year my Agoraphobia I was slowly developing got worse, thus me not wanting to go anywhere even to visit my parents house.

For online and my fears being by people so far being on PC has been going alright and not too bad. I'm feeling more comfortable and confident on here slowly each day. Though still I'm very cautious and taking my time as well, I'll always do still no matter what. My online progress is pretty alright far as I and my therapist can tell. I know how to protect myself if need be.