Help & Advice Thread

Nonibros said:

Nah, you deleted one too many... The second post of mine was actually contributing to the argument.... It was an extension and clarification to my first post, so plox put it back?


But a ways, why not be Admin? Decent pay, you get to be on here full time, and it would be fun, no? :)

Click to expand...

if only internet forum staff was a paid job =(

also you know how much dick i'd have to suck to get promoted to admin here



I suppose that I should mention though for the people who posted previously about my post in here but aren't aware of what's happened since then, I am planning to take the full time job and have applied for it already. Just gotta see if/when I'll get called in for an interview/be told I got the job.....

Nah said:

if only internet forum staff was a paid job =(

also you know how much dick i'd have to suck to get promoted to admin here



I suppose that I should mention though for the people who posted previously about my post in here but aren't aware of what's happened since then, I am planning to take the full time job and have applied for it already. Just gotta see if/when I'll get called in for an interview/be told I got the job.....

Click to expand...

Lol, I though one just needed to watch anime and post dank maymays. Bit I guess dick sucking is a requirement, LMAO.






Congrats!

I'm having a problem that I need some help with. My parents don't seem to be able to help me, and my friends tell me to fuck off when I bring it up.
It's kind of a menial problem, tbh, but it's really getting under my skin.

So about this time last year I met these two sisters. One of which I am currently very very good friends with, and our relationship is purely platonic. The other I was amazing friends with for a few months and even dated for one of those months, but then all of a sudden I noticed that even though we weren't dating I was still kind of acting like we were. I like her to the point that I couldn't let her go then and I held onto the idea. We had a huge fight and didn't talk for a couple months. She came back all apologetic and seeming like she wanted me back, which I still wanted her back, so we talked for a little bit and then all of a sudden one day, out of nowhere, she blocked me and wouldn't talk to me. Two days later her mom came to my work and told me that she was crying over my because I wasn't talking to her. I mentioned what happened, and she denied it. When I showed proof she continued to deny it saying "Your phone is messed up", until her mom ending up fixing it herself. Now she complains that I'm talking to her, but even though I'm not blocked she just ignores me. I have an extreme sweet tooth for this girl and will do almost anything for her. Removing her from my life is near impossible as our lives are so intertwined at this point. Forgetting her is also near impossible, I've let her sink so far into my mind that I can't let the thought of her go. I'm now at the stage where I know I have to. How in the world do I do this? How do I become unattached to this person. Finding someone else is very hard for me while I'm so attached to her because I let my thoughts of her get in the way of my relationships. My only other relationship other than her was destroyed because she came back to me apologizing, and my sweet tooth kicked in and I dropped the other girl only to watch this girl push me away while complaining to people that I'm not talking to her. What do I do?

Vent Thread: Mom in the hospital (help me get through it)

I have major anxiety, and my mom's in the hospital. She was just taken there. Dad think's its something wrong with her lap band since her stomach is hurting so bad. It might be ruptured...

I just... IDK. I'm all alone, and I need to start up a conversation with someone. Can someone help me out, please? I don't know if this is the place to start, but dad said she'll probably need surgery and it's going to be a while until he's home.

It's my mom. Of course I'm worried about her. If it was me in that position I could take surgery like a breeze since I've been through so many - but my parents and other family haven't been through as many... What if something goes wrong? What if she has to stay longer? I know my mom's been under stress lately, I don't want her to stay in the hospital...

At least she's at the hospital she works at, so they'll be like... Not bitchy about her going to work, right? So, she has time off, at least... fkjdalfj I just wish I was there instead of her knowing my pain endurance is a lot better than others. Idk. Talk about things you love, things you hate, I just wanna stop thinking about it.

phone posting so apologise in advance

Talon said:

I'm having a problem that I need some help with. My parents don't seem to be able to help me, and my friends tell me to fuck off when I bring it up.
It's kind of a menial problem, tbh, but it's really getting under my skin.

