[Life] Mental health club

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

I felt like sharing a little bit of something that kinda makes me often sad, which is the relationship with my body.

Well, I won't even talk about all the dysphoria I get everyday from the smallest things. That's about gender identity issues. Anyway, I have never liked my body, most of it, like 90% but I can't even say what's the 10% that makes me feel at least "ok" about it. Anyway, I had a harsh growing up but I won't get too much into it. It gave a bad time with my body and with my gender identity issues.
What is getting me really down lately is not much about dysphoria and how my body is so far away from looking feminine, but involves the luck of my body, like all the little things that most of us pretty much have, but growing up I had several of those and I am still showing some, so I honestly feel really down because those things are just a plus to my normal hatred towards my body. So, as a child I didn't have a tooth and I got an implant like 8 years ago maybe, but it required a lot of years of dentist appointments and tech. I have visited the dentist way more than my uncles lol. Then, I have problems with my sight. I started wearing glasses at 5 and only a couple of years ago I stopped loosing sight (for now).
Then, back related problems, because I grew up earlier than usual: my biological age was often tested and it didn't correspond to my actual age. When my biological age was 18, I was like 16, which doesn't seem too much but going back yeah it was. So yeah, my back tended and still kinda tends to be a little curved because I grew up really fast. Same goes for my feet. I need to wear plantar, otherwise I might get some little things under my feet, when I walk too much and they kinda hurt.
I mean, I am used to these things and they're part of my everyday life, but when I look at them as a whole, it's a lot added to how bad I also perceive my body because of being trans.
But why I am saying this today? Today I had an appointment at the hospital to check something about my teeth and it turns out I have something that I am too lazy to medically describe. Synthetically, I will loose a tooth at some point (could be in months or years) but permanently. So I might need another implant. It kinda made me feel down because it's something really rare at my age, I guess. So, yeah I had my daily dose of sadness about my body and I just felt to share to vent for a while. Thanks.

I am sorry to hear you feel like this, and that you will loose a tooth... I wish I could be of more help, but your friends are there for you if you need a friendly ear. We love you for who you are.
*Embraces*

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

After several days to make sure, I think I can say that, by talking about it, being aware of it and what caused it, and letting time do its part, my apathy is gradually receding and I am on the path to feeling normal and good again!

 

[LucarioBread]

Hello, my first time visiting here!
I am Lucario and for the vast majority of my life, I never had any real mental issues, apart from mild social anxiety. At least not that I was aware of. Sure I had an edgy phase in my early teens, but that really was "just a phase". Anyways here are my mental health adventures over the past year (in the spoiler since it is a lengthy post):

Spoiler:

The last year chewed on my mental health pretty hard. It all began when I decided I was going to leave Biology and pursue a career as an elementary school teacher. My love for birds and nature did not disappear and I still want to volunteer in field research and education, and I do still get offers for those. However, this is where an issue I've actually had for the most of my life started to really surface and intensify - the Imposter Syndrome.
For those not in the know, Imposter is when you believe you're not good enough/deserving of your current circumstances and fear that people will at some point see you're not up to scratch and will view you as a fraud.
From what I've read, it is ironically not recognized as a mental disorder on its own.
I began feeling like my spot on many of the activities I take part in is wasted on me. After all, "why on earth would a teacher need a ringers license? We should've trained someone else" or "I don't want to take him. I put so much hope into him and now he's just gonna walk away". I began "saving them the trouble of shooing me away" and stopped showing up to most things, always with an excuse that I'm either not feeling well or I already have some other plans.

Eventually, the Imposter spread its ugly tentacles into my relationships with other people. Parallel to this, my social circle kind of "shattered" and now I have a social "spaghetti" and have to be mindful if one of my friends has beef with another. My priority became to make it so no one feels betrayed by me hanging out with someone else. It started to stress me out because I had a feeling I wasn't being "good enough of a friend". And that a single mistake could cause people to abandon me. Or it doesn't even have to be a mistake, maybe they'll realize now that I'm on my own with them, I'm not that fun to be around and will gradually just stop hanging out.

