[Life] Mental health club

Last year I fucked up my friendships with many people, and just thinking that we can never reconcile, that they'll always think of me as vile, just hurts a lot.

I'm trying my hardest, ofc, and I respect their decision and boundaries but it does hurt.

Anyone else have this experience?

Sandalphon said:

Anyone else have this experience?

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I don't know what you did that makes you think this way, but...maybe? There are two instances I have in mind:

1. about ten years ago I found myself at the center of some drama on another forum. I did something that cost me probbaly my most precious friendship I ever had. That even was in fact so terrible it plagued me for ten years. But the thing is: they not only gained a partner as a result but also had tons of other friends to rely on. Yes, their trust was lost but they didn't exactly lose anything. All the while I spend many years isolated and lonely, suffering greatly. Worst thing is: neither of us has anything to tell the other. In fact, if I were to contact them I feel like I'd just ruin my personal journey while they would just feel indifferent.

2. somewhat after the first thing I cut contact to basically anyone else I still knew. There were a bunch of classmates who regularly met before Christmas. They wanted to invite me and one of them even showed up in person. I was still very down but what's more: that was when I had first realized that I lacked any sort of personality, any drive, any goal in life. I was less of a human than I am now and I ended the "conversation" in the most awkward way possible by simply closing the door. I've never heard of them since.
I'd like to make up with them at some point. But I still want to wait until I've actually found a personality of my own. So that we can talk to each other as equals.

You know, I've been pondering for a long time if you and I could be friends. But every time I realized that I simply can hold up to your high standards. Don't get me wrong: it's good to have standards, they keep you from becoming desperate. As someone who is coerced into desperation way too easily I can assure you: it's no fun.

Anyway, I hope things turn out alright for you. Maybe things will turn out better for you and your friends, maybe you'll find a different way that makes you forget of those awful experiences and allows you to push on without them. But you know: when you're down there's only one way and that is up! :)

Sandalphon said:

Last year I fucked up my friendships with many people, and just thinking that we can never reconcile, that they'll always think of me as vile, just hurts a lot.

I'm trying my hardest, ofc, and I respect their decision and boundaries but it does hurt.

Anyone else have this experience?

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Me in April of this year. Literally burned a lot of bridges.

I finally made it to the city for the final week of vacation, and this suite has a separate room for me. YES! Hiding my new boyfriend is so easy, but i'm staying until the 30th instead of the 27th, so I got four extra days to reeeelllllaaaaaxxxxxxxx.

I ended up texting my program to see if I was really kicked out or not, and to my surprise.....they said I wasn't so I guess that's a thing? But i'll be dumping them in August after the trial in the new program so WHO CARES!

Me and my Dad had a couple of interesting conversations. He said if someone in my group home bothers me or is mean, I got to be the "grownup" and take the "grownup" approach which I guess means ignoring and going up to my room. Easier said than done I know. He also knows a "tiny" bit about my new bf, and he said not to sneak out with him alone. Which I understand. I mean, i'll always find an escort, my brain has ways to get an escort for BOTH of us when needed.

And boy am I happy right now. Last night, something happened in my hotel room which required me to check the internet, so I was like Pokecommunity what the heck. And to my surprise, it said release dates for Pokemon Legends Arceus. January 28th 2022. I...was....so.....HAPPY! I thought we were going to get a Spring release, but hey what do I know. With the hope of a non-rushed project, good gameplay, and some connection to Pokemon Home (yeah i'm giving into Home eventually, it's inevitable. I give up with a National Dex hope). that's all I care about.

Started therapy again on Monday for the first time in 8 years and I am much more hopeful this time. I have better realized why I need to be going and have just learned myself better if that makes sense. I have also cut out abusers from my life entirely (haven't talked to my dad since October) and it is helping. Was pretty drained from the session and it was only a 40 minute introductory session but I was exhausted after. My therapist said I have "professional level anxiety" 😂 and I couldn't agree more.

She also attributed my muscle tightness and psoriasis to my anxiety which both started when I was 16. 16 was a rough year because that was the year I finally fought back against my dad and had to drop out of school due to anxiety.

Megan said:

You know, I've been pondering for a long time if you and I could be friends. But every time I realized that I simply can hold up to your high standards. Don't get me wrong: it's good to have standards, they keep you from becoming desperate. As someone who is coerced into desperation way too easily I can assure you: it's no fun.

Anyway, I hope things turn out alright for you. Maybe things will turn out better for you and your friends, maybe you'll find a different way that makes you forget of those awful experiences and allows you to push on without them. But you know: when you're down there's only one way and that is up! :)

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We can be! We are the same age, after all.
I apologize for ever making you think you cannot, I'm no better than anyone else. In fact, quite the opposite.
But rest assured I'm doing my best to a better, more positive person and I assure you that I don't have such standards for people to be my friend. I appreciate anyone who wishes to be! It's so rare lol

Doctor threatened to put me in hospital today. Dodged that bullet.

Vacation ended. Depressed af. Well now that it ended, i'm.....just darn depressed. This group home is colder than I remembered. I feel....like slightly in shambles. Now that i'm home, i'm going to have to arrange a date with my bf sometime during the month of June. That'll cheer me up in the future.

I may delete this later so please don't quote it.


The situation I posted about earlier is still no better, in fact it's getting worse.

I have always been really proud of the fact that I have survived everything. No matter what anyone has done to me, I'm still here, I got back up. I stand, therefore I win.