So about this time last year I met these two sisters. One of which I am currently very very good friends with, and our relationship is purely platonic. The other I was amazing friends with for a few months and even dated for one of those months, but then all of a sudden I noticed that even though we weren't dating I was still kind of acting like we were. I like her to the point that I couldn't let her go then and I held onto the idea. We had a huge fight and didn't talk for a couple months. She came back all apologetic and seeming like she wanted me back, which I still wanted her back, so we talked for a little bit and then all of a sudden one day, out of nowhere, she blocked me and wouldn't talk to me. Two days later her mom came to my work and told me that she was crying over my because I wasn't talking to her. I mentioned what happened, and she denied it. When I showed proof she continued to deny it saying "Your phone is messed up", until her mom ending up fixing it herself. Now she complains that I'm talking to her, but even though I'm not blocked she just ignores me. I have an extreme sweet tooth for this girl and will do almost anything for her. Removing her from my life is near impossible as our lives are so intertwined at this point. Forgetting her is also near impossible, I've let her sink so far into my mind that I can't let the thought of her go. I'm now at the stage where I know I have to. How in the world do I do this? How do I become unattached to this person. Finding someone else is very hard for me while I'm so attached to her because I let my thoughts of her get in the way of my relationships. My only other relationship other than her was destroyed because she came back to me apologizing, and my sweet tooth kicked in and I dropped the other girl only to watch this girl push me away while complaining to people that I'm not talking to her. What do I do?

Click to expand...

...i'm kinda inclined to agree with your friends general attitude? not to the point of saying 'fuck off', but you might want to lessen with the dramatics. it sounds less like love, or a 'sweet tooth', and more like fixation. in any case, you've been very clear about how it's too much of a mess to work. you're young, it's going to be fine. the easiest way to get over someone is to busy yourself in things not related to the world of romance, which might sound cliche, but it really is the best way to get past feelings of infatuation. might be hard if you're at the same school, but this means that you will simply have to try that much harder in other avenues. being too strongly focused on 'finding someone' isn't healthy and leads one to make judgements which are adverse to our growth in the pursuit of fleeting companionship. focus on yourself and not some girl.

TrashyVerse said:

I have major anxiety, and my mom's in the hospital. She was just taken there. Dad think's its something wrong with her lap band since her stomach is hurting so bad. It might be ruptured...

I just... IDK. I'm all alone, and I need to start up a conversation with someone. Can someone help me out, please? I don't know if this is the place to start, but dad said she'll probably need surgery and it's going to be a while until he's home.

It's my mom. Of course I'm worried about her. If it was me in that position I could take surgery like a breeze since I've been through so many - but my parents and other family haven't been through as many... What if something goes wrong? What if she has to stay longer? I know my mom's been under stress lately, I don't want her to stay in the hospital...

At least she's at the hospital she works at, so they'll be like... Not bitchy about her going to work, right? So, she has time off, at least... fkjdalfj I just wish I was there instead of her knowing my pain endurance is a lot better than others. Idk. Talk about things you love, things you hate, I just wanna stop thinking about it.

Click to expand...

i'd say the best thing to do right now is understand that while something can go wrong, it may also go right as well. you can't change things that have happened, you can only understand the situation and adapt to it. anxiety, while near impossible to avoid, can be tamed. there's nothing you can do at this point in time. stay strong for your mother, she will need you. you have the fortitude she needs right now.

How do you become optimistic?

I'm simply asking this cause as soon as I turned 16 and had responsibilities, for some reason or another, I have increasingly become less and less interested in everything. Like, I'm not suicidal or anything, I do want to live... but... I feel there is no reason to be alive. I wake up every day wondering "what is the point of doing anything at all, if all you're going to do is die and nobody will remember you nor will your life have actually mattered in the first place?". As I said above, I do want to be alive... but at the same time, I feel as if my reason for living is for me to merely be a parasite on this planet.

This... affliction or disorder or something of mine has gone to the point where I give up on almost everything I do. I'll start up a game I really love to play or want to play, get about halfway through, and suddenly go "why did I just waste all this time... as soon as I die or my PC dies or phone dies or flash drive dies... I will have done all of this for nothing." Like, to me, everything seems pointless and meaningless, like there is no purpose to even being alive for anyone.

