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Serious Turn offs

Palamon

Silence is Purple
  • 8,337
    Posts
    15
    Years
    What turns you away from a person? This can mean from interacting w/a person to anything in between. becoming friends/a relationship, etcetera.

    If you joke about cancer, I will literally block you immediately, everywhere. I also have zero respect for anyone who uses the r slur or racial slurs, but I think that's a pretty standard thing that's considered a "turn off". And the other usual she-bang you'd probably see on people's online do not follow lists.
     
    Honestly, way too many things...

    I literally don't care how nice and lovely you are to me, if you have no empathy or respect for others, then forget about it. This includes making any kind of sexist, cruel, or bigoted comments, jokes, or "opinions" at the expense of others. You can't just expect people to treat you kindly if you're unable to give the same treatment to others. I also find the dudes who brag about their sex life and how "macho" they are particularly irritating, personally. They scream insecurity to me.

    And last but not least: people who make unsolicited comments on me not wanting to get married, have kids and "settle down". Look Felicia, you are free to do whatever you want, so surely you should understand very well that I can do whatever I want, too~ Anyway, I should probably stop here.

    People have told me that my standards for relationships and friendships are too high, but... I'm just asking for people to respect and have basic human decency? :|
     
    I'm going to seem really impossible here but:

    - Poor Hygiene, this includes dental.
    - Not willing to communicate and talk things out.
    - Being mean/rude to others.
    - Throwing tantrums/getting violently angry. We are not 4.
    - Disrespecting my family or friends.
    - Eating/living messily.

    Basically just clean up and don't be a prick. My age has a lot to do with it, I'm in my 30's and I generally expect a certain level of maturity from those in my age bracket.
     
    in no particular order:

    - the type of folks who belittle people like waiters, janitors, delivery drivers, etc because they think they're above them
    - the type of folks i have to tip toe around constantly because they get mad really easily
    - the types of folks who gossip constantly and avoid confrontation
    - the type of folks who have nothing to talk about except politics
    - bigots, racists, sexists, the usuals
     
    I'm going to seem really impossible here but:

    - Poor Hygiene, this includes dental.
    - Not willing to communicate and talk things out.
    - Being mean/rude to others.
    - Throwing tantrums/getting violently angry. We are not 4.
    - Disrespecting my family or friends.
    - Eating/living messily.

    Basically just clean up and don't be a prick. My age has a lot to do with it, I'm in my 30's and I generally expect a certain level of maturity from those in my age bracket.

    in no particular order:

    - the type of folks who belittle people like waiters, janitors, delivery drivers, etc because they think they're above them
    - the type of folks i have to tip toe around constantly because they get mad really easily
    - the types of folks who gossip constantly and avoid confrontation
    - the type of folks who have nothing to talk about except politics
    - bigots, racists, sexists, the usuals

    Same as me from both what you both said you don't like, I don't like as well~
     
    in no particular order:

    - the type of folks who belittle people like waiters, janitors, delivery drivers, etc because they think they're above them
    - the type of folks i have to tip toe around constantly because they get mad really easily
    - the types of folks who gossip constantly and avoid confrontation
    - the type of folks who have nothing to talk about except politics
    - bigots, racists, sexists, the usuals

    wow same let's get married
     
    - been bingoed I hate people telling me that I'll eventually grow to have kids, no I won't I hate children, im not maternal at all, I don't want to ruin my life to extend the bloodline

    - Ego, if you think you are above everyone else then I've no time for you.

    - liars. I can tell when people lie to me and I don't tolerate it. If I find you are lying to me then I'll make sure you know about it.

    I'm either getting old or I've dealt with enough bs in my time and just don't tolerate the traits above. I've been lied to, look down upon so these are big no nos for me.
     
    I didn't realise this topic was here! Well, since I replied to the other one, may as well reply to this one as well.

    The short version: being used, and being disrespected.

    Now, for the longer version.

    I'm sure there's a better way to phrase it than "being used" but that is honestly how other people make me feel. If I'm not an unofficial therapist, then I'm treated like a new toy: something someone is interested in initially and will engage with for a while, but quickly loses interest in and discards, until they remember it exists and take it out again for a bit. People often assume that I don't have feelings because I don't share them - or much of anything else, I'm quite a private person - or just don't think of me at all. I don't really like casual conversation all that much. I don't like being ignored until it suits someone to talk to me. I don't like being treated like a doll, to be stuffed away in a dark closet and forgotten about until such time as there is nothing better to do than waste time on me. Except for my partner, nobody ever wants to talk to me because they find me to be a worthwhile individual. I'm used to distract from boredom. I'm "interesting" or something similar. I know it's intended to be a compliment, but it's dehumanising and I absolutely HATE it.