I'm not sure why I'm putting this here in all honesty, but I feel like I should. This place feels safe to me, and I love you guys so much <3

WARNING Possible Trigger:

@Ash
I hope, no matter what troubles you are currently facing, you will come out on top! D:

However, I'm afraid you'll need to tell somebody at some point. Bottling these things up will set you up for very bad things. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow or even next month or even next year; but some day you won't be able to hold it back anymore. I don't even want to imagine what horrible things could transpire in such a moment.

I understand that you don't want to talk to your partner about it. Feeling like you're not being taken seriously is something I have experienced too often, as well. But I also think that partners especially are people one should feel comfortable talking about ones own problems with. They're supposed to support each other; even if it involves hammering the message into their heads, sometimes.

Until you find the strength we'll all support you from afar! ^o^

To be honest, it sounds like your partner may be part of the problem. Her attitude is causing you more stress and I feel like you really need to put your foot down and tell her that she is hurting you and that your health issues are serious. You deserve respect and dignity, you deserve to live your best like stress free. Partners should be able to communicate with each other without fear.

I really wish you the best.

First off, thanks for being brave enough to share, I'm a deeply private person for the most part, so I know I'd always be too afraid to share things deeply.

I'd like to try to help, but this is one of those times I'm not completely sure "helping" is the right thing to do..

..tried to write something useful, but it felt like dumb platitudes, so just know we're all rooting for you.

I'm not a fan of your partner reacting like that... omg. :( She should be supporting you and not making you feel like you're wrong for feeling this way. I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't help much but we all support you here, even if we can't do much to help physically <3

Feeling the same pressures from my partner too. This new medication has had some poor side effects. ;(

Megan said:

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Sandalphon said:

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Meister_anon~Master_o f_None said:

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Sheep said:

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I will type up a proper reply when I feel able to, but I just really wanted to say thank you <3

Fairy said:

Feeling the same pressures from my partner too. This new medication has had some poor side effects. ;(

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Hopefully the side effects will just be short term <3

Flying back home to NYC in a few hours. Doctor prescribed me Ambien to help with flight anxiety, will be my first time taking it. Will see how strongly it affects me/my sleep when I'm on the plane. @_@

I have serious manic bipolar disorder and am currently overcoming a gambling addiction that has taken over my life for the past 3-4 years. Really wish I had a 3DS and some Pokemon games to take my mind off things right now. Any support is welcome

I have a question to my fellow members of the Mental Heath Club, one that I hope will be relevant to the club's subject, yet also open the door to some positive experiences as well.

What are some ways that you have become stronger emotionally?

It's nice to see people getting something out of philosophy. Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (one of the more mainstream books about Stoicism) is fairly approachable, imo. That being said: philosophy is very situational and from personal experience I can tell that there's no guarantee that people get something out of it. If you already have a goal in mind it can help you get more of a clear path to follow to reach said goal, though.

Emotional strength is imo a really hard topic to grasp. That's partially because I don't consider myself particularly strong on that end; still trying, though. It's definitely easier when you have like-minded people around. Doesn't even need to be irl. Also trying out new things and just pushing though no matter what. I used to get really angry because I felt ignored and had no real place to stay (in terms of communities). So, just having someone appreciate something I did really helped. Though, that had to be someone whose opinion I actually cared about. For example I couldn't care less about stuff people at work said, but I very much cared for what certain people on PC said.
Also learning more of the hardships of others gave me a better picture on life. In general, trying to be more considerate towards others kind of helped. Be nice to others and they return the favor and stuff. And even if they don't, someone else will.

What are some ways that you have become stronger emotionally?

Gosh, I'm not sure. I feel like I never properly 'beat' my fears and everything else anxiety causes. But even if some things (see: flying) absolutely terrify me, I've been able to force myself to do and get through them, even if I panic on the inside in the process. It feels so relieving when you finally land at the end and realize wow I actually did this thing I would've definitely backed out of years ago. Normally I avoid anything that scares me as best as I can, but pushing through is just immensely satisfying and makes me proud!

What are some ways that you have become stronger emotionally?

I've learnt to become realistic but optimistic with my mental health! I realised recovery with mental health will always be a continuous process of ups and downs and that taught me a lot about in regard to coping healthily. I've learnt to be much more optimistic with setbacks to my mental health, I can recognise and acknowledge they exist and let myself process it healthily by letting myself feel negative emotion about it but I'm also optimistic in that even if it does not feel like it, I know that I will stabilise to a place where I feel OK regardless of how long it takes. I think lived experiences with anxiety/depression have helped in regard to assuring myself that regardless of how challenging the situation is, I'm confident in my ability to cope and I feel less discouraged when I feel like I've stepped backwards with progress as it's all part of the process.

Outside of this, learning to give myself more respect and care. I've always been my own harshest critic by far and I think at the time, I thought it would encourage me to pursue a better version of myself but ultimately I was just being toxic and hurtful to myself. It was not helping at all. Unlearning all those toxic thought patterns I've had over the years in regard to self worth, work ethic, giving myself free time, asking other people for help... a lot of aspects of my relationship with myself were not positive. But I've become stronger emotionally in recognising these thought patterns exist and making the active effort to change this. It will be a long process but I feel emotionally better now that I'm learning to be more forgiving to myself in terms of what it's realistic to achieve and setting aside free time for myself.

Lastly, setting boundaries is another. I've struggled with this for a long time but I've become better at recognising toxic/unhealthy behaviour in relationships I have with people and if not actively voicing it, at least taking the steps to respect myself and distance myself from those types of relationships with people.