As a cherry on top, I started getting episodes of crushing loneliness. The cure is simple: just go hang out with one of my friends. But what if no one is available? I had a particularly bad episode last month where throughout the whole day, I felt like I could start crying at any moment, but no tears ever came, just the feeling of misery and thinking that if I was a better friend, maybe someone would've asked ME to hang out that day instead.

My mental health has improved lately. It began with my supervisor (whom I was quite friendly with) from the research organization I volunteered and interned at randomly gave me a call about 3 months ago, asking if I'm alright, why don't I come to the office anymore, am I mad at someone? I told her how I felt I don't deserve the opportunities, to which she told me that was nonsense and that my desk in the office is currently full of random stuff, but it is still waiting for me whenever I feel ready to return. At that moment, the dam inside me broke and the tears I had bottled up for so long started flowing. I don't think she noticed I was crying and I honestly don't care. We met for a coffee recently and talked about a lot of different things. And throughout that, not only did I realize that most did not care if I had a science degree or an education degree and would love for me to come back, I also realized that a potential close friend was hiding in plain sight for a very long time.

As for my paranoia when it comes to my "friend spaghetti", it also took a drastic turn for the better last week actually. You see, one of my friends (who isn't on speaking terms with a few of my other friends) has been dating this girl for the past year or so. I personally find her to be very annoying and he acts a bit differently when she's around. Since he would bring her to most hang outs, I kinda stopped inviting him because I would hate to make him choose between me and his girlfriend. This came with an immense feeling of guilt over the fact I've abandoned him over my own selfish desires. I couldn't take it anymore, so I invited him for a beer. Luckily his girlfriend didn't come. I got straight to the point and told him how I want to hang out, but he keeps bringing her along and I don't really like to be around her and that it's fine if he doesn't want to hang or thinks of me as a shitty person, I kept on rambling and rambling and apologizing and all the while... he was laughing his ass off over the fact I thought he would be mad at me. He told me I'm stressing over dumb things and this isn't me being selfish, it's just me expressing my own needs. If I don't want her around and should've just said so long ago, he wouldn't have brought her along. After all, he sees her and talks to her much more often than with me, they don't have to be together 24/7.
It has also occurred to me through a combination of people's comments and self-reflection that my friends don't have any beef or resentment towards me and view me a pleasant and kind person, therefore, I would have to do something absolutely outrageous to drive them away.

I don't think my problems are gone, but the future is at least looking a lot brighter. Past couple of nights I've slept really well with much less worries over "what I deserve and not".

 

[Poke fan number 489]

Going to update my last post.
After much reflection turns out my childhood sucked. My grandmother extorted my family, her husband tried to stab my sister, and they had my dog put down for no real reason. Realizing this has had a negative effect on my emotional state.
I miss apathy.

I am not going to stop my normal stuff. Not sure if I enjoy it or if it's a sense of duty, but either way It's something to do.

 

[Sheep]

I am not going to stop my normal stuff. Not sure if I enjoy it or if it's a sense of duty, but either way It's something to do.

Hey, just want to wish you the absolute best. Life is super hard sometimes but I appreciate you. <3 How have you been feeling lately?

 

[Inky]

Part of me hates posting here because my default position when it comes to my own mental health is "nobody cares," but I lack any other outlet since I've given up therapy and I don't like bothering others with my moping. Not a massive wall of text but I'll spoiler it anyway

Spoiler:

But yeah, my mental health has taken a ridiculous nosedive over the past few weeks. Maybe it's been longer and I just didn't notice the earlier signs, or maybe it's just been a more significant drop recently. In any case, I'm a depressed mess atm lol, and it feels like things aren't looking up? I wake up basically every day wishing I could just go back to sleep and retreat into whatever dreams I'd had the night before. I rarely have any energy, any drive, any motivation. The most basic, bare-bones hobbies that I used to find some pleasure in are now just insurmountable tasks I procrastinate and avoid.

