Serious only for the lgbts

Her

Her

  • Pokémon General General Pokémon General Cadet Level Ball Master Ball
    • 11,466
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen yesterday
    do you feel a pressure to be 'straight acting' and tone yourself down?
     
    I guess no, since I come off so subtlety to others in the first place, I feel like I need to tone myself up for people to not think I'm straight unless I specifically mention it. But I guess I don't "act gay" in the first place so I don't know how to do that.
     
    i don't know. i feel like i'm too flamboyant around The Straights, but then around lgbt crowds, i'm like. am i gay enough. will people know I'm Gay. is it Obvious. i'm mostly quiet anyway so i guess i don't have anything much TO tone down, though. i do kind of like to go out of my way to dress especially boisterous when going to family functions, though.

    tl;dr i have no clue what i'm doing.
     
    living in the southern part of the united states, i absolutely feel a pressure to be more "straight acting" when in public. I'm weary to show any sort of public displays of affection with my boyfriend just because you never know who might be watching and might react negatively. little things like going to dinner together/grocery shopping/etc., can be slightly anxiety-inducing. I mean, I'm more used to it now, but there will always be a little voice in my head that says "Hey, what if the wrong person sees you being yourself and you get attacked/murdered?"
     
    YEAH, I tried that for a long time. Especially at work, until I stopped giving a shit, and now I just mostly act true to myself.

    Though, there's definitely pressure in this super red state to present as a cis straight person.
     
    No, not really? Not especially, anyway. I don't act "straight" or tone myself down irl I don't feel the need to because I don't feel like I have to.
     
    Yes and no.

    This is my first year as an openly gay woman in front of immediately family, so I have been 'acting straight' for a long time. I still act straight in front of in-laws. I act straight when I'm with my husband. Perhaps I *am* straight when I'm with my husband. I don't know. But regardless, I'm not a terribly flamboyant person to begin with. Like Sydian, I struggle with the concept of being 'gay enough / too gay' around other people, with a combination of their not being much to tone down in the first place.
     
    Fairy said:
    Yes and no.

    This is my first year as an openly gay woman in front of immediately family, so I have been 'acting straight' for a long time. I still act straight in front of in-laws. I act straight when I'm with my husband. Perhaps I *am* straight when I'm with my husband. I don't know. But regardless, I'm not a terribly flamboyant person to begin with. Like Sydian, I struggle with the concept of being 'gay enough / too gay' around other people, with a combination of their not being much to tone down in the first place.
    Click to expand...
    I mean, you could be as gay as you want, but if you're attracted to your husband, then you could say you're bi, you just lean towards females aside from him? Lol
     
    yes. none of my aunts/uncles/cousins know i'm not straight. they all assume im straight bc to them i still identify as a girl (despite my coming out a few months ago) and im dating a man (my boyfriend doesnt rlly care what pronouns you use though so idk). i don't know if i will ever come out to them sexuality wise, genderwise maybe idk. depends on the situation.
     
    Last edited:
    yes & no - i'm generally ""straight presenting"" just based on my personality/hobbies/what i do. but i make a point of trying to not hide my sexuality wherever possible as i feel it's important to be visible as a queer south asian, so i can be the kind of role model or inspiration i needed when i was younger (and hopefully be that role model for other people)
     
    I don't really have a choice but to present the way that I have, which is to say that hiding who I am is infinitely better than my family finding out the truth.
     
    colours said:
    I don't really have a choice but to present the way that I have, which is to say that hiding who I am is infinitely better than my family finding out the truth.
    Click to expand...
    Are you hoping to one day just be yourself and live independent from them? Or do you want to just keep things how they are?? O:

    With me, I had to kind of way what I wanted against people's reactions, especially people I work with, or under. Though, at this point I'm about to say "fuck it", and just do it within the next year or so. I feel like everyone will just have to deal with it, and some people's reactions are often better than you'd think.
     
    I mean I'm straight acting but not by construction. My personality is pretty normally straight acting. I'll support those who want to act more naturally but cannot due to social conventions/fear.
     
    Green said:
    Are you hoping to one day just be yourself and live independent from them? Or do you want to just keep things how they are?? O:

    With me, I had to kind of way what I wanted against people's reactions, especially people I work with, or under. Though, at this point I'm about to say "fuck it", and just do it within the next year or so. I feel like everyone will just have to deal with it, and some people's reactions are often better than you'd think.
    Click to expand...

    I want to be myself. God knows how badly I want that, but I'm essentially trapped until I'm independent enough and financially stable enough to even consider doing that. It's a long way away from now and that's what I detest more than anything else because every day living as I am currently is making my depression worse.
     
