These are sort of out-of-the blue "shower thoughts", but... reflecting on a lot of things, I just want people to know... if someone you care about seems "off" and is distancing themselves, avoiding normal social activities, ghosting etc... patience and understanding are some of the best things you can give them. Don't get mad or take offence, but don't push yourself on them, even if you think you're helping - just... see them. Listen to them with patience. Listen to their body language, acknowledge something is going on inside them that you can't see. When they do reach out, try to realise it. Again, be patient. Don't judge, or get mad. Be responsive. Sometimes even the simplest response to someone reaching out can save them from isolation and despair. Even simply "thinking about you", or a small gesture of kindness, like making them their favourite meal, or drawing them something, anything that shows they're on your mind. And most of all, ask the all-important question of "how can I help?" Ask what works for them, rather than stating what you think is best for them, what help they should get - try to cast aside bias and see things from their perspective.
I'm sure many, many people here have been that person who isolates and distances themselves during dark times. Maybe they feel unworthy of help, or believe they're getting in people's way, and the guilt of knowing they are worrying/burdening others makes it worse. Maybe they truly feel utterly alone, even if it seems against all rationality. Or perhaps they just like to muddle through on their own until things are better. Everyone has their own way of experiencing it, of getting through it, their own ways of reaching out, and what helps them. It can be very hurtful for others, being pushed away, so to avoid getting hurt further, they... give up. Move on. Try to forget the person hurting. It's natural, but it's so, so important to step up and be there during those fragile moments, when the person hurting has the courage to reach out. Even if there's been a long break between your interactions. Seize that opportunity to say "hey, I'm here. I see you. I remember you."
I've definitely been distancing myself socially the past year, particularly this year, and the hardest part of that is: despite knowing it hurts others, that it creates an ever-growing, painful distance between you, especially when you reject their help - you're still in too fragile and volatile a place to mend things and try to resume where you left off. So, you close each other off. It's... easier that way? But harder at the same time. Especially when you share an environment with the people you're growing distant to.
At least for me, I know what's best for me and how I can help myself. So I know it'll be okay in the end if I keep "plodding along", as my mum says. Not many people have the opportunities to truly understand what they're experiencing, let alone the solutions they can take to remedy it. It's no wonder countless numbers of us end up feeling isolated in our suffering, all alone. And yet, out there, across the world, beyond the people we know, the places we see, there are others who know exactly how we feel, people who would go out of their way to spare us some love, empathy and kindness if our hardship could only be heard. The journey to find them, to find others just like me, who can gather even a glimpse of true understanding, and use that as a the foundation for an unbreakable kinship, gives me hope. I've found one person like that... so I know they're out there. Don't ever give up. Life can show us some truly wonderful surprises!