I feel drained. And empty. Like some kind of hollow shell of whatever, or whoever, I used to be. I don't remember what it's like to not feel like this. I'm devoid of the things that once lifted me up. I do enjoy things, and more recently I've been seeing people that make me happy more often. But whatever temporary benefit that gives me just fizzles out as quickly as it arrived. I drift through the day-to-day, I guess as a somewhat functioning depressive, but I never get any real enjoyment out of anything. Nothing lasts.

I'm more self deprecating than ever, and there's a part of me that wonders if deep down there is some piece of me that means some of the things I say as an otherwise seemingly throwaway dark joke. I feel like those comments just annoy people though, which is a pain for me since I rely on that a lot of the time. But then I also feel like talking candidly about how I feel is impossible because more often than not people don't know how to respond, at all. Which is fine! But it sucks to just have all this bottled up and feeling totally isolated with it all. I also hate to feel like some kind of burden unloading it all on someone.

There's no real point to this, no concluding remark, I'm not looking to act on any of it. It's just frustrating to be stuck in this spiralling rut, seeing it, and being unable to pull myself out of it.

But yeah, idk. I just wanted somewhere to dump this. I'm moving in a few weeks to a different part of the country, so maybe that will spark some change in me.

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

I am really asking for it by sharing this publicly, and I feel terrible for posting in here again, but I have been doing a lot of self-reflection over the last couple of days and I...just need to get this down. If this reads like a long-winded apology, then I guess it probably is, although I don't know how sincere I'm really being...I'm still struggling the process this.

I know I'm not really a significant person here, but I've been here a long time, and I've interacted with a lot of people here at one point or another. So I...feel the need, I guess, to try and...say something. Maybe it'll explain a few things if anyone has ever thought "what the fuck is your problem?" after talking to me, or seeing something I've said. I don't know.

I haven't had much occasions to interact with you, but I will say this. We all have our own personality and nature, and nobody can tell us to change them. But we can always work on trying to get some control on it. We don't need to be completely alike to be friends, we just need to share some common interests. You definitely should not hate yourself for something you didn't choose. I genuinely wish you to feel better and be well.

Part of me hates posting here because my default position when it comes to my own mental health is "nobody cares," but I lack any other outlet since I've given up therapy and I don't like bothering others with my moping. Not a massive wall of text but I'll spoiler it anyway

It is alright. We all need a friendly ear sometimes. I think I can relate, with the continuous funk and apathy. I have been there for almost half a year, and I didn't know why... It took me a while to realize it was not just a succession of feeling down moments, and another to determine its cause, something I hadn't suspected (a tough, stressful, practical training course who lasted several weeks)...
What I mean is that there may be something unsuspected causing you to feel like this, that had effects you might not have thought. I recommend you to talk about it, to your close ones, to a psychologist, and to try and find the source.

That is what I did, and gradually from there, I have felt better and better. So, I hope you too will find the cause too, and feel better with time going as you talk about it.
Best wishes for you to feel better!

 

[Megan]

...

Self reflection is a good thing. But it can sometimes be misleading, as I've experienced many times over the years. ^^"

Now, I'm definitely not an expert in terms of psychology. And I don't have a good grasp on the topic of narcissism. But I still can't really picture you as a narcissist, tbh. Maybe it's just me and maybe I'm just projecting (my sincere apology in that case). But you seem to act a lot more out of a defensive state? At least here on PC that seems to be the case.

I guess a tip you could try: turn your conclusion upside down. If you're a narcissist then the opposite shouldn't be true. Sorry for the cryptic advise. ^^"
But even if it is true, it still doesn't matter as long as you keep working on your self.

 

[Megan]

I yearn for the day when I finally don't have to exist, anymore. <_<

 

[_confused_piplup_]

I yearn for the day when I finally don't have to exist, anymore. <_<

I am probably not the right person to reply to this because I relate to this a lot, but at the same time I feel like I should.
I won't bother talking about life, but I just want to say how I kinda manage to go through this. I think that I am 22 and that I still have to write my life, that there are chances it might get better, because future is unknown and I am not an optimistic person, but there's the time to do so.
To get over it for a while, I free my mind with all the stupid interests I have: I listen to music, read about something, write stuff, whatever and then I move on. It's a great way to put away the bad vibes and get back on track.

