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Help & Advice Thread

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Somewhere_

Somewhere_

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    • string555 said:
    I'm sorry for your loss. :(

    I think you didn't cry this time because you already got it out of you, basically you already got through the stages of grief before she passed.

    You might not need to do a whole lot to comfort your Dad. Just being there for them is often enough to help them. I went through the same experience when my Grandma passed, and it was also the first time I saw my Dad cry (It was his Mom). I cried too, only because he cried. But I believe that just by being there for him, it may have helped him through it. So as long as you're there for him, that should be enough.

    Don't worry if you get emotional when reading those passages, it's really an expected thing. At worse, you'll make other family members cry, but that's not such a bad thing. Crying in that situation is natural, and it's actually better to let your feelings leak out like that instead of holding them back.

    I think if you just do things how it feels right, you and your family will be fine. Hang in there.
    Click to expand...

    Thanks dude. I think you are right- Ive already finished my "stages of grief" by visiting her already. For now, I'm just being there for my dad and doing whatever he wants or needs.

    Its confirmed that I'm reading a passage (i might also carry the casket, but I'm not worried about that), and the passage isnt too long. Its definitely manageable. My mom said that its easy to read at funerals because you dont have to put any emotion into it. I just have to read it. So I'm not as nervous anymore, but I think ill practice so my pronunciation of words is correct.
     
    Her

    Her

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    One thing to remember is that there isn't one singular way to deal with grief and loss. As long as you come out healthy on the other end, with as little hurt as possible to others, then how you go about this is entirely up to you.
     
    Somewhere_

    Somewhere_

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    • I just learned that I will be a pallbearer in the funeral. Idk how I feel about carrying my dead grandmother into the church for the funeral. And its open casket, so Ill be looking at her all the way down.

    Before she died, she lost over 40 lbs. I saw her after she lost about 20 lbs and she was very, very gaunt. Its going to be really, really hard seeing her dead and not even in a "healthy" state. Its almost like I'm carrying a skeleton of my grandmother.
     
    string555

    string555

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    • BadSheep said:
    I just learned that I will be a pallbearer in the funeral. Idk how I feel about carrying my dead grandmother into the church for the funeral. And its open casket, so Ill be looking at her all the way down.

    Before she died, she lost over 40 lbs. I saw her after she lost about 20 lbs and she was very, very gaunt. Its going to be really, really hard seeing her dead and not even in a "healthy" state. Its almost like I'm carrying a skeleton of my grandmother.
    Click to expand...

    I wouldn't quote me on this 100%, but I've heard that even in an open-casket funeral, whenever people are carrying the casket, the lid is shut. So I think there's a good chance that you won't have to worry about that part.

    I'm with you on that though, my own Grandmother's funeral when I was 10 was open-casket. I really wish my last memory of her was NOT seeing her in that state. :(
     
    Somewhere_

    Somewhere_

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    • string555 said:
    I wouldn't quote me on this 100%, but I've heard that even in an open-casket funeral, whenever people are carrying the casket, the lid is shut. So I think there's a good chance that you won't have to worry about that part.

    I'm with you on that though, my own Grandmother's funeral when I was 10 was open-casket. I really wish my last memory of her was NOT seeing her in that state. :(
    Click to expand...

    i went to a viewing session yesterday, which was obviously open casket. I thought it would be weird (as indicated by my prior posts), but it wasnt that bad honestly. For others, it was really really emotional. and ya, you are right- when carrying the casket it is not open. This was my first funeral, so I really didnt have any clue.
     
    kyuubi93

    kyuubi93

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    Here's my problem.

    I cannot find a job worth keeping. I was delivering pizza with Papa John's for awhile, but after they hired about a million new drivers, my hours got shot and the money stopped flowing. I wasn't even scheduled any football nights before I quit. Then I started delivering sandwiches for Jimmy John's, thinking it would be better. That turned out to be false, the customers tip like crap and its not worth the ware and tare on my vehicle.

