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Things you don't say to a cop

Your car has no hydraulics.

Your car sucks.
 
To a female cop:

Well if I went as fast as Speedy Gonzales, you'd have to be blistering HAAAAWT to be able to catch me.
 
Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
You: Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
You: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!
Cop: Is that all?
You: No... I have unpaid parking tickets!

Credit to the funny-*** movie Liar Liar.
 
You can't take me to jail. I'm your father.
 
- I think maybe Mr. Andrew Jackson might be able to change your mind.

- Can I be the siren?

- Looking for your cat? Check my tires.

- Who said you were racing too?

- Ok, just hold on a second. Let me hide the drugs...
 
Cop: "Son, do you know why I pulled you over?"
You: *hold up a box of fresh donuts* you could smell 'em!

*jump to passenger seat while waiting for cop to walk up o the window*
"He was here a second ago. Me? Drive? Oh heck no, I'm ****ed up"
 
Do I look fat in this dress? ): *cue emotional burst following awkward reaction*
 
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