 

[Zeostar]

I have felt revigorated today.

Could be attributed to better sleep or change of season, but it's like a new feeling of life. I'm grateful for it.

 

[Megan]

Lonely, depressed and stuck in an every ongoing loop of my day to day life; that's what's going on and what's pulling me down at the moment. And that doesn't even consider the ongoing doom and gloom that's going on in the world right now.

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

Lonely, depressed and stuck in an every ongoing loop of my day to day life; that's what's going on and what's pulling me down at the moment. And that doesn't even consider the ongoing doom and gloom that's going on in the world right now.

Sorry to hear that. I wish for you to feel better soon, Megan.

 

[VisionofMilotic]

I hope that everyone is doing well. I was reading a self-improvement book recently that had an exercise in it that I found helpful.

Identify someone or something in your life currently that you enjoy/feel grateful for, and then imagine if it was taken away from you suddenly. It could be a friend for example, lover, family member, pet, your home, school, job, health, mental capabilities.

I think that it's an interesting question, because even if you are not happy with your situation or with yourself, it's still a constructive way of thinking that can help you to appreciate what you do have, and relish those moments while they are there.

I thought of my mother, and was glad that she's still with me. She and I chatter like parrots every day. For somebody else it may be a different thought that comes to mind, but usually there is something when we stop to think about it. I wanted to share this tip with the mental health club in case others could use it when they're having a rough time.

 

[Venonat in Space]

I hope that everyone is doing well. I was reading a self-improvement book recently that had an exercise in it that I found helpful.

Identify someone or something in your life currently that you enjoy/feel grateful for, and then imagine if it was taken away from you suddenly. It could be a friend for example, lover, family member, pet, your home, school, job, health, mental capabilities.

I think that it's an interesting question, because even if you are not happy with your situation or with yourself, it's still a constructive way of thinking that can help you to appreciate what you do have, and relish those moments while they are there.

I thought of my mother, and was glad that she's still with me. She and I chatter like parrots every day. For somebody else it may be a different thought that comes to mind, but usually there is something when we stop to think about it. I wanted to share this tip with the mental health club in case others could use it when they're having a rough time.

Wow. This is...helpful. I mean, I have a roof over my head at night, and I can still walk/talk/breathe/etc. I have my day-hab, but these days, that place could be a hit or miss. I have "some" musical talent. And finally, my dad. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to, we still have unconditional love and understanding. I was going to rant about something bad in my life just now but....thanks for the small handful of hope Sam. *hugs*

 

[pastelspectre]

im doing, okay i think? for the most part. ive been stressed from various things in my life, but i am going on vacation soon so hoping that will help a little. its been hard to even think or focus on my mental health tbh bc i work so much and on my days off the last thing i wanna do is think abt stuff like that, i guess?

 

[Corrin]

I have a tumor in my chest, sitting on my airway.
I want it out, but idk if they will. They're booking tests and I'm so frightened. Just...having it in there, not knowing if it's malignant.

 

[Megan]

I have a tumor in my chest, sitting on my airway.
I want it out, but idk if they will. They're booking tests and I'm so frightened. Just...having it in there, not knowing if it's malignant.

So sorry to hear that! We all hope for the best! <3

 

[VisionofMilotic]

I have a tumor in my chest, sitting on my airway.
I want it out, but idk if they will. They're booking tests and I'm so frightened. Just...having it in there, not knowing if it's malignant.

I understand being afraid, I had a tumor-related scare for a loved one in 2020. They discovered that my mother had one in the sinus area. It was not malignant, thank goodness, and I am hoping for the same outcome for you, my partner and friend, and that you get all the medical care and support you need. I'm giving you a hug too!

 

[Fact Checking Gardevoir]

I have a tumor in my chest, sitting on my airway.
I want it out, but idk if they will. They're booking tests and I'm so frightened. Just...having it in there, not knowing if it's malignant.

I am sorry to hear that, Sandalphon...
Best wishes for things to get well for you as soon as possible!