Can broken relationships be fixed?

[Sirfetch’d]

Really referring to any type of relationship here be it friends, best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, etc. Do you feel like relationships can be or are easily repaired if something happens that completely breaks the boundaries and ruins the current relationship? Can things actually go back to normal or are things always going to be difficult/awkward? Are these types of relationships even worth fixing?

 

[ForgottenPass]

Best way is to just make new ones.

 

[Regumika]

There are two scenarios in all broken relationships. You left, or they left. The factor being evaluated here is I think Value/Worth, yours and/or theirs.

If you left, why did you leave in the first place? If you wanted to fix the relationship, what changed? Did you change? Are you okay with what you weren't okay with before? Did they change and are now no longer crossing the line that they used to cross? Or are you just desperate and want all the good things you had before?

If they left, they gave up on you. Are you going to let someone that gave up on you come back? Are they just desperate to have someone again because they're at the bottom of the barrel? Are they truly sorry for leaving? Will they leave again?

If I chose to leave, I probably have no reason to reconnect. If they chose to leave (keyword - choose) then it would depend on how sincere they are when they want to reconnect.

 

[Kotone]

There are two scenarios in all broken relationships. You left, or they left. The factor being evaluated here is I think Value/Worth, yours and/or theirs.

If you left, why did you leave in the first place? If you wanted to fix the relationship, what changed? Did you change? Are you okay with what you weren't okay with before? Did they change and are now no longer crossing the line that they used to cross? Or are you just desperate and want all the good things you had before?

If they left, they gave up on you. Are you going to let someone that gave up on you come back? Are they just desperate to have someone again because they're at the bottom of the barrel? Are they truly sorry for leaving? Will they leave again?

If I chose to leave, I probably have no reason to reconnect. If they chose to leave (keyword - choose) then it would depend on how sincere they are when they want to reconnect.

i agree with this! from past experiences, i dont think broken relationships can be mended. i use to have a best friend, but she was getting into all sorts of trouble so i just stopped talking to her. she tries to talk to me every so often, and i'll talk back, but it'll never be the same. also, i dont talk to my mom's side of the family, so i dont think that relationship will ever be mended. both parties have to put forth effort and decide they want to fix the relationship.

 

[twocows]

Depends entirely on the people involved and the circumstances.

 

[Cerberus87]

From experience: no, they can't.

 

[Meganium]

No.

And I'm not speaking only because I've experienced this several times in the past. I'm speaking from past experiences from people I've known closely. A person becomes really good friends...if not BEST friends for several years or so. Then one day something happens between the two that causes them to break off the friendship or even relationship if they decided to take that step forward. It feels impossible to even built back that relationship the way it was before because you can actually see the emotional damage right in front of you.

This has happened to me three times, the most recent being last month. I've always wanted to repair these relationships and hopefully get things back the way they were. But I couldn't. The memories were painful and the best way for me to do is to move on, and close that chapter in my life. Moving on and getting to know new (and better) people was the only option I had.

A friendship/relationship can be fixed if both parties are able to actually move on from the past, bury the damage and go on as if nothing has ever happened. It could work for some people, but for others like myself...it just seems impossible when the other party doesn't want to contribute. :x

 

[Universe]

I think there's exceptions. But those are far and in-between, and they probably require a bond that's not very strong to begin with. The reason I say that is because when you've spent a lot of time with someone and they do something to ruin it all, you probably won't ever truly forgive them for it. It'll always be at the back of your mind in some way, and if not maliciously: to protect yourself.

Time doesn't heal all wounds-- it just scars them. But they're still present and won't soon be forgotten.
"These types of relationships aren't worth fixing" is a correct statement, though. If one or both of you can't put the problem in the past, it's not worth the effort.

There's already nothing there to sustain a proper bond, clearly.

 

[gimmepie]

It honestly depends on the people and circumstances surrounding the relationship. Each situation is inherently unique because the people involved are, so I don't like the idea of saying yes or no as a certainty when it can be different even for people in similar situations.

Personally, in the context of at least one broken relationship I'm dealing with. I really hope so, but things are looking bleak.

 

[Kanzler]

My thoughts are that the more intimacy that is invested into a relationship, the harder it is to repair it. I think that intimacy is based more or less on exclusivity, whether it be emotional, sexual, or other kinds of exclusivity. The more "exclusive" you've made someone, the harder it is to back out of a relationship without feeling hurt and the more painful and difficult will the process be if you try to repair it.

To be honest though, I think the responsibility of the failure of most relationships lies on both parties involved. Unless something comes totally out of left field (like they're closet child abusers) or they are insidious in manipulating your trust for the long haul (in which case it's difficult to leave), I would imagine that you have some say and leverage in the terms of the relationship. If there's an aspect of your partner that you're reasonably aware of and there is no coercion going on, then you can have an honest look at it and see whether the issue is truly a dealbreaker, or if it's something that can be worked out.

I suppose what I'm going with here is that some breakups become unsalvageable not because the broken intimacy made things too difficult to approach, but because it's a matter of pride. Some people don't handle arguments and disagreement well, but that's an issue of pride, prudence, and maturity, not intimacy.

 

[Psychic]

Why do so many topics here ask for a yes/no answer? The answer is rarely simple, nor can it usually be made as a blanket statement.

As with everything, the answer here depends. It depends on the people, on their relationship, on how much they value the relationship, on how much they're willing to invest in the relationship, and on what's at stake. It depends on what happened and why.

