Looks or personality

[Nathan]

You've met someone on the Internet. That person is just so awesome that you started developing feelings for him/her just by talking together. Turns out the feeling was mutual and you two start dating. When you see how he/she looks like, you're deceived(they're ugly). Would you ditch them or still date them?

 

[Sirfetch’d]

Definitely still date them. I fell in love with their personality not their face so seeing them and not exactly loving their looks wouldn't change anything concerning the feelings I have for them.

 

[Poki]

I wouldn't date someone without knowing what they look like first. >_>

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

You've met someone on the Internet. That person is just so awesome that you started developing feelings for him/her just by talking together. Turns out the feeling was mutual and you two start dating. When you see how he/she looks like, you're deceived(they're ugly). Would you ditch them or still date them?

Since that scenario is something of a reality for me, I think it's out of the question to ditch them. For me, my relationship with Khilia is built on emotions and experiences and not how fit they are to reproduce (if you consider she can't anyway), since scientifically that's the only relevance appearance has in a relationship. I think that when I first see her face I'd be taken aback, but mainly because it's changing how I picture her in my mind and not because I may or may not find her looks unappealing.

To me, there's a lot more overall beauty (physical or otherwise) in someone who's not as pretty on the outside but takes care of their personality than someone who obsesses over their appearance and is garbage on the inside.

 

[Rogue planet]

I think if you really like someone, you come to appreciate how they look a lot more; whereas if they were a stranger you might see them as average or below.

I've never been sent pics to realise they are hideous, and hopefully never will.

 

[maccrash]

honestly I find it difficult to believe that there is anyone out there who would say that looks don't have at least some bearing on whether or not they'll be attracted to someone. I couldn't date someone that I didn't find physically attractive. it is MERELY fact. of course it may have more of an effect on some people than others when it comes to Deciding A Mate but for yours truly it would be exponentially more difficult to get intimate with someone who I didn't find physically appealing as opposed to someone I did. that was a really rambly post.

 

[Nick]

(Re: physical attraction):
Despite the fact that I'm sure it may be true for some, I think it's absolutely foolish for anyone to say that they'll continue to be in a relationship with someone after they've seen their unattractive face. Yes, people are right in saying personality is more important than looks. But something I've noticed in a lot of replies is that it just seems that people here seem to be so deluded that they think looks don't matter at all, and that's really not the case.

Physical attraction to your partner is just as important as an emotional attraction, and if you're a sexual person, sexual attraction is included in that as well. Physical attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. Sex is often very important in relationships for most people, especially as you develop physically and grow older. It may not be important in relationships while you're younger, but I'm sure you see a lot of married people who feel like their relationship is falling apart because of things going on in the bedroom, and you often can't develop a sexual attraction to someone without a physical attraction to them first.

That said, physical attraction also tends to grow the more you're with that person, so first impressions of someone shouldn't knock them out of the game. My point is, though, that physical attraction does matter. It's a mere case of psychology.

People who are saying these things, ask yourself, how would you feel if your partner told you that they thought you looked ugly? You wouldn't like that, would you? You'd likely start to believe that you're not worthy of them, because you likely find them to be attractive. You'll probably start to think that they're with you because they pity your looks. These things are natural responses, and are often invasive. It's not something you'll want to be thinking. They'll seep your way into your mind whether you want them to or not. That's the way normal brains work.

(My answer to the question):
I've only been in one online relationship. I saw her picture before I developed feelings for her, but after I got to know her. I don't think I can really answer this question with much experience, because I thought she was very cute. But I have seen pictures of some of my online friends after I got to know them, and it did turn me off a bit.

I would never ask to be in a relationship with someone online if I didn't know what they looked like. And if someone turns out to look like someone I'm just not attracted to physically, but the emotional connection is there, I wouldn't pursue the relationship.

 

[Bellsprout]

I'd probably stay with them unless they were so horribly hideous I couldn't stand to look at them, but that would be a ridiculous amount of ugly.

I've never had the experience of liking someone and not knowing what they look like. I have though had the experience of meeting guys and finding them ugly/unattractive at first, but over the course of getting to know them found them attractive.

I think if you really like someone's personality you grow to like the outside of them too.

 

[Pepperton]

Yes, personality is arguably the most important thing when in a relationship, but most romantic involvements do include attraction and physical desire towards their partner. If they weren't as good looking as previously perceived, I would try to break things off in a nice way, and attempt to remain friends. That's why finding 'the one' is so difficult, it's someone who you're physically attracted to but also with a personality compatible with your own, and that isn't easy to come by.

