How Did Your Parents Treat You?

Palamon

Palamon

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    I realize this is a sensitive topic. I just wanted to post this in here as a way to somehow get some thoughts in.

    How do/did your parents treat you? Did how they treat you affect you growing up? And if you have kids, how do you think you'll treat them, based on how your parents treat you?

    I have a very sensitive answer. View with caution.

    Spoiler:


    I'm sorry, if anyone clicked that spoiler...

    Close if this thread is a little too sensitive, I just needed to post a thread like this...
     
    That's sad.

    My parents have treated me well (so far), but they have a few years left.

    They got me into sports and have supported me through most of my endeavors. (mainly sports for the last few years)

    However, I think they've treated me like they have because of their own childhoods.

    Dad: He always wanted to get into sports when he was kid. However, my grandmother is rather unstable and was constantly getting new boyfriends and moving. He never received much help in paying for team fees, buying equipment, etc. Along with transportation.

    Because of this, I think that he has always made sure that I have had what I need for sports.

    Mom: My grandfather is a General in the Air Force and was never home much. My grandmother did a lot of misc. jobs and wasn't home much either. While my mother always had what she needed and got things that she wanted, her parents weren't around much at all and she ended up in bad things at the end of high school.

    My mom just stays home and babysits nowadays.


    I sometimes forget how blessed I really am.... Thank you for the reality check...

    Hopefully you can overcome your fears and diversity. :) Good luck and hang in there.
     
    ehem in my case my parents treated me quite fairly
    during my childhood they treated me really well but it kinda stopped when i couldnt get more grades and i fell behind and got more into gaming as a result they thought gaming was a bad influence and they pressed me on for beter scores by taking away things i would do and i admit the pressure and the stress did push me into abit of an addiction which i got over fortunatley..but the pressure of having to get good grades were hard for me bcuz of my sister who was perfect in her grades getting a gpa of 4 everytime and they would always compare me with her. anyways now im aiming for art as my career and they finally realize that im not my sister and i should whut i want as for my sister, she treated me really badly in her highschool days but it all changed in her uni days for some reason idk and as for my dad he was never there when i needed him due to work and mostly my sis and mom did the raising part and rlly im not rlly sure if his even gonna make it to my graduation. and to u OP u should rlly try treasuring ur siblings sometimes theyre gonna be the only ones u got and theyre gonna need u as well. maybe u dont realize it but sometimes they go through the things that they cant do alone and maybe they might even be stuck there still now
     
    My parents were actually quite easygoing considering that Muslim parents are stereotyped as super-strict. My dad served in the Lebanese Civil War, so he was pretty used to discipline. He left the military soon after he got married, so I never ended up a military brat. My dad works in an office now, and he has a good position. My mum has changed jobs frequently - right now she works in a flower shop.

    What were they strict about? First off, they controlled what I watched on TV and (to some extent) the music I listened to. My parents cannot stand rap music and didn't let me listen to it until recently. I also had to do all my homework before I could play video games, use the computer, or watch TV. My parents prefer that I bring male friends over instead of female friends, and if I bring a female friend over, my bedroom door has to be open if she goes in my room. They have gotten used to my girlfriend, but I still have to keep the door open. I wasn't allowed to eat pork due to pork being forbidden in Islam. I also cannot wear shoes in the house.

    How were they easygoing? They never bothered me about my interests, they let me grow my hair long, they didn't push me to join any sports (I joined the swim team because I wanted to). They also let me have non-Muslim friends. I'm allowed to wear shorts around the house even if we have guests over. I never really had to read the Quran much and I don't think I've read the one in my house in quite some time. Considering neither of my parents went to college, they aren't too bummed out by the fact that I didn't do well in school. They're just glad I graduated high school.

    Both of them have been pretty hands-off to my gaming habits - they were more worried about my older brother's gaming habits since he plays a lot of M-rated games.

    My parents used to take me to the mosque when I was younger, but now they don't make me go anymore because of how much I hate it. They've actually tried to protect me from Islamist teachings since too many young Muslim men fall prey to Islamist propaganda. It's worked out pretty well since, despite being Muslim, I'm not that religious.
     
    I don't feel like my parents treat me very well right now.
    Not physically, but psychologically. Reason why I stopped going to my dad's house, didn't want to have to deal with it anymore. Except my stepfather is also a pain. My mom's ok, though.
    They don't seem to realize what I'm going through, likely they don't care. I'm trying to get a psychologist to talk some sense into them for me because I can't talk to them myself. And if I did, likely they'd not take it seriously, disregard it, etc. or treat me worse because of it.
     