Now, I can only assume a lot of this stems from my fear of death (and to clarify things, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid that once we die, that is the end of our journey, we cease to exist, our very conscious fades away and we black out), my lack of motivation in life, and my lack of support. In many ways, despite everything I do or have done, I feel as if my entire existence has had no positive impact on anything. I feel as if my life has no meaning, no purpose, no reasoning.

I'm just asking this cause no more than 5 minutes ago, I got about halfway through a very old game from my childhood (Final Fantasy VII, PS1) and then just stopped the game and deleted all of my saved data. Then I got pissed off that I deleted my save and threw my controller across the room.


Oviously, there is something mentally unstable with me, and I'd love to seek help for it... but I don't even have 1¢ to my name these days.

Pretend, pretend, pretend.

Pretend you are happy/motivated/care etc. Pretend until you believe you are happy/motivated/care etc. Believe until you are happy/motivated/care etc.

Last year, I felt like I hit a block and, like you, I was not motivated to do anything. You really just have to push through. You may not believe it, but you ARE capable.

It will also help to talk with someone- a parent, close friend, counselor, or trusted adult. That certainly helped me through my issues!

I'm no psychologist or anything, but from my personal experience, this helped me. :)

NohBuddy2016 said:

I'm simply asking this cause as soon as I turned 16 and had responsibilities, for some reason or another, I have increasingly become less and less interested in everything. Like, I'm not suicidal or anything, I do want to live... but... I feel there is no reason to be alive. I wake up every day wondering "what is the point of doing anything at all, if all you're going to do is die and nobody will remember you nor will your life have actually mattered in the first place?". As I said above, I do want to be alive... but at the same time, I feel as if my reason for living is for me to merely be a parasite on this planet.

This... affliction or disorder or something of mine has gone to the point where I give up on almost everything I do. I'll start up a game I really love to play or want to play, get about halfway through, and suddenly go "why did I just waste all this time... as soon as I die or my PC dies or phone dies or flash drive dies... I will have done all of this for nothing." Like, to me, everything seems pointless and meaningless, like there is no purpose to even being alive for anyone.

Now, I can only assume a lot of this stems from my fear of death (and to clarify things, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid that once we die, that is the end of our journey, we cease to exist, our very conscious fades away and we black out), my lack of motivation in life, and my lack of support. In many ways, despite everything I do or have done, I feel as if my entire existence has had no positive impact on anything. I feel as if my life has no meaning, no purpose, no reasoning.

I'm just asking this cause no more than 5 minutes ago, I got about halfway through a very old game from my childhood (Final Fantasy VII, PS1) and then just stopped the game and deleted all of my saved data. Then I got pissed off that I deleted my save and threw my controller across the room.


Oviously, there is something mentally unstable with me, and I'd love to seek help for it... but I don't even have 1¢ to my name these days.

Click to expand...

I suppose first things first - what have you done to remedy this? Like, if you ever do get professional help, it'll be one of the first questions they ask. Trust me that I know this kinda thing, lmao. They're going to want to know how you have acted on these feelings, positively and negatively. Since you, and we to an extent, already know the extent of your negative feelings, it is important to focus on what you have done to improve yourself and what you can do in the future. Give yourself some space of mind to focus on your bright future before the darkness encroaches.

I like her but

So, I was wanting to ask advice about this. There is this girl that I have known for a few years, and I'm thinking maybe about asking her out. However there is one problem. She's black. I have no problem with it obviously, and I don't think my parents do either, but my grandparents would. Not so much my dad's parents, since they have mellowed down about it a lot in recent years, but my mom's parents would have a huge problem with it. My grandpa is extremely racist against blacks, and Hispanics. He believes that thousands of years ago, a man married a monkey and that's where blacks came from. She's actually from Ethiopia she was born there, and was adopted from an Orphanage over there by American parents when she was around 13. I'm curious about how to (if she does say yes) bring this up to my grandparents. My cousin once had a lack boyfriend a few years ago, and my grandma wasn't very happy about that, either.

If you don't have a problem with her, then there's nothing that can stop you. Just ask her and think about the other stuff when you get there. :)

I think your grandparents shouldn't interfere your choices. As long as you like her, what else matter? Black, white, red or even green are you kidding me? If you see her as "that black girl " then congratulations, you are racist too even if you refuse to admit it.