    ...and yes, before anyone bites my head off over this, I know it's a "me" problem as much as it is anything else. Maybe I should try initiating conversation every once in a while. Here's the thing, though - every time I do, it quickly fizzles out. People don't bother responding after a while. Which is totally fine, don't get me wrong - everyone has a life, bigger priorities than someone they don't know, and I am also acutely aware that I am not everyone's cup of tea - in fact, I don't think I am anyone's cup of tea; I'm fairly sure people can be split into two categories: people who hate me, and people who don't know me - and I am also aware that other people just aren't interested in the same kind of interaction that I am. This is all totally fine - some people you get along with, others you don't, and at the end of the day we're all going to put ourselves first. But I am not interested in pretending that a casual acquaintanceship is somehow friendship, or in being used as a convenient distraction whenever someone decides their life has a spare moment for me. I actually want to connect with people, and build something more lasting and meaningful than idle banter I can easily get from a Discord server. When people approach me outside of that setting with this attitude towards interaction, it infuriates me. It's one of the reasons I don't bother approaching people myself any more, personal insecurities aside. I'm not interested in using people, or in being used myself. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours.

    Being disrespected is kind of a broad category, but it generally comes down to the assumptions people make about me without bothering to clarify, from the more mundane things like my biological sex/gender identity (that's a very common one) to the idea that they can somehow see into my mind and know why I have the opinions I have. Also, when people play the "in your opinion" card when we're having a discussion. That infuriates me as well. No shit, Sherlock. It's the fucking internet, and we're not having a scientific discussion using objective facts. That's almost as aggravating as being personally attacked for having a different opinion - it's both extremely disrespectful and pathetically banal. If people aren't prepared to have a civilised conversation based on the understanding that it is literally just a conversation and not an argument, then I'm really not interested in talking to them. I'm too old for internet drama, and I have absolutely nothing to prove to other people: I think what I think, and I respect other people's right to do the same, even if I personally disagree with it. We can have a conversation about it. What we cannot and will not do is have an argument about it...and I'm getting a little tired of people picking a fight because they think I'm picking a fight. No, I will NOT moderate my language or add "in my opinion" at the end of every sentence to satisfy you. God knows nobody else does. People who approach me from either of these standpoints are people I do not have time for.
     
    I didn't realise this topic was here! Well, since I replied to the other one, may as well reply to this one as well.

    The short version: being used, and being disrespected.

    Now, for the longer version.

    I'm sure there's a better way to phrase it than "being used" but that is honestly how other people make me feel. If I'm not an unofficial therapist, then I'm treated like a new toy: something someone is interested in initially and will engage with for a while, but quickly loses interest in and discards, until they remember it exists and take it out again for a bit. People often assume that I don't have feelings because I don't share them - or much of anything else, I'm quite a private person - or just don't think of me at all. I don't really like casual conversation all that much. I don't like being ignored until it suits someone to talk to me. I don't like being treated like a doll, to be stuffed away in a dark closet and forgotten about until such time as there is nothing better to do than waste time on me. Except for my partner, nobody ever wants to talk to me because they find me to be a worthwhile individual. I'm used to distract from boredom. I'm "interesting" or something similar. I know it's intended to be a compliment, but it's dehumanising and I absolutely HATE it.

    ...and yes, before anyone bites my head off over this, I know it's a "me" problem as much as it is anything else. Maybe I should try initiating conversation every once in a while. Here's the thing, though - every time I do, it quickly fizzles out. People don't bother responding after a while. Which is totally fine, don't get me wrong - everyone has a life, bigger priorities than someone they don't know, and I am also acutely aware that I am not everyone's cup of tea - in fact, I don't think I am anyone's cup of tea; I'm fairly sure people can be split into two categories: people who hate me, and people who don't know me - and I am also aware that other people just aren't interested in the same kind of interaction that I am. This is all totally fine - some people you get along with, others you don't, and at the end of the day we're all going to put ourselves first. But I am not interested in pretending that a casual acquaintanceship is somehow friendship, or in being used as a convenient distraction whenever someone decides their life has a spare moment for me. I actually want to connect with people, and build something more lasting and meaningful than idle banter I can easily get from a Discord server. When people approach me outside of that setting with this attitude towards interaction, it infuriates me. It's one of the reasons I don't bother approaching people myself any more, personal insecurities aside. I'm not interested in using people, or in being used myself. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours.

