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Most Private Thing You'll Admit

Sopheria

Sopheria

響け〜　響け！
4,904
Posts
10
Years
    • I have a very confident--perhaps even cocky--exterior, but in truth it's all but a mere shell. Deep down I'm deeply insecure and don't actually like too much about myself. When I show that, I tend to get taken advantage of very easily, so I've learned to put on a farce of irrationally inflated confidence. I hate having to put on an act all the time and I really wish I could get over my self esteem issues, but I still haven't learned to trust people enough to let the wall down...
     

    MissVTheLoser

    20
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • I have an addiction to spending money, its quite bad spend too much on things I don't need and end up using my parents money >_>
     
    Raine

    Raine

    3,722
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • Hm, another private thing I remember, and that has somewhat affected me for the rest of my life is that I only have one ovary now \: Mishap happened 9 years ago when I was 11; needed emergency surgery for that. Now I'm terrified to lose the other one ><
     

    Homura Akemi

    time is f o r e v e r~
    404
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • I sleep in my mother's room. With my bedroom fan on...that fan oddly calms me, as if it lulls me to sleep with its gentle hum. I'm still scared of the dark a little, but the fan nullifies my fears.
     
    ShaymieTheShaymin

    ShaymieTheShaymin

    676
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Uh, let's see... I'm OCD about the weirdest things. Like at school, my pencils have to be sharpened to a point or else I'll have like a mental breakdown. Also, things have to be perfectly symmetrical sometimes.
     
    Eevee3

    Eevee3

    ╰( ´・ω・)つ━☆ﾟ.* ･｡ﾟ
    678
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • I was hesitant at posting here, like a bunch of people but I'm the type of person who hides things from people, even my closest friends, boyfriend and family. Doing so makes me feel guilty. It doesn't help that I feel guilty all the time anyway. I really should tell them stuff, especially my boyfriend but I don't want them to hate me or leave me...

    But, here we go...

    I used to think I had social anxiety but I have fun talking to friends and such with no trouble. I find that I freak out on the inside when passing people in hallways or sidewalks. I start to sweat and turn red just knowing that they may be looking at me. I'm not sure why I do this but it's really annoying. Same goes for when I'm in a public place and I'm just minding my own business. I'm afraid people are looking at me or what I'm doing and are gunna come up to me and tell me I'm stupid or that I should be embarrassed, when most of the time, I've read that people don't really give a hoot about you because they're too busy worrying about themselves. Even with that knowledge, it hasn't changed the way I act.
    As well, I'm afraid of being judged for the things I like. It's gotten easier to be open and not be ashamed ever since I went to college because most people are really nice about it and I've found plenty of people who like what I do. My online friends are even better in this case. But for my family, I'm afraid of dressing a certain way or getting my hair cut a certain way because I don't want my mom to b***h at me for it. I really am sick of not being able to do stuff I like do openly. "Not giving a f**k is way easier said than done. I've tried so hard but I end up sweating and turning all red and then I just hide whatever it is I'm doing. I don't like when people hate me. It bothers me. I know that not everyone is gunna like you but it still bothers me when someone hates me because usually I've never really done anything wrong so I attempt to figure out what I did wrong and then I feel bad for making this person hate me and that it's my fault...I dunno...

    I also get "excited" when I think about rape and being tied up somewhere. Thing is is that real rape I find terrifying and I would not want to watch someone being raped nor being raped myself by some stranger. Just being raped by my boyfriend. I don't know. It doesn't make sense but I haven't told anyone any of that...except for this post.

    I have an online shopping addiction. It's gotten so bad that I have to miss out on getting a credit card in order to avoid going bankrupt. As well, whenever I do buy something to treat myself with, I feel guilty about it afterwards. I just feel guilty all the time. I feel like I'm doing something bad, even when I'm just sitting here. Like I'm missing out on life or making the wrong choices. I mean...with everything. Not just a career path or something. I'm talking about EVERY single choice I make.

    I feel unmotivated all the time. I just don't want to do anything except what I like to do. I really badly want to change this but I end up giving in and then I waste my day and then rinse, wash repeat. I need help motivating myself.

    I'm always happy and I feel happy pretty much all of the time but sometimes the guilt comes in and then I start panicking.

    I've considered getting a journal to write in but I'm afraid my family will find it and read it...I just don't want them to know. But I really can't hold onto these secrets anymore. They drive me insane.

    I can't think of anything else but typing this all out made me feel better. I have more but my brain just overloaded and needs time to recharge.
     
    disciplish

    disciplish

    supreme meme machine
    880
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • I get weird borderline homoerotic thoughts sometimes because my brain is an idiot that hasn't learned that I don't swing that way. :/ I think I scar myself [mentally] more than I am by other people in that sense, because geesh I need to keep my imagination in control.