This is not for me, I'm asking for a very good friend. I figured I'd get some good advice here.

She's been dating this guy for several years now, and she loves him very very much. One day, we sat down for coffee and she confessed to me that her boyfriend watches/looks at pornography every single day (and that means on the computer, phone, tablet, every time she's not looking, etc). While she was normally okay with him viewing it in front of her, she's made it to the point that she is fed up with it. I told her that pornography is mainstream these days and guys just "view it for the pleasure", but in other instances, too much of it is reeeeeally unhealthy in the long run. At least, that's what I feel. She mentioned that it's becoming a problem in the relationship and it's getting worse every day. He's becoming emotionally unavailable to her which is really bad, and their intimacy levels have dwindled. They both had an argument recently about it and she gave him an ultimatum...he needs to choose either herself or the pornography.

Now, I really don't want to turn this into an explicit topic and all...I want to know what you guys think of the whole thing. She's been struggling with this for several weeks now and she's up to the point that she's ready to call it quits on the relationship.

I look forward to responses, thanks in advance!

Meganium said:

This is not for me, I'm asking for a very good friend. I figured I'd get some good advice here.

She's been dating this guy for several years now, and she loves him very very much. One day, we sat down for coffee and she confessed to me that her boyfriend watches/looks at pornography every single day (and that means on the computer, phone, tablet, every time she's not looking, etc). While she was normally okay with him viewing it in front of her, she's made it to the point that she is fed up with it. I told her that pornography is mainstream these days and guys just "view it for the pleasure", but in other instances, too much of it is reeeeeally unhealthy in the long run. At least, that's what I feel. She mentioned that it's becoming a problem in the relationship and it's getting worse every day. He's becoming emotionally unavailable to her which is really bad, and their intimacy levels have dwindled. They both had an argument recently about it and she gave him an ultimatum...he needs to choose either herself or the pornography.

Now, I really don't want to turn this into an explicit topic and all...I want to know what you guys think of the whole thing. She's been struggling with this for several weeks now and she's up to the point that she's ready to call it quits on the relationship.

I look forward to responses, thanks in advance!

Click to expand...

I guess the best thing for them to do would be to compromise and communicate more.
Is there a reason that he's constantly at the porn? Maybe he's not feeling satisfied sexually which is something he needs to be open with if that's the case.

Basically, talk more and establish boundaries.

Meganium said:

This is not for me, I'm asking for a very good friend. I figured I'd get some good advice here.

She's been dating this guy for several years now, and she loves him very very much. One day, we sat down for coffee and she confessed to me that her boyfriend watches/looks at pornography every single day (and that means on the computer, phone, tablet, every time she's not looking, etc). While she was normally okay with him viewing it in front of her, she's made it to the point that she is fed up with it. I told her that pornography is mainstream these days and guys just "view it for the pleasure", but in other instances, too much of it is reeeeeally unhealthy in the long run. At least, that's what I feel. She mentioned that it's becoming a problem in the relationship and it's getting worse every day. He's becoming emotionally unavailable to her which is really bad, and their intimacy levels have dwindled. They both had an argument recently about it and she gave him an ultimatum...he needs to choose either herself or the pornography.

Now, I really don't want to turn this into an explicit topic and all...I want to know what you guys think of the whole thing. She's been struggling with this for several weeks now and she's up to the point that she's ready to call it quits on the relationship.

I look forward to responses, thanks in advance!

Click to expand...

I think it would be good to find out what is triggering his porn viewing. It could be related to the relationship itself, or it could be something that's not directly related - stress, for example.

But what's really important is that she discusses it in a non-judgemental, non-threatening way. Pornography, and sexuality in general, can be very sensitive, so you want to make sure the person feels safe or else they might become even less communicative - and it sounds like they haven't really had calm discussions about it. I would frame the discussion as wanting to learn more about why he's doing what he's doing and his own awareness and perspective on his actions, rather than talking about blame or expectations. It might be a good idea to find a safe time and space to have the discussion so both your friend and her boyfriend will feel willing to discuss their intimate thoughts and as well to ask open-ended questions.

