My friend who just happened to be a girl/boy

[Strdstwanderer]

I was wondering about how people tend to complain about being stuck in the friendzone and how they make it seem like a bottomless pit where they have to fight to escape. I honestly don't see an issue with being friends with someone you have romantic attraction for. Isn't it best to befriend and treat that person as well...a person rather than just a one way ticket to make-outville? So, basically what I'm asking is, what are your opinions on the friendzone? do you think it's better to befriend that person you like before putting the moves on that person?

 

[Sniper]

Friends should be just friends. But if both of them likes each other in a romantic way, then good. If the other one just like the person as his/her friend and the one likes his/her friend in a romantic way then you're stuck. You shouldn't force yourself to love someone who just likes you to be his/her friend. Sometimes, you just have to accept it. Unless you can't make him/her fall in love with you, but chances are below 30 percent.

 

[Shining Raichu]

Romantic feelings for somebody create complication. The friend zone is a place of such despair because when you like somebody that way and they don't want you back, it makes you want them that much more and you can't really see them as just a friend.

I have been in the friend zone and I understand the friend zone. I respect the friend zone and its power.

 

[Bellsprout]

I mean I understand where you're coming from, but it's hard to be friends with someone and watch them pursue other romantic interests when you want them yourself. You can try to be the happiest person for them if something works out, but it's still going to sting a bit.

 

[Raine]

Based on previous experiences, I've been on both sides of the friend-zone: the one doing the friend-zoning and the one being friend-zoned. To be honest, if I recall correctly, this term only happened to become popular within the last couple years and before there never existed a term that defined such a materialized space between friends and lovers; it was one or the other. But I guess this type of situation has occurred enough for people to start dubbing that imaginary space the "friend-zone."

Taking my current situation as an example, to make things simpler on myself to explain things, the friend-zone is not the thing I'm most fearful of. Rather it's the rejection and the possibility of losing a good friend who I've developed a strong bond and friendship with over the last several months. Sure, you can have feelings for your friend(s), but we have to analyze both sides and not be selfish, wanting the recipient of your feelings to feel forced into something they never wanted in the first place. Though I don't quite understand the concept of one person having feelings for the other and then finding out, potentially leading to a drift between them. From my perspective, it's much better to understand and connect with the person before moving too fast into something you might end up regretting.

 

[El Héroe Oscuro]

The "friend zone" always sucks. However, a good friend of mine put his thoughts down to paper about the concept of the friend zone which actually makes a lot of sense. If you got some time y'all should definitely look at this real quick:

Spoiler:

I hear a lot of guys complain about being "friendzoned" by girls they like. They go insane about it, calling the girl a horrible person, claiming she led them on, saying she lied to them, etc. But I don't get it. If that girl never claimed to like you as more than a friend, visibly flirts with other guys in front of you, and has never done anything with you even remotely beyond what friends do, then you have no basis for claiming she "friendzoned" you. You're just mad because you can't look at a pretty girl as anything more than a sexual object, and your ego can't take the fact that she only likes you as a friend. Besides, you weren't friendzoned.

Being friendzoned is when a girl that has made it seem like she's romantically into you, or has led you on, then decides to tell you that she doesn't like you like that and only wants to be friends. In effect, you started off your relationship in an area that was not the friendzone, and now you're being put into the friendzone. In this instance, you were friendzoned. But in most other cases, unless she has otherwise indicated that she likes you as more than a friend, you weren't friendzoned; you were just too slow to accept the fact that she's only ever liked you as a friend, and that's all she's ever claimed to like you as. And I'm not by any means claiming that I've never wrongly complained about this before. I only just recently saw the light; up until then, I used to complain about being friendzoned just as much as the next guy. But I saw the error of my ways and am working to modify my behavior.

And here's another thing that really gets me: guys always complain (inaccurately) about being friendzoned by girls, but fail to recognize when they do it to girls. You know that gal friend who doesn't have a boy friend, who you're always hanging out with, and who always does nice things for you? Well there's a chance that she likes you, and you're just ignoring the obvious. Granted, this isn't always the case, and guys and girls can be friends without one liking the other, but all I'm saying is that it isn't a one-way street. Guys shut down girls almost as often as girls do it to guys, but girls don't ♥♥♥♥♥ and moan about it half as much as guys do.

