People Tries to Know You Better?

Early

Early

☆ My, how the Earth does move... ☆
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    I'm always the "quiet kid" at school and in public; nobody ever approaches me or tries to make conversation, even if I'm sitting right next to them. I would love getting to know others around me a bit better (and always have those moments where there's somebody I want to talk to or be friends with, but can't work up the nerve), but have social anxiety/bad AvPD and absolutely can't approach someone first unless I'm 100% positive that they won't reject me. Even messaging somebody first on the internet is extremely hard; I've only made forum friends through getting to know them via roleplay threads rather than chatting. I'm not nearly as much of a hermit as I seem once others actually get to know me, but very few people ever do.
     
    Only a few people irl have tried to get to know me, and we're still friends to this day. I was mostly quiet until I adjusted to the social atmosphere.
    Online, not so much? I guess I'm just sort of there. It's saddening but hey.
     
    Hades said:
    Only a few people irl have tried to get to know me
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    I feel the same way IRL. I've always been a quiet person who's not very outgoing so not a lot of people have been interested in someone like me I guess haha? I've made friends with other quiet people though! Online though I always find people wanting to get to know me better. That's the beauty of PC I guess :3
     
    Haven't made contact with people irl in years. Even back in the day I was more of a passive person that just happened to be there and most of the time, the only approach I got where bullies picking on me because of my quietness. {XD}

    Online, I'm pretty much the one who has to do all the approaching. I think there was only a handful of people who approached me and from them, only one is still talking to me. Even from those that I try to approach, only a couple few stick around for a little bit of talk. Whelp, I guess there's a reason why I call my "approaching" "pestering", instead. :P

    Also, good possibility that I tried to talk to a couple of you people in this thread, who didn't care about responding; so if you complain about nobody approaching you: your fault :P
     
    I can't even seem to get people I've known for years to care about me currently, never mind get new people to care about me.

    Mostly the only way people talk to me is by me approaching them, and even then I can only seem to get a few sentences out of them. Would be nice for it to be the other way around for once.
     
    Early said:
    Even messaging somebody first on the internet is extremely hard; I've only made forum friends through getting to know them via roleplay threads rather than chatting. .
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    Replace roleplay with fic writing, and that's me, heh. Many times I would interact other fic writers and that's something we have in common, so I'm sure that goes the same with you and the friends you made through roleplay.

    I too can be pretty quiet both in real life and online. Most of the time someone else would approach me first because I'm not too good with conversation starters, though for some people I tend to be the one that approach them first.
     
    I'm pretty quiet. I don't generally make much of an effort to befriend people. I just let them happen naturally. If I find I have similar interests with other people, then I'll chat them up about it a bit, and maybe if they seem like a cool person overall I'll try to get to know them a bit better. But eh, I'm pretty shy too, and I get really nervous during social interaction, so that makes it even more difficult :x
     
    I ask alot of questions and try to get to know my friends pretty good but i gotta say they try to approach me as well and ask questions so its kinda both ways. But if I wanna be friends with someone ill approach them and try to get to know them. I dont really think that much into it however for me i make all these little events we do like go to the movies or host a party or go out to dinner, all of those i host for them and myself and we all really enjoy them but I do wish someone else would plan an event sometimes but literally all they say is no you have all the contacts your good at this crap haha so i just do it and even if they do plan one it will fall through xD
     
    I'm a quiet person. This may surprise people who know me online, but I am also very shy, nervous, and self-conscious. I dislike talking about myself and generally assume my hobbies aren't something to talk about in public. I also don't share the hobbies (mainly sports) people do talk about. This keeps me from talking very well with people I don't know.

    It's a shame, since my first impression is "boring and anti-social." That may be true, but I warm up considerably, even if it takes a while. At the same time, I like it this way because I don't like managing massive social networks or keeping lukewarm acquaintances; it's tiring. I feel I have good, sincere friends.

    When I am serious, I do try to express kindness and empathy in my own weird, awkward way. I'm not very good at catching up or updating people without rambling, though.
     