Obviously, your friend has expressed that his habits are excessive and are not acceptable in a relationship with her in the long run - so in summary I think it's worth gathering his perspective and the degree he can or is willing to compromise. Try to avoid arguments, if you're trying to gather data, so to speak.

Meganium said:

I look forward to responses, thanks in advance!

Click to expand...

Ultimatums might have been jumping the gun, but I can understand the frustration. I wouldn't know what's causing him to do what he's doing, but I know when people are in cycles of repeating "bad" behaviors (in this case, bad for the relationship) confronting them directly can sometimes make them retreat because they feel like they're being attacked. I'm not sure what the best action to take is, but trying to get them to understand that what they're doing is hurting someone else or causing problems, while also getting across that no one's blaming them, just trying to help them, feels like it's the key. You know, like in an intervention for someone with an addiction.

I'm not saying that this is an addiction, but people in these self-repeating spirals might not be aware of what they're doing, or at least the degree to which they're doing it. Or maybe they are and don't care because it's a coping mechanism for something else. I know I'm not really saying anything that's not already been said, but communicating is really important. Communicating feelings especially. Lots of guys aren't good at that so it might not be easy for him. He's probably not used to talking about his feelings, especially if they're feelings that make him feel vulnerable.

Your friend is right that it's not a healthy situation. The fact that it's pornography might not even be the most important issue as much as it is a lack of honest communication. Your friend might also be unused to speaking openly and honestly with him so it could be difficult for both of them, especially if his consumption level is really bothering her.

I dunno. She needs to ask herself what she wants with the relationship, what she is willing to do for it. He should ask himself that, too. If they can avoid recriminations, that is, if she really cares for him and is willing to help him work through this, and if he feels the same way and is willing to put himself out there and perhaps feel criticized or feel vulnerable and still want to get help then they can perhaps fix this.

tl;dr communicate honestly, ask each other and themselves what they want from the relationship, and be willing to seek out and get help if there are more underlying problems.

I believe she needs to discuss things with him if he isn't willing to change and she's not comfortable with his decision then she needs to consider break up.

I have this kind of stupid problem. But i'm willing to post here to see what you guys think.

I really like this girl and we've been talking for almost a year now. She says she doesn't know if she likes me back, but shes admitted to me that shes liked me a couple of times. Now, all of the sudden another girl who I barely know starts to text me via Snapchat and she seems all cool and stuff. I barely know her and the only way I have seen her is in the halls of my school. Today she flat out told me that she really likes me and I don't know how to feel about this stuff. She's been asking me if I like her back, and I dont't know what to say.

Any advice?

jeon74 said:

I have this kind of stupid problem. But i'm willing to post here to see what you guys think.

I really like this girl and we've been talking for almost a year now. She says she doesn't know if she likes me back, but shes admitted to me that shes liked me a couple of times. Now, all of the sudden another girl who I barely know starts to text me via Snapchat and she seems all cool and stuff. I barely know her and the only way I have seen her is in the halls of my school. Today she flat out told me that she really likes me and I don't know how to feel about this stuff. She's been asking me if I like her back, and I dont't know what to say.

Any advice?

Click to expand...

If it was me, I'd be completely honest and tell her that I barely know her. It looks to me that you'd be better off sticking with the first girl you're genuinely interested in, especially if she's suggested you have a shot. It's up to you really though.

you're clearly interested in betty, so just be diplomatic with veronica and let her down truthfully. you don't like her (that's such a cute term) but she seems like she'd be be a great friend. simple as that. if she reacts unfortunately, well, as you said, you barely know her. in any case, not the end of the world + it means there won't be complications if betty decides she Like Likes you.

gimmepie said:

If it was me, I'd be completely honest and tell her that I barely know her. It looks to me that you'd be better off sticking with the first girl you're genuinely interested in, especially if she's suggested you have a shot. It's up to you really though.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess you're right! I just met her this year and I don't even have any classes with her. She kinda seems too clingy too, she texts me all the time, asking me what I am doing and stuff. Weird.