    By "straight acting" we mean basically hiding any affection for, or inclination towards liking, people of the same sex for gays/bi? As well as looking cis for transpeople?
    (educate me)
     
    Last edited:
    adventure said:
    By "straight acting" we mean basically hiding any affection for, or inclination towards liking, people of the same sex for gays/bi? As well as looking cis for transpeople?
    (educate me)
    Click to expand...

    Straight acting usually can refer to a number of things, not always PDA (public displays of affection), holding hands, kissing etc.

    Unless I've been mistaken. In which case I've been very visible about PDA with partners before much to their dismay and worries about homophobia.

    I was along the lines of how I presenting myself as cis. This is very complicated now that you mention the gender/sexual dimensions. I think people have been answering one side because the question wasn't clearly labelled.
     
    adventure said:
    By "straight acting" we mean basically hiding any affection for, or inclination towards liking, people of the same sex for gays/bi? As well as looking cis for transpeople?
    (educate me)
    Click to expand...
    Yeah, that's what we mean. Appearing as heteronormative, or not trans. lol
    Which may seem like no big deal, but when you feel like you're hiding something that could change how people view you, it sucks, haha.
    colours said:
    I want to be myself. God knows how badly I want that, but I'm essentially trapped until I'm independent enough and financially stable enough to even consider doing that. It's a long way away from now and that's what I detest more than anything else because every day living as I am currently is making my depression worse.
    Click to expand...
    You live in Florida, right?? I wish I could say "come live with me!"
     
    What even is "straight acting" or "gay acting"? It's not the same thing as being out or closeted, right? It's literally a discussion on behaviour?

    Maybe it's just because I'm straight and cis myself and therefore obviously not the target demographic of this thread, but I couldn't really help but voice this one. I think that, if this is a question of behaviour, the idea of being straight acting or gay acting or whatever is something that desperately needs to be done away with. What does it mean to act like a straight person? If I have traditionally feminine interests but am 100% straight, am I gay acting or putting on a facsimile of trans? What if it's the other way around?

    There is no such thing as acting straight or acting gay because that's trying to condense a near-infinite number of potential personalities into a few neat little definitions. It's just further perpetuating stereotypes and I can't imagine that is something that is healthy to the individual or to society as a whole.
     
    Last edited:
    gimmepie said:
    What even is "straight acting" or "gay acting"? It's not the same thing as being out or closeted, right? It's literally a discussion on behaviour?

    Maybe it's just because I'm straight and cis myself and therefore obviously not the target demographic of this thread, but I couldn't really help but voice this one. I think that, if this is a question of behaviour, the idea of being straight acting or gay acting or whatever is something that desperately needs to be done away with. What does it mean to act like a straight person? If I have traditionally feminine interests but am 100% straight, am I gay acting or putting on a facsimile of trans? What if it's the other way around?

    There is no such thing as acting straight or acting gay because that's trying to condense a near-infinite number of potential personalities into a few neat little definitions. It's just further perpetuating stereotypes and I can't imagine that is something that is healthy to the individual or to society as a whole.
    Click to expand...

    More or less, like Drew said, (within the context of this thread + the original post) "acting straight" is embracing heteronormative roles in order to blend in with the rest of society.

    Should we, as LGBTQ+, have to do it? Absolutely not. In an ideal world, we could just be ourselves freely. Embracing outdated gender roles just to "blend in" is gross.
    Like I said in my post, though:
    living in the southern part of the united states, i absolutely feel a pressure to be more "straight acting" when in public. I'm weary to show any sort of public displays of affection with my boyfriend just because you never know who might be watching and might react negatively. little things like going to dinner together/grocery shopping/etc., can be slightly anxiety-inducing. I mean, I'm more used to it now, but there will always be a little voice in my head that says "Hey, what if the wrong person sees you being yourself and you get attacked/murdered?"
    Click to expand...
    It's done out of necessity.
     
    Last edited:
    Living in the south I know lots of my LGBT friends are afraid to display affection towards one another, and if they're in public they may be less inclined to act like they're a couple or something with their SO for fear of being attacked. The attacks in London earlier this week, while not the same circumstances, still have royally scared a lot of them.

    For myself, I already suppress and hide so much of myself that I think for me it goes beyond "acting straight", especially since I literally act the same way I always did back when I thought I was straight. Going into politics is really hard, because just saying one wrong thing can cost you a lot of connections and jobs, and sometimes you don't know what that wrong thing is. So for me, I suppress a lot of my qualities in order to appear as neutral of a figure as possible. So yeah, I guess there is a pressure to "act straight", but I think it's moreso a pressure to fit into a specific mold that goes beyond sexuality stereotypes.
     
    You must log in or register to reply here.
    Back
    Top