    It goes both ways for me, I care more about some people and some people care more about me. It works out in the end I suppose :P
     
    I'm purposely cryptic about me. Let's keep it that way. I also don't really care enough to get to know people better myself. I'm just not interested.
     
    I'm surprised that a lot of you say you are quiet. Surely you can't all have the same personality. Also don't try to justify it by saying you're "introverted" because that's just trying to put your personality in a nice little box.

    I have several irl friends and go out often with them. Sometimes I go to parties and other times I just sit around on the internet. I try to get to know most people wherever I go. I'd argue that I'm fairly social I guess?

    There is certainly a level of "manipulation" I use when getting to know someone that actually helps us know more about each other. Over the years I've learned that people like to talk about themselves, like to think of themselves as modest, don't like to feel trapped, and like to feel wanted, needed, or helpful. Now all of this might sound very obvious however you can in some ways manipulate this to be friends with people more quickly or better. You can get them to talk about themselves and ask them questions about themselves. You can indulge them on things even if you don't agree and hear them out. People like a healthy amount of disagreement though otherwise a relationship will get stale so be sure to disagree at proper times. Talk about yourself but try to tie it into the other person's experiences so it goes back to them. It gives the impression the conversation is about you while you're making it about the other person. Thusly the other person feels more modest because the conversation subject in their head is you but you are manipulating it to make it about them. This has the added benefit of expanding the conversation and allowing more openings for new topics to shine through. When you first meet someone try to put some kind of time constraint on the conversation that the other person is aware of so that they don't feel like they are going to be trapped talking to you for a while if they happen to dislike you or what you're saying. They're more likely to be open and more likely to be attentive because they know they don't have to put up with someone for an unspecified amount of time. The last one, once again, may seem obvious however a good way to strengthen a relationship and bonds with other people is to ask them for favors. People like to feel like they're of use to someone else and it also has the added advantage of allowing a sort of "favor" economy between the two people where you will owe them something (or you can say you do) because they did something for you. This gives both parties a purpose, makes them feel welcome, and helps build trust.
     
    Staralfur said:
    I'm surprised that a lot of you say you are quiet. Surely you can't all have the same personality. Also don't try to justify it by saying you're "introverted" because that's just trying to put your personality in a nice little box.
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    I'm quiet about myself because I really don't want anyone really knowing who I am. If we're going deeper, I don't want anyone peering into my soul. I just don't want anyone to know me, except what they know about me on its face value.

    I'm also not introverted, I'm outright asocial, since I couldn't be bothered to make new friends and get to know people.
     
    Karnavaly said:
    I'm quiet about myself because I really don't want anyone really knowing who I am. If we're going deeper, I don't want anyone peering into my soul. I just don't want anyone to know me, except what they know about me on its face value.
    Click to expand...

    And why is that then?
     
    Staralfur said:
    And why is that then?
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    If it makes any sense, I like to keep myself to myself, I just don't want anyone getting to know me, in fear they won't understand my quirks, I guess.
     
    Karnavaly said:
    If it makes any sense, I like to keep myself to myself, I just don't want anyone getting to know me, in fear they won't understand my quirks, I guess.
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    So you have an anxiety that other people will not understand you so you don't like to get to know anyone? If I am understanding this right.
     
    Staralfur said:
    I'm surprised that a lot of you say you are quiet. Surely you can't all have the same personality. Also don't try to justify it by saying you're "introverted" because that's just trying to put your personality in a nice little box.
    Click to expand...
    What's the problem with putting your personality in a box? I like things simple and explainable.

    Staralfur said:
    Over the years I've learned that people like to talk about themselves, like to think of themselves as modest, don't like to feel trapped, and like to feel wanted, needed, or helpful.
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    Yeah, people probably like to talk about themselves because that's what they know a whole lot about. You can't typically sound very radio-friendly when you want to talk about other, more technical things you might be interested in, like the properties of a ferromagnetic element, for example. Personally, I'm not very modest and try to be true to myself, but I guess I'm just an exception. As for being helpful, it depends on the matter. I'll do stuff for others, but I'm not going to want to unless it does something more than just develop a relationship. Haha...

    In most cases, I can see your tips working out.
     
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