Now, all that being said, when a guy (or gal) is actually friendzoned, that sucks. Hard. There are not many things worse than being led to believe that you legitimately have a chance with someone, and being somewhere between a relationship and friendship, and then being told that they're not interested in being anything more than friends with you. That's a hard thing to hear, no matter who you are. But the thing that a lot of people don't see, is that just as much as it sucks to be friendzoned, you have to appreciate the candor and honesty of the person who did it.

Admittedly, sometimes the friendzoners are just wishy-washy people who were messing around with no regard for your feelings. But just as often, the person friendzoning you is doing it because they suddenly realized that despite whatever has transpired between the two of you, they like you only as a friend. And the fact that they care enough to tell you this and be honest with you instead of leading you on, even when they know that you might explode, should speak volumes.

 

[Kanzler]

I've never had to explicitly friend-zone someone :P usually I'm just awkwardly clueless about it and they never bring something up again.

I've gotten friendzoned before though. Then worse things happened. There are worse things than getting friendzoned.

if i get friendzoned now tho i'd be sooooo cheesed >:(

 

[Raine]

The "friend zone" always sucks. However, a good friend of mine put his thoughts down to paper about the concept of the friend zone which actually makes a lot of sense. If you got some time y'all should definitely look at this real quick:

Spoiler:

I hear a lot of guys complain about being "friendzoned" by girls they like. They go insane about it, calling the girl a horrible person, claiming she led them on, saying she lied to them, etc. But I don't get it. If that girl never claimed to like you as more than a friend, visibly flirts with other guys in front of you, and has never done anything with you even remotely beyond what friends do, then you have no basis for claiming she "friendzoned" you. You're just mad because you can't look at a pretty girl as anything more than a sexual object, and your ego can't take the fact that she only likes you as a friend. Besides, you weren't friendzoned.

Being friendzoned is when a girl that has made it seem like she's romantically into you, or has led you on, then decides to tell you that she doesn't like you like that and only wants to be friends. In effect, you started off your relationship in an area that was not the friendzone, and now you're being put into the friendzone. In this instance, you were friendzoned. But in most other cases, unless she has otherwise indicated that she likes you as more than a friend, you weren't friendzoned; you were just too slow to accept the fact that she's only ever liked you as a friend, and that's all she's ever claimed to like you as. And I'm not by any means claiming that I've never wrongly complained about this before. I only just recently saw the light; up until then, I used to complain about being friendzoned just as much as the next guy. But I saw the error of my ways and am working to modify my behavior.

And here's another thing that really gets me: guys always complain (inaccurately) about being friendzoned by girls, but fail to recognize when they do it to girls. You know that gal friend who doesn't have a boy friend, who you're always hanging out with, and who always does nice things for you? Well there's a chance that she likes you, and you're just ignoring the obvious. Granted, this isn't always the case, and guys and girls can be friends without one liking the other, but all I'm saying is that it isn't a one-way street. Guys shut down girls almost as often as girls do it to guys, but girls don't ♥♥♥♥♥ and moan about it half as much as guys do.

Now, all that being said, when a guy (or gal) is actually friendzoned, that sucks. Hard. There are not many things worse than being led to believe that you legitimately have a chance with someone, and being somewhere between a relationship and friendship, and then being told that they're not interested in being anything more than friends with you. That's a hard thing to hear, no matter who you are. But the thing that a lot of people don't see, is that just as much as it sucks to be friendzoned, you have to appreciate the candor and honesty of the person who did it.

Admittedly, sometimes the friendzoners are just wishy-washy people who were messing around with no regard for your feelings. But just as often, the person friendzoning you is doing it because they suddenly realized that despite whatever has transpired between the two of you, they like you only as a friend. And the fact that they care enough to tell you this and be honest with you instead of leading you on, even when they know that you might explode, should speak volumes.

That was nicely written by your friend there (: One of the factors that could lead men to supposedly complain more in comparison to women is that they might feel threatened not only because of their ego, but also men tend to have more trouble finding suitors/partners. For some reason, and I read this in my intimate relationships textbook last term, women seem to have more options to them when it comes to choosing their significant others.

Digressed slightly from the topic there, but I agree with the idea that if it's blatantly obvious that someone is not interested in you at all from the beginning, you were never in the situation of being friend-zoned to start. It's a ridiculous misconception to think just because your feelings were not accepted or reciprocated that you have a right to completely shun your friend, go on a rampage, and have impulsive emotions over it. People nowadays are probably too used to individuals "beating around the bush," to speak, and have thus become quite sensitive to blunt honesty. To be honest, I'd much rather now straightforwardly that someone does not share the same feelings as I do and get over the whole situation; put my heart and feelings to rest so I can move on with my life.