    Every time someone has died in my life I take it a lot better than anyone else; literally about maybe half an hour of serious mourning, a few days of recurring thoughts, then later on just like "oh yeah they died, shame..." I just move on. I also feel hypocritical when I tell other people to respect the dead because I dunno if I respect them enough or not. But yeah, generally I take death better than anyone I know irl.

    Ah, and I've seen those things I shouldn't be seeing, if you know what I mean, and then gotten off to them a few times. I don't do it anymore. I also dropped my brother as a baby once, and I'm 100% convinced that if he had fallen on the bed he would've died because we had hardboard floors then.

    Besides that not much really. In fifth grade I got someone in jail, although that wasn't and still isn't a big deal to me honestly, I'm probably never going to see him again anyways.

    That's like most if not all of my secrets lol. :3
     
    £

    £

    You're gonna have a bad time.
    947
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • Kenneth said:
    I get weird borderline homoerotic thoughts sometimes because my brain is an idiot that hasn't learned that I don't swing that way. :/ I think I scar myself [mentally] more than I am by other people in that sense, because geesh I need to keep my imagination in control.
    Click to expand...

    Can you elaborate on this point, please? As it stands it seems rather contradictory, to put it lightly.

    Personally, the most private intimate thing I'd write about myself here on public view? I dunk biscuits in my tea/milk. Have done since I was 5. I guess I might be a bit too private for this thread, huh? Still, not something I'd do in public, so enjoy that tidbit!
     
    PkmnTrainerElio

    PkmnTrainerElio

    ♥ Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon and Park Jimin ♥
    819
    Posts
    13
    Years
    • 1. I am 19, almost 20 and I still collect certain toys, whether it be, Mario, Pokemon, SpongeBob, One Direction or Justin Bieber, I collect the things I want.

    2. I have Autism.

    3. I am Bisexual.

    4. I have a crush on a woman who is well into her 50s.

    5. I had a phobia of getting diarrhea last year.

    6. I prefer the pre-2012 Justin Bieber to the current one (due to recent news, music and personality), I can't stand the current one, I think the 2009, 2010, 2011 Justin is more of a man than the current one, I also consider, 2009, 2010, 2011 Justin the "real" Justin Bieber.

    7. I am lazy.

    8. I used to like May, Misty, Lyra and Dawn and claim them as my girlfriends.

    9. I never cried watching the Lion King or Titanic, but, I feel like crying during certain Rugrats episodes.

    10. I thought before the first time I ever flew on a plane, I would have a Rainman moment, I didn't, I was calm the whole flight.
     
    Last edited:
    Entermaid

    Entermaid

    2,138
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Patchouli Knowledge said:
    I sleep in my mother's room. With my bedroom fan on...that fan oddly calms me, as if it lulls me to sleep with its gentle hum. I'm still scared of the dark a little, but the fan nullifies my fears.
    Click to expand...

    I can't sleep without a fan, humidifier, or some sort of white sound machine.

    Though, apparently I was in the hospital on a respirator for 3 months after birth that emitted a similar sound. It must come from there. I seriously had serious insomnia until I figured this out.
     

    Zorogami

    WUB WUB
    2,164
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Mufasas death had such an impact on me, i still get tears in my eyes when i watch that scene now, as a 21-year old. In the same line, i can get really emotional when listening to certain disney tunes, like "this land" from the lion King. When im bored, i imagine myself having superpowers and doing something awesome, instead of sitting around in the office looking at dull numbers. Also, i like to picture myself in a scenario where i get to hold a Keyblade and fight the Heartless...
     

    FloatingMew

    Keeping 1 post a day ^^
    39
    Posts
    10
    Years
    • I hate my oldest brother so much, I am very nice to him and he is always rude to me. I wish he would get hit by a bus and burn in... Nevermind I'm done.

    I am very sensitive, I can't stand any blood.
    I scream like a girl.
    I hate bugs.
    I'd rather sit at home playing Kirby than going to see a Monster Jam or whatever it is called.
    I don't want to go to college.
    I like drama, I will step into any verbal fight I see.
    I procrastinate too much.
    I hate school.
    I hate when parents talk down on their children like they are better than them.
    I have thought about running away many many times.

    Happy now OP?
     
    Last edited:
    Skystrike

    Skystrike

    [i]As old as time itself.[/i]
    1,641
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • I don't have anything in particular...

    well, Aeroblast sums it up well

    Oh, and I can enjoy a good dose of drama sometimes, like FloatingMew. :\
     
    Belldandy

    Belldandy

    [color=teal][b]Ice-Type Fanatic[/b][/color]
    3,979
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Similar to Murkmire, I have a bondage fetish. Not too extreme, but I do own handcuffs and enjoy gags. I won't do anything sexual that I find demeaning to women, though.

    I also have maid, teacher and baker fetishes :P

    Apart that, up until seventeen or so, I'd pick my nose and smell my own farts. A bit odd, but OK lol
     
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