I really just scrub it in the colours' thread, so I think I can write much deeper transformation of Janp in the year 2018.
TL;DR: I'm optimistically hanging at the grey area of the morale and I'm adamant about changing the future more that ever. And I enjoy life.
I was depressed, tired and fed up with everything at the start of the year. I'm not even sure why, but everything was just meh at the time. Well, to be honest, I might know what happened - thanks to the psychology that I hate so much. According to one of my psychology teacher, people tend to get depressed when everything is going great and they don't have a any goal for a long time. And at that time I really had no goal to pursuit. So I decided to find something to chase.
This state lasted until the start of the March when you know what happened. I quit PC for a week after that and in this week I got to the lowest point of my depression. And at that moment, it was all gone and I felt better. Like with a snap of the finger I felt so optimistic and happy about everything. I wanted to keep it that way and after being inspired by the people around me I started working on my teaching "manifest" I was talking for years now.
And during this time in spring/summer I realized something. I'm not nice person anymore. It might not leak here that much, but now I tend to criticize people and argue with them more. I also go for the physical fight more now. Well, there is saying in my country that "the year can be called good only if you had a good fistfight." And I can say that this year can already be called really great.
Another thing that I know about myself but was able to somehow control is breaking the "laws" to get what I want. So far anything that started with malevolent motive turned into something good. For example during spring exams I considered for a long time to hack my uni's servers to get myself on the better date of the exam. I changed my mind in the end, but, I figured out algorithm of the login names and passwords and was able to write program to crack them. In the end I decided not to use it and instead went to the head of the IT department and told him about this hole in the system. If I already wasn't considered to be one of the top students in there until that point, after I was.
I also find it more annoying when people want something from me now. During summer I had literally no free time for me because I was helping others. It got to the point that I was finished helping someone, sit down and at that exact moment was called to help that same person again with something else. Multiple times per day.
When I was in Paris, I was buying ice-cream when someone started chatting with me and asked me for help, which I was about to go with, but at that moment I got tackled by someone else and they took my wallet. I was able to get it back, but about 100 ? was gone. And so I decided that I'll only help people under 2 conditions: I must be interested in the matter of the help and they have to pay me in some way back. That was in September and so far people were able to live with it.
But to bring out more optimistic transformation. I'm now more optimistic about the future. I made new friends and also inspired many people to give their best for changing the system. And thanks to these people I'm slowly able to find out what it means to be "perfect teacher". But I already mentioned this earlier. I'm not there yet, but now I feel like it's doable in the matter of years and not decades.
And so I get to the October and November, where I kinda started to use all the things above. New school semester started in October and I gain more material to work with. I also started teaching for real. It's one boy, but today I learn that he got B from the exam. He was getting D and F before, so it's a good news.
Oh and PC? I like what it become in the 2018 and enjoyed working with people here. I miss few that left in March, but I lot of them are slowly returning here. I'm looking forward to the 2019.