@Vanille Sky ha lol, that's not me, I am rather hurried and just go with what I feel like doing, once I've made up my mind it's very difficult to change it. I develop attractions for people very quickly, a pervert who falls in love too easily.

Please don't take this the wrong way because I don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings or prospects by saying this >< To be honest, those who impulsively fall head over heels over someone almost immediately only have themselves to blame if they feel they've been friend-zoned or their feelings aren't being reciprocated that way you would like them to be. That's why I stress the importance, to anyone and I preach it like crazy to friends, in getting to know and understand someone before determining, "Yes, I like this person and would like to pursue them in hopes of something more." But I know that not falling head over heels over someone at first glance/impression can be difficult for some.

 

[Kanzler]

It's funny how feelings are contingent on being reciprocated, huh. Equivalent exchange, it is.

 

[Lil MuDkiP849]

Because when a guy/girl wants to be more than friends with someone and the other just wants to keep them around as a friend, it's like a huge waste of time in my opinion. I feel if your going to reject somebody you should just be honest about it, just say "No thanks, not interested." I've been on both ends of the spectrum, and I handle and understand why some women would reject me. I learn from it, grow from it, and don't let it bother my confidence. Obviously other men can't handle rejection as well, and it's somewhat understandable why.

As for "getting out of the friend zone" that people do...well the answer is obvious. Why should someone just "settle" for friends when they want more? It sucks for both a man and a women to just "hang around" the person they like. Men do it because they are most likely interested in someone else, usually one of the girl's friends, or just not attracted at all. Women do it because while they might not be attracted to a guy, they still like receiving the attention and friendship. Myself? Like I said, if a girl wants to friend-zone me, I just say "oh, no thanks, not what I'm looking for, have a nice day =)." and walk right out to try to find someone else. Life is too short, and there's tons of people out there waiting for a great girl/guy. Why should anyone spend that time with someone who wants nothing more with you?

 

[Entermaid]

I have never had any real romantic attraction to a friend, or any desire for a romantic relationship.

Though, I have certainly had little crushes solely on attractiveness and good conversation. But, I sometimes feel like I flirt in an almost non-romantically with all my friends. I try to charm them, make them laugh, and make them feel good (um, not physically :p).

Apparently people think I am hitting on them, or conversely I am told that others are constantly hitting on me, without my awareness. :/

Some people are really touchy feely with friends, and that is where I personally just draw the line. I just...don't do the whole touching thing. Like, a super hawty friend of mine would always give me a "buddy" back-massage, and it always made me feel awkward. Or basketball/sport related pats on the upper and lower back. Why do clearly straight male friends bromance me?

I don't mind in some respects! But, I don't know...It has nothing to do with sexuality, I am just not a touchy person. Like, I don't like hugs, kissing my mom on the cheek, or any non-romantic touch.

And women, sitting on my lap. Thinking "Well, you're sorta masculine, but not like a total guy-guy that is interested in gettin' with me, so I will get some attention and sit on your crotch."

Aww...okay. Fine, sit there, but...it's just odd. But, oddly, I do like the attention as well.

I have only had like two gay male friends. And yeah, I feel the same about them. Actually, I really don't like sending the wrong signals. Thus, NO touching. I just don't want to lead anyone on.

All said, I just assimilate touch with romantic sentiment. Only reserving touch for someone that I am interested in romantically. Though, this sort of assimilation is not really the normal response in all or most cases.

 

[Kanzler]

I have only had like two gay male friends. And yeah, I feel the same about them. Actually, I really don't like sending the wrong signals. Thus, NO touching. I just don't want to lead anyone on.

All said, I just assimilate touch with romantic sentiment. Only reserving touch for someone that I am interested in romantically. Though, this sort of assimilation is not really the normal response in all or most cases.

♥♥♥♥ if she's touching me that means i'm in dere right?

 

[Goo]

I usually find that I would friendzone a person I had found attractive if I found a reason that dating them just wouldn't work. Situations such as distance or a difference in core beliefs or something where I could be great friends but I couldn't see a relationship panning out. If the person's especially attractive I guess they could be in the fwb zone but I realize that rarely if ever ends well.

