tl;dr story time incoming. Treating this post as [Serious], so if you can't/don't want to handle that, then I wouldn't read this post.
I used to be an alcoholic. I would get up and start drinking and not stop until the end of the day. Beer, wine, vodka, rum; really anything I could get my hands on, even if that meant mixing throughout the day. Gained a LOT of weight and did a LOT of stupid shit back then (my friend and I still regret it in a way). And I was kind of all over the place in terms of the "kind" of drunk I was; somedays I was depressed, others I was angry, and still others I was affectionate. I feel like I was not in a good place, and being in the workforce was probably the catalyst. I started taking booze into work with me and drinking throughout the day. When I worked two jobs, I took several shots of whiskey in the morning to get me through the commute (I took the bus).
It wasn't the best time for me. I went bar hopping often and one day I did it while getting all kinds of mixed drinks. I had a sex on the beach, a martini, a grasshopper, and like 4 beers. I guess because of the amount of different kinds and the short while in which I did this (about 2 hours), I was vomiting profusely and had the worst hangover of my life after that. I did quit for about 4 months after that, but then got back into it during one of my jobs. I only stopped because Grandma and Mom were talking while I was in the bathroom, and I came back toward the room and heard, "If she keeps going like this, she's gonna wind up like Joe."
Joe was my grandpa. Grandpa Joe drank himself to the point of liver cancer and died around the age of 50 after vomiting blood and having a seizure. My grandmother's words, though she'd whispered them surreptitiously to my mom, is what made me stop. I realized she was right and I didn't want to die like that. Not sure if I've done damage to my liver over those few years or not. Probably. But I've not had issues.
I only had one more drink after that, and it was after 2 years of not drinking at all. I had 5 of a 6 pack of beer in about an hour (on an empty stomach cuz I'm smart) before I got really depressed and broke down crying. If I hadn't broken down, I would've finished the whole pack, I'll bet. I almost threw up that night and experienced a small hangover the next morning. It wasn't fun, and I truly learned my lesson after that.
I've been completely sober for about 4 years now and I don't plan on ever going back to that state again. I never should've started. I know some people can drink casually and not have any issues with it, but I am simply not one of those people. For me, alcohol is evil and holds me in a vise-grip. So I refuse to partake ever again.
I've been straight-edge (excluding a cup or two of coffee every other day) for 2 years and, while some might consider that sort of square, I've never been able to control my mood better before. I still get my depressive states (in one currently because my sweet baby Briggs died very quickly of liver failure May 25th) but I don't lean on drugs to get me through anymore, and that keeps me from spiraling out of control.