The simple answer is that yes, it's more than possible for "broken" relationships to be mended, but that doesn't always happen. It's a real case-by-case thing. I've had big fights with two best friends, and in one case we went back to being good friends, and in the other, even though it's been a good six years, we're still not even on friendly terms. It sucks, but sometimes you have to know when to move on.

~Psychic

 

[Bounsweet]

Well, every relationship is unique in its own aspect, so there will always be exceptions depending on who's involved. I think it's entirely possible, but it really just depends on things like the level of maturity and development involved, how much time has passed, what ruined the relationship, etc., etc.

 

[£]

Depends, from the experiences I've had.

I don't think things that have been broken like that ever slot back together in the same way though. Sometimes that can be a good thing, and the relationship post-breakup can be better than it was before. Sometimes it won't be. And sometimes people won't be willing to fix it up at all.

I've never tried to fix up an intimate relationship after a split; out of the one I've had anyway. We're friends but don't talk unless I'm visiting one of my close friends who lives there. That's alright with both of us.

Close friends... I've had a fair few changes in dynamic with them, and I guess that's pretty common? In cases, people just change and move along, sometimes there's drifting in and out too. But I'd consider myself fortunate here. I had a text off one of my friends I'd barely spoken to lately and he was lovely. Made me feel bad for the amount of time I have for everything and everyone, lately!

And then there's my sister who I've had my first actual major bust up with last week. I'm not sure how that'll pan out, but if you're family there's an obligation to sort it out and put things behind you. I think time is the best healer for family wounds, even if the healing is mostly on the surface.

I think the best way to get the most out of any relationships that are impaired is to not go off on some mad rants at the other person/to be kinda friendly/co-operative with them and see how things go with time? I try not to aggress on my end and usually that works okay.

 

[Zoroark Cutie]

There are usually a lot of factors that can determine if a relationship can or can't be fixed. In a lot of my cases, they were unable to fixed. What really depends on rather if a relationship can be fixed depends on what kind of relationship, if and how much the party(s) at fault is willing to admit that they are fault, if and how much the other party, or if everyone involved was at fault, are willing to forgive and if the person or persons at fault can be fully forgiven, the personality of each person and what they can and can't tolerate, and the timing of everything. There can be more factors, but these are ones that I can think of the most. Sometimes they can't be fixed, and it could be something that is no one's fault and is out of your control or the other person's control. I do think some relationships can be worth being repaired, especially if you had a good time being with the person, however it depends on a lot of factors, like rather if one or both of people can avoid making the same mistakes, open up on what they can and can't tolerate, and a whole lot more that I am too lazy to even type.

 

[Bellsprout]

I think generally anything can be fixed if done correctly for those individuals.

For myself once a romantic relationship is broken it is broken. I don't not wish to repair it or try again. In this case perhaps it could be repaired if I also tried, but once someone wrongs me in a relationship I am disgusted with them and don't wish to waste anymore time. A friendship can be repaired unless they did something I truly cannot forgive or get over.

I think I weigh friendships over romantic relationships and often romantic relationships feel like a burden to me over time so to let them go gives me a lot of relief.

 

[Melody]

Can they be fixed? In short Yes; this is not impossible to do. Just don't expect it to be like you rolled back time ok?

Should it be fixed? That depends on you and the other party; and the willingness of both to compromise and make up for any and all mistakes made in the first take.
This definitely isn't as easy to arrange and attain as it sounds; but there are couples who are capable of this, but this is actually fairly rare. It takes a very strong and deep bond to someone to be as forgiving as it requires, and even then sometimes a deep bond can cause more injury than it prevents.

It won't be easy. Yes it can be done; but assessment of whether or not you should needs to be personal and include awareness of the other party's willingness and ability to cooperate with you. You won't get anywhere if they refuse to forgive. You won't get anywhere if they refuse to speak to you and you definitely won't if they've chosen to completely remove themselves from the realm of your life. Conversely this applies to one's self too; but I figure at that point you can't normally really be unaware of your own perspective. You've got to be willing to do the same things you expect from your [ex-]partner.

 

[Somewhere_]

I think it depends on you and the other person's personality as well as the situation/reason the relationship broke. I would consider if it is even worth getting back into the relationship or if the other person does first.

 

[Lucid]

It all depends on the context. If the relationship is romantic or sexual, not likely, just because of the huge amount of trust that goes along with those, if they're breached, that person will likely never trust you again. Platonic? It's possible, but it depends on the person. All and all, the most mature thing to do is respect the other person's feelings no matter how much it hurts. In the end, it's the best for both parties. All you can do is be direct and honest, and accept the outcome.

 

[Zeffy]

someone used the social exchange theory to explain why people choose to end/pursue a relationship, and it kind of makes sense to say that broken relationships cannot be mended most of the time. however, there's a plethora of other factors to consider and i don't think there's a definite end all, be all answer for it.

from experience though, there's nothing to be gained from trying to mend a broken relationship. you can try but there's always going to be that air of awkwardness that's going to surround you--and that's going to hinder any attempts at rekindling, in all honesty

 

[Yoshikko]

for me personally i feel like because romantic relationships really have a different foundation than friendships, so it's different for both. i've had to rebuild a friendship in the past and it's fine now, i feel like the 'risk' is much lower with friendships. friendships tend to be more stable for me. i've only had one serious relationship in the past so i don't have much experience, i'd say it really depends on what happened and how much mutual love and willingness there is. some relationships might not be worth it, others might come stronger out of it.