 

[Sheep]

Personality first and foremost. Looks matter (though to a lesser extent) as well but personality is what gets me. Usually if I fall in love with someone based on their personality then their physical appearance becomes much more beautiful as well.

If you mean ugly as in terribly ugly then.. I'd probably stick around out of guilt for a while, haha. But it's very hard to make me actually see someone as that bad of a person.

 

[Shining Raichu]

Yeah, physical attraction is important. If you don't feel it you don't feel it.

The other aspect to this is that it's online dating. So even if you found you could get past the looks, the chances of the relationship actually working in the long term are very, very slim. So might as well just cut and run, callous as that sounds. If you're already finding additional barriers to an online relationship that early on, then you can logically see it isn't going to last.

 

[Sydian]

Why would I start dating someone before I see their face? I think that's the real question here. That could be dangerous. Like I need to know this dude ain't on America's Most Wanted or something.

 

[Addy]

For me, I need to be attracted to your personality as well as your looks. I've seen some really hot people, but they end up being real jerks and I was like nope, don't find you all that attractive anymore. If I don't find the physically appealing, I'm not going to want to be with them sexually.

 

[uoneko]

i think both personality and appearances are important, for me personally. i understand not everyone may be blessed with great genetics, but presenting oneself in a nice, clean way. clean hair, clean clothes, clean smell, and [sometimes, not always] clean skin are all rather easy to obtain if one cares about her/his looks. i think presenting oneself in a nice way shows more self-esteem and confidence, which brings me to personality.
i love when someone is confident in themselves, but still not arrogant or cocky. personality does matter to me a lot, especially first impressions. even though i'm kind of a picky person in general, it doesn't take much to just give a compliment or show some act of kindness early on in a friendship or relationship.
i'm certainly not trying to say everyone should act the way that pleases me. be yourself, act the way you want, but always remember to be kind to people.

 

[Honest]

Ew, online dating. Not my cup of tea at all. On the improbable chance it happened, I would ditch them. It doesn't matter if I think they're the nicest or coolest person ever, to me, looks matter nearly just as much. That might make me sound like an ass, but it's the truth, and I'd be a liar if I said anything else.

 

[Venitardus]

looks and personality are both important. i wouldn't start dating online. i'd like to meet her face-to-face first before even considering to date her. Thats how i am.

 

[Sonata]

It depends on how ugly they are. If they're too ugly then I'm gone, but if they're a doable ugly then I might stay depending on how good their personality is and what they like and stuff. I am very shallow.

 

[Raine]

Not to sound insensitive or anything, but there ultimately has to be a balance between both appearance, and personality. For instance, I've actually met someone a few weeks ago that I've connected with, and we've seen pictures of each other. Based on our converstations, we're both pretty sure we're physically attracted to each other, and emotionally connected. Should we ever get to meet, and they turn out less attractive than what I originally perceived, then so be it. It depends on just how much their personality can outweigh looks at the end of the day. At least for me.

 

[Plumpyfoof]

The problem for me here is that how could we be dating before having our first meeting? Our first meeting (and presumably date) would indicate the earliest point in time for us to start dating. I'm also pretty tricky with my words, especially with people I don't know online. Never explicitly say it was a romantic date, that way if any romantic feeling I had for them previously dissipate I can pull the friendzone card and I come out (somewhat) unscathed.

For me appearance is the main factor for me to initiate any kind of relationship. It's the personality that keeps me around once the novelty has worn off.
That's not to say I only make friends with pretty people, only that I only approach people above a certain standard of relative attractiveness. So we could meet, she could be under the attractive threshold but we could remain friends and then there's no doubt the possibility for her to be so incredibly awesome I forget about her appearance enough to start a romantic relationship is always there; it's a tough job sure but it's not impossible.

I'm not obliged to date this person simply because we have chemistry and I don't feel bad about switching off my emotions because they lied in their profile picture. I still like making platonic friends, and romantic relationships can still blossom if she plays her cards right haha.

 

[tfr5015]

Women are more forgiving of looks than men due to women being more in touch with the way they feel. Sounds cliche but it's completely true if you look at it on a biological level. Women will have the part of them that is turned on sexually by looks, but they can also be turned on emotionally which is why you see the big boy statue with a really attractive woman sometimes. Men are hardwired for sex and are very visual. It's not that were shallow, it's just the way we're created.