    My parents were nice, but my mother was/is emotionally abusive/manipulative. She was also very nosy and judgmental which is why I'm such a private person, quiet, and somewhat anxious all the time. That is also the reason why I type out but end up deleting 10x as many posts than I actually post.

    My father had high, yet realistic expectations but was also pretty forgiving. He was actually a great father, but due to my social anxiety I had as a child our personalities didn't mix as he couldn't really understand why I cared so much about what other people think to the point where I hardly spoke at all.
     
    I had a pretty normal upbringing. They were just the right amount of strict to make me respect them but gentle and kind enough that I didn't resent them. I can easily say I love my family a lot. We went through some rough stuff near the end of my high school years but we came out of it stronger than ever. ...I guess I'm going a bit off topic.
    I was a pretty good kid so they never really worried about me getting into bad stuff, so they weren't really controlling/overprotective. We did have some silly rules though, like no electronic devices after 9pm. Looking back it wasn't really that bad.
     
    Growing up, my Dad was a really mean alcoholic and I would spend my time counting his drinks so I'd know when to hide from him. He would scream, threaten (and attempt) to hurt my brother and I, and over the tiniest things. My Mom on the other hand, she was so depressed with her marriage that she just ignored everything, including my brother and I's feelings. They fed us, got us to school, kept us clothed, etc. But they were so detached from the world around them that they didn't shape my brother and mine's morals and beliefs.

    It definitely took a toll on me, I spent all my time being an obnoxious people pleaser because the only thing I did to not get hurt in my house was try to keep people from getting mad. I've been working on changing that, and allowing myself to get mad and let people get mad at me.

    My Dad went sober my junior year of high school and their marriage got a lot better. They're a lot more involved in our lives, and are generally a lot more happy, so I'm happy. Now that I'm older, I understand more about alcoholism, depression, and what fueled these things for them. It sucked that we went through it growing up, but I'm glad my parents have seemed to find some peace in their lives :) We're all on good terms.
     
    I think... my parents are doing pretty nice to me. Even though sometimes they won't allow me to get several stuffs (due to economic reasons and all), my parents are treating me well that I liked them a whole lot :)

    I do wish the others are having nice parents, though, that's sad when hearing anyone who have the huge ordeal with their parents... :(
     
    My mom always beat me because I am a damn naught child :P. But later on when I grow bigger ( lol or just become more mature???/ ) she would give me advice and guides to become a better person. AND SHE COOKS DISHES VERY DAMN WELL AND NO ONE COULD REPLACE HER( rele )

    My dad is quite a stern guy and strict. I would not rather try to make him angry so I just follow the house rules.

    Overall, my parents treat me well and I would simply respect them and repay thier efforts in future.
     
    Honestly, my parents really weren't prepared to have children when they did, which was an even bigger issue since I have quite a few siblings. Their marriage was awful as were their approaches to parenting, which resulted in both my father and stepfather being physically abusive to me whilst my mother was emotionally abusive.

    It didn't really help that I wasn't heterosexual either, which only gave my parents an excuse to be as horrible as they were. It's affected me quite a bit, since what my father did pretty much led to my future dependence on alcohol. I'm also a lot less social and outgoing since it takes a quite a lot for me to trust people.

    I'd say that my upbringing's made me really want to have children, so that I can make sure that they have a loving family and home to grow up in? I just really don't want to see anyone have to go through shit in the formative years of their lives.
     
    Sanguine said:
    Honestly, my parents really weren't prepared to have children
    Click to expand...
    Spoiler:
     
    I do love my parents dearly, I think I have a better relationship than most of my friends with them. However, there are somethings that I know I would've of done if I had children.
    I know it's very critical for me to say that, but when I was younger, I was horribly bullied, and one bully "overstepped" the line so it became sexual assault. I told a teacher who dismissed it. I became horribly withdrawn from everything, and it was only after 6 years of being in that school my parents finally moved me to another school. However, the damage had been done, and I tried to take my life at 13 and 16. When I was 13, I told my parents that I wanted to die/kill myself and they told me "To not be so stupid and to pull myself together".
    Since then I do not tell them any emotionally what is wrong. They do not know what happened with the bullying at school, or my attempts. Luckily I had my focus of animals, so that's what kept me.
    I think it was hard on both my parents though as not so much not prepared, but neither of them grew up with a dad as they ran away, so maybe it was raising children as a unit not on your own.
     
    my father has been a real ass
    to me and my sister that is
    even to my mother

    nowadays he is not as bad as he used to be but i will never forgive him for the way he used to treat me back in the days
    i hate him for it and he knows it

    my mother always has treated me better than him but there have been times where she was kinda terrible and i have things with her that i hold against her still

    i am not close with neither of them
    and that is a real shame
    and i hate that lol
    i wish i had a family i was close with
    im not close with anybody really
    especially not with my sister

    sucks.​
     
    My parents treated me well, putting some strictive rules on me in order for me to do well in school and willing to help if I have problems. Of course, my mom is more strict than my dad, as she worries more about how much I spent my money on.
     