    So my question is, what should I do? All I want to do is find a job where I'm not making garbage money. It doesn't really help that Arizona is a right to work state, if they don't like you for any dumb reason they don't even have to hire you.
     
    Last edited:
    Kai

    Kai

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    • kyuubi93 said:
    Here's my problem.
    So my question is, what should I do? All I want to do is find a job where I'm not making garbage money. It doesn't really help that Arizona is a right to work state, if they don't like you for any dumb reason they don't even have to hire you.
    Click to expand...

    You could try working for the U.S. Postal Service. They should provide a decent paycheck along with great benefits if you work for them long enough.
     
    Zeostar

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    I've been getting anxiety at night and I can't figure out how to shake it. It's a very overwhelming feeling, I get on edge, the blood rushes to my body, my mind races

    It's something I've been able to ignore because it doesn't happen during the day, and there are other people around anyways.

    I would keep ignoring it, but I've been up till 2 or 3 AM sometimes dealing with this, and I have no energy at school the next day.

    The only person I live with is my Mom, and she works night shifts so there's not much she can do. So I'm home alone to deal with this

    Sometimes I can make it go away, by drinking a glass of water, showering, pacing around enough

    I don't even want to post this here, but it's already started tonight and I don't even feel like dealing with it. It's been going on for a couple months, some nights it doesn't happen but tonight it's pretty bad
     
    string555

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    • I'm not sure if this will really help, but just a suggestion. Have you tried meditation-style breathing? Just breathing in deeply and slowly, then exhale slowly as well. Try to focus only on your breathing, keeping it slow and steady. Just keep doing that for a good while, then you can see if that calms down your body and mind at all.

    As I said, not sure if that will help, but it's something you can try.
     
    Zeostar

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    string555 said:
    I'm not sure if this will really help, but just a suggestion. Have you tried meditation-style breathing? Just breathing in deeply and slowly, then exhale slowly as well. Try to focus only on your breathing, keeping it slow and steady. Just keep doing that for a good while, then you can see if that calms down your body and mind at all.

    As I said, not sure if that will help, but it's something you can try.
    Click to expand...

    I tried meditating but everything rushed to my stomach, then my heart started racing. The feeling went away though after I distracted myself with a game. It's lingering a bit, but I know im not gonna die now
     
    string555

    string555

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    • zeostar said:
    I tried meditating but everything rushed to my stomach, then my heart started racing. The feeling went away though after I distracted myself with a game. It's lingering a bit, but I know im not gonna die now
    Click to expand...

    Then maybe that's what you need, something immersive to distract yourself from it. As you've seen, a video game can do that, you might also try reading a good fiction book to take your mind off of things.
     
    gimmepie

    gimmepie

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    • zeostar said:
    I tried meditating but everything rushed to my stomach, then my heart started racing. The feeling went away though after I distracted myself with a game. It's lingering a bit, but I know im not gonna die now
    Click to expand...

    Maybe the trouble is you don't like being alone?
    Anyway I agree with immersive distracting activities, That usually works for me.
     
    Zeostar

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    gimmepie said:
    Maybe the trouble is you don't like being alone?
    Anyway I agree with immersive distracting activities, That usually works for me.
    Click to expand...

    I don't know what's causing it. I've never had anything similar before, and anxiety has always been foreign to me. Being alone could have something to do with it, I guess.

    I'll stick to distracting myself with things when it happens. I got through last night, so I can probably deal with it when it happens in the future

    Thanks ????
     
    gimmepie

    gimmepie

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    • zeostar said:
    I don't know what's causing it. I've never had anything similar before, and anxiety has always been foreign to me. Being alone could have something to do with it, I guess.

    I'll stick to distracting myself with things when it happens. I got through last night, so I can probably deal with it when it happens in the future

    Thanks ????
    Click to expand...

    Also might be a good idea to talk to a professional.
     
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