 

[Zorogami]

I think that a friendship where one person has romantic feelings for the other is always complicated, but not impossible. It all depends on how both persons deal with that attraction. Also, i think there is such a thing as the "friend-zone", but sometimes people tend to exaggerate this, and im saying this without judging anyone!! Of course people get friendzoned from time to time, but if you have never admitted your feelings for one person or made any advances, i dont think you are entitled to claim you have been fz.

 

[Crux]

Petitioning to rename the inescapable prison that is the friend zone Palcatraz.

#palcatraz

 

[Poki]

I have more male friends than female ones, and I haven't had any problems with the so called 'friendzone'. But then again, I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to stuff like that.

 

[Blastin'Tyruntz]

I don't like the friendzone, for some including some of my past experiences, it IS bottomless pit, and no, you can't climb out.
But, i do beleive starting at the friendzone is essential to a relationship, because for you to really know the person you want to be romantically involved with, and also stay comfortable around them at all times, it is good to start as friends. I was and i still am in 2 parts of the friendzone, and i gotta say being the guy who doesn't want the relationship gives you guilt.
I am now friendzoned for about...4 years with a girl i'm happy to call my best RL friend. We tell eachother everything,we are being as much weird as we want and even ask eachother about relationship problems.

It really is a long story, but shortened out is:
She fell for me, i was oblivious.
I fell for her,she had some boyfriend(s).
We were together for a while and just mutually broke up,didn't even had 1 figh, and it's a healthy friendship. And i can honestly say i'm happy with the result. Of course we're still flirtatious with one another (mostly her sending me dirty poses...hmmm), but it's all in good spirit and i'm happy.

 

[Magic Christmas Lights]

I think the "friendzone" isn't a big deal, personally. I feel like people who would hate being friends with someone they're romantically into either aren't good at controlling their feelings yet (so it is too painful to be just friends, understandable) or they just see the other person as nothing outside of a romantic interest, which seems like they're devaluing the other person imo.

 

[Corvus of the Black Night]

The friendzone is a pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥ concept because it blames the other person for a failure to get into a romantic relationship, when in reality, if that person doesn't want to do ♥♥♥♥, you should, uh, I don't know, just let it go and find someone else, and respect that person's decision to be friends. Acting like it's such an awful thing that they rejected you is just irritating, because it might not even be in their power to say yes or no and might have said it based on their circumstances.

 

[Plumpyfoof]

I'm going to start by saying the term "friendzone" is flawed, I've been on both sides of "friendzoning" when I didn't technically consider them a friend to begin with or vice versa. Just saying "But I like just being your friend" is a cheap way of getting out of saying "You're not romantically attractive to me".
Being direct is hard for both parties but it's the easiest way to solve all the problems and you don't look like a bad guy for leading them on.
That being said, most guys who get cranky because they have been "friendzoned" and that because they are a 'nice guy' to that girl and it never gets them anyway are only hanging around because they think being nice will get them laid. Straight up, if you're a good guy you're not going to be about a girl simply to get in her pants.

I don't like the friendzone, for some including some of my past experiences, it IS bottomless pit, and no, you can't climb out.
But, i do beleive starting at the friendzone is essential to a relationship, because for you to really know the person you want to be romantically involved with, and also stay comfortable around them at all times, it is good to start as friends.

You are so very very wrong my friend. You may have experienced this happening but I can assure you, it's like 1 in a million shot of that working out well.
The friendzone is not inescapable. You're just courting that person all wrong, because all girls are different there isn't one sure fire way to get into their pants and as soon as you adjust your strategy the results are immediate, and I mean like instantaneous.
About starting in the friendzone, you might as well quite right then and there. The best most fulfilling relationships are always the ones where both parties have an instant connection and one episode of just you and them is enough to make both unable to tear their minds away from each other.
When you start dating someone is when you get to know someone, you can break the ice once and it's done. If you start with a friend, you have to work hard to keep them romantically interested when they weren't initially and it becomes a real struggle. Plus that transitional phase between just friends to dating is always uncomfortable for everyone up to the waitress serving you drinks no matter how you swing it.

For real though if anyone in this thread wants some Holy Grail advice for getting out of the friendzone it's right here:
Ask the person who is holding you hostage in the friendzone to wingman you
Either they realise they're jealous and it turns around, or you get introduced to some potential partners you can't lose.