    Well as a kid, they weren't really around much because of work. And then stuff happened and I see them more now, but I am not particularly close with them. I can't really say I hate them, but I don't particularly like them either. They have always pushed these expectations on me, even as a child. They have always been dissatisfied with me. My parents have always enforced their norms of gender identity on me to the point they always try to control what I wear, how I stand, how I walk, how I act. They want me to be "manly" and "straight," but I am neither of those things. My parents also tend to compare me to other people, especially other relatives, which has made my feelings of inadequacies and my insecurities even worse.

    My parents have often insulted my intelligence and have put me down for simply not knowing things. They have publicly humiliated many times. (My mom yelled at me and ranted about how stupid I was in the middle of crowded a store all because of a line to the cash register.) They are very passive aggressive as well, especially when I hole myself up in my room. They talk about me as if I am not there, but they are loud enough so that I can hear. They have told me on many occasions that I am incapable of ever loving someone and that I'll drive everyone away.

    They expect me to give up my future and my life to take care of my sister full time (who has Aspergers) because she has grown up unable to take care of herself (she was coddled) so they have tried to box me inside the house for the longest time, but they yell at me for not knowing things and/or being inactive. In the future, my plan is to leave my home city (maybe even the state) and hope the only sort of communication I have with them would just be by phone. (I would rather not talk to them preferably.)

    My mom and dad have said downright terrible things. (They have said I wasn't there son.) I can't safely come out in my own home, so I have been keeping it from them. My mom would put me in a mental institution or make me go to therapy if she knew I was gay and my dad would outright kick me out.

    I treat them as neutrally as possible.
     
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    Me and my Mom don't get along very well. I don't think she's a horrible person but really she isn't a good parent. That being said, a deserve a large portion of the blame for us not getting along. I'm a rebellious 16 year old and she would rather me be getting good grades and following the ideal path. It's understandable but unrealistic. She does some extreme things like I have no access to my own bedroom and tried to tell my friends to bring drugs to school using my phone, pretending to be me, in a group chat so they would be arrested.
    My and my biological father don't have a relationship, my whole life even now he's been on and out of prison. I am close to my Grandma and sister on his side but I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with him. I know he's immature, homophobic, and at least somewhat racist and I have don't really want to get to know him.
     
    Although my father was noticeably absent from parts of my early childhood
    (he worked in an Elvis Tribute Band at the time), he and my mom were always very kind to me.
    We've always gotten along and there was no reason for me to think ill of them,
    since they never pushed me to conform to a social standard.

    But in 2007, we lost our apartment and ended up moving in with my grandmother.
    I was nine at the time and things were okay then, until I turned thirteen-fourteen or so,
    when I started exploring myself as a person.

    My parents were perfectly fine with me questioning my gender and sexual orientation.
    My grandmother pretended to be okay with it,
    and then would argue to my parents about it behind my back.

    Our relationship grew sour when I heard her yell,
    "You're letting my granddaughter be gay! I'm not going to live with a lesbian!"

    It's been four-five years and my parents think she's forgotten all about that argument,
    but I do know that she still doesn't approve of my "choices".
    She's still extremely bitter around me and I am desperate to get out of this house as soon as possible.    ​
     
    My dad isn't in the picture, but my grandpa made up for it when I was younger and he was still alive. My mom was also around from the time I was 7 or so onwards. They used to fight and she has a lot of issues, but they also love me and I've kept that in mind at the end of the day. I've got some trust issues, I guess, but as far as how I treat kids.. I can be kind of shy around them, but in general I really like interacting with children, and I think they're pretty cute. Despite my mom's mistakes and some of what happened when I was younger, I think I would be fine raising a kid, I just don't want to at the moment.
     
    My mom was good, but my dad was an alcoholic and very neglectful of us, it was mom who clothed us, loved us, and gave us Christmas/Birthdays, dad did none of that.
    Despite this, he wasn't the worst person ever? Like he told us he loved us and did the bills and such, so there's that. But there was anxiety as they'd fight a lot and well, the police came more than once.

    Now that we're older, he's really cleaned up a lot, and is much better though.
     
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