    Being disrespected is kind of a broad category, but it generally comes down to the assumptions people make about me without bothering to clarify, from the more mundane things like my biological sex/gender identity (that's a very common one) to the idea that they can somehow see into my mind and know why I have the opinions I have. Also, when people play the "in your opinion" card when we're having a discussion. That infuriates me as well. No shit, Sherlock. It's the fucking internet, and we're not having a scientific discussion using objective facts. That's almost as aggravating as being personally attacked for having a different opinion - it's both extremely disrespectful and pathetically banal. If people aren't prepared to have a civilised conversation based on the understanding that it is literally just a conversation and not an argument, then I'm really not interested in talking to them. I'm too old for internet drama, and I have absolutely nothing to prove to other people: I think what I think, and I respect other people's right to do the same, even if I personally disagree with it. We can have a conversation about it. What we cannot and will not do is have an argument about it...and I'm getting a little tired of people picking a fight because they think I'm picking a fight. No, I will NOT moderate my language or add "in my opinion" at the end of every sentence to satisfy you. God knows nobody else does. People who approach me from either of these standpoints are people I do not have time for.

    I liked what you had to say here as well and I know how it truly feels like being used, people have done that to me countless times to me for all my life online and in person to me. I don't let NO one use me as a doormat anymore or use me for anything else. People like me or they don't that's just it. I'm not afraid to speak my mind anymore to anyone. I keep it 100% real with people, so yeah I can be extremely honest or blunt. I don't sugar coat things with others if I speak to anyone. I'm always my true authentic self with anyone I talk to online or in person. All I know is I don't follow how society says we should do things to be normal and accepted today. Though really what IS normal? Also no one is perfect either we all have flaws and ect.


    I'm done with people hurting me, my luck I never had a true friend my whole life, nor experience real love. So if I never do and only help others and only talk from a far with no relations with them in any way if they don't accept me then I'm 100% alright with it and made peace with it already being alone. Apologies if that sounds rather sad and lonely. However if you knew what people done to me all my life do to me or my so called " luck" I think you understand why I don't mind being alone with no friends or experiencing romance since no one accepts me nor understands me and so far never met anyone who would.
     
    - People who take everything serious: to keep it short, we would never get along well then as I take the piss out of a lot of things, including myself
    - people with a ego from here to Tokyo
    - people who are being a prick for no reason
     
    -Drinking, partying, drugs, smoking, going to bars/clubs. These are pretty big turn-offs for me. I can deal with someone who drinks a little every once in a while, but if you center your personality around it, we are not going to have anything in common.
    -Being insensitive, centering one's personality around offensive "humor". Also always complaining about others being "offended".
    -Being very religious. A casual religious person is fine (as long as they aren't a bigot), but if you center your whole personality around that, it's going to be hard for me.
    -Being sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.
    -Following the above, in general, being conservative. I'm not too shy to say it. Conservatism where I live in strongly correlated with a lot of my turn-offs already mentioned. I do not want to associate with people who don't think I deserve rights or respect.
     
    Uhhh :D

    - Anyone homophobic, transphobic, sexist, racist or overall demonstrates a lack of respect for basic human rights
    - Guilt tripping, manipulation or signs of toxicity such as not respecting boundaries
    - Anyone who belittles other people or makes fun of them
    - If they're too dependent
    - If they do not respect my family/friends
    - If they don't believe in mental health
    - People who are very dry conversationally and who I can only talk to on a surface level
    - People who have the emotional intelligence of a brick
    - People who smoke cigarettes (am honestly fine with drinking/vaping etc.)
    - Overly hot-headed/quick to anger, I am very calm/reserved and don't think that combo would go well
     
    I have very little respect for people who look down on mentally ill people and believe they don't have a right to autonomy. This opinion is usually held by people who haven't even encountered a severely mentally ill person outside of their family. I am not kidding - I judge programmers based on how they treat Terry Davis (the creator of TempleOS). I take this very seriously. However, I will usually at least attempt to make people look at the situation differently instead of pushing them away because I think changing that image is important.

    It's hard to explain but honestly most people have really garbage opinions on mental health and should actually talk to non-medicated mentally ill people before talking to actually try to grasp their struggle instead of simply trying to fix them outright.

    And obviously, disability discrimination in general I have no tolerance for. However, that in of itself is a very complicated subject, and a lot of the problems comes internally from other disabled people. There are huge miscommunication issues...
     
    Speaking of boundaries, if you act like its such an affront to you for me to set up boundaries it's a major turn off. Honestly it's